"For the love of god, Finn, how many times do I have to tell you to get rid of that tie?" Clarke Collins shouted from across the kitchen. Placing her hands on her hips, she fixed her husband of three years with a hard stare. Finn laughed. As he always does, when Clarke yells, when she cries, when she's happy. Clarke used to think it was endearing.

"It's my favourite." He said, shrugging.

"It's ugly," she stated, walking over to stand beside him, "but you knew that already."

"Exactly why it's my favourite." He laughed, pulling his jacket out from the coat closet.

"Because it's horrendous?" Clarke reached for her coat as well.

"Because it annoys the hell out of you." Finn smiles at her, and Clarke almost forgets how much she hates that green, polka dotted tie around his neck. Finn Collins was undeniably handsome, with a strong jaw, dark hair, and even darker eyes that had caught Clarke's attention that first week of orientation at Oberlin. He was a pre-med student, and she was undecided, but she'd never been indecisive when it came to Finn. At least not in the beginning.

"This is important, Finn," she stressed, as he placed a hand on her back and led her out the door. They made their way to his car, and as he opened the passenger side door for her, she turned to face him again. "This is my boss we're talking about, you know? The one that hates everyone? The one that has the potential to ruin my career if he doesn't like me?"

Finn just laughed, and Clarke wanted to smack him, but instead, kissed his cheek as he leaned closer. "I'm sure that she wouldn't invite you to dinner if she didn't like you." He said, after a moment, looking at her earnestly through long, dark, lashes.

"That's the point of dinner," Clarke huffed, as they pulled out of their building's parking garage and made their way into town. "This is the deciding dinner, to see if she likes me enough to either promote me or dispose of me."

"You make yourself sound like a dirty dish towel." Finn says, rounding a corner.

"To Costia Miller I probably am." She sighs, leaning her head back against the headrest. Everything had to go perfect tonight or she could kiss her entire career as an event planner goodbye, and Clarke desperately didn't want that. Not after her failed attempt at medical school, and the inevitable fallout with her mom. For once, Finn actually takes notice of his wife's anxiousness, and reaches across the centre console for her hand. Lacing their fingers together, Finn brings her hand up to his lips and drops a light kiss on the back of it.

"She will love you, Clarke, everybody always does." He says, and she smiles, because it's moments like this that reassure her. Moments where Finn is too sweet, and too wonderful, for her not love him like she promised to three years ago. Moments where her mind shouldn't be allowed to travel to that place she'd long since put behind her, the person she'd long since put behind her.

They arrive at the restaurant five minutes later than they should, because Finn was convinced he knew a shortcut, and decided to ignore Clarke's protest, and her already google-approved directions. Clarke is shaking she's so nervous, clutching onto Finn's arm, and taking deep breaths every few moments. They enter the building, and Clarke barely sputters out the name for their table when they are being led across the restaurant and to a table that was still empty. Finn shot her a look, that clearly meant 'See, they're not even here', to which Clarke replied with her signature icy glare.

"Collins." Clarke jumps, as Costia Miller appears before them, in a white blazer and a red dress that cut off just below her knees. She looked incredible, and put together, and absolutely everything Clarke hoped to be one day, maybe just minus the bitchy demeanour. Clarke goes to stand up, but Costia shoots a hand out to stop her, "It's dinner Clarke, not a work meeting, calm down."

Clarke swallows, "Oh, of course." She smiles, and hopes it doesn't look uncomfortable, "sorry."

Costia just nods, and takes a seat, folding a silky peach napkin on her lap. Finn takes this opportunity to introduce himself, and Clarke stiffens nervously as he reaches, dumbly, across the long table for Costia's hand. "Finn Collins," He grins, and Clarke prays that it works, that his classically handsome face works its magic for her, and makes Costia more compliant than usual. "Clarke's husband."

Costia doesn't take his hand, she flicks her brown eyes down at it for a moment and then looks back at Clarke. "Lovely," She says, and it scares the fuck out of Clarke. The way she's looking at her, like she's both curious and already unimpressed, the way her bow shaped lips purse in contemplation. No doubt contemplating Clarke's future with Miller & Co. "My wife should be here soon, she just got held up at work."

It was Clarke's turned to sit back, surprised. "Oh," she says, "what does she do?" Clarke never took Costia for the marrying type, she never even really took her for the dating type. Somehow she imagined her living alone in a super expensive condo with maybe a houseplant, or a cat.

"She's a director," Costia replies, and Clarke smiles at that. Of course she is. Because Costia Miller had standards, for her business, her closet, but Clarke figured most definitely for her dating life.

"Can't wait to meet her." Finn says, taking a bite of the breadstick on his plate. The waiter comes around to fill their glasses, and Clarke is tempted to snatch Finn's. Instead, she reaches across the table for the hand she knows is seconds from picking up the crystal wine glass. Lacing their fingers together, Clarke smiles up at him, hoping that this all looks perfectly normal. That Costia won't see the hidden message behind Clarke's touch. Not tonight Clarke's eyes say as she stares at Finn, in what she hopes looks like complete adoration.

x

That's when she walks up. When Clarke is, quite convincingly, staring lovingly into Finn's eyes, like they are they sweet, and still completely in love with each other couple they should be. Lexa coughs, because she doesn't know what else to do, standing at the edge of the table staring at the woman that was her everything.

"Darling," Costia smiles, touching her elbow with slim, cold, fingers. "You made it."

Used to be your everything, Lexa chastises herself internally, turning her full attention back to her wife. Clarke Griffin used to be your everything, now she's your nothing. Clarke gasps, and it takes all of Lexa's self control not to break her eye contact with Costia in favour of looking at Clarke. Of taking in the new Clarke, the one who's hands were all over her boyfriend when Lexa walked up.

"Lexa?" Clarke says, and Lexa curses herself because she should have known better. She should have known that the universe was too terribly cruel, and unfair, for it to allow the two of them to keep their distance.

So that's why she does it, because she felt jilted, like she'd become the object of fate's really not funny joke. Lexa looks up and studies Clarke, her sunny blonde hair and bright blue eyes, nothing had changed. Nothing would ever change, not when it came to Clarke. "Sorry…" She says, slowly, like she's really thinking about it. "Do I know you?" Clarke's face pales, stunned, speechless, and for a moment Lexa feels sorry.

But then she remembers, she remembers watching Clarke's sun tanned, back as she walked away from Lexa at the Griffin's fourth of July party six years ago. The feeling of Clarke slowly slipping through her fingers, of her distant replies, and her mechanic 'I love you's. More than anything, though, Lexa remembers the feeling that her heart had been ripped out of her chest, like everything she'd ever believed in had died the night she saw Clarke kiss him, the man she was now seated across from. So Lexa sits down, her face impassive, letting the walls she'd built back up since Clarke, rise and rise until they surrounded her. Until they encased her in the cold, lonely, assurance that she was safe, and Clarke couldn't get back in, Clarke couldn't wreck her again.

"Oh," Clarke says, and it's quiet and shaky, "I must have been mistaken."

Costia raises an eyebrow, "You said her name." Lexa wants to tell her to stop, because she knows Costia, she knows that her wife's iciness could rival her own, but she doesn't. She leaves Clarke to flounder, to drown in the ocean of space that is now between them, to be attacked by a shark also known as her wife.

"She must have heard it before," Finn says, protectively, tightening his hold on Clarke's hand. Lexa finally looks at him. Taking in every feature of his face, from his dark eyes, to the straight teeth and orbit white smile, she'd never pegged him as Clarke's type. She felt like she may be sick, from anger, from sadness, from jealousy, her stomach clenching at the sight of the man who took the only thing she'd ever really loved.

Costia doesn't push, and it surprised Lexa, almost as much as the feeling of Costia placing a hand on her knee. They were married, they both loved each other, but they were in no way affectionate outside of the home. It was different, Lexa's relationship with Costia. Everything felt different with anyone other than the blonde sitting across from her. Different in the way that meant it wasn't all at once. That Lexa hadn't fallen in love with just one look at Costia, not like she had with Clarke. Lexa took years before she'd been able to open up to her wife, but it only took a few months with Clarke. Everything with the blonde was easy, and seamless, and so god damn right. Like they fit, like they had been made for each other, like the universe had physically fought for them to be together. Until it didn't anymore, until Clarke decided she didn't anymore. Didn't love Lexa, didn't want to fight for Lexa, and didn't believe in what Lexa always had. That somehow, someway, these two girls would always be linked, tethered to each other like their souls would never be two separate things. Things with Costia had taken time, they understood each other, but not in the way that lovers usually do. No, Costia and Lexa understood each other because they were the same. They were closed off, private, ambitious as hell, and nothing kept them from their work. That's why Lexa let her in, that's why she finally broke down and said yes to Costia's polite dinner invitation, and eventually her polite invitation to move in, and her also equally polite proposal. Because Lexa had always hoped that things would become easy, that after everything, all her doubt, and determination to make this relationship work, that Lexa would realize it was Costia. Costia was the one, her wife, her soulmate, her person. That was what people always said, didn't they? Marriage was work, love was work.

So how come loving Clarke always felt the same as breathing?

"Well, now that we're all here," Costia begins, and she squeezes her wife's knee, making Lexa realize she must not be hiding her anxiousness all that well. "Let's talk about you, Collins."

Collins? Lexa's eyes snap back to Clarke, well, more like the flashy diamond and golden band settled on her ring finger. And suddenly, Lexa knows she's going to be sick, she can feel the past six years of resentment twist and turn inside her stomach. She pushes up from the table, ignoring Costia's look of shock. Mumbling something along the lines of an 'excuse me', Lexa makes a beeline for the bathroom.

Lexa grips onto the edge of the sink, leaning forward in an attempt to steady herself. Her head was spinning, and her heart was beating violently against her chest. It had been six years. Six years, six years, six years. She shouldn't be feeling like this, not anymore. Not over the girl who broke her heart in college, not with her wife sitting at the table across from her.

But Lexa knew. She knew this would happen one day. That she'd catch a glimpse of sunny blonde hair that used to leave traces of vanilla scented shampoo on her pillows, of deep sea eyes that use to make her knees buckle, of pink lips that used to know every single inch of Lexa's body. And it was too much. After years of trying to rebuild herself after Clarke, all Lexa felt like doing was break. Her walls, her promises, her heart, again, and again, all for Clarke.

X

Clarke was sick. She'd had a cold for the past week, but that wouldn't keep her away, not tonight. She pulled on her Harwood High School sweatshirt, twisted her hair back into two braids, and glanced in the mirror on last time. Her cheeks were flushed, the tip of her nose was red, and she felt like she might pass out on the way to the game, but she didn't care. She wouldn't miss tonight, not for anyone or anything.

The gym was crowded, people lined the bleachers and she had to stop and study every face before she spotted her friends. Raven and Octavia sat on the very bottom, no doubt so their cheers could be heard by the rest of the Harwood Girls Volleyball team. Clarke plopped down next to them, and ignored the way Raven rolled her eyes and Octavia smirked at how obviously sick she was. "You are so whipped." Octavia muttered, shaking her head.

"Can you blame me?" Clarke asked, not turning to look back at her friends, because that was when she spotted her. Lexa was standing with the rest of her team, her wavy brown hair pulled up into a ponytail, and dressed in the long sleeved dark green and white jersey with 'Woods' printed on the back. Her green eyes were sparkling, and Clarke could see it from where she was sitting, as she watched Lexa talk to the rest of the girls animatedly with her hands. Raven chuckled while Octavia just slapped Clarke on the arm.

"We get it, Griffin, your girlfriend is hot." Raven said, pulling a tissue out of her bag and handing it to Clarke.

Clarke grinned, and took the tissue, but not before locking gazes with Lexa. When Lexa's eyes found hers, she felt instantly better, like her body wasn't aching with a cold, or her head cloudy with thoughts of sleep and when she needs to take more cold medicine. When Clarke looks into the dark, deep forest that was Lexa's eyes, all Clarke could ever think, more like feel, was that she was home. Lexa smiled at her, it was small, and quiet, and only meant for the two of them, and it made Clarke's heart soar.

Lexa was by far the best player on her team, but it wouldn't have really mattered to Clarke. She would have come to every single game anyways, she would have cheered just as loud, and hugged her just as tight after every game even if she sucked. This night, however, Clarke felt especially proud. Lexa was incredible. Spiking balls left and right, diving and saving them right when everyone thought it was too far gone. Harwood won all three sets, albeit with some struggle, but Clarke knew Lexa loved it. She loved the challenge, she loved being reminded that there was more to work on, things to get better at, and that was one of the reasons Clarke loved Lexa. Because she was determined, and hardworking, and it also didn't hurt that volleyball's required uniform was a tight top and bike shorts.

When Lexa scored the winning shot everyone in the bleachers stood up cheering, and Clarke couldn't stop herself. She shot up, and started walking forward, stopping when she realized what she was doing. Lexa didn't care, because next thing she knew, Lexa was in her arms, hugging her like it was everything. Like it's all she'd been waiting for, holding her tightly as if this was the most important thing in the world. To Clarke and Lexa, the high school Clarke and Lexa, though, it probably was.

Lexa pulled back, her green eyes gleaming, and her chest heaving from the game, but Clarke swears she'd never looked more beautiful. Clarke blushed then, remembering that she was a mess, with a stuffed nose and possibly a fever. Starting to pull away, Clarke was surprised when Lexa tightened her hold around her waist.

"I'm sick," she giggled, squirming in Lexa's arms. "I don't want to give it to you, Commander."

Lexa just smiled, and it made Clarke dizzy. "I don't care," Lexa whispered, "I just won the biggest game of my high school career, Clarke, and I want to celebrate it by kissing my adorably sick girlfriend." Clarke couldn't breathe, and it wasn't because of her nose anymore, it was because Lexa was pressing her lips against hers, softly, and she tasted like minty gum, and Gatorade, and Clarke swears that in this moment she's never tasted anything better. Clarke pulls away after a moment, and laughs, resting her forehead against Lexa's.

"That was so wrong, and you are so going to catch my cold, but thank god because I've wanted to kiss you since I woke up this morning."

Lexa's grinning from ear to ear, ignoring all the calls from her teammates, and staring at Clarke with such affection it makes Clarke blush even more. "I love you, Clarke Griffin." She pulls Clarke back in for a hug, and sighs when Clarke's lips make contact with the skin just below her ear.

"And I love you Lexa Woods…always."

X

Lexa doesn't look up when she hears the door open and close, she doesn't look up when she hears the gentle footsteps that are heading towards her, and she definitely doesn't look up when she hears the tentative voice behind her. Because she knows who's there, she knows that despite everything, Clarke is Clarke, and that she is Lexa, and no matter what the situation is Clarke would never let Lexa cry alone in a bathroom. Husband and wives sitting just outside the door be damned.

"Lexa?" Clarke is so close, that Lexa grips harder onto the sink just to remind herself not to reach out and touch her. Not to turn around and cup Clarke's face like she used to.

"Go away." Lexa sighs, she's shaking now, her shoulders hunched in an attempt to not let the blonde behind her know her quick state of unravelling.

"Lexa, please just-"

"No!" Lexa shouts, whirling around and finally looking at Clarke, finally giving her what she wants. Tears slip down Lexa's cheeks and she watches as Clarke visibly winces in pain at the sight. Good, she thinks, you deserve to hurt for once.

They didn't speak for what felt like years, just stood and stared. Lexa took in to detail the slight changes in Clarke's appearance, her face looked thinner, like she'd lost weight and it annoyed Lexa because that's how she knew Clarke was stressed. Probably from work, or studying, or… wait.

"What are you doing here?" Lexa blurt out, impatiently. "When…when Costia said we were having dinner with her employee she didn't mean you, did she?"

Clarke just blinked, her blue eyes dull and sad, and suddenly Lexa didn't even recognize them anymore. "No, she did mean me. I've been working for her for almost a year now."

"But what about med school?" Clarke didn't reply, she just continued to look at Lexa with a heavy gaze. Lexa broke, she started laughing, maniacally as she looked the woman in front of her up and down, like she was a stranger. She is, Lexa reminded herself, this Clarke Griffin, the one who'd been seated next to the man on the other side of the table, was a complete and utter stranger to Lexa. "Oh my god," Lexa snorts, and she knows it's mean and wrong, but she can't help it. She can't believe what she's just discovered. "First me, then medical school, what else have you decided to ruin, Clarke?"

Clarke flinches at that, her mouth turning down in a frown right before her bottom lip disappears behind her teeth. That's how Lexa knows she's about to cry. "That was years ago Lexa... we were kids."

"Oh I know," Lexa says, straightening her back and looking Clarke dead in the eye. "We were all kids, you, me, and him."

"Lexa, this is hardly the place-"

"You're right," Lexa snaps, "This is hardly the place to reunite with my ex, at dinner with my wife and her husband. Who, oh yeah, I almost forgot she left me for."

Clarke is wringing her hands, her eyes flicking from Lexa's face to the door, and back. The air is thick, and Lexa wishes more than anything that this wasn't so easy. That standing before Clarke and yelling her frustrations wasn't so natural. Lexa and Costia never fight, they never talk out their feelings, they just ignore their grievances as if they weren't there. Lexa had almost forgotten what it was like to feel this way, to be angry, and hurt, but still feel the need to fight, the need to reach a level of understanding. And now her heart lurches in her chest, squeezing violently at the sight of tears in Clarke's eyes, at how incredibly blue it makes them, and how familiar they look again.

"I…" Clarke chokes on her words. "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you, Lexa. I've wanted to try and contact you for so long but I just didn't know what to say."

It's all too formal. The way they are standing, speaking, looking at each other. It was as if they knew everything and nothing about each other all at the same time. Like Clarke had never touched Lexa, or kissed Lexa, or whispered sweet words into her ear in situations just like this. Where Lexa was shaking, and crying, and believing that she was broken beyond repair. Clarke used to deny it. She used to hold Lexa in the middle of the night, and tell her that she'd never felt so complete. Clarke used to tell Lexa that nothing could break her, but Clarke failed to realize that she was the exception.

"There's nothing to say." Lexa says, finally, pushing off the sink and heading for the door. These few minutes of confusion were all that she was going to allow, she'd spent too many years repairing herself to crumble at the first sight of Clarke. "We managed to avoid each other for six years, after this dinner I plan to keep it that way." Without another word, Lexa pulled open the door and walked out, ignoring the screaming voices of every other part of herself telling her to turn around and face Clarke again. It had been six years, and Lexa's heart still hadn't quite managed to realize what her head had been reminding her for the past 2,190 days, Clarke was a weakness she'd never let herself indulge in again.

Hey there everyone! I hope you've liked the story so far, I wasn't prepared for all the angst but it kinda just poured out haha. Still not too sure where I'm going with this story, I got it from a prompt on the internet where a woman has to go to dinner with her boss and she brings along her husband who has a tendency to drink to much. So somehow I managed to make a Clexa fan fiction out of that so I'm very excited to see where it goes. if you haven't already read it, I'd love to direct you to my other ongoing Clexa story called The Bet, if you like this than I would recommend giving that a try! New chapter coming soon, don't forget to leave me a review with your thoughts on the story!

Thanks for reading :) - R