"O, you're suffocating me," Clarke breathed into Octavia's neck.

Clarke had been back in Arcadia for a little less than three hours, and most of those were spent in the airport waiting to get her bag. Her mom insisted on picking her up from the airport, even though it meant she had to rush there and drop Clarke off at home before heading out to deal with a city council meeting. Instead of taking the time to relax and unpack, she called Octavia.

"I'm sorry!" Octavia said, releasing her. "God, I just feel like I haven't seen you in forever! It's so weird to go from seeing you everyday to not at all for weeks. I've been losing my shit out here, Clarke. I swear to god. Has there always been absolutely nothing to do in this town? I'm really losing my mind from boredom. I swear to god yesterday I watched Bell play Call of Duty for like seven hours straight because the only other alternative was smashing my head into a wall. I'm so fucking glad you're here. It's freezing. Let's go get some coco and you can tell me all about what's going on with Lexa," Octavia grinned.

"I'm sure you already know all about it," Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Yeah but I'd rather hear it from you, duh," Octavia said, hooking her arm through Clarke's and pulling her up the block and through the door of a coffee shop Clarke knew all too well.

It was too late. The bells on the back of the door clanged together, alerting the barista to their arrival. Clarke hesitated before looking up to find her summer fling staring back at her.

"Look who's back in town," Niylah said with a smile. She pulled her apron over her head and set it down on the counter before approaching them. "I didn't think you'd be coming home for break, with your mom and all." When she reached Clarke, she opened her arms for a hug. Clarke did the same, albeit, a little awkwardly. She looked over at Octavia who had clearly pieced it together and was looking scandalized. "Anyway, I'm sure you didn't come here just for me," Niylah said as she released her. For some reason to Clarke, it sounded like that's exactly what she thought. "Let me get you a drink." She walked back behind the counter. "You want your usual?"

"Uh, yeah, usual's fine for me," Clarke said. "O?"

"Can I have a hot chocolate? I'm Octavia by the way," Octavia said, offering her hand across the counter.

"Oh! I've heard so much about you," Niylah said, shaking Octavia's hand. "You're gorgeous, way prettier than Clarke gives you credit for."

"Hey!" Octavia said, shoving Clarke.

"Oh no, don't worry, I'm sure she was only trying to flatter me," Niylah chuckled. Clarke could feel her cheeks burning. "Why don't you go sit? I'll bring these over to you."

Octavia led the way across the store to a seat by the window. "Is that who I think it is?" She asked in a whisper. Clarke nodded. "Oh my god," Octavia contained a laugh with her hand. "Why didn't you say anything? We could've gone somewhere else. Oooh, unless you wanted to see her. Did you? Trying to forget about Lexa? Wanna see if she's as good as you remember?"

"Oh my god, no. None of that. You didn't give me a chance, we were in here before I realized," Clarke said.

"Oh man, this is so awkward."

"You think?" Clarke asked sarcastically.

"She's clearly still in love with you," Octavia said.

"She's not in love with me."

"Fine, but she's definitely in love with whatever it was that you did to her," Octavia sniggered. Before Clarke could respond, Niylah was back with their drinks. She joined them at the table, nudging Clarke over with her hip.

"You still have such great timing, this is the first time we've been slow all day," Niylah said as she settled in next to Clarke.

"Lucky me," Clarke said.

"God, you have no idea how boring it's been around here. Especially without a distraction," Niylah sighed, dropping her palm to Clarke's thigh. Octavia coughed and it sounded suspiciously like she was choking back a laugh. Clarke glared across the table at her, hoping she would pick up on the 'help me' in her eyes. If she did, she ignored it and sat listening with rapt attention as Niylah talked about Clarke.

Eventually, Octavia took pity on Clarke and made up a lie about a hair appointment they needed to get to. On their way out, Niylah made sure Clarke knew she was welcome back as long as she was home. Clarke didn't have to think about it, she wouldn't be back.

It was weird to be sitting at the kitchen island. For the first time in her life, Clarke actually felt out of place in her house. It had only been a few months, but it was the first time she had ever really left home. Maybe she was being melodramatic, but it had the air of something abandoned. Sure, things were crisp and clean, but nothing felt quite lived in anymore. She watched as her mom busied herself with scooping their takeout on to plates. Some things never changed.

"Sorry I'm late," Marcus, her moms boyfriend arrived, grocery bag in hand. He stopped and rest the bag on the counter, revealing a bottle of wine before he kissed Abby on the cheek. "Figured we needed this, seeing as we're celebrating."

"No, you're perfect. I was just about to bring these to the table," Abby said.

"What are we celebrating?" Clarke asked.

"You being home, of course," Marcus smiled. Clarke wanted to roll her eyes, but stopped short of her moms expression. Clarke realized that Marcus was being serious. It was in his eyes, and her moms, too. They were happy to have her back. The feeling settled strangely in her rib cage. She followed them to the table, carrying her own plate and settled in.

Her first dinner back home was nothing like Clarke had expected. Her mom and Marcus recounted their vacation, smiling lightly at each other, tapping in and out, finishing each other's sentences. It felt so normal. They asked her about school, about her friends, and none of it felt forced. So Clarke talked, she told stories through bites of food and only rolled her eyes a few times.

They had all finished their food, and sat, still sipping glasses of wine when Marcus stood. "Hey Clarke, do you mind coming for a walk with me?" He asked.

She shot her mom a look, who responded with one that clearly said 'I have no idea'. "Uh, yeah, sure," Clarke said. "Just, let me get my coat." She did, pulling it on quickly before she followed him out the door. They walked in silence for almost a block, until her porch light was just a dot in the distance.

"So, you're probably wondering why I asked you to join me," he started.

"Not at all. It's totally normal to want to go on a walk with your girlfriend's kid at ten at night in the middle of January."

Marcus smiled lightly. "Abby is always talking about your sense of humor."

"Fondly, I'm sure," Clarke chuckled. They walked in silence for a moment, the cold stinging at Clarke's cheeks.

"Well, I guess there's so sense in beating around the bush," he said suddenly. "I'm going to be straight with you, Clarke. I love your mother. I'm planning to ask her to marry me."

"Duh," Clarke said. "She's been waiting for you to pop the question for months, what's your deal?"

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about it first," he said softly.

Clarke furrowed her brow. "What? Why?"

"You're her daughter. You're her entire world, Clarke," he said. "I know your mom well enough to know she would never agree to marry me if it would hurt you."

"That seems like an exaggeration," Clarke said quietly, staring down at the pavement.

"I promise, it's not," Marcus said seriously.

"She called me in October thinking you were going to propose, and told me she was gonna say yes. You never needed my approval."

"I want it," he said seriously. "I want us to be a family. And I don't want to get in the middle of you and your mother."

"Trust me, me and mom had our issues way before you showed up," Clarke chuckled. "But we're trying," she sighed. "I'm trying, you know, to grow up. So, even though you never needed it, you have my blessing. Just, please promise you'll ask her to marry you before she has an aneurysm."

Marcus beamed. "I was thinking of doing it before you go back to school. Maybe next week? Luckily I have enough pull to get a nice reservation on such short notice-"

"You have a ring?" Clarke asked.

"I've had it for a while," he chuckled.

"Well fuck it, why don't you go back in there and just do it?" Marcus looked at her like she was crazy for a moment, eyes wide. He stopped walking, then, after a moment of thought, he turned and lead them back home.

They reentered the house to find Abby in the exact same spot as when they left, though now the table was clear. Marcus whispered a quick "Be right back," to Clarke and disappeared into the house. Abby gave Clarke a puzzled look.

"What was that all about?" Abby asked.

"You know Marcus, good guy, wanted to bond," Clarke said lamely.

Abby cocked an eyebrow at her. "He wanted to bond?"

"Yep."

"Well, did you?" Abby asked.

"What?" Clarke asked.

"Bond," Abby said with a strange smile.

"Oh, yep, we're super tight now," Clarke said, trying not to cringe.

"You're, super tight?" She asked incredulously. "Didn't you once describe him as the white devil?"

Clarke fought back a laugh. "Okay, to be fair, it definitely happened during a phase where Raven had me calling every old white guy the white devil."

"Oh Raven. She's such a handful," Abby chuckled. Marcus returned, both hands behind his back. "Clarke here says you bonded," Abby said to him.

Marcus smiled lightly. "She's a good kid." He looked to Clarke, who nodded, then, he approached Abby and slowly lowered to one knee.

An hour later, Clarke laid in her bed, champagne tipsy, smiling at the ceiling. She had done a good thing. Her phone vibrated suddenly, humming off the springs of her mattress, it took her a moment to find it, folded into the pile of blankets draped over her. She answered with a passing glance to the ID. "Well this is a surprise," Clarke said, grinning into her phone.

"Is it?" Lexa asked from the other end. "I mean you did say you wanted to hear from me. In fact, I'm sure I remember you threatening to burn all of my candles if I didn't."

"I wouldn't say threatened," Clarke chuckled. "It was more implied."

"You really should look up what the word implied means," Lexa teased.

"Well, I'm sure you didn't call to lecture me on my vocabulary," Clarke said, rolling her eyes even though Lexa couldn't see her. "Actually, wait. That sounds exactly like something you'd do."

"And here you are, still on the phone with me," Lexa said.

"I guess I am."

"I was just wondering how your day went," Lexa said softly. Clarke's stomach flipped.

"You were? I mean, we have been texting all day," Clarke said, leading.

"Yeah well, I might've missed your voice a little bit," Lexa didn't sound as confident as usual, and the sincerity made Clarke want to pull her through the phone.

"I missed yours too," Clarke said, smiling up at her ceiling. "Today was actually kind of insane."

"Really? Your texts seemed pretty standard."

"Excuse you, nothing about me is standard," Clarke teased.

"Right, sorry. Please, go on," Lexa chuckled.

"So my mom got engaged," Clarke started.

"What? Out of nowhere?"

"Well, okay so, we're all eating dinner, kinda late because of some budget crisis or whatever, and then her boyfriend-"

"Marcus, right?" Lexa asked.

"Yeah, you remembered his name?" Clarke asked, taken aback.

"Why are you always so surprised that I listen when you talk?" Lexa laughed softly.

"I guess I'm just not used to it," Clarke shrugged even though Lexa couldn't see it.

"Well, you better start getting used to it," Lexa said.

"Is that a threat?" Clarke asked.

"More of a promise."

"God, here I am trying to tell a story and you gotta go and derail it by making me wish I could kiss you."

"In my defense, I didn't mean to." Clarke could practically feel her smiling through the phone.

"I can't believe I have to go without seeing you for an entire thirteen days."

"Oh so we're counting down the days now?" Lexa chuckled. "Well, you know what they say, absence make the heart grow fonder."

"You hate cliches," Clarke laughed.

"They're low effort," Lexa agreed.

"So why use one?"

"I don't know. It feels accurate, I guess."

"So you're saying you're growing more fond of me?" Clarke grinned.

"I'm not sure I can get much fonder of you, Clarke." Lexa said. Clarke's cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling. "But it's pretty lonely without you here. I've gotten used to having you around. But, please, I want to hear your story."

"Okay," Clarke said. She recounted the evening, how she encouraged the impromptu proposal, how her mom cried, how Marcus did too, how they both held her until she couldn't breathe, then Marcus found an old bottle of champagne and they all drank until they were dancing around the kitchen. Lexa listened was rapt attention, laughing and interjecting at all the right parts and Clarke could feel the attention warming her chest. It was different than the feeling she had earlier, from knowing her mom was glad to have her. It was warmer, somehow. It made her blood feel more fluid, and her face warmed up. She told Lexa about the awkward encounter with Niylah, and instead of being upset or angry like she imagined, Lexa teased her. It was bizarre. If she so much as looked at an ex when she was with other people, there was always a fight. Clarke knew then, but honestly, she always knew. Lexa was different. This was different. And god, did it feel good.

It had been a week, and Clarke had settled into a routine. Wake up at 11, hang out with O all day, then a late dinner with her mom and Marcus, and talking on the phone with Lexa until they both fell asleep.

"Being back home as awful as you imagined?" Abby asked. Clarke sat in the passenger seat, phone in hand, waiting for Lexa to text back.

"It's not, but I kinda miss being at school," Clarke said.

Abby gave her a look. "Do you miss school? Or do you miss someone at school?" Clarke hesitated. "You never told me what happened with you and your RA. Did she forgive you?" Abby asked.

"Eventually," Clarke chuckled.

"So?" Abby asked, corners of her mouth upturned.

"So what?" Clarke asked.

"So are you dating or what?" Abby asked.

"Mom!" Clarke covered her face with her hands.

"Is that a yes?" Abby asked. "You know I don't care, right? I mean, unless you want me to care. What I'm trying to say is, I love you no matter who you date. In case you were worried about that."

"Honestly, I wasn't."

"Well?" Abby asked.

"I don't know, mom. I mean, we're kind of together. It's kind of, unofficially exclusive-"

"You're not letting this girl string you along, are you? Are you sure it's not another Finn situation?"

Clarke glared at her. "She's not like that. It just-"

"Clarke."

"I'm serious, her mom just died from an overdose and her last girlfriend was murdered-"

"Jesus," Abby breathed.

"I know. She's been through a lot of shit and I'm trying not to scare her off and we're in a good place right now and she said she wants to be with me but she just needs time-"

"Clarke," Abby laughed.

"What?"

"Does she respect you?"

"Yes," Clarke answered without hesitation.

"She's nice to you?"

"Yes," she said obviously.

"Do you love her?"

"Yeah- wait. Wait. No. Wait, what?" Clarke laughed. "Mom."

"Well do you, or not?" Abby asked.

"I mean, I guess I've never thought about it," Clarke said quietly. "We haven't known each other that long. And most of that time we were barely even friends. But, I don't know," Clarke shrugged. "She's kind of amazing. Like not even counting the fact that her life was hard and she's still a functioning human being," Clarke paused for a moment, staring out the window. "She's just so smart and secretly funny and god, she's beautiful. So beautiful, mom. And it's like, it's like- there's a light in her. Which, now that I say that out loud sounds stupid, but I don't know how else to explain it. It's like everything else is just dark. I'm pretty sure she's gonna change the world. I mean, she's already changed mine," Clarke trailed off, staring out the window again. Looked over at her mom, who was already looking at her. Then she knew. "Oh no. Shit. I love her."

"It seems like it," Abby said, fighting a smirk.

"Why did you do this to me?" Clarke groaned. "How am I supposed to talk to her now? Oh my god. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

"That's not usually how people view falling in love, Clarke," Abby laughed.

"Mom! I'm not even her girlfriend! This is a disaster!"

"You said you're going to be, what's the concern?"

"I'm definitely never gonna be her girlfriend if I accidentally tell her I love her and freak her out! Oh my god. What if I say it over the phone and then she hangs up and I never hear from her again? Oh my god, or what if I accidentally tell Octavia and she tells Lincoln and he tells Lexa and then I never hear from her again?"

"You're being a bit dramatic, sweetheart."

"I'm having a crisis mom," Clarke whined.

"Listen, I don't know this girl, but I do know things about her. I know she's been supportive of your art. I know she encouraged you to reconnect with me, and I know that she was hurt on thanksgiving, which I remember you saying was because of something you did. She cares about you, Clarke. I didn't even have to meet her for it to be obvious."

"You have to say that," Clarke pouted.

"I really don't."

"You think she loves me?"

"I don't know her, but she'd be crazy not to," Abby smiled, stroking her thumb over the back of Clarke's hand. Clarke's phone vibrated. A text from Lexa. And it might've been dumb, but god did it feel like a good sign.

Clarke sat at the kitchen island, eating leftover Chinese cold, straight from the container in the middle of the afternoon. Her phone buzzed against the marble countertop. She glanced at the ID with a little surprise, sliding to answer. "I thought for sure you were gonna pretend you didn't miss me," Clarke said into the phone.

"I'm not your robot girlfriend, Clarke. I can admit that I miss you taking up space on my couch," Raven said from the other end.

"So sweet," Clarke said. "But since when do you call over texting?"

"Well, I figured I should tell you that you were right," Raven said.

"Woah, okay, now I know something's wrong," Clarke smiled.

"Yeah well, even a broken Clarke is right twice a day."

"Clever. D'you come up with that all on your own?"

"I might've had Anya help me brainstorm."

"Anya, huh?" Clarke hummed.

"Yeah, that's kinda why I called. We- well, she- she finally got her head out of her ass and came back," Raven said. Clarke could hear the grin in her voice, and it made her smile harder.

"So you're together? Officially?"

"Fucking finally," Raven laughed.

"I'm happy for you. God knows I couldn't spend all semester with you in hyperfocus. You need a distraction to mellow out," Clarke laughed.

"See, broken Clarke. Right again," Raven said. "Now we just gotta work on your situation."

"Honestly, for the first time, I think my situation is working out fine," Clarke said softly.

Saying goodbye to her mom was weirder than she imagined. Maybe because this time, she wasn't running. They hugged outside the terminal before she got her boarding pass. Clarke could feel her eyes sting when her mom told her she loved her and was proud of her, and again as she took a last glance back once she made it through security.

Being early was a mistake. Clarke didn't have a problem with flying, but for some reason she could feel her stomach tense up as she took a seat at her gate. She checked her phone for the time, still an hour and a half before she could board, then, she checked her texts. There was nothing new from Lexa. Her stomach twisted a little more. She stared down at her own blue bubble, I can't wait to see you. Was it too much? It was. Lexa probably saw right through it. She had to know that Clarke loved her. Maybe that's why she didn't respond. Or maybe she was just busy. Texts in the early afternoon were usually slow from her. Clarke listened to a news broadcast from across the walk and tried to tune out her thoughts. She was going back to Polis. She would see Lexa soon. Hopefully, Lexa wanted to see her too.

It was the worst flight of Clarke's life. There was somehow turbulence through half of the trip, despite the sky's being completely clear, and she was stuck next to a mom and her toddler, who insisted on having the volume on his reading game at full blast. When they finally landed, Clarke shot out of her seat, trying to pass all of the people removing their carry-ons. Of course, that only meant she had to wait even longer at the baggage claim, breathing a sigh of relief when her luggage finally came down the belt.

Clarke rolled her suitcase with purpose through the airport, ready to catch a taxi back to campus when she saw her. Lexa was there by the taxi stands, grinning, all legs and soft hair and light eyes. She was even more beautiful than Clarke remembered. It made her heart beat hard in her chest. She wanted to run to her, but she stayed calm and walked a little quicker until she was close enough to get pulled into her arms.

"What are you doing here?" Clarke breathed into the crook of her neck. "How did you even get here?"

"Raven," Lexa said. And sure enough, standing twenty feet away to give them space was Raven with sunglasses the size of her face and a grin to rival Lexa's. Clarke fought a prickle at the back of her eyes. This was the real homecoming.

The ride back to the dorm in Raven's car shook the stress from Clarke's shoulders. Any apprehension she had about seeing Lexa had melted away as she watched her bob her head slightly to the music on the radio. Every once in a while, Clarke would catch Lexa looking back at her, holding her gaze with such an intensity that Clarke was sure she knew. Lexa had to know how she felt. She had to see it.

Raven filled most of the silence, catching Clarke up. She had planned a welcome home party for Clarke, Octavia and Bellamy, who got back the day before. Clarke and Lexa agreed they'd be there, but if Clarke was being honest with herself, she'd rather lock herself in Lexa's room and stay there until the semester started.

Raven dropped them off at the dorm and left to prepare for the party. Clarke dropped her bags off at her room, then immediately crossed the hall.

"So, what's up?" Clarke asked, bouncing a little on Lexa's bed. She looked around the room to see if anything had changed. Nothing did. She found that was comforting.

"Not the DOW, that's for sure," Lexa shrugged.

"You gotta know that wasn't funny, right? That was like an economics dad joke."

"I tried," Lexa shrugged. The smile from the airport was gone, and the air between them suddenly seemed tense.

"Did you?" Clarke chuckled. Lexa gave her a weak smile in return. "You okay?" Clarke was not about to let nerves or whatever this was dampen her first chance alone with Lexa.

"I'm fine," Lexa said, unconvincingly.

"I know what's going on," Clarke said. Lexa cocked an eyebrow at her, probably looking more concerned than she meant to. "You forgot how hot I was while I was gone and now you're worried I'm out of your league," Clarke teased.

"How did you know?" Lexa laughed with her back to Clarke, straightening piles of paperwork on her desk.

"To be honest, I was expecting something like this. But don't worry," Clarke stood, crossing the room to wrap her arms around Lexa's waist. She pressed a kiss to the side of Lexa's neck, and Lexa stopped what she was doing. "I still think you're insanely hot."

"Yeah?" Lexa asked, turning to face her.

"Mhm," Clarke hummed, slipping her hand into Lexa's hair. She pulled her closer, until their foreheads were pressed together. "Lex," Clarke said. Lexa avoided her eyes. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," Lexa said.

"Come on," Clarke said. She could practically hear the gears turning in Lexa's head. After a moment, Lexa took a deep breath, and worked an easy expression on.

"I've been seeing a therapist," Lexa said. Clarke could tell she wanted this revelation to seem casual, so she obliged, fighting the urge to cheer for her. "You know, through school. Free sessions and all."

"That's great Lex," Clarke smiled. "That's really good. How're you feeling about it?"

"Okay. Pretty good," Lexa nodded, pressing her slightly shaky hands to her thighs, like she was trying to steady them. Clarke watched her, curiously. "There's one thing that's been bothering me though," she said quietly, taking a deep breath.

"What's that?" Clarke asked, concerned.

"When I went in for the first time, for my evaluation, the lady, the therapist, kept asking me questions about my life. She kept pushing on my mom or Costia, my childhood, but honestly, all I really wanted to talk about was you," Lexa finished.

"Oh," Clarke said a little stiffly. "Well, that sounds bad."

"No, no, it wasn't anything bad," Lexa added quickly, wringing her hands. "I just- I needed to talk to someone about you and- Look, I think the point is, that yeah, I have a lot of issues. And I have a lot to work on, but for some reason right now all I want to work on is you. No, wait, not like you need to be worked on-"

"Lex," Clarke laughed. "Relax, breathe, what are you saying?" Clarke took one of Lexa's shaky hands into her own. Lexa looked hard at her for a moment, making a decision.

"What I'm trying to say is, while you were back home, I wasn't," Lexa breathed. Clarke stared back at her, trying to process. "I think- I think it's because I've made a home in you." Holding Lexa's hands was a mistake now, Clarke's hands had become just as shaky. Something settled in the bottom of her stomach, heavy like a rock but warm, so fucking warm and bright. She turned the sentence over in her mind a few times, smiling so hard it hurt.

"Lex," Clarke breathed. She shook her head, smiling, trying to find exactly the words, because this was important. It was so fucking important that she tell her.

"I'm in love with you," Lexa said in a rushed breath. If it wasn't so quiet in the room, Clarke might've missed it, but instead, it hit her, near violently, stopping her thoughts in their tracks. Did she just-

"What?" Clarke asked, dumbstruck. "No! Wait! That's not what I want to say back! Shit, I fucked it all up. You just took me by surprise and my dumb mouth did the thing before my brain and-" But instead of being upset, Lexa laughed. Genuinely laughed, looking easy and light through her watery eyes, and then, for a moment Clarke laughed too, holding her hands. "Can you say it again? Let's have a do over, I promise I won't fuck it up this time," Clarke asked softly.

"I love you, Clarke," Lexa said, more confidently this time.

"I love you too," Clarke beamed. Lexa pulled her in for a kiss, then one kiss became twenty, a hundred, Clarke was sure they would both die before they stopped kissing. Then Lexa pulled back for air, gently resting her head on Clarke, grinning. "So, does that mean you wanna be my girlfriend now? Or did you wanna wait until after we get married and adopt a dog?" She asked.

"Who said anything about marriage? It's patriarchal," Lexa smirked.

"Of course you would think so," Clarke rolled her eyes.

"I do," Lexa said softly.

"I didn't propose for real, Lex," Clarke chuckled, a hand on Lexa's cheek.

"No," Lexa rolled her eyes. "I do want to be your girlfriend."

"Good, I was pretty worried you were gonna make me open up a joint checking account first," Clarke teased.

"What did I get myself into?" Lexa asked. "Is it too late to take back?"

"Yep, way too late. You're stuck with me," Clarke said, squeezing Lexa's hand. Judging by Lexa's expression, she didn't think that was such a bad thing.

"I got you something," Lexa said.

"What?" Clarke asked.

"Well I never really got to properly thank you for all your help with my mom, so I wanted to get you something," Lexa shrugged.

"Lex, you didn't need to do that. You've thanked me about a hundred times, and I barely did anything. I kinda just successfully bullied Raven."

"Please don't be difficult," Lexa smiled softly. She stood, and retrieved something from a bag under her desk.

"Fine," Clarke sighed.

"Here," Lexa handed her something that felt like leather. It was a shoulder bag. Clarke undid the clasp of the bag and opened it. It had flaps like an accordion with dividers between them. "I figured that you're going to need something to carry all of your artwork around in between classes." Clarke put her hands to the back of her eyes, trying to stop the tears before they came out. "Is it okay?" Lexa asked.

"I think you just like watching me cry," Clarke chuckled.

"You are an exceptionally pretty crier," Lexa smiled.

"Come here," Clarke said, beckoning with her finger. Lexa did as she was told and Clarke pulled her into a crushing kiss. It was perfect. Clarke could feel it in her bones. It was right.

Raven's apartment was already crowded with familiar faces by the time Clarke and Lexa arrived. Lincoln and Octavia were in a corner, kissing and whispering to each other. Anya and Raven were in the kitchen, Raven mixing drinks as Anya pressed a kiss to her neck. Monty, Jasper, Harper and Nate were around, laughing with each other. Across the room, Bellamy and Murphy played beer pong, reminding Clarke of the first party she brought Lexa to.

Raven must have noticed them, because she and Anya approached. She pulled Clarke away, apparently needing to show her something in the kitchen. Anya and Lexa hung back, sharing glances.

"Seeing as this is partly your party," Raven said. "I thought you needed a cake." Raven pulled the cake along the counter, so Clarke could see it better. In bright red lettering it read: CONGRATS ON GETTING YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES. Clarke could only laugh. "I wanted to get you a congrats on the sex cake when you finally hooked up, but the timing was not great," Raven laughed.

"You're an asshole," Clarke laughed.

"But I'm your asshole," Raven grinned. "Wait. No. That did not work."

"I love you," Clarke said.

"I love you too," Raven said. "Thanks, for everything."

"I don't know why people keep saying that," Clarke shrugged. "I didn't do anything."

"Not to be all emo about it, but you forgave me when I didn't deserve it. You supported me even though I was involved with a girl you hate, you didn't tell anyone what happened between me and Finn, I could go on," Raven said. "Just. Thanks. And fuck, what a hell of a semester, right?"

"It really was," Clarke smiled. Lexa approached with a soft smile.

"So, did you tell her?" Lexa asked, wrapping a hand around Clarke's waist.

"That we're official? Did you see the cake?" Clarke laughed. Lexa peered down at the cake and laughed out loud.

"No, about your major."

"You finally picked a new major?" Raven asked.

"You wanna grab O? She'll be pissed if she finds out I told you first."

"You might as well just make an announcement about it," Raven laughed. The three of them walked into the living room, joining the rest of their friends. "Yo! Bitches! Clarke's got some news!"

"Is it that she's fucking Lexa? Cause we been knew," Jasper called.

"You're the worst," Raven said.

"I'm going to major in art. My portfolio got approved and I figured it all out with an advisor," Clarke said.

"You bitch! You didn't even tell me you were considering!" Octavia exclaimed.

"Yeah well, I didn't want to tell people if it ended up not working out."

"What made you decide on art? I mean, it's not really practical," Bellamy asked.

Clarke felt Lexa slip a hand into her own. "Who said school was about being practical? For once, I want to be fucking passionate about something."

"Fuck yeah!" Jasper shouted. "Oh come on, that was a fuck yeah moment."

"He's actually right," Raven smiled. "I think this calls for a toast. Everyone, get the fuck up." In a moment, everyone stood around in a loose huddle, drinks in hand. "Clarke, toast away."

"Uh, alright," she chuckled. "Well, let's toast to being passionate."

"Boo," Octavia called.

"What?"

"That's the worst toast ever," Octavia said. "You see how much shit we have to celebrate?" She was in Lincoln's arms. Clarke looked around the room, at her friends, at Raven's apartment, at Lexa beside her, then she realized that Octavia was right.

"Fine, a toast," Clarke said, raising her cup a little higher. "To my friends, my dumb, reckless, amazing friends," she said, catching Raven's grin. "To making up, to making out," Clarke saw Anya pull Raven a little closer. "To liquor," Clarke continued. Jasper let out a little hoot of approval. "To RA assignments," Lexa held her hand a little tighter. "To second chances, to taking chances and, shit, to fucking love," Clarke rushed. She could feel warm tears prickling at the back of her eyes. Everyone raised their drinks in agreement

"A-fucking-men!" Octavia shouted, shaking Clarke by the arm with a grin. There was so much laughter around her, and cheering, and smiling. Lexa held her by the waist, smiling into her cheek.

She turned to face Lexa, who looked a little breathless. "It was a good toast," Lexa smiled softly.

"I'm glad you liked it," Clarke said, matching her tone. "I don't know if you could tell, but it was mostly about you."

Staring into Lexa's eyes, Clarke knew. This was why she left home. This was what it was for. The hurt and the doom and the misery. It was an accident, but when she was running away, Clarke ran somewhere good. To someone good. Lexa smiled and held her tighter, pulling her in for a kiss. Clarke knew.

It was all fucking worth it.