Epilogue

When they returned to their own universe, the three genin made their escape, heartlessly abandoning Kakashi to interrogation by, well, practically everyone in the village.

The first thing Kakashi did after giving his report—besides give it again, twice, and haul all three of his students into the Hokage's office to swear he wasn't just messing around—was warn the Sandaime of Orochimaru's threat.

The rest of the village wasn't quite sure why Orochimaru's later capture and execution warranted a celebration—he was a powerful missing-nin, but mostly forgotten by then—but they hardly needed an excuse.

Hyuuga Hiashi even consented to holding a special banquet at the Hyuuga compound to honor the ANBU who had finally eliminated the threat. Since said ANBU had to remain nameless, the event quickly became an excuse for an old-style formal clan dinner that every ANBU who wasn't someone important in his or her clan cheerfully skipped.

All the important ninja in the village were there, dressed in their best and showing off shamelessly. Regardless of the unwanted formality, it was a great honor to be invited.

Team Seven, which arguably had done as much as the ANBU to free Konoha of this threat, wasn't invited.

Kakashi weaseled out of it because even though he was technically Head of the Hatake clan, everyone knew how he felt about formal functions and that if they made him come he had no qualms about doing something creative and embarrassing to completely ruin the evening.

Neji, of course, was still firmly on Hiashi's bad side.

Naruto was…well, it was obvious why no one would want Naruto at a formal dinner. Besides, he was fully occupied with giving the courier ninja nightmares as he tried out various "diplomatic" messages he wanted to send to the Kazekage to set up playdates with his youngest son. Apparently there was a story there that involved getting threatened by the boy after the exams were over, but frankly Sasuke didn't even want to know.

Sasuke actually did get an invitation—hand-delivered, no less—but she threw it in the fire. "I'm not setting foot in the main house until my whole team can come with me," she said, tone uncompromising. "And Hiashi doesn't have the authority to make me do anything."

She and Neji fought about it for hours.

"I don't need you to do me any favors!" he hissed.

"Shut up and stop trying to boss me around!" she shouted.

"I'm worried about what you're going to do! Last time I saw that expression you decided to sneak into the compound and copy the Gentle Fist technique so you could teach it to me. Whatever you're thinking, the answer is no."

The night of the banquet finally arrived, and it looked like the Sandaime would be spending the entire evening attempting to pacify Hiashi when the head of the Uchiha clan refused to show. He'd begged, bribed, then physically forced Kakashi into helping—with any luck, he'd track down Sasuke wherever she was hiding so successfully and offer her up in his place. Kakashi was generous like that.

Nara Shikaku and his family drifted in half an hour late, the (second to) last of the major clans to arrive, and the Sandaime braced himself to deflect as much of Hiashi's venom as possible onto Kakashi instead.

When the doors slid open, he dared to hope that all of that fierce Uchiha pride had finally been set aside in the interests of keeping the peace.

It wasn't Uchiha.

It was Hyuuga Neji.

He looked elegant (if a bit feminine) in his formal attire, but mostly he looked like he couldn't quite believe his own daring. The Sandaime couldn't believe it either.

It was obvious which attendees had personally had dealings with the Hyuuga because they fell abruptly silent, and, gradually, the whole room picked up on the abruptly solemn mood. Somewhere in the background, one of the branch family members dropped a serving tray.

Only when even the children had noticed something was wrong and fallen silent did Hiashi—slowly—rise to his feet. The Sandaime raised his hand off the table, then let it fall again. There was absolutely nothing he could do about this.

Except attempt to restrain Kakashi, who was obviously assessing the chances of disabling all the other ninja in the room and hiding his student somewhere.

The Sandaime would have been impressed with the way Neji steadfastly held his ground if there were any reason whatsoever that could possibly justify doing something so stupid and reckless.

Hiashi opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the clattering of footsteps in the hall. He frowned.

The door slid open again and Hyuuga Hinata appeared in the doorway, dressed in a simple but lovely kimono and flushed from her quick pace.

Hiashi, who obviously hadn't noticed his daughter was missing, raised an eyebrow.

She cringed and scurried to her seat.

Then Sasuke appeared, still in her training clothes and with her Mangekyou Sharingan bare. She leaned casually against the wall, looking remarkably like her father at his most pompous.

The Sandaime discreetly double-checked his exits.

"Ah, I see you've met my plus one," she all but purred, somehow managing to look down her nose at the much-taller Hyuuga clan head.

It was hard to believe she wasn't even fourteen.

He, predictably, puffed up in indignation. "Excuse me?"

"I believe my invitation indicated that I was allowed to bring a date."

Hiashi paused a moment while this sank in. "Taking pity on your teammate isn't going to save him from the consequences of his actions," he stated flatly. "He is not invited to this function."

She smirked, apparently unaware of the extremely precarious situation, or the appropriate protocol. "Pity? Not hardly. Inviting my fiancée certainly falls within any definition of an acceptable plus one."

Hiashi was speechless.

"We're getting married?" Neji asked, speaking for the first time since his arrival. "Why didn't I know about this?" He didn't seem all that surprised, however.

Sasuke turned that condescending smirk on him. "You can't possibly have spent all this time chasing away opportunistic creeps and not have realized the consequences of dating me."

He blinked.

"Congratulations, you are the future Head of the Uchiha clan."

The Sandaime coughed. It was loud in the silent room.

Hiashi finally seemed to pull himself together and glared at Sasuke, who, if she was intimidated, did a remarkable job of hiding it. "Now see here—"

"The Sandaime told me that the council decreed that I could have any young man of good breeding from Konoha that I pleased, so long as he was agreeable," she interrupted—interrupted! "Neji is both young and male—I assume—"

"Really, Sasuke?"

"—and since he shares half his genes with you I assume you're not going to dispute the 'good breeding' part."

The Sandaime sunk a bit in his chair. He would swear steam was rising from Hiashi's ears.

"However, if you want to duel over his honor, we can do that, too." And then she took a defensive stance. Her eyes whirled.

Kakashi—suicidal moron that he was—decided to join in the unfolding drama. "If you're going to fight, please take it outside. The village. You remember what happened last time—you know, when you single-handedly defeated Orochimaru of the Sannin?"

Some of the tension eased as Hiashi blinked and realized that he was about to brawl on the floor at a party with a thirteen-year-old girl. He gritted his teeth and managed an infinitesimal nod before whirling and stalking to his seat. Grown ninja threw themselves out of his way to avoid drawing his wrath.

"Oh good," Sasuke said, "I didn't really want to fight in these shoes."

More than one set of eyes went to her sandals, the same type worn by virtually every ninja in the village virtually every day.

She grinned a bit sheepishly. "Well, I didn't think anyone would believe I was serious about fighting so I used a little genjutsu on my appearance. And by the way, Neji—Hinata-chan is now my second best friend, and yours too."

He opened his mouth and she ended the genjutsu.

Kakashi appeared at his side a minute later, grinning, and closed his mouth for him. "Very nice," he said, gesturing to her elaborate, multi-layered kimono. She'd even styled her hair and—was that makeup?

Neji finally regained some command over his vocal cords. He made a noise unrecognizable as any language she knew, but it ended in a questioning lilt.

"Now that's something I actually want to be committed to memory," Sasuke said, sounding very satisfied. "Naturally, I haven't managed to activate the Sharingan under my own power yet. But it'll come to me. Now come give me a hand; Hinata-chan said there's a trick to walking in this get-up but I haven't figured it out yet."

At this return to some semblance of normalcy, Neji laughed quietly and offered his arm. "You can run through the forest without touching the ground and you can't manage to walk across a room?" he teased.

"Hey, maybe you hadn't noticed, but my father was so unwilling to have a girl he gave me a boy's name. I've never even held a real kimono. Hinata-chan took me shopping and dressed me and—" she waved her hand vaguely in the direction of her face "—everything."

"It's—nice."

"Nice? Be careful, I'll get a big head with all that flattery."

"You already have a big head."

"Pot, kettle."

They smiled at each other.

"Well, this is a fine engagement party, but I think I hear a poor old woman in distress…" Kakashi said, disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

Somehow, Hiashi's spine went even stiffer.

"I thought the ANBU captured Orochimaru," Nara Shikaku said thoughtfully.

The Sandaime sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

The young couple didn't pay any of the room's other occupants the least bit of attention as they bickered good-naturedly all the way to their seats.