First of all don't worry, I'll still continue "To be with you", but I had to get this one out of my head ever since I watched the season premier last week. For now I have plans to make this one simular to "Moments", where I wrote a bunch of Danny & Kara moments that could've happened on the show. So this chapter is focused on Kara's point of view after she got the news that Danny was M.I.A.. As always please let me know what you think. :)
Green… officially M.I.A., the voice of TAO Burk still echoed through her head as she pulled up into the driveway of their house. Our house, Kara stared out of the window for a couple of seconds. "What the hell am I even doing here?" She muttered. It was 2:30 in the morning and if it wouldn't have been for the President Michener Kara would still be at her office, trying to figure out a way to find and help the missing sailors.
"Mrs. Green, can I have a word?" President Michener asked when Kara took off her headphones where she had just received the confirmation that the Nathan James was now 25 miles off shore.
"Of course, sir." She nodded and then she followed him over to a quieter corner of the room. "Mrs. Green, I can understand that this situation must be hard for you, but there isn't much you can do here now. But wouldn't it be a good idea for you to go home, get some rest and be with your son?" Even though the President made it sound like a question Kara could tell that it was an order so without any hesitation she nodded.
"Yes sir." She was about to turn around and leave when he stopped her.
"And Mrs Green, as soon as we hear any news about your husband we'll make sure that you'll be the first to know." Kara looked at him for a moment as she thought about staying at the office, but she knew he was right as she could already feel the effects of the past few hours since the news came in taken its toll on her.
"Thank you, Mr. President."
With a deep sigh Kara turned off the engine of her car and then she sat there in the dark of the night as she felt unable to get out of the car and get inside their home. On her mind she was still replaying that moment were Commander Burk announced the names of the missing members of the Nathan James as if she would hope for a different end. She wrapped both of her hands around the steering wheel of her car as she suddenly felt like she was back in the moment. Those seconds in between the names of the missing sailors, were she had found herself praying that Danny's name wouldn't be the next one.
Green, officially M.I.A.
Her grip tightened around the steering wheel as she heard the TAO's voice again. She could still feel the cold shiver that ran down her spin as she realized that one of her worse nightmares had just came true, Danny was M.I.A. Back then for split second she wanted to leave the room and be alone, but she reminded herself that she had to ignore her personal feelings and maintain her professionalism. She knew that even though it would break her heart in to a million pieces she would have to make the right call, even though it would mean that she would risk Danny's life in order to protect the crew.
…25 nautical miles of shore… and check in for further instructions, she heard her own trembling voice echoing through her head as she squeezed her eyes shut in order to hold back the tears that had welled up again. "This can't be true…." Kara shook her head as if she tried to get that memory out of her head. "Maybe it's just a bad dream and I'll wake up with Frankie and Danny by my side." Kara couldn't help but laugh at how silly that sounded. "It's real." She added after a few seconds had passed and then she suddenly felt a rush of anger running through her mind. How could I let this happen? She was angry with herself, for letting Danny leave before he could've met his son, before he would've been able to hold him for the first time, for telling the Nathan James to stand down and for that video call that had gone wrong yesterday morning.
Tell Frankie that his Daddy loves him, and that I can't wait to meet him, Danny crackled voice echoed through her head. I love you guys!
What am I supposed to tell Frankie now? That I most likely killed his father?
"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" Kara cried out as she started to hit the steering wheel with her open palms. "Damn it! This wasn't how it was supposed to be!" Her voice was filled with anger and desperation as suddenly the tears that she had fought back for the last couple of hours finally escaped from the corner of her eyes. Within seconds Kara was sobbing heavily as she leaned her forehead against the cool leather of the steering wheel. "I'm so sorry, Danny…. so sorry!" Kara's voice was trembling as she repeated it over and over again. She could feel the fear that Danny might never return from Vietnam was eating her up as she replayed that moment where she told the Nathan James to stand down on her mind. Kara didn't know for how long she had been sitting her car when she felt like she had no more tears left to cry. It took her a couple of minutes until she had calmed herself down and felt strong enough to lift her head up again. Almost in slow motion Kara reached up to turn on the light at the ceiling of her car and then she took a look at herself in the rear mirror as she brushed away her tears with the sleeves of her blazer.
"You have to stay strong." Kara told herself as tried to put on a brave face. "Frankie needs you." She took a couple of deep breaths before she grabbed her purse from the passenger's seat and got out of the car.
As Kara stripped off her heals she noticed the dim light in the living room. Kara hoped that her mother was already asleep so she wouldn't have to explain why she looked like she had cried; she went over into the living room. Luckily Debbie was already asleep on the couch so after Kara had covered her with a blanket she turned off she quickly got up the stairs and over to Frankie's room. Even though he was probably asleep Kara felt the urge to see him now. After she had turned on the lights in the hall she opened the door wide enough so she could him without waking him up by using the light inside his room. Kara tried her best to be as quiet as possible as she tip toed over to his bed where she expected him to be sleeping, but to her own surprise she got greeted by a pair of sparkling blue eyes.
"Hey my sweetheart." Kara's voice was barely above a whisper. "Mommy is home." Kara smiled at him as she reached to brush through his fine hair before she caressed his cheek with her index finger.
"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping at this time, young man?" Kara asked and Frankie replied with a soft gurgle and a toothless smile. It was that smile that gave her some sort of peace and hope that everything will be alright again.
"Say yes, but I wanted to see my Mommy first." She let her fingers trace over his cheek and down his left arm until she had reached his small hand. She was about to reach up to his head again when Frankie wrapped his tiny fingers around her index finger. So Kara leaned over the crib and used her other hand to stroke gently over her son's head and just like the many times before she started to imagine how this moment would be if Danny would be there. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she kept her eyes focused onto her son's face. "Daddy will be home soon."
Kara didn't know for how long she had been leaning over Frankie's crib, but she could feel her back getting stiff and her arms started to feel heavy, but Frankie was still awake.
"You know what?" Kara took a deep breath as took both of his hands into her. "I'll get changed and if you're still awake you'll get to stay with me. How does that sound?" she asked as she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss onto his forehead. "I love you and don't fall asleep without me." She whispered against his skin which caused him to gurgle softly.
5 minutes later Kara had changed into one of Danny's old shirts and a pair of shorts and went back into her son's room and of course Frankie was still wide awake. "Come here, my big boy." Kara whispered as she took him out of his crib and carried him over to armchair by the window where she opened one side of the curtains. "Maybe we'll see a shooting star and then we can make a wish for Daddy to come home." Kara explained while she caressed his soft skin. Or at least that he would be save….
"Do you see the stars up there, Frankie?" She asked pointing at the clear sky. "That's the same stars your Daddy will see when he looks up into sky. They're like his secret connection to us so he's actually always with us no matter where he would be." Once again she felt her tears wheeling up in her eyes as she told Frankie the same story that her Mother used to tell her when her Father had been deployed overseas. After a while Kara noticed that Frankie had been falling asleep in her arms so she finally allowed herself to close her eyes and get some rest.