She would think that after a few weeks or so, the guilt would go away. That she would get over the whole incident and see that her actions were justified, needed even. That there was no other way to do it.

But then the doubt hits her, and then the guilt returns and she wonders, did she really have to do it that way? Did she have to pretend that she was dead for that short period?

Marinette had managed to make so many cry over her presumed death in a short period of time - Alya, her parents, her classmates… Adrien. It wasn't fair how she left them like that, screaming and crying and demanding justice for her death, justice from the negligent hero who couldn't save one girl from a crumbling building.

The anger and hate she felt from Chat Noir was justified. It felt like she deserved it, even though she knew that there was nothing she could do to stop it. She had to go after Sul-Fury, and he wasn't there to help her, so there was no way for her to actually transform back into Marinette and reassure everyone that she was okay. She didn't have the time for it, and a lot of her wanted to blame Chat, that it was all because of him that she couldn't risk the time to reappear as clumsy, bumbling, ALIVE Marinette.

But she couldn't. She couldn't blame her partner, because in the end, he was crying too, even if he didn't show his tears to her. He wouldn't show his tears to Ladybug, at least.

She still remembers Chat coming to her place at night and hugging her tight, begging for forgiveness and crying his heart out for not saving her earlier.

The guilt weighs heavy in her.

"Marinette, we have to go." Tikki gently pushes her cheek, trying to coax her charge to move. But Marinette stays limply in one spot, letting her guilt wrack her mind. "Marinette, you'll get sick if we stay here any longer!"

She sighs softly, the soft pattering of the rain surrounding her as she remains seated on the wet bench. Usually, she'd be running home through the rain, but today just wasn't a good day for her. Madame Mendeleiev scolded her again for messing up her experiment, Alya was home sick, and she had to deal with Chloe's bratty comments all day long (even if Adrien intervened whenever he could, Chloe was still a master at being a pest). It didn't help that she ended up spilling her drink all over her white (white!) shirt while Adrien was walking by.

She is a mess. Literally and figuratively.

"Sorry, Tikki. Just let me sit here a little longer."

"But you don't even have an umbrella!"

It only made sense that she had forgotten her umbrella on a day that was forecasted to be rainy. For someone who holds power over luck, she is failing to drag in even an ounce of it for herself. She looks down at her shirt and groans. Maybe the rain will wash the stains out.

Maybe the rain will wash her guilt away too.

She wants to get out of the rain, but she just couldn't muster the energy to do so. It is cold, wet, and her clothes stick uncomfortably close to her skin. She watches as the rain slides down her soaked arm, and she sniffles lightly.

The raindrops remind her too much of tears.

Nobody would notice if she cries in the rain, right? It is cliché and stupid, but there isn't a better chance for her to release her pent up guilt than to cry in the rain. Tears stream down her cheek as she relishes the strange bliss that comes from the contrasting feel of hot against cold. Tikki lets out a soft squeak, and she barely registers her zipping back into her bag. She sniffles again and is met with a voice clearing his throat.

"Excuse me, but I think a princess such as yourself shouldn't be sitting in the rain like this, no?" She jumps a foot into the air, taken completely by surprise by the familiar cocky tone of her partner. Damn, this is just her luck. No wonder Tikki disappeared so quickly. She quickly wipes her tears away and looks up at him. The smile that is on his face quickly vanishes as he takes in the sight of her face. Double damn, it is obvious she had been crying too.

"Ch-Chat," and her voice is cracking too, "what are you, um, d-doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing, princess." He kneels down so that he could see her face better and gently cups her face. "It's getting pretty late out, and here I am finding you crying in the rain. Did someone break your heart? I'll punish them for you!" She laughs weakly and shakes her head. He is oddly protective of her after the incident, but she supposes it made sense. It is just surprising how much worth he put on her, considering the fact that they only "met" once or twice before.

"No, just… been having a bad day." His eyes flicker across her face before he gives her a gentle smile. He's been doing that a lot more too, treating her like she's fragile.

She's not fragile.

She pushes his hand away and stands up.

"Going home? Maybe I can escort you back." A spark of irritation flares up inside her.

"I can go back by myself. I'll be fine."

"It could be dangerous."

"I said I'll be fine."

"Princess-"

"Stop it!" She whirls on her heel to snap at him, tears coming back at full force as he backs up in shock. "Just, stop it! I said I'll be fine, so why won't you just leave me be?" She hiccups softly and wipes away her tears vigorously. "I said I'll be fine…"

"...Marinette." He said her name for the first time. "Look, I don't…" He sighs and rubs his arm awkwardly. "I'm just… worried, alright?"

"Well, you don't have to be. Because I'm fine. It's not like I'm going to disappear-"

"But you did, once."

"But I came back! I'm still here!" She stomps her foot childishly, splashing water onto her legs as she clenches her fists in frustration. "I'm alive and here, and I just wish people would stop treating me like I'm going to die if they turn around for a second!" She turns her back to him, hugging herself tightly as she begins to walk home. Chat is right, it is starting to get late, and the streetlights are starting to illuminate the area around them. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home. By myself." Her footsteps echo in fading light, and once she arrives home, her parents flock her with towels and codling, codling that she allows because there is in fact, a high chance that she'll end up sick with the amount of time she spent in the rain. She lets Tikki rest in her room, bundled up in blankets as she takes some time for herself.

When she makes her way up to her roof, the rain gone and herself freshly showered and clothed, she's only somewhat surprised that Chat had made his way to her house and was waiting for her to appear.

Of course.

"Chat."

"Princess."

"Why are you here?"

"To check up on you."

"You really didn't need to."

"And why is that? It'd be bad for a gentleman to leave a lady alone after making her cry."

"I didn't take you to be a gentleman." But she sighs anyway and sits down, the cat-themed hero leaping down from his perch on the roof to settle in next to her. She grunts and shoves him a bit, making him laugh.

"Harsh words from the lady. But, in all seriousness, are you okay?" He watches her with concern, making her sigh (she's been doing that a lot lately) and shrug.

"I mean, I guess you already saw me cry twice, so no. I'm not okay."

"Is it alright if I ask why?"

"Well, you kinda are."

"But you don't have to answer it."

"I guess."

"Can I ask more questions?" She sighs.

"You really are a cat, aren't you."

"Only the best kind." He gives her a wink, to which she responds with an eye roll. "So, why were you crying when I found you?"

"Had a lot of stuff on my mind."

"Did it have to do with school?"

"Only a little."

"Will you tell me what was bothering you?"

"It's better if I don't."

"And why's that?"

Because I'm Ladybug.

"Because it's a secret." He crinkles his nose at that comment and pouts.

"Does it have to exclude me?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Unfortunately?" He leans in close to her face, grinning mischievously. "Does that mean you want to tell me anyway?" She rolls her eyes and pushes him away by the nose.

"Maybe."

"I'll take what I get."

"Alright." The conversation fades, so she looks up at the night sky and counts what stars she sees. The city lights make it near impossible to see any stars, so she likes to count and see which nights have the most stars. She's halfway through the sky when she realizes that Chat is still there, sitting next to her and staring up at the sky. Looking towards him, he has a distant look on his face, a small frown that graces his features as though he is recalling something. It's only when he reaches for her hand that she realizes what he's thinking about.

The guilt comes back, and she looks down towards the ground.

"...Princess?"

"Hm?"

"What was it like, when you died?" His hand grips her tightly, neither in a comforting nor painful way.

"Isn't that a fun question to spring on someone."

"Sorry, I just-"

"No, no it's fine." She squeezes his hand back, reassuring him that she's still here. She's still alive (even though she never died in the first place). "It was… sudden. Something hit my head, and I blacked out."

It is a reasonable lie, one that is necessary even if she hates telling it. She has to do it, to protect her identity as Ladybug, to keep up this superhero farce. Sometimes she wishes that Tikki had chosen someone else to be Ladybug.

"Did it hurt?" She feels his gloved hand ghost the side of her head, but she makes no move to look at him.

"A little, yeah."

"Was it… scary?"

"Dying? No. I didn't even realize it happened." She thinks back to when she came back to school, sitting at her desk all alone, waiting for the first of the students to arrive. She remembers Alya's face, how she changed from distraught to surprised, and then to relieved as she tackled Marinette, burying her face against her jacket and sobbing out loud. She remembers being crowded by everyone, being engulfed by their hugs and cries, and she remembers Adrien, hugging her like his life depended on it, and how happy and relieved he was to see her.

She remembers crying, because the guilt she felt was too much, and everyone was trying to reassure her, that she was okay and safe and ALIVE but she was always alive, had always BEEN alive, it was just that she was alive as Ladybug and no one else, not even herself.

She remembers feeling like she didn't deserve their concern. Their love for her. All she did was trick them in the cruelest way possible, pretending to be dead when really, she was alive and well.

Sometimes she hated being Ladybug, because Ladybug couldn't wipe away their tears. All she could do was find and purify akumas. But even then, sometimes the lasting damage is too much for her own power to fix.

"Marinette?" She feels a finger wiping away her tears, and she looks over to Chat to find his brows furrowed together in concern. Ah, that's right.

She especially didn't deserve the care and concern of Chat. Perhaps, out of everyone else, she had hurt him the most, both as Marinette and as Ladybug.

"Sorry, I just… I guess waking up alone, that was scary. I didn't know what was happening, or going to happen, so…" He hugs her tightly, and the guilt in her chest worsens. She really doesn't deserve to even call him a friend. What has Marinette ever done to deserve his compassion?

"It's okay, Marinette. As long as I'm around, you won't ever be alone again. I promise." This makes her cry harder, and so she weeps into his shoulder because god, how could he be so good to her?

"I'm sorry."

I should have done better.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for."

I made you cry too.

"I'm sorry for making you worry like that."

I don't deserve you.

"It wasn't your fault."

I'm no good as Marinette or Ladybug.

"Yes it is!"

I'm no hero.

"Don't say that." He pulls away just enough so that he could see her face. She hiccups and tries to apologize again, but he gently presses his fingers to her lips and shakes his head. "It wasn't your fault, okay? There was… you were just another victim. There was nothing you could have done. If anything, I should be the one apologizing."

"No!" She shakes her head furiously. "It wasn't!"

"I wasn't there."

"Y-you, maybe you were busy with something else and-"

"That doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there." He looks her steady in the eyes, as though daring her to say anything else. She bites her lip, but looks defiantly at him. There's his own guilt in his eyes, guilt that she sees every time he comes to visit, every time he comes to check up on her.

His guilt, it's different from hers, but she sees it reflected in all the actions and words that come from him. It's why he's so protective now, why he goes out of his way to make sure that she's okay.

He feels responsible for her "death".

He didn't know. He couldn't have known.

She wishes she could have told him.

But she can't.

So she hugs him tightly, like he did to her, and she hopes that it conveys her message just enough.

Marinette is Ladybug. Please, stop worrying for me.

"I won't ever blame you, Chat."

Please.

He laughs humorlessly.

"I wish you would."

"I'm sorry."

I'm sorry.

A/N: Don't worry, this isn't the end of the fic. Still have a chapter to go.