EDITED 1/3/20

Chapter 1: Whisper

dis·en·chant·ed

(adj.) disappointed by someone or something previously respected or admired; disillusioned.

As Paris burned, smoke and stardust billowed with the wind. Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut and fell against the side of the alley, shaking with the effort to stay on her feet. She desperately tried to control her rapid breathing, but the polluted air only further irritated her struggling lungs.

Chat Noir landed beside Ladybug a few seconds later and dropped his staff with a careless clatter. His body trembled as he coughed through the ashes, and Ladybug wanted to ask him if he was okay, but she couldn't even form the words.

This was the first moment in forever that the superheroes had finally managed to escape the akuma's maelstrom of explosive destruction. Ladybug was supposed to be using this valued time to take ten extremely well-deserved seconds to breathe, but she couldn't even seem to do that right.

Without warning, Chat slumped against the wall and slid to the ground. He wiped his mouth with the back of his glove, accidentally smearing blood across his cheek. Eventually, he caught his breath enough to speak, but not without gasping between every few words: "We have . . . been fighting . . . for three. hours."

Following his stead, Ladybug slid down the wall and sat next to him, sweat dripping down her face. ". . . This is bad, Chat," she said weakly, her voice dense with fear. She stared down at her hand, which was accidentally sitting in a layer of dark blue and purple dust—that used to be people. She quickly flinched away and cradled the hand to her chest, as if she'd been burned. "This is really bad."

Her partner seemed unsure of how to respond. Holding his breath, Chat peered out of the alley to see if the akuma had found them yet, or if she was anywhere nearby. Sure enough, Falling Star came blazing down the street, leaving a trail of crackling fire in her path.

Chat quickly retreated back into the alley, eyes unfocused. But when he turned back to her, the fear had flushed away from his features, replaced by mischievous zeal. She wondered how one look could light up her heart like a box of matches, even in the worst of times. Ladybug wanted to pull him into a hug and never let go.

Before she could act on anything of the sort, however, Chat supportively patted her shoulder. Like teammates were supposed to do. Right.

Chat's hand departed as soon as it came. He pushed himself up to his feet before offering her a hand. His breath was labored, but his was smile soft and easy. "C'mon, My Lady. We need to get back into orbit."

Ladybug huffed out an unsteady laugh at his comment. She wondered, faintly, how he could still smile at a time like this, when they were facing the most dangerous and difficult akuma they have encountered thus far. When the odds of them winning had managed to diminish so dangerously low.

Of course, it wasn't as if they planned on losing. They wouldn't give up until they pounded this akuma with every ounce of knowledge, strength, and power they had, and then beyond that, too. Until the box of matches inside her heart burned out to dust and blew away with the wind. Until they had done everything they possibly could.

So, no. Nobody was giving up. Not today, not willingly. Not without a fight.

But as the fight went on, and the stakes soared higher, and the end of the fight grew farther and farther out of sight . . .

. . . They knew they couldn't keep this up forever.

Ladybug appreciatively took his hand and rose, relying on a bit of his strength to get standing all the way upright. Chat picked his staff up off the ground, and Ladybug started to swing her yo-yo, trying to warm herself up back into fighting mode.

Though she was far from prepared, Ladybug threw her partner a silent look, asking him if he was ready to move. He threw her his signature Chat-grin in response, but this time it was strained, shaky, and the dread filling his eyes didn't exactly exude confidence. Ladybug knew she had a history of over-doubting her abilities, but if Chat was just as doubtful as she was, she knew she wasn't kidding herself.

At the moment, she really wished she was.

. . .

Three Hours Earlier

. . .

Marinette pushed open the doors of the school library, one of her hands clutching a paper bag branded with the logo of her parents' bakery. For once in her life, Marinette was arriving to school well before classes started, even if it was just for lunch break. Out of character, yes, but after one glance outside at the gray, encroaching clouds, she decided it was better to return to campus while it was dry than to get caught in the inevitable downpour.

Alya, who always joined Marinette for lunch, hadn't even dared to leave the school. This storm had been brewing all week, with no sunshine and bad wind and generally sucky weather characteristics across the board. So, while Alya grabbed a mediocre cafeteria lunch and moped in the library, Marinette promised to at least bring her back something delicious from home.

Sure enough, Alya was sitting by herself at a table in the corner, typing on her laptop. Marinette dropped the paper bag in her friend's lap. Alya didn't even have to look up to guess who it was. "Hey girl."

"Hey," Marinette greeted, sitting beside her friend. One glance at the screen told her Alya was working on the Ladyblog. But instead of looking as excited and intrigued as she usually did when working on, well, anything pertaining to Ladybug, Alya's face was tight with concern. Marinette frowned. "Is something going on with the blog?"

Alya spared her a glance and gave her a small smile. "No, no, the blog's fine, just . . . a lot of viewers are starting to get apprehensive." She frowned, the worried expression back. "This is the longest period of time we've had without akumas since the attacks even started."

Marinette bit her lip. "Oh, really? I didn't realize."

(She did realize. Of course she realized. She realized it more than anyone. But that wasn't something Alya needed to know.)

Her friend continued talking without suspect. "Well, it hasn't been an awfully long time, but today marks a whole month of akuma-free activity. Before that, the longest time had been one week. Ladybug and Chat Noir haven't outright said anything yet, but . . ." Alya trailed off, her eyes shifting back to her computer screen.

During the first week without any akumas, Marinette hadn't worried very much. Like Alya said, there had been weeks in the past when Hawk Moth was inactive. It was rare, but it'd happened more than once.

A few months ago, her reaction to this would have been entirely different. When she first became Ladybug, she got into the rhythm of the frequent attacks. Every day that passed without an akuma left her more and more on edge until they finally fought one, leaving her in a never-ending cycle of stress and uneasiness. Not that she necessarily wanted to fight an akuma, but her brain was still so overwhelmed by the responsibilities and implications of being a god-honest superhero that 'no akumas' equaled 'Hawk Moth is doing something disastrous' which equaled 'time to panic.'

Looking back, she realized that it was on those days, when she was practically ill with anticipation, that she realized how genuine of a friend Chat really was. His skilled fighting tactics and quick-learning abilities hadn't stopped her from assuming that he was an egotistical, flirting, pun-making joke. And while those assumptions weren't exactly wrong, he'd proven that he was also so much more than that.

The very first time Hawk Moth had vanished for an entire week, Marinette remembered how, while she had a nervous breakdown, Chat had remained level-headed and took the reins of the situation. She exhausted herself by worrying while he exhausted himself doubly, patrolling every single corner of the city with every second of free time he could grab, just so he could at least try to put her at ease. He knew she was scared—and, looking back, she realized that he must have been, too, because they were just fourteen-year-old kids—but he'd proven that he was much more mature and emotionally stable than she could ever hope to be.

It was because of Chat that, in the future, the next akuma-free week had been easier. And during the next one, she was finally able to breathe. The fourth was spent stargazing and revelling in the quiet. The fifth was honestly nothing more than a well-needed vacation. The sixth week had practically been a celebration—until it stretched into a seventh. And an eighth, a ninth, and a tenth.

Suddenly, she was back to square one, and . . . it . . . it made her feel vulnerable. Anxiety kept her on edge every second of the day, implanting a permanent sinking feeling in her gut like a black hole of dread. Even Chat couldn't help but admit that there was definitely something wrong. They were running themselves dry with patrols and searches and plans, but it did little good when they barely knew anything about the man they were after—or, rather, seeing that he now had the upper hand in the situation, the man after them.

She hoped that the painful smile on her face seemed reassuring. "Don't worry, Alya. I'm sure that they're doing everything they can."

"It's not that I doubt them," Alya sighed. "I'm just . . . worried for them. Hawk Moth is almost definitely up to something. What if one of them gets hurt? I mean, for god's sake, remember when Chat Noir got set on fire?"

(She really could have done without the reminder.)

"They're heroes, Alya," she said gently, as the heart-stopping memory literally burned in her mind. "There's bound to be occupational hazards and close calls. But if there's any danger or anything we need to know, I know they'll tell us."

Alya hummed thoughtfully, seeming to accept this response. "Yeah. I guess. But I'm still gonna be worried."

"I'm sure they appreciate being thought of," Marinette replied sincerely. "But seriously, don't beat yourself up over this."

'Because that's my job.'

Alya closed out of her blog and opened up the paper bag. "Okay, okay, I won't—oooh, chocolate croissants! You're the best, Mari."

As soon as she said it, Nino and Adrien just happened to be walking right past their table. The DJ's eyes lit up and he tugged on Adrien's arm to get him to stop walking. "Did someone say food?"

Alya quickly shoved one in her mouth, flakey crumbs spilling over her face. "Noo . . ."

Nino leaned over her and tried to snatch the bag from her hands. "Gimme!"

Alya hissed and slapped his hand away.

As Nino continued trying to steal Alya's lunch, Marinette sighed in relief and leaned back in her chair. She didn't think she could have handled talking about the 'akuma crisis' for much longer, and was grateful for the distraction, even if her noisy friends did cause the librarian to glare at them.

She was so wrapped up in trying to calm her nerves that she didn't notice Adrien standing behind her, until he said her name aloud: "Marinette."

Startled, Marinette jerked in her seat, and the momentum caused the chair to topple over with a loud clatter. Tikki let out a small squeal of surprise, which was fortunately muffled by the fabric of her purse. A few people looked up from their work to stare at the source of the disruption, and the librarian's glare grew twice as cold. Her cheeks flared with embarrassment.

Alya turned away from Nino to ask her friend if she was okay, but then she caught Nino using the distraction to try to pry the bag from her hands and went back to defending her meal. Adrien stared at her in horror, and Marinette died a little. Or a lot.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry," he rushed, holding out a hand to help her up. His green eyes were wide with concern and he stared at her guiltily, his cheeks dusted pink. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Marinette felt her blush grow hotter. "Um, n-no, don't—it's—I—uh—"

Adrien grabbed her hand and gently pulled her to her feet. She stared down at their entwined hands, and was so shocked that Adrien Agreste was holding her hand that she forgot to freak out and pull away like an idiot. But Adrien didn't seem to mind, or even notice, that he was still holding her hand as he looked her over. "Are you okay? No bumps or bruises?"

"I'm fine," she squeaked. She clenched her free hand to prevent herself from facepalming.

He didn't seem convinced. "Are you sure? That was a really—"

Her heart fluttered in her chest. He was so worried about her. Even though she knew that it was Adrien's nature to look out for others, the attention still made her heart do somersaults. Somehow this gave her strength to voice a few coherent-enough sentences without combusting. "No no, Adrien, it's okay. Really, I've had worse falls. Don't even worry about it."

Marinette tried not stare at the adorable way he pursed his lips before he nodded. "Okay. But at least let me walk you back to class. The bell's gonna ring in a few minutes."

Her heart leapt into her throat. "Okay," she breathed. They were still holding hands.

As they walked towards the exit, Marinette spared a quick glance behind her to see if Alya could see what was happening right here now in this moment. Alya and Nino appeared to have miraculously reconciled, and they were each eating a croissant while watching Adrien and Marinette leave the library. Both of them wore identical knowing grins

She blushed and turned around just as Adrien let go of her hand to hold open the door. He gestured for her to go first, causing Marinette's blush to deepen as she stepped out into the hallway. She swore she heard Alya sing "Have fun~" right before the door shut behind them.

"Shall we?" he asked, holding his hand out to her again, and Marinette barely managed to not scream because Adrien was being extremely cute and chivalrous and actually wanted to hold her hand willingly and it was not a drill, what the hell was she supposed to do, this was not in the handbook.

Marinette would have stood there all day in an internal panic if she could, but the seconds were ticking by, and she only had so much time before the innocent interaction became awkward. So, she decided to throw the proverbial handbook out the proverbial window and oh-so-daringly took Adrien's hand in hers. It could have just been the lighting, or the chemicals rapidly exploding in her brain, but she swore she saw his face pinken. Nonetheless, Adrien gave her a small smile, and the two of them started to walk (well, Adrien walked, but Marinette floated) down the stairs.

They walked in a surprisingly easy silence. Somewhere along the way their feet started to move in sync with each other, and their simultaneous footfalls echoed quietly throughout the mostly-empty hall. They allowed themselves to walk slowly, because they still had a few minutes to spare, and it still had yet to start raining. Their combined hands swung gently back and forth, and Marinette found herself lost in the rhythm. If someone told her this morning that she would be strolling the school hand-in-hand with the love of her life, she would have never believed them. She stole a glance at her companion to see if he was as content as she was—

—but immediately fell from her high when she saw the uncomfortable look etched on his face, much like the one Alya had been sporting earlier.

Her heart instantly began to pound, because that must meant that she was making him uncomfortable, and 'damn it Marinette you had one job to do—'

"Marinette," he said, his voice soft and devoid of all the amusement it'd held just minutes prior. His walking slowed to a stop, and she stopped beside him, being extra careful not to trip over her own feet and fall in front of Adrien for what would be the second time in the past hour (but not even close to the record). They locked eyes, and she saw him looking at her with what appeared to be . . . hesitation?

"W—uh—yes?" she asked, just as softly. Her heart was pounding dangerously fast now, and she tried to settle it by attempting to clear her mind of negative, spiraling thoughts, but her efforts were in vain.

Adrien was obviously trying not to seem tense, but his shoulders were still visibly stiff. "Well, uh, back in the library, before you fell over, I . . . I wanted to talk to you about . . . something."

Marinette's heartbeat halted to a stop. Whatever this 'something' was couldn't have been any good if he was so nervous about it. He was probably going to tell her that he found out about her crush and thought that she was disgusting, or something as equally lethal to her soul. She tried to open her mouth and say something, but all she could let out was an unintelligible whimper.

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to continue, and Marinette braced herself as if she were about to be hit by an oncoming train—

—but a deafening explosion cut off whatever he was going to say.

The two of them whirled around in shock. Classroom doors sprung open behind them, and students tried to catch a glimpse of the noise's source while the teachers fought to contain them. The doors of the library slammed open and students poured out onto the balcony and stairs, a wide-eyed Alya and Nino being two of the first to appear. Marinette hurried to the edge of the walkway and peered down at the courtyard, her throat instantly tightening when she saw what it was.

The akuma was hunched over in a crater in the asphalt, a result of the impact of her landing. She appeared to be a young woman, with her hair in a braided updo that looked like flames, and her body clothed in a shimmering body suit that looked like a night sky full of stars. Strapped on her back was a sheath of glimmering arrows, and in her hand was a fire-red bow, the length shaped like a telescope. A smile spread across her face, and even from all the way up there, Marinette could see the young woman's masked eyes darken with hatred.

A few smart people were already moving away, taking cover in classrooms or booking for the exits. Others, like Alya, who was already recording the akuma with her phone, or Marinette, who was frozen dumbly in her spot and had forgotten how to move and think, were making themselves easy targets. In the back of her mind, she knew she needed to be finding a place to hide and transform, but an overflow of shock and fear was rusting the gears in her brain and locking them in place. Her knees were shaking with the effort to keep her on her own two feet, and her chest started to ache from the lack of oxygen filling her lungs, but she couldn't remember what breathing was, let alone how to do it. Tikki was pounding against her thigh from within her purse, trying to elicit a response—any response—but to no avail.

She was snapped out of her daze by Adrien's desperate tugging at their still-combined hands. The gears in her brain broke free, and she gasped for air, but ended up choking on the sharp intake and stumbling backwards into Adrien. He let go of her hand and grasped her shoulders to keep her upright. His hands were shaking. "Marinette—"

"I am Falling Star!" the akuma boomed, nocking an arrow and aiming above the library entrance. Her smile grew wider. "Prepare to be blown out of this world!"

Everything seemed to explode at once. First, it was the arrow that fired into the arch above the library, which flew like an actual shooting star and hit its target in a ball of flames. Then it was the students near the library screaming and tumbling down the steps, panickedly avoiding being trapped by the flaming debris of their school. Then it was Marinette, who watched in horror as Alya froze with fear at the sight of a large piece of building tumbling down towards her exact location. A scream was about to bubble its way up Marinette's throat, but Nino pulled through the crowd and managed to jerk her friend to safety just in time.

Marinette still couldn't breathe properly. She turned to Adrien, who looked awfully pale and seemed to be having as difficult of a time grasping the situation as she did, which was saying a lot. But before she could even speak his name, he took her hand and began tugging her through the rapidly thickening crowd, shouting over the chaos, "We need to get you out of here!"

(Actually, it was he who needed to get out of there, and she who needed to stay and fight. But i her shock Marinette didn't have the strength or mind to resist.)

They'd only made it halfway down the hall, Adrien weaving a path through the crowd with surprising stealth, when someone slammed forcefully into Marinette, causing her hand to be torn from his. She gasped and crashed into the wall, blinking as her head spun and shoulder throbbed. She heard Adrien call her name, but just as she straightened to see where he was, an arrow exploded two classrooms away, knocking her off her feet. Marinette spluttered as smoke and kicked-up dust clogged the air, and she attempted to shield her head as pieces of wood and plaster showered over her like bullets.

Then, she was suddenly getting picked up. She couldn't see who it was through the dust, but she could feel that they were wearing some sort of . . . leather?

Oh.

When the dust finally cleared, Marinette looked up to see Chat Noir's face. His expression was uncharacteristically hardened, a mask of cold fury that sent chills down her spine. He didn't meet her eyes.

Only when Chat took out his staff and started to extend them off the walkway did Marinette remember how to talk. "Wait, wait! Adrien! I need to find Adrien!"

She thought she felt Chat cringe, but she could have just imagined it. "I saved him before," he assured, although his vacant voice was anything but assuring. "I told him to go home." He gently placed her on her feet, and only then did he look at her. His face was serious, but there was an underlying fear cracking through. "Go home, Marinette."

Without waiting for a reply, he extended his staff and went off to fight the akuma.

In front of her, Falling Star had started throwing bombs that exploded into glittery dark blue and purple dust cloud. She threw the bomb at a group of students rushing for a classroom—poofing them into the same dust.

If no one had confronted her, Marinette might've stood there all day, numb and nonfunctioning. It wasn't like her to be freezing up like this; she was always so quick to act, but now she wasn't and she didn't know why and she hated it. Fear was always present when fighting akumas, but she learned to suppress it, if only for the sake of Paris. But this, what she was feeling right now, was too powerful for her to restrain, too big to compartmentalize into boxes, and she couldn't—

"Marinette!"

Startled into action, Marinette spun around, searching for the origin of the voice. Then she felt Tikki wriggling around in her purse, and realized that she had yet to acknowledge the kwami. She quickly opened her purse, and Tikki darted out before she even removed her hand. Her blue eyes were alight with rare anger, but mostly worry. "Marinette! We need to transform!"

Marinette felt her throat tighten. "Tikki . . ."

That one word was all it took to dissolve all traces of her anger, leaving just the worry. "Marinette—"

"I'm scared."

Tikki floated to Marinette's cheek and nuzzled her affectionately. "I know."

"This doesn't feel right."

"I know."

"Chat needs me."

"I know."

"I can't do this."

Tikki flew away from her cheek and stared Marinette in the eyes, her gaze steely and her voice fierce. "Yes you can."

Marinette swallowed. Took a deep breath. Closed her eyes. Opened them.

She wouldn't let him win.

"Tikki, spots on!"

. . .

Present

. . .

Ladybug flattened herself against the Eiffel Tower. Even though the akuma probably couldn't hear her from all the way up there, she tried to keep her heavy breathing as quiet as possible, not willing to risk her cover being blown. She had a perfect view of Chat Noir below, in his own hiding spot out of the akuma's sight, his staff poised and battle-ready. Falling Star was parading down the street, preparing to fire her next arrow. Chat looked up and met his partner's eyes, waiting for her signal. She nodded.

So far, luck had not been on the heroes' side. This was their third game plan thus far—Plan A ended with Falling Star chasing them around the entire city while pelting them with her Stardust Bombs, and Plan B ended with them narrowly escaping a shower of Shooting Arrows. The akuma seemed to have an unlimited amount of both, which made it incredibly difficult to get close enough to grab her bow; Lucky Charm and Cataclysm were, for the most part, close-range attacks, while Falling Star's grenades and arrows could hit a target at any distance. Ladybug had already needed to detransform twice after two failed Lucky Charms, and Chat Noir three times after three failed Cataclysms. But Ladybug thought they had her this time—or, at least she hoped they did. She was hanging onto Chat's brief words before they departed: "The third time's the charm, My Lady."

(But they were just so tired. Even if their plan had been flawless, something was bound to falter in the execution. Chat had looked like he was barely able to keep his head up and Ladybug wasn't fairing much better. Her mind and emotions were muddled and she was trying so hard to keep them down and focus, but no matter how super that mask made her seem, she was only human.)

It happened so fast.

Chat Noir leaped out from behind the tree and pounced on Falling Star, slamming her to the ground. Star screamed and struggled, and despite his best efforts, she twisted from Chat's grip and flipped him over so that she was the one pinning him down. Chat worked his leg free and kneed her in the stomach, causing her to grunt and lose her grip. Panting, he opened his mouth to call for a Cataclysm, which was Ladybug's signal to move, when Star quickly rebounded and slammed him down to the ground again.

Ladybug watched in horror as the akuma reached into her sheath and pulled out a single arrow. Chat struggled to get free, but his exhaustion weighed him down, and Star was too strong.

And damn it if she didn't try. She'd tried so hard. She had spent the entire fight suppressing her fears as best as she could, making sure her emotions didn't take control. But seeing her partner—her lifeline, her other half, the one who always knew how to make it okay—like that, struggling for his life as Falling Star lowered an arrow to his chest—

She just snapped.

"LUCKY CHARM!" she screamed.

Both her partner and the akuma looked up to her spot on the tower, one out of panic and the other out of surprise. Falling Star withdrew the arrow from its position above Chat's heart and resheathed it. She stood up. "Well well well! Look what just entered the atmosphere."

Ladybug didn't even bother to look at what the charm was as she caught it. All her emotional turmoil—all her fear and doubt and sadness and exhaustion and hurt and so much more—all of it had melted together into a ball of blinding, pure, unadulterated rage.

She was going to make Hawk Moth pay. And she was going to start by snuffing out a star.

With unearthly dexterity, Ladybug swung herself off the Eiffel Tower and launched herself towards the akuma. Her face was hot with anger, her blue eyes ignited with pulsing adrenaline, her sneer filled with disgust. Her vision was so tainted by red that she couldn't even see Falling Star, but she didn't even care. She extended her hands, so ready to throttle the evil out of the akuma, a warcry starting to tear its way through her throat—

...

"LADYBUG WATCH OUT!"

...

The following number of events occurred in a span of seconds:

First, before Chat could even gather the physical strength to stop Falling Star, the akuma fired an arrow in Ladybug's direction. He screamed to Ladybug in warning a split second before the arrow exploded mid air.

The force of the explosion threw Ladybug backwards into the tower, before gravity pulled her plummeting to the ground.

Incensed, Chat disregarded all protocol and professionalism and slugged a smug Falling Star in the face. There was a loud crack, and the force threw her backwards a good couple of feet, knocked out cold.

He quickly snatched the akumatized object and snapped the telescope in half, catching the butterfly in his gloved hand, his breathing heavy. The anger quickly left his body, though, and he fell to his knees and keeled over. Chat was barely able to stop himself from puking or passing out or both, before he remembered what happened to His Lady.

People in nearby shelters, who had been watching the fight from their windows, hurried outside. News reporters, stationed on the edge of the danger zone, zoomed their cameras in on the fallen hero. Civilians that had been hiding nearby to catch the action, such as Alya and Nino, rushed forward to get a better look. Chat ran—or, at this point, stumbled—over to his unmoving partner as fast as he could, his heart beating dangerously fast and bile rising in his throat at the thought of his worst nightmare coming true.

Once they all saw her properly, however, everyone went deathly still.

...

...

She was in too much pain to realize that the impact caused her to detransform.

...

...

...

...

The crowd stared in shock.

...

...

...

Many gasped. Some screamed.

...

Alya's phone clattered to the ground.

...

Tikki cried.

...

And Chat's expression had never looked more horrified.

...

...

...

...

". . . Marinette?"

...

...

who needs happiness when angst can just rip your heart to pieces

ffnet doesn't let you make blank lines so i had to fill them with ellipses. also i was hoping to insert a lot more amazing space puns, but it didn't . . . fit the mood.

yes, we will find out what adrien wanted to tell marinette ;)