A/N: Warning: It's crack. There is no plot. There is no sense. The sense of randomness is strong.

Orochimaru, in her opinion, was disgusting. Like, gut-wrenching automatic gag reflex disgusting. The kind of disgust that could impede one's life because it was almost as intense as hatred.

One would assume it was because he was unethical in his experiments and was without the proverbial moral compass. One would also possibly assume it was because he had the reputation of being a paedophile with a freakishly long tongue, at least in her world. The freakishly long tongue was disgusting though.

However, Orochimaru was disgusting because he was attractive in the way of being an effeminate pretty boy with softer features rather than sharp angles and gaunt cheeks with added villain hair. He was like a Final Fantasy character in the flesh, just with more villain flair.

Orochimaru was disgusting because he was capable of feeling. Particularly, for her. It was a go-to thought if she wanted to instinctively gag and chant that she wanted to die. Well, it was one of many because she remembered drowning during a curious attempt to do the glob-globbing. Making of the out. French kissing? Whatever. She just couldn't see the pleasantry of exchanging saliva. It was gross and literally sickening.

Orochimaru had the feels. Which, whilst a strange sentence on its own, wouldn't be too bad if it were someone else. Anyone else. Orochimaru had the feels for her.

She was hailed as legendary for having a wonderful face of pure disgust in her original world, which she utilised quite often. It was close to becoming her default, really.

In her head, it was justifiable because an attractive, reptilian, scientific, thought-to-be sociopathic and villainous fictional-character-turned-real thought of her has a prospective mate or some other absurd shit. It made her feel like the sociopathic one because she didn't care about anyone to such a capacity, let alone him.

There was a possibility in that line of thought, actually. It was probably one of the reasons why the weirdo had a thing for her. He was more than likely attracted to 'weird' and since she was literally from another world, it made some kind of sense. Or maybe it was because of that weird genetic thing where people were attracted to people who resembled one another, because apparently she looked like a darker, less reptilian and female version of Orochimaru according to the Hokage. Unless he meant that she was similar in personality, because she was brown and he was basically some pallid grey shit. She decided that she'd rather not care about finding out to see if that was true or not.

There were more important things to worry about. Like food, being immortal, rooming with creepy snake men who felt for her. That was rather high on her list, actually. She might have to kill someone if he confessed his love or some shit. That would be traumatising. She would probably vomit. Vomiting hurt, so she'd rather not.

But then, there was the fact that he legitimately wanted to tie himself to her in the legal sense of the word and create human-snake hybrid babies with her in the conventional fashion. Which was gross and would be sickeningly sweet if the situation was not the situation that it was. That meant that it would never be sweet in any way.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" he asked her, in that blatant sort of manner that inclined her to believe that her roommate was socially stunted. He even did the peculiar head tilt that he was wont to do, staring with the kind of intensity that was both of adoration and fascination. She expressed on multiple occasions that she wanted to gouge out his eyes, because she had issues and staring was one of them.

She was eating some kind of gummy lolly that she had managed to create in his kitchen, as she was housebound at the time and he spent more time boiling human remains to actually go outside and buy her professionally made lollies. He did try, of course but she had to take the guess that having a freakishly long tongue was murder on the tastebuds. Which meant he was shit at finding quality lollies.

"I am." she confirmed, in a sense at ease with the random line of questioning. "I was never much interested in letting someone put their pew-pew stick inside of me."

There was a dissonance and yet a connection between them, which was probably why he was as attached to her as he was. Shame, truly, because she would probably be more at ease if he were dead. Probably, since he did pay the rent. It would work out somehow.

"Are you?"

She honestly hoped he said yes because it was becoming difficult to temper her imagination. It threatened to spill over and blind her with vivid images that she didn't want nor need. Her stomach clenched in preparation. Then she realised too late, that denying his possession of his virginity was not the worst thing he could say.

"I have never been interested in intercourse myself until I met you." was his tame response.

She sobbed in despair and revulsion.

A/N: So, this is stress relief because I am working on my other stories that actually have plot and a sense of seriousness. This, more than likely will be random and allow my imagination to just shit all over everything. I decided that I might as well share it with the world. The chapters will be relatively short, I feel, and more likely to update quickly than the rest of my stories for the time being.

For the readers of my other stories or whatever, I am working on a majority of my stories. Though, I'm alternating between them and I'm also being a bitch who needs to re-edit everything. I am sorry.

Reviews are love. Reviews are life. It's never ogre.