A/N: This story is an experiment for me. I suppose it could be categorized as "psychological horror." That's all I can really say. Major kudos to BringingYaoiBack for beta reading this fic!

The only warning I will give you is that there will be eventual Goku/Vegeta. Have fun with the read.

ENTRY 0: IT'S ME, GOKU!

Today I received you! I don't want to get into the details of who gave you to me until later. Perhaps I'll do that after I decide whether or not I actually want to continue writing inside of your pages. I've always considered journal-writing to be for narcissists. And who wants to be like them?!

Let's take a crack at this.

I am Son Goku! I often have thoughts that I know would get me in trouble if I spoke them out loud. I'll confide in you since I know you won't care about anything I say.

I am very good at lying. I don't lie often, but when I do, I do it perfectly. This isn't because I'm a smart guy—in fact, I'd say I'm kind of dumb. But for some reason, lying just comes naturally to me. Much like fighting!

It wasn't until after I was married I even realized what I was doing was considered to be "bad." I've only been caught a handful of times.

I'll start out with a few lies I've told:

I love my wife.

I love my children.

I love my friends.

There!

Here are a few more:

I hate killing people.

I've never cheated on my wife before.

Making up lies is actually very creative. Like fighting, I have to think up different combinations to get the end result I want. For example, saying, "I love you, Chi-Chi!" usually gets me extra dessert after dinner. Or a blow-job.

I guess I'm just different from other people, but I honestly don't see the difference between weaving fiction and telling the "truth." I mean, what is the "truth" anyway? If I say something is one way, what makes that any more or less true than anything else? If I tell my wife I love her and she believes it, what's so wrong with that?

People lie to me all of the time. The difference between me and them is that they think they do it out of generosity. My wife lies about our finances so that I'll go out and do more farm work to earn us money. She does it for a "greater good." I do it to be good, too. Well, to make myself feel good. But it makes her feel good too.

The only downside of lying is that sometimes it tires me out. When that happens, I just run off and train to clear my mind. :)

ENTRY 1: MY WIFE

Let me tell you about Chi-Chi.

I have a very successful marriage because my wife thinks I'm an idiot.

Not only does Chi-Chi admire my stupidity, but she finds comfort in it. When I do stupid stuff, it's predictable. I'll leave the milk out overnight. I'll forget to go to the store and go grocery shopping. I always "forget" her birthday. It's November 5th, by the way.

Being so dumb gives her a false sense of superiority over me. I'm okay with this. Chi-Chi isn't very smart herself, so in reality I'm doing her a huge favor by making her believe otherwise!

Unfortunately, she also has the bad habit of trying to guilt me into doing things for her. I can only tolerate it so much. If she takes it too far I know exactly how to put her back in her place.

Dinner earlier tonight is a good example of what I mean.

"Goku," she asked me after my third helping of the stew she made, "why don't you ever take Goten somewhere educational? Bulma told me today how Vegeta heard Trunks loved dinosaurs, so he took him to the natural history museum!"

I'm always kind to Chi-Chi. To be kind to her, I have to be dumb and I have to keep my mouth shut. I couldn't tell her that Vegeta only does that stuff because he's barely a man at all anymore. And I can't tell the truth and admit that I think Goten is too stupid to benefit from a trip to a museum.

Because I've been absent for most of Goten's life, Chi-Chi believes the easiest way to guilt trip me is to point out flaws in my parenting. But like I said, she isn't very smart. You'd think after being away from my family so often she'd figure out I don't devote much of my time figuring out how to be a good dad. Goten's lack of education is about as relevant to my life as the broken nail Chi-Chi has been bitching about for the past two days.

"Wow. Vegeta sure loves Bulma," I said. I looked down at my bowl and continued to eat.

Chi-Chi loves trying to kill my spirit when it comes to the kids, but when it comes to our romance, she hates comparing us to the Briefs. I have absolutely no fucking idea why, but she has romanticized Vegeta and Bulma's relationship.

She says her admiration of the couple has something to do with Vegeta "changing his ways" for the good of his family. But I can always spot a lie. I know what she really feels. Chi-Chi saw how over the years Bulma crushed what little spark was left in Vegeta, until he became nothing more than a yappy puppy she can call to heel at any time.

Chi-Chi wants me to be like that. Even after all of these years.

I told you she was stupid.

"Why do you say that, Goku?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Because he does all of that stuff for her and Trunks." I remember grinning stupidly back at her. "It must be because Bulma is so pretty."

Chi-Chi looked so sad then. "I think Vegeta just wants to be a good father."

Whenever my wife says something I don't care for, I ignore it. It doesn't work on people like Bulma or Vegeta, but it's perfect for her. I think she thinks I'm too slow to keep up with the pace of a normal conversation.

I remember laughing. "Hehe. I bet she gives him a lot of rewards for being a good dad, too. If you catch my drift."

She didn't say much else for the rest of the meal.

ENTRY 2: GOTEN

The strangest thing about coming back from the dead was meeting my new son, Goten!

All of my friends and family say he looks just like me. But that's only because Chi-Chi cuts his hair to look like mine. That's where the similarities between him and me begin and end.

Goten is the most boring kid I've ever met. He worships Trunks and is his lackey. I bet Vegeta is proud of that.

Goten is brave, but only because he's kind of dumb? I guess I was that way when I was a kid, too. Maybe there isn't that much different about us after all!

But at least at Goten's age, Gohan knew what real fear and rage was. Goten has none of this—he has no spark, no flare, no passion, no anything! UGH! I blame his mother for this. Goten has never learned how to hate anyone. In a way I wish he had learned to hate me the whole time I was dead.

I know this sounds bad, but I don't love Goten either.

There.

It's nice to write that down.

Earlier this afternoon I sparred with him. He's a decent fighter. But I can tell the only reason he's even interested in fighting is because all of the guys in his life enjoy it, and he has the energy of youth to fuel him. By the time he's a teenager he may not care about it at all.

How can I love a child like this? And why am I expected to? Yes, if he were to get hurt or suddenly disappear tomorrow, I would feel an emptiness. Like the time I lost one of my favorite shirts. I've gotten used to him being around in these few months. He keeps me busy during the day. But he simply isn't interesting enough for my feelings about him to run very deep.

I'm lucky that I don't have to put a lot of effort into being nice to him. He's happy whenever I'm around, which is cute, I guess? I'm not sure. I've never been a good judge of that kind of thing.

ENTRY 3: BULMA

Earlier tonight, my family went to one of Bulma's parties. It was the same as always: there was loud music, tons of alcohol for the grown-ups, lots of food, and rich people party games.

The only strange thing was that Vegeta kept himself holed up in his room. I have a lot of thoughts about him, but I'll save them for another time. Don't want to get a cramp in my hand talking about that guy, haha!

I'll talk about Bulma instead.

I respect her. And I do like her in a way, as much as you can like a person when you're like me. She's intelligent and a great problem-solver. She's also attractive, but that's not really a good reason to respect someone.

I always thought something about her was annoying, though. One day I overheard Yamcha talking about her to Tien. He called her a "narcissist." I looked up the word. It really does fit her perfectly!

Let me explain.

First off, she has always resented Yamcha for being independent. I remember when she was a teenager, she hated how he had his own fan club. But I could also tell that she hated how he had a career of his own. She hated that he met new people all of the time. She hated how he would take months, or even years, to go off into the middle of nowhere to train. She hated that he was conventionally attractive, and thus would get hit on by sexy ladies everywhere they went. She hated that she didn't know where he was every second of the day.

When Vegeta showed up on Earth, he was her dream-come-true. Well, except for the fact he's the biggest faggot I know.

Not only is he an asshole, but he hates other people. This means he has no interest in socializing with other people. That also means he's never interested in talking with other women, either. Bulma never has any competition for Vegeta's affection. He's also ugly, especially compared to Yamcha. There never was, and there never will be, a fan club for Vegeta that parades around their home.

The Gravity Chamber was the best thing to happen to their relationship. Vegeta can train without ever stepping foot outside of Capsule Corp property. Does he even leave the house without her? I suppose he does stuff with Trunks, but even then, it's just to carry out orders she demands of him. Every single second of the day she knows where Vegeta is and what he's doing. Since she's got cameras all over Capsule Corp, many of them hidden (Yamcha told me), I bet she knows whenever he's taking a dump, too! Ha!

All those years ago, she took advantage of his self-loathing. And she took pity on his pathetic nature. She even fucked him without protection and got pregnant. No one pointed out the obvious when she first showed us Trunks on the day the Androids showed up. How is it that she was with Yamcha for years and never got pregnant, but suddenly had a child with a guy she barely knew?

Like I said, Bulma is very intelligent. She knew that as soon as she had Vegeta's child, he could never run away. And it worked out really, really well for her.

I'm kind of jealous. I wish I could make Vegeta do stuff for me, too.

Since I act stupid all of the time, I have the luxury of insulting her whenever I feel like without anyone getting mad at me. It especially feels great when I humiliate her in front of all of our friends. Everyone always laughs. She always gets the stupidest, most confused look on her face!

I didn't get a chance to do it at the party tonight. Hopefully I'll get a chance next time.

ENTRY 4: HELP

Bulma came over to my house this morning. There's trouble in paradise. She said Vegeta has holed himself up in the Gravity Room for days, and that he won't listen to anything she says. She begged me to go over and talk to him.

I love it when people depend on me. I told her I'd come over after I had lunch.