Death and destruction can drive a soldier mad.  They slowly eat away at his soul until there is nothing left.  They plague his dreams at night, filling his head with the sounds of bullets, guns, and other obscure things.  If the dreams don't get him first, then the constant reminder from his wounds will.  He will look at the scares in a trance remembering all the harm he has done to others.  At first he will try to ignore it.  He will continue with the missions, saying that he was only following orders.  For some reason that makes them think that everything is justified.

Until that one fateful day it happens.  Something so miner can trigger a realization that he is a killing machine.  His mind will be flooded with faces.  Some soldiers, like himself, others innocent bystanders that got caught in the action.  They will be presented in anger and rage, trying to drive the man out of his mind.  Often times it works, other times salvation comes.

I was one of the lucky ones.  My salvation came to me in the form of a violet-eyed beauty.  I never would have thought, in a million years, that he would save my soul and at the same time gain a place in my heart.  He was an unlikely source of comfort.  He was not the person I thought he was.

It was a July day when it happened.  I had not been able to sleep for a week or so and it was finally taking its toil.  I refused to stay around the others for more than a few minutes, fearing that they would find my secret.  It had worked well so far.  The others didn't invade my privacy, knowing that I often liked to be alone.  I figure that they thought I was acting natural.  But he saw threw my mask, and I am still not sure how.  All I know is that one day he approached me.

The others had gone into town to pick up supplies and we were left together.  I sat in the living room, reading my book, knowing that he was staring at me.  He had been staring at me for a long time from the windowsill and it was starting to unnerve me.  Finally after a long stretch of that staring, he walked over to me.  He waited until I looked at him before starting to talk.

"What is wrong Wufei?" he asked, while taking the book from my hands.

"Nothing is wrong Maxwell!  I am just fine.  Now will you please give me my book?!?"  My tone was venomous, but I honestly didn't care.  I just wanted him to leave me and my hidden issues be!  However he seemed to have a different idea.

"No!" the statement came clear from his mouth and I was shocked.  He was not the type of person, to refuse an offer.

"MAXWELL GIVE ME MY BOOK!  I don't have time to play with you!" I shouted, my anger was rising and I was almost to the breaking point.

He didn't back down.  He looked me right into my eyes and said, "I'll give you the book, when you give me answers!" That was the blowing point for me.  I stood up and punched him in the jaw.  He fell back from the blow and held his jaw in pain.  Still he didn't back down.  He stood back up and looked at me before saying, "Give me answers Wufei!"

I was surprised that he had enough courage to face me like this.  He rarely showed this side of himself.  I felt myself looking into his eyes, and what I saw there astounded me.  I saw trust, pain, pity, and concern. 

At that moment I came to a sudden realization.  He really cared!  He wanted to know! He was trying to help!  I also noticed that he did not find me weak, as I did, in that moment.  He still saw me as the strong gundam pilot that he respected.  And at the same time he saw that I was slowly dieing inside. 

Something inside me broke down during that place and time.  I crumbled to the floor and cried.  I hadn't cried since my family and colony had been destroyed.  Now, here I was on the floor crying over people I never even knew.  It didn't seem right.  For some reason Duo didn't leave.  He simply knelt down and pulled me into his arms.  He whispered soft comforting words in my ear and rubbed gentle circles on my back.  Under normal circumstances I would have pulled back and refused the help to protect my honor, but it felt so right to be in his arms.  I felt safe, and the dreams didn't seem so bad. 

I don't know how long we stayed like that, and I don't care.  I held a lot of emotions inside that I needed to get out, so I just let them free.  After all my tears had come, I looked at Duo. 

"Duo," I started, but he cut me off.

"It's all right Wufei.  You don't have to thank me.  I understand completely.  You needed a friend and I was willing to be that for you.  How about you go wash off your face before the others get back."  He said as the helped me stand up.  I turned to go, but I stopped when he called my name, "Wufei, I promise that this will stay between us.  None of the others will find out."

I gave him a real smile, "thank you very much Duo.  I have no doubt that you will keep your word."  With that said I went up stairs and washed up.

True to his word, no one ever did find out about that day.  Not many things changed.  I still went on missions and did my job, but it was easier knowing that I had a person to confide in.  Through out the war we confided in each other many many times.  We became friends and that is one thing I am grateful for.  He saved me from me.  I will always remember and cherish him for that.  He was my one and only salvation.