A/N: Written for an anonymous Tumblr prompt which read "Daroga/Erik friendship, Daroga teaching Erik something new?"

"...so I have the flowers laid out, and I have the wine and the strawberries. What next?" Erik leans forward in his armchair, fingers steepled beneath his chin.

"Well," the Daroga sips his cordial, sitting deeper into his own armchair, "then you talk nicely to her. You discuss various interests that each of you might have. You smile at her through the candlelight. You-Actually, smiling at her might just scare her off in your case." He smirks, studiously looking into the fire and Erik scoffs.

"I appreciate the vote of confidence, my dear Daroga."

"Anytime, my friend. Now. Where was I?" He scratches his chin a moment, then nods. "Ah yes. After the smile, though you are better off skipping that bit, you begin with the sweet nothings. You hold her hand gently, and stroke her thumb over her fingers. If your free hand happens to brush her cheek, then that is as well. You kiss her fingers, and tell her how beautiful her eyes look and that her hair has all of the wonder of the sunset. Nice compliments like that. No harm to look at her lips a few times, but don't stare. They don't like that. And when the time is right you go for the kiss. And let everything grow as it will from there. Do you think you can manage that?"

Erik contemplates his words. Wooing Christine does not sound too difficult when the Daroga puts it in such terms. It might actually move from the hypothetical to the very possible. He nods slowly. "Yes. Yes I believe I can."

It is two weeks later when Erik trudges in, shoulders hunched, and flops down into his customary armchair, curling into a ball and drawing his cloak tight around him. "It failed, Daroga. Failed completely."

The Daroga sighs, and does not look up from his newspaper. "Now when did I ever tell you that kidnapping was the way forward? Honestly, Erik. I did my best. A man would think that by now you would have picked up on some of my wisdom but alas not. Poor unhappy Erik indeed." Erik grumbles into his cloak, every ounce the miserable student, and the Daroga simply calls Darius to make some tea. It is going to be a very long night indeed.