Okay, this is just a small, inbetween piece I wrote in my break from writing "Total Eclipse of The Heart." For those who want to know, I am currently writing the next chapter and it'll be up as soon as I'm able to access my computer for longer than ten minutes at a time. But for now, please enjoy this small, conversational piece I wrote :)
---
"Riddick?"
"Hmmmm?"
"I... er... "
"Spit it out, kid, before I beat it out of you."
"I sorta... need your help. Can yo--"
"No."
"No what? You don't even know what I was going to s--"
"I don't care. I remember the last time you asked for my help, and I am /not/ going back there."
"Riddick--"
"Do you how traumatising that whole experience was for me?"
"I only asked you to go shopping for a few bits... "
"No. You asked me to go shopping for tampons. That's completely different. Do you have any idea what I looked like--"
"Riddick... "
"-- prancing around that store with a pack of tampons tucked under my ar--"
"Riddick!"
"What?!"
"I'm--I'm stuck."
"You're what?"
"I'm /stuck/."
"Stuck where?
"Er... in my bedroom."
"You're stuck in your bedroom?"
"Yes."
"How'd you manage that?"
"Well, I--I was sorta messin' with the computers and I--"
"Fucked up your door lock?"
"No!... Well, yes. But if you could just--"
"If I could just what? I'm not doin' anything, kid. You got yourself into this mess, you get yourself out of it."
"Riddick! You can't--"
"I can't what? I can do whatever I like, Jack. Maybe that'll teach you to stop fuckin' with my ship."
"I didn't mea--"
"Sure you didn't. Like you didn't mean to set off the security system last week, or re-programme the database for--"
"That was an accident."
"Right. You accidently re-programmed the entire database for this ship?"
"... yes."
"Maybe you should look up the word 'accidental', Jack."
"Riddick, will you please jus--"
"No."
"Look, if this is payback for the whole porridge incident, then you've had your fun--"
"Oh no, Jack... my fun has just begun. I suggest you get comfy, you won't be going anywhere for a while."
"Riddick, you son of a bitch! Let me the fu--"
"Watch your mouth, kid. One of these days you're gonna lose my fist in it."
"--insensitive prick."
"You wouldn't want me any other way."
"Bite me."
"Just name the time and place, Jack... "
"You can't keep me in here forever--"
"No, just until you figure out what the fuck you did and let yourself out."
"Argh!"
"Getting a little sassy, aren't we?"
"... I can't believe you just used the word sassy."
"I'm just full of surprises."
"Tell me about it."
"I would, but I don't have time. I have shopping to do. At least one of us has to eat on this ship, and it doesn't look like it's gonna be you."
"Fuck you."
"Later, kid. Maybe when you figure a way to get out of that shit hole you call a bedroom."
"Grrrrr--"
"Are you growling at me?"
"Yes."
"Huh... "
"Riddick?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you say you were going shoppin'?"
"I did."
"I... er... kinda need some tampons."
"Fuck off, Jack."
"After you."
Fin.
---
"Riddick?"
"Hmmmm?"
"I... er... "
"Spit it out, kid, before I beat it out of you."
"I sorta... need your help. Can yo--"
"No."
"No what? You don't even know what I was going to s--"
"I don't care. I remember the last time you asked for my help, and I am /not/ going back there."
"Riddick--"
"Do you how traumatising that whole experience was for me?"
"I only asked you to go shopping for a few bits... "
"No. You asked me to go shopping for tampons. That's completely different. Do you have any idea what I looked like--"
"Riddick... "
"-- prancing around that store with a pack of tampons tucked under my ar--"
"Riddick!"
"What?!"
"I'm--I'm stuck."
"You're what?"
"I'm /stuck/."
"Stuck where?
"Er... in my bedroom."
"You're stuck in your bedroom?"
"Yes."
"How'd you manage that?"
"Well, I--I was sorta messin' with the computers and I--"
"Fucked up your door lock?"
"No!... Well, yes. But if you could just--"
"If I could just what? I'm not doin' anything, kid. You got yourself into this mess, you get yourself out of it."
"Riddick! You can't--"
"I can't what? I can do whatever I like, Jack. Maybe that'll teach you to stop fuckin' with my ship."
"I didn't mea--"
"Sure you didn't. Like you didn't mean to set off the security system last week, or re-programme the database for--"
"That was an accident."
"Right. You accidently re-programmed the entire database for this ship?"
"... yes."
"Maybe you should look up the word 'accidental', Jack."
"Riddick, will you please jus--"
"No."
"Look, if this is payback for the whole porridge incident, then you've had your fun--"
"Oh no, Jack... my fun has just begun. I suggest you get comfy, you won't be going anywhere for a while."
"Riddick, you son of a bitch! Let me the fu--"
"Watch your mouth, kid. One of these days you're gonna lose my fist in it."
"--insensitive prick."
"You wouldn't want me any other way."
"Bite me."
"Just name the time and place, Jack... "
"You can't keep me in here forever--"
"No, just until you figure out what the fuck you did and let yourself out."
"Argh!"
"Getting a little sassy, aren't we?"
"... I can't believe you just used the word sassy."
"I'm just full of surprises."
"Tell me about it."
"I would, but I don't have time. I have shopping to do. At least one of us has to eat on this ship, and it doesn't look like it's gonna be you."
"Fuck you."
"Later, kid. Maybe when you figure a way to get out of that shit hole you call a bedroom."
"Grrrrr--"
"Are you growling at me?"
"Yes."
"Huh... "
"Riddick?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you say you were going shoppin'?"
"I did."
"I... er... kinda need some tampons."
"Fuck off, Jack."
"After you."
Fin.