Renny: Poooooorn.

Green: Wha-

Renny: POOOOORN.

Green: But-

Renny: PORN.

Green: . . . Renny doesn't own pokemon?

Renny: On with the porn show!

OOOOOO

Green had a new pokemon.

It was a little Eevee, and no he wasn't copying Red and Vee because Eevee was a gift from his older sister.

Eevee was a playful little thing, and Green got the impression that she didn't really care much for evolving. That was fine by him, he wasn't that power-hungry brat he'd been before Red had knocked some sense into him.

Literally. He'd been ranting about something to do with why a pokemon should be evolved (he'd been more mouthy three or four years back) and Red had just shut him up by punching him.

It had hurt, fine, and maybe Green had punched back and had not caused as much pain to Red (which had hurt Green's pride), but at least he'd learned his lesson.

Well. Sort of.

Red just hit him until he finally got the message, half a year later, and Green had basically more or less stopped ranting about evolved pokemon.

Anyway, he had a new pokemon and he wanted to show Red- but of course, the moron was up on that damn mountain with his 'trainee' Gold. Green didn't want to admit it, but he kinda felt a little jealous.

Red had taught him stuff, and he'd taught Red some stuff, and that was that. Maybe he was being hypocritical, he'd trained Yellow after all, but he hadn't gone off up Mount Silver with her.

So he was making his way up to the peak, because where else would those two be, with his new Eevee wrapped around his neck like a scarf.

"I did not give you permission to do this." Green mumbled.

"Eev." Eevee purred, snuggling up.

She was far too adorable for words and Green barely held himself back from squealing.

He finally made it up to the peak, hours later, and found a cave which had clearly been lived in. Or was being lived in. Whatever.

The first he had was the pile of burnt wood. The second he had was the Pikachu that tried to zap him, and then stopped when he realised who it was.

"Hey, Pika." Green greeted. "Where's your moron Trainer?"

Pika hissed.

"Red." Green clarified. He wouldn't apologise for calling Red a moron, he actually kind of was one. "Where is he."

"Chuuu." Pika muttered, crossing his arms and looking away.

Eevee squeaked and launched herself across the cave, leaving a few painful scratches on Green's neck. She sniffed at Pika and wagged her tail, crouching playfully.

Pika looked confused.

Eevee yapped and danced around him, flicking him on the nose several times with her tail.

"He'll shock you." Green warned, settling down to wait for Red or Gold to turn up. "Seriously, don't piss him off."

"Vee." Eevee sniffed, and glared at Green.

Her back was to Pika, and the Electric type suddenly looked interested in her.

With no warning at all, he started to sniff her backside. Eevee squeaked loudly and Green half rose from his seat on the floor in shock, not entirely sure what he would do because Pika wouldn't let him anywhere near either of them.

"Piikaaa." Pika growled, as Green had thought he would.

"Leave her alone." Green protested weakly.

Okay so maybe he was a little bit scared of Pika. Who wouldn't be, that rat was a damn demon.

Pika suddenly mounted Eevee and hissed, starting to buck. Green winced when Eevee yelped loudly, and he quickly turned around and covered his ears to block it out.

Nope, didn't work at all. He could hear his Eevee's squeaks and Pika's grunts.

"Hey, Green, what're you- oh my Mew."

He glanced up and saw Red standing at the cave entrance, gaping at the display his Pikachu was putting on.

"Hi." Green mumbled, flinching as he heard a particularly loud squeal from Eevee. "Um . . . I think I regret my life choices now. Help."

"Uh, yeah, okay." Red said, clearly not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do in this situation. "There's . . another cave, a few metres down, uh wow he's not giving her a chance to recover, c'mon."

Green quickly got up and followed Red willingly for possibly the first time in his entire life.

He sighed in pure relief when the squeaks of their pokemon basically fucking faded with the distance, and Red took him to a cave that was smaller but almost identical to the one they'd just left.

"This one's the cave me and Gold use if one of the pokemon's being weird." Red explained, seeing Green's confused look. "Mostly it's Pika who's weird . . . I guess we know why now."

"What, is he horny?" Green demanded. "He's screwing my Eevee!"

"Yeah, probably not a good idea to put a female anywhere near him . . . we learned that lesson when a female Larvitar wandered in."

Green stared at him.

"Yeah, that wasn't a pretty sight . . ." Red shuddered. "So wait, why'd you come up here? You only do deliveries once or twice a month, and you've already been."

"Oh, uh, I wanted to show you Eevee. Daisy gave me her for my birthday a few days ago." Green explained, though it felt kind of hollow after witnessing that.

Red looked at him in shock. "I-it was your birthday?" he gasped.

"You . . . didn't know?" Green frowned.

"Well, no, we lost track of what day it was . . ." Red muttered. "I'm so, so sorry Green! I-I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"What? No, it's fine, seriously. If you didn't genuinly know, that's fine." Green dismissed.

"But-"

"Red, I don't care."

"How old are you now? Fifteen, right?" Red asked. "That's a big number!"

"Uh, I thought that sixteen. Or eighteen, depending on the region." Green said.

"Fifteen's a big number for me." Red sighed. "I'm sorry I missed it. Oh, I know! I'll come down and then I can't miss your next one!"

"Seriously!" Green snapped. "Red, I don't care. I don't mind that you missed it."

"But you've never missed any of mine!"

"Mostly because you barge into my room shouting about how you're older than me and then demand a present." Green deadpanned. "Even if I did forget, it wouldn't matter because you'd just remind me."

"Well, yeah, but you don't remind me . . ." Red trailed off.

"Because I'm basically one of the few people who treat a birthday as it is- a day when you get older." Green told him. "It's not that special."

"But it's when you were born."

"I don't care."

"But-"

"I don't care, okay? I don't really like my birthday anyway." Green shrugged.

Yeah, that was definitely the truth. Birthdays were just basically a way of saying 'you're one day closer to dying, congrats!' or something.

It was just stupid.

Red suddenly got a thoughtful look on his face, and Green was somehow reminded of how Pika had looked before he'd started screwing his poor Eevee into the ground.

"Then I guess I'll give you a reason to like it." Red mused. "How'd you like it if I give you the same present each year?"

" . . . What?"

"It'll be fun." Red grinned.

Green was still confused.

What the hell was he-

And then Red pinned him to the cave wall and kissed him passionately.

Oh. Well. Okay then.

Green kind of lost track of what happened after that, until he suddenly became aware that it was really, really fucking cold and he wasn't wearing any clothes and the sensation of just being filled with Red's fingers was so amazing that he almost lost it then and there.

Then Red whipped his fingers out so fast that Green was left feeling empty, but that feeling vanished fairly quick when his best friend (lover?) replaced the fingers with his dick.

oooo

Gold walked into the cave and stopped.

"For fuck's sake, I didn't mean to screw him here!" the young boy snapped.

Red snorted and cuddled closer to Green, who was half-curled up on his chest. Adorable.

"Shut up, he's sleeping." Red said quietly. "And you didn't exactly specify where."

"It's bad enough that Pika's fucking some poor Eevee- how'd an Eevee get up here anywhere?- but now I've got you fucking the love of your life in the place we sleep in when the pokemon are being horny." Gold ranted. "For fuck's sake!"

Red just smirked.

He'd already known that he'd missed Green's birthday before the smaller teen appeared. Gold had made some sort of offhand comment about it being the end of November, and Red had basically just panicked.

Gold had eventually stopped his panic by suggesting an amazing idea for a late birthday present, and Red had decided- sometime while he was taking Green over to this cave- to make it into a regular thing.

Yeah, he did kind of like Green. Okay, maybe he loved Green. Point was, he'd wanted to try this and it felt amazing, and by the way Green had reacted, he'd loved it too.

"I hope you don't do this for Valentines or Christmas or something." Gold muttered, slumping down on the opposite side of the cave. "Otherwise I'm leaving next month."

"There's an idea." Red grinned. "Being fucked for a Christmas present as well as a birthday one . . . Oh, do you think he'd let me screw him for my birthday, too?"

"Fuck this, I'm going down the mountain tomorrow."

OOOOOO

Renny: Pika's going out with Chuchu, sure, but he does need to get rid of that pent-up energy somehow. And Green just happened to bring an Eevee with him . . .

Green: Then I get screwed as well? Like Trainer like pokemon, I guess.

Red: Aw, but you enjoyed it.

Green: Hand off the ass, dammit, we're not- eep!

Renny: Wow, frisky. Read and review!