Once upon a time, Anakin Skywalker was just a boy who'd dreamed of a better world, a world where fairness existed, where he and his mom would get their share of luck somehow and she wouldn't have to pretend everything was alright to his face, and then worry about the bills piling up later. Where he wouldn't lie awake night after night and hear her crying through the thin walls. A long time ago, when youth failed to protect little Ani Skywalker from the stresses of the real world, he met a girl. A girl who wanted more for others and nothing for herself… They'd become friends, playmates… He played the Prince and she was the Princess who didn't need rescuing from a tower.

Whenever he looked back, older now, perhaps even a little wiser, he could see he was doomed from the beginning. Sometimes, in the deepest hazes of his half-crazed thoughts, he came close to wishing the angel hadn't descended into his world at all. Life was cruel to give a taste of perfection while it planned to rip it away from him so soon after. He wished she'd never found him as he played alone, the boy who didn't fit in, the poor boy, the lonely boy… He wished she hadn't been so kind to him… He wished she hadn't seen something worthwhile in him… He wished many things.

Wishes don't come true.

Not for Anakin.

They spent years together, doing what children do, they played together, grew up together… More than once as teenagers they snuck out of their houses – he always had to catch her as she slipped out of the window – and lay in one of the nicer meadows, naming the stars and weaving epic stories of how they came to be. Padme loved that game best of all. He always said she was a dreamer, just like him. Two dreamers attempting to ignore the shackle of reality clasped tight around his ankle.

He'd have lost himself in their dreams and surrounded himself with imagined realities, better worlds but she wouldn't let him, dreams were never enough for Padme. She always yearned for something real, wanted to make the dream worlds they crafted into the new reality no matter how much people laughed it off or dismissed it as impossible If anyone could do it, it would be her, Anakin believed that. But he, selfish and greedy as he was, wanted to keep their dreams to themselves.

He took work as soon as he could, selling his labour and talents with engines and machines to a run-down mechanics around the block. The money hadn't been much, but it helped. His mother wept when she discovered he'd saved everything he could to help her. "Sweet boy, my perfect boy." She'd cried that night, as she held him close and for a while, nothing else mattered but the relief on her tired face when the envelopes stamped with, "past due" stopped arriving in the mailbox. It made him want to do more, to help more and take as much strain off her shoulders as possible… He was almost a man now, it was time to act like it. So he left school, too soon, too with few qualifications, and worked almost every moment he could. Watto paid him more the longer he stayed, and he stayed all night more than once.

Padme didn't understand why he'd willingly walked away from school, from education, from his chance… Anakin couldn't blame her for that. If she never knew a fraction of the troubles he and his mom faced, he'd be content. He never told her the full truth, only lied with a too smug shrug and a fake air of confidence, "school just isn't for me. I don't need it."

She was the one to shatter the strange line they walked of friendship yet something much more than that. She kissed him in their meadow, when he finally had the time to see her… Watto let him stay home for the day, amid fears of being caught overworking him, and he sought her out. Her kiss – his first, not hers – and unknowingly shackled him to her for life. He was heart and soul, she just didn't see it. But it didn't have the same effect on her, she was always better at letting go and moving on than he was.

She gave him everything… Everything but what he truly wanted. She gave him her kiss, her touch, her body, but despite all that, her pure, precious heart remained constantly out of reach for the grease rat. Her love was unattainable, so he never asked her for it, never dared put himself through the rejection in fear of losing what little he had… Anakin knew better than to risk that. What could he ever have given to her? He had himself and his heart and nothing else… Not like the other guys from school, like Clovis who took her on dates to the nicest restaurants in town. He would have had to save for weeks to have a fraction of that kind of money.

So he ignored his mom's encouragement to "just go for it!" And ignored the longing of his heart and asked her for nothing more than she gave. Which wasn't much, but who was a starving man to refuse scraps from the table?

Even while she dated Rush Clovis, they were tangled in each other's arms more often than not… Where, just for a while, Anakin could pretend the angel was his. He could forget the real world and focus on making Padme writhe beneath him, cry his name and feel her lips on his. He grew so good at playing that he could almost convince himself it was real sometimes.

It was nice, to be something – someone – else for a while, to forget the chain around his ankle and the dead weight of the world tugging him down, trapping him on the ground while everyone else flew off without him. He'd kiss away Padme's talk of college and what comes next, because there was nothing he could tell her… He and his mom's biggest worries revolved around how they'd pay the bills, or how many extra blankets they'd need in winter because their combined wages just weren't enough. It was just easier to act like neither of them noticed the empty, dusty jar labelled with the words, "college funds" on top of the fridge.

Dreams were all Anakin had, and for someone like Padme, whose dreams grew closer to reality by the day, that could never be enough.

He learned that the hard way, after he let himself wonder, what if, and deluded himself into thinking maybe it would be enough, maybe he could be enough. Valentine's day came around, and he decided to try, to offer all he had, to give his heart to the angel and pray she accepted it. She might, he half-convinced himself… She might just want him too. He'd turned up to school, a single white lily in hand – they were always her favourites – and found her by her locker, mouth covered by Clovis' and her arms full of brilliant red roses.

His pathetic attempt landed in the trashcan.

It was only two days later he was in her bed again. Clovis was the right choice, the smart choice yet she sought Anakin's passion to fill a void the real life romance clearly couldn't… Even after the inevitable break up – Padme was too good to keep such secrets – he held her as she sobbed, hating herself for hurting the guy. Strangely, as badly as that had stung, he knew he'd rather have the pain she brought him than nothing at all.

They had sex constantly, wild and passionate… Because that's what she wanted from him. The Clovis' of the world were the receivers of her heart, not the Anakin Skywalkers who could give her nothing but empty promises and grand dreams of a life he'd never live. She deserved better than that. He was good at making her see stars behind her eyes – it was all he was good for, but his other qualities were less than desirable when looked at through the lens of real life. He could fix up any car or computer, hack into stolen cell phones for the right price, and sometimes even do the stealing himself, for a better one. He was no lawyer in the making, no captain of the football team… He was a borderline delinquent, someone with empty pockets and a blank list of prospects.

Nobody could blame her for not choosing him.

He wondered sometimes, how she'd remember him after she left – because she was leaving – college called, her future was waiting and he was the past, clinging onto her with an ever slackening grip. Would she think of the little, lonely boy in the park? The friend who her parents felt sorry for, or the man he was, the one who fucked her, who wasn't good for her, who she had to bail out of jail more than once so his mom wouldn't worry. What would it be? What memory would his name trigger ten years from then? He supposed, he'd never know.

When Anakin thought of Padme, he'd see warmth, and kindness and beauty and a sad, unrequited love story. But it wasn't a real love story though, was it? The love would have to be mutual for that.

Maybe, just maybe, she'd forget all about him. He'd become nothing more than a vague face with a name just beyond the reach of her mind. Maybe he wouldn't even get to be that. The opportunities of her real life could sweep him out of her mind forever while he was haunted by her for a lifetime.

If it was a love story, it would be the most pitiful one ever written. At least "Romeo and Juliet" got to die together.

At least they loved each other.

Even then, part of Anakin wanted to pretend she wouldn't leave… That, just like in the shitty romantic movies she made him watch with her, she'd change her mind and run back into his arms and stay with him forever. It was just pretend, another one of his games, his fantasies… The boxes in her room, filling up more and more with her things were testament to that. The posters of the college she'd pinned up on the wall in excitement were the final nail in the coffin of that dream.

She was leaving and he was staying.

He had no future and she had a bright one.

She'd call him at first, he was sure… And she'd tell him all about the beautiful campus and the great people and interesting classes. And he'll pretend he isn't dying without her, that his heart hadn't descended into a never-ending winter after her departure. But after some time, they'd run out of things to say to one another, she'd make new friends and fall in love with someone deserving of her heart and eventually, the calls would stop. That's what always happens, right?

They lay beside one another in her pretty bed, large enough for the two of them, unlike his own, which bordered on too small even for him, while he enjoyed what little time he had left with her, losing himself in the agony of the pleasure they brought each other again and again because her parents weren't home and her sister didn't care. She rolled onto her stomach, and looked at him, sleepy and sated, and granted him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen.

He supposed it was meant to be kind, to be affectionate even, but it only tore his heart in two.

Why did she have to look at him like that? Can't she see what this does to him?

Did Clovis ever see that smile? Did he ever realise just how Goddamn lucky he was to have the heart of Padme Naberrie, even for a little while? What did he do to earn that smile? Because it wasn't this… It wasn't sex, she'd told him Clovis never touched her, that he was the only one. Maybe he kissed her gently, sweetly… Maybe he told her he loved her, maybe he talked to her about a future they could have…

Maybe that smile just wasn't for Anakin outside of her bed.

He couldn't manage even the fakest of smirks or smiles this time. After the sinfully blissful highs she brought him, he always came crashing down again, harder and harder every time until he questioned sometimes, if he could stand it anymore. The sex always left him wanting more, of her, of her time, of her life…

For all the times they'd had each other, in every way they'd done it, kissed and touched and fucked, he'd never held her in his arms the way he wanted to afterwards. He never tried, and she never asked him to.

It was heartbreakingly pathetic.

"Can I use your shower?" He asked, when the panting subsided and she slipped out of the bed, draping her body in a stunning lavender silk robe and grabbed a brush to sort the messy tangles of her hair. He liked it better like that, wild, untamed… Natural. A peak into the reality of her life, not just what she let everyone see.

"Of course," she smiled softly, as if he'd asked as a mere friend who spent the night.

Even in the bathroom he couldn't escape her… It made sense, it was hers after all. Hundreds of little bottles from different brands littered every surface of the small room, bright and colourful, claiming to soften skin, to condition hair or whatever else girls needed to do. Being surrounded by her soaps and shampoos, her items of personal care felt almost… Wrong. Too much of a peak behind the curtain. His traitorous mind wondered for a second, what their bathroom might look like if they had one. He had only the necessities, nothing fancy, no steel shelves full to the brim of different, no doubt useless, products. His bathroom was shared with his mom; she didn't have any of this stuff either.

He was quick to shove such thoughts from his mind and turned on the water instead. What was the point in torturing himself over fucking soaps? No, he needed to get dressed and get out. Watto wanted him in the shop in half an hour, and he didn't want to stay here too long. Sometimes it grew awkward if he lingered. Padme would want him out too, to shower herself, to wash his scent off her body and finish packing probably.

Only that night, alone in his own small bed, a memory stirred… Of two kids lounging on a spacious white couch, a bowl of popcorn laying between them as some cheesy Disney movie played on the TV. The pretty girl turned to the boy randomly and asked him about love, and the boy only laughed. Love was how he felt about his mom and no one else. That kinda stuff was for the lame Princesses in these movies they watched. Ani Skywalker was too much of a boy, too good for such stupid things. There were adventures to be had, things to do, he didn't care about love, not then. And that was what he told her.

What he wouldn't give to go back there again, to feel like that once more, or maybe give a different answer. The funny thing was, as he grew up, love was an inescapable beast, a haunting spirit no amount of praying could deliver him from. Love was for Anakin Skywalker, but life was cruel and he was the furthest thing from too good for it.

Unable to sleep, trapped in wakefulness despite the exhaustion plaguing his body, the bitter knowledge that, in fact, he wasn't good enough for love settled into his mind, leaving a melancholy smile on his lips.

Across town, in the nicer part, Padme was awake too, nervous and excited about moving away the very next week. There was a lot to think about; she'd already been in contact with her future roommate, Dorme, a nice girl who she couldn't wait to meet in person, and she wasn't finished packing, or buying all her books and a thousand other things. But that was alright, because everything was coming together, all the hard work she put into getting the grades she needed was finally paying off. Her parents were proud and Sola was ecstatic for her. It should've been a happy time, the best time. She was getting to move early, before summer ended to settle in and find her bearings around the city, not everybody got to do that… But… Leaving so soon meant, well, less time here.

Carefully, she opened the small drawer of the bedside table and reached for the only item still inside… Everything else was packed away, ready to go, save for the few clothes and necessities she needed through the week. Everything but this, a single photo frame filled with a perfect moment captured forever on the glossy paper. A boy and a girl together on the grass, smiling widely, but at each other rather than the camera…

Padme wasn't sure if she could bear to bring it with her.

She hadn't even left and the picture already brought tears to her unwilling eyes.

There was something else she'd kept, stuck to the back of the frame with clear tape so she'd never lose it. A small chunk of wood, carved with simplistic yet beautiful little designs by a boy who life had been cruller than kind to, who made the little snippet as thanks for being his friend. They'd been just children at the time, but she'd treasured the little gift ever since.

All those years, she wanted so much to give him her heart, but as they'd grown up, he didn't want it… He never asked for it, so Padme gave him her body instead. And as excited as she was to leave, to make her dreams come true, to do some good in the world, her heart was heavy and sad.

She wanted to go; it was for the best after all. She was going to make something of her life and a difference to the world… But she couldn't stand the thought of leaving either. Leaving town meant leaving Anakin behind, probably forever and, and… The very thought threatened to break her heart.

If he loved her the way she loved him, then maybe things could have been different, if he'd wanted her the way she'd always wanted him, perhaps there would have been no Clovis, only Anakin. What if, what if.

It was time to face the real world now… She couldn't live her life on dreams alone, and outside those dreams, Anakin didn't love her, his heart didn't crave hers the way she wanted it to, and so she had to move on and start life a life without him.

Deep down, she knew that if he asked her to stay… If he loved her even half as much as she loved him, she'd stay.

But that was only a dream.

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