I know I haven't updated anything in forever, but how the fUCK DID MY HETALIA CROSSOVER GET MORE POPULAR THAN BROKEN WINGS?! I HAD NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THAT Y'ALL.

Oh yeah, I have an art tumblr now. the-llamas-art (look me up)

I don't own Blue Exorcist. Ryan is mine.

*DORMING AND ACTUAL ANGEL SHIEMI*

After the Cram School class gets let out, Bon finds me furiously writing everything I know about spirits down in my Book. "Ryan?" He asks.

"Hm?" I reply without pausing my writing.

"Why does it smell like a graveyard out here?" His words slam into my ears. My mechanical pencil lead (no-it's-fucking-graphite-you-dipshit) breaks. An innocent question in itself, but it's one I can't bring myself to answer.

"I have no fucking clue, Ryūji. No fucking clue." I lie, biting the inside of my cheek. Bon gives me a concerned look.

"Doesn't it bother you? Because I sure as hell can't stand it." He asks. I scrunch my face up, now just noticing that the smell of graveyard had come back.

"Now that you mention it, it's fucking nasty." I make a gagging noise at the smell. "Let's go." I push myself to my feet, shoving my Book and pencil back into my bag and tossing it over my shoulder. "Gods dammit, I fucking forgot I have to do something. I'll see you tomorrow, Ryūji." I wave quickly before sprinting to Mephisto's office. "I need a supply store key and a dorm key."

"And why would you need that, Miss Conrad?" Mephisto asks smugly.

"I told you not to call me that, you fucking moe-addict. And I need it just because, do I really need a reason?" I swear, growing increasingly annoyed and impatient. "Can I have the keys or not?!"

Mephisto sighs dramatically before producing them with a flourish. "I expect you to repay me, Miss Conrad." And there's his demonic grin. "You will, won't you?"

"Yeah, yeah, put it on my tab." I use the dorm key in his office's keyhole. I hear Rin and Yukio talking in a different room, so I decide to choose a room on the ground floor by the kitchen. I toss my stuff on the bed and head into the kitchen.

"Ukobach, you here?" I ask quietly and the small demon poked his head out from under the stove, staring at me. "Hi there, I'm Ryan, and I'm staying in the next room over. You mind if I sometimes use the kitchen?" The small demon makes a contemplative face before sticking out his hand. "Pleasure doing business with you." I speak as I shake it.

I hear a door open and I wave a quick 'seeya later' to Ukobach and slip back into my room. The door closes and I realize it's Yukio and Rin going to the supply shop. "Damn keys, I need to fuckin label these li'l shits." I growl as I fumble with them, trying to grab the right one. I stick one in the keyhole and turn, pushing the door open to find a super long walkway in the sky. "Hell yeah, first try. Fuckin' nailed that shit." I walk in and close the door behind me, grabbing my key on the way. I quickly scribble out a 'silence' sigil on my shoes and follow after them. I watch from in the bushes as Yukio enters the shop and Rin huffs to himself before noticing the garden. I follow after him and he touches the one of the gate doors and I touch the other.

Both of them come crashing down. "Holy shitsticks." I breathe out in annoyance and mild fear. "Nope. Nuh uh. Not dealing with transdimensional bullshit today, thank you very much. Not fuckin' happening no siree." I bend my elbows so that my hands are by my shoulders in the universal 'uh uh nope' position. "Why the flying fucksauce do I have demon blood in my vei- ohhhh that makes a lot of fucking sense. Jesus Christ, why the fuckity shit didn't I notice that before." I talk to myself, causing Rin and Shiemi to stare at me.

"Demons! Stay back demons!" Shiemi yelps accusingly, scooting backwards before turning into a crawl.

"I'm a witch! There's a clear difference!" I snap back. Rin blinks. I snap at him. "What're YOU lookin' at, fucker?"

"Nothing, crazy."

"First of all, rude, second of all, rude, third of all, shut your dumb-dumb-bubblegum-bitch ass the-fuck up." I glare at Rin, giving him the finger.

"Demons! Stay away from me!" She yelps. I step in front of her.

"Hey, look at me." I sit down directly in front of her. "I'm not a demon. Here, see for yourself." I stick my hand out and she hesitantly feels it. "See? I'm a human. I'm Ryan." I give her a smile. "And he's Rin."

"I'm Shiemi." Shiemi introduces herself quietly.

"Hi." I smile softly. Rin and Shiemi have their conversation and I join in too, before glancing at her legs. The vines-roots-whatever-they-are spreading faster than they should be and holy shit that looks a lot more gruesome in real life. "Rin. Go get Yukio. Now."

Rin stares at me. "Why?" He asks, puzzled. I nod slightly at Shiemi's legs. His eyes widen slightly and he nods, turning back towards the shop. "Oi! Yukio!" Yukio and Shiemi's mother step outside and walk into the garden.

"What is it, Rin? I told you not to—" he glances at me before doing a double take. "Conrad-san? How are you here? What are you doing?"

"Hey Yukio. The director gave me a key and told me to get used to the campus." I greet him before becoming serious. "You need to look at Shiemi's legs. There's something wrong." Yukio kneels and tells Shiemi that he's going to check up on her legs. She nods and he moves the edge of her skirt.

His eyes widen. "Shiemi, I'm afraid you'll have to stay out of the garden for a while." He tells her and I flinch, thinking of the flower demon.

The whole argument between Shiemi and her mother goes down and Shiemi collapses like in canon. "Get her out of here." I order, standing. "Get her out now."

Rin scoops Shiemi up and brings her into the shed-house. Yukio and Shiemi's mother follow him. I search through the garden, inspecting each inch for the demon flower. While I'm searching, I notice that Shiemi's mom heads back into the shop. I find it thirty minutes later. "There you are, you little bastard." I snarl at the flower. "Oi! Yukio!" Less than twenty seconds later, I'm ensnared in vines and barely able to breathe.

"Not a word to the exorcist or there'll be two deaths in this garden. Understand?" The demon hisses at me. I only cough and gasp for breath. "I'll take that as a yes." It releases me a moment later and turns back into an unassuming flower. I collapse to my hands and knees, coughing and gasping for breath, rubbing my throat in a feeble attempt to relieve the pain from constriction. I cough so hard tears prick up in my eyes; that fucking flower bastard needs to die. Yukio runs out of the shed-house a moment later, finding me on my hands and knees.

"Conrad-san, are you alright? What happened?" He asked, rushing to my side.

"I… I'm okay, now at least." I choke out. "I found the—" I'm suddenly cut off as I feel something sharp press against my leg.

"Not a word." The demon whispers in my ear and I can feel it digging a root into the back of my thigh. I tense up, shutting my mouth quickly and eyes widening.

I look up at Yukio, subtly showing him the angry strangle-mark on my neck. "You found the demon, did you not?" He states quietly. "Where?" I roll my eyes to show him where and as soon as I do, the plant's root stabs into my leg, wrapping my body in vines. Somehow, the demon gets a vine into the shed-house and drags Shiemi out, Rin running after her. The flower possesses Shiemi and the whole thing where the twins fight the demon begins.

The vines around me tighten and I can feel them beginning to crush my ribs. I let out a yelp, blacking out a moment later.

After what seems like forever, my eyes open slowly and I can tell that someone is carrying me in a piggyback. I take a labored breath in, feeling throbbing pain in my ribs and leg, and I suppress a groan. The person carrying me stops moving. "Oi, you awake?" Rin's voice reaches my ears and I groan again.

"What the hap fuckened?" I ask, and Rin slides me carefully off his back, totally confused by my question. "Crap… my head feels weird. Meant what the fuck happened. Shut up." I snap the last part, even though he hasn't said anything yet.

"The demon trapped you in its vines and almost suffocated you, if not crushed your ribs." Yukio answers seriously, walking over to Rin and me.

"Well isn't that de-fucking-lightful." I groan, coughing slightly. My ribs feel like they're on fire, but I know that they'll okay in a few days. "I'll just sleep it off. I've had worse."

Yukio looks startled at that, glances at Rin, and looks back to me with a sigh. "I would still like to look at your ribs, if that is alright." He tells me and I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I said I've had worse. It's not that bad." I grumbled, reaching for my keys and stumbling towards the door to the supply shop. "See y'all later. Tell Shiemi it was nice meeting her." I wave tiredly as I shove my dorm key into the keyhole and wander through it, trudging to my room and slumping onto my bed.

Ukobach pokes his head into my room and I looks over at him, blinking tiredly. He makes a disheartened noise and exits. I sigh, wincing at the pain in my ribs and staring at the ceiling.

"Well, that was fuckin' dandy. I'm going to be fuckin prepared next time."