CHAPTER 9 : GREET IT WITH OPEN ARMS

Later that night, his father said to him, "Heard from Gaius, he will be back midweek so I have invited both him and his nephew to dinner on Saturday evening." He noticed his son's silence so he added, "…and you, Arthur, will be there. Gawaine will still be here won't he?"

Arthur nodded as Gawaine was going back into town with him on Monday morning. He hated when his father planned his life for him. He wasn't a kid! He could manage his own social life, even though, he would have to acknowledge that he wasn't doing fantastically well at the moment. He liked Gaius, he considered him an honorary uncle, well great-uncle to be exact. He decided that he would be willing to spend a couple of hours in the presence of his nephew or whatever, for Gaius's and his father's sake.

Wait until Gawaine heard about it, Arthur was certain that he'd be furious, they'd planned to go to France for a couple of days and now that would have to be put off for another time.

Later that night, he phoned Gawaine. "We have to cancel France this time around as Father has planned a dinner here. You're invited, lucky you! It's just our vet Gaius and his annoying great-nephew."

"Sounds good to me, as long as there is plenty of food around, I'll be happy. See you Tuesday. I expect you to meet me in the Ferrari and then we'll go for lunch and see what the wildlife is like in Little Millsill."

Arthur had to laugh, Gawaine would never change and his use of the word wildlife was a code name he used for members of the opposite sex. Anyone knowing him would think that women ruled his life but actually he was a successful business man in his own right. He was, however never going to grow up as far as Arthur was concerned. Then he realised he had as since his infatuation with La Belle Tess, he was much more level headed.

Gawaine arrived at Throgmorton and life brightened up for Arthur, he still had the supper hanging over his head but it was in the future and he intended to have fun before then.

His father had suggested that Arthur take him down to the stables to see the new arrival. Gawaine being well brought up, thanked Mr. Pendragon as he said that he was hoping to be invited to see the new foal. It must have been the right thing to say as Uther nodded pleasantly and walked back into the library.

Arthur looked at Gawaine saying, "All right, you can stop the act as I know that visiting the stables is not a high priority on your list of things to be accomplished here."

"Not exactly true, as I would like to see the little one. I was quite impressed with the ones we saw in Scotland."

They walked over to the stable. Even Gawaine couldn't but be taken with the fluffy black filly standing next to her grey, almost white mother. "Will she turn grey?" he asked.

"Might…" said Arthur, "However, she might also stay black like her sire." Arthur had the inexplicable need to turn around to see if anyone else was in the stable. Something was playing silly-billy with his mind. He knew that it was only Gawaine and he there but there was someone else's presence.

"By the way, what's the update on your father's plane?"

"See, I knew, you weren't totally engrossed with our latest addition. Well, looks like he will be getting a new one." He laughed, "He threatening to paint it in orange and lime stripes so that he will be easily found if there is another unscheduled emergency landing in the wilds of Scotland!"

Gawaine laughed, "Doubt it as the red and gold company colours are too important to him. Sorry, I can't even see him wearing an orange and lime green striped tie!"

That made Arthur laugh, it was true his father's choice of colours were not flamboyant as he seemed to favour the more muted tones. "Who knows" he told Gawaine, "If maybe Burberry's would design one in orange and green plaid he might deign to wear it on any future flights in his new jet?"

-0-0-

Gawaine's arrival had certainly raised his spirits and the thoughts of the evening dinner party though looming on the horizon were less annoying then before. He kept telling himself that he only had to feign interest for couple of hours and then it would be over.

Uther had invited Arthur and his friend for drinks in the library prior to their guests' arrival. Gawaine as usual was only to happy to be taking part in some social drinking especially when the whiskey was far superior to what he ever bought for himself.

Uther took the time to explain to him that it was a private blend from the Glenfiddich Brewery in Scotland. He also told him that Glen of Fiddich meant Valley of the Deer in Gaelic and that accounted for their choice of the head of Landseer's Monarch of The Glen a majestic, twelve pointer as the logo for their brand.

Gawaine was very polite but would have preferred to be drinking than having a merchandising lesson on the majesty of a logo.

Seeing Gawaine trying to be seem interested amused Arthur. He could hear Gawaine's mother saying as she must have said years ago, 'Now remember, Gawaine, be polite or you won't be invited back again. Arthur's father is a very busy man, so try not to annoy him!'

The adult Gawaine seemed to have a calming effect on his father and many times had helped Arthur get through other suppers when following confrontations his father and he were not seeing eye to eye.

-0-0-

Gawaine and Merlin hit it off. The dinner was enjoyable and both Gaius and his nephew had great stories. Arthur looked around the table, his father was joking with Merlin and Gawaine was listening attentively to Gaius. He felt left out.

The strangest thing was that even though he felt on the outside, he enjoyed seeing his father engrossed in Merlin and Gaius joking with Gawaine. There was something comforting yet exciting at the same time. Men of three generations without excessive alcohol enjoying themselves, he felt quite happy listening to what was going on.

He was proud of Gawaine as although Uther had known him for years he had never to his knowledge said more that fifty words to him. He was chatting away quite happily with him. He caught Gaius glancing at Merlin and his heart almost stopped, the look of love on the old man's face almost brought tears to his eyes.

Never in all his years, had he remembered his father looking at him that way. It made him want to have someone who would look at him like that. It would have made him feel so special, predominantly happy but also secure with the feeling that whatever happened that love would always be there. He wondered if maybe when Uther was Gaius's age he would look at him like that. He doubted it.

His father was seldom one to show his true feelings. Then he remembered one occasion when one of their foundation mares had to be put down, Gaius standing beside Uther had put his hand on his shoulder and Arthur could have sworn that he saw tears in his father's eyes as he walked away, leaving Gaius to deal with the old mare.

Arthur then looked across the table at Merlin, he had changed so much since that brief encounter in the stable. He had not noticed how good-looking the man had been as he was kneeling in the straw helping the mare deliver her foal.

He was still looking at him when he realised that Gawaine was watching him with a quizzical look on his face. Arthur shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'What?' but Merlin had said something to Gawaine who turned to answer him.

He must have said something that made Merlin laugh as he'd thrown his head back and chuckled, a pure response to humour.

Arthur was mesmerised, he'd never felt like this, his mouth went dry and his chest felt strange. He reached for his water glass, watching the scene in front of him. Without seemingly trying, the young man had everyone around the table eating out of his hand, except him, he reminded himself.

The room felt too warm and he couldn't get Merlin's face out of his mind.

Merlin suddenly turned to look at him and their eyes met, the blush started on Merlin's neck and rose to his cheeks. Arthur wondered if he was also blushing. He glanced at Gawaine who was still looking at him and was now grinning at him enjoying his discomfort.

Gaius and Uther were talking and Arthur came back to the present to realise that the meal was over. They stood as did Gawaine and Merlin. He scrambled to his feet after them. They walked into the hall and Gaius thanked Uther and Arthur for inviting them for supper.

"Thank you for a lovely dinner and also the generous cheque," Merlin said.

Uther said, "I am sure that you deserved it. It was nice seeing you again, Merlin, maybe we could do this on your next visit."

Smiling, Gaius said, "Well, I don't expect to see him until June, my niece Hunith is going to spend her holidays with me and I'm hoping Merlin will join us." He turned to Merlin who nodded at him in agreement.

"Well, that's settled then, we'll see the three of you then," Uther said pleasantly.

They reached the door, Gaius and Merlin walked down the steps to their car. Gawaine waved and Merlin smiled and waved back.

Arthur's heart clenched. He watched the taillights as they made their way down the drive.

Uther said abruptly, "Well, I'm off to bed. Goodnight!" and left them standing in the hall.

Wishing that he was standing alone so that he could figure out what had happened, Arthur tried to think straight before saying, "Want to go to the pub?" He didn't particularly want to go out. He wanted to sit in a darkened room to go over in his mind, whatever had happened that evening.

Gawaine said, "No, let's just have a nightcap here." He led the way to the library, poured two whiskeys one of which he handed to Arthur. He sat down across from him and said, "So?"

Arthur took the glass, looking at it but he was miles away.

"So?" Gawaine repeated.

"So, what?" Arthur finally said.

"What in heaven's name did Gaius's nephew do to you for you to treat him like that? As my mother would say, 'Your behaviour this evening was totally inappropriate. He was a guest in your home. You ignored him, hardly said two words to him.' What was up?" Gawaine looked across at his friend. "Hopefully, he didn't notice. He seems a nice enough chap, has a good sense of humour and is capable of carrying a conversation."

Arthur swilled the amber liquid around the glass. He had no comeback. He hadn't realised that his behaviour had been that noticeable. He hadn't been confrontational, he wasn't rude or malicious. He had just watched the chap. He hoped that Gaius didn't feel that his behaviour had been any different from normal, he wouldn't want to have hurt his feelings as well.

Gawaine sat watching him. This was so unlike Arthur, who was usually very hospitable when he was entertaining guests in his home. There was something going on and he was at a loss to explain it. He sat quietly as Arthur seemed to be deep in thought. He had all night so he poured himself another drink, propped his feet on the low table in front of him and waited.

Arthur hadn't any explanation for his behaviour which he was willing to share with Gawaine. He needed time to figure out what had happened and what he had experienced. Merlin's face kept coming into his mind, the way he'd looked at him and the expression in his eyes when he had left.

He finally came out of his reverie asking, "Was I that rude to him?"

"I don't think I'd say you were rude, you just seemed out of it as if you had had a shock and couldn't cope. I don't think you were following the conversation at all. I'm surprised your father didn't tune in on it and tell you to snap out of it. Arthur, what happened?"

"I don't know!"

"Well, something happened, you seem quite normal to me now but during dinner, you were on another planet. Maybe the next time they come, dinner will go over better. Gaius's niece, Merlin's mother will be there and you will be able to chat with her and ignore her son if that is what you want to do…"

"I don't…" The words had slipped out of Arthur's mouth before he could stop them.

"Don't what? Want them to come for a meal? Then, maybe you could be conveniently out of town when they come. But I honestly do not understand what it is about Merlin that you find so upsetting. It couldn't have been Gaius who put you off and it certainly wasn't me, was it?" Arthur shook his head.

Gawaine continued, "Then, the only other person present was the nephew. You've only met him once before…what in heaven's name did he do to make you so on edge? You reminded me of my little cousin when he finally met his favourite football player. He shook his hand and couldn't say anything yet just minutes before he had been babbling on about what he intended to say to him when he saw him." He looked over at Arthur who now looked miserable. "Well, I'll just remember not to invite this Merlin person to any get togethers we have in the future as you will be tongue tied there too!"

Then it hit Gawaine like a hammer between the eyes…!

Nevertheless, he decided to keep his suspicions to himself. The silences, the down cast eyes, the blush, Arthur's ineptitude, he was certain that he was right.

He had no intention of influencing the future by saying something. Arthur would have to sink or swim by himself. If he were right, this was to be a big step into the unknown for Arthur, one he was going to have to take on his own. He smiled to himself the great Arthur had maybe just met the one person who was maybe going to reach his heart in a way which Gawaine felt in all the years before, no one had ever done.

He was tired, he put his glass down and stretched. "Arthur, I'm bushed, so I'm turning in. Are you coming up?"

"No, you go ahead, I haven't finished my drink."

Gawaine looked at it and saw that was an understatement as Arthur hadn't even touched it. "All right! See you in the morning and try to get some sleep, you look exhausted."

-0-0-

Arthur sat there staring at the drink, normally he would have at least put the glass to his nose to enjoy the aroma. However, he hadn't…his mind didn't need alcohol, it needed to be clear so he could try to figure out why he was now feeling this way.

If he had been asked to explain how he felt, he couldn't have as he could honestly say that he had never felt this way before. He wouldn't classify it as a bad feeling. He just seemed to be highly conscious of everything. It seemed that all his senses were on alert, from the roots of his hair to the soles of his feet. He could feel the sofa against his thighs and a certain emptiness in his body. He could pick up the scent of the blossoms in the vase on the table and the comforting smell of beeswax polish. He could hear the night insects in the garden. What was wrong with him?

Leaving the untouched drink on the table, he turned out the lights and went up stairs, deciding he could think just as well in bed.

He felt tense but with a tenseness that was bearable and if anything maybe enjoyable. He knew his pulse was elevated. It felt as if he had signed the greatest business contract in his career and all his fellow workers where congratulating him…as if he had scored a goal which had won the championship.

Honestly, he would truthfully swear that never in his life had he felt so strange. He didn't feel dizzy or faint...just as if someone had opened a curtain which had always been closed and he had a new view of life.

He attributed it to the fact that he was stressed out, however he knew there was more to it. He conveniently blamed his father's plane crash as it had obviously taken more out of him than he had realised. Obviously, it had done something irreparable to his mind and he could no longer think straight.

He tried to organise his thoughts, 'Imagine him, Arthur Pendragon, the future owner of PenD and all its subsidiaries being thrown for a loop by a non-fatal plane crash.' However, it was not the reason why he felt so unlike himself.

He tried to recall something else earthshaking that had recently happened and to which he was clearly having a delayed reaction.

Then he decided that it must be Gawaine's being smitten by one of his friends'. Maybe deep down he resented his being involved with his friend Tess. But, that wasn't true as he was happy with the new more serious Gawaine and happier even for Tess, who seemed to have found someone she might love.

Stress, that had to be it. He just needed a few days off to get his body and mind back into shape. Once he was back in London, he'd feel better.

His mind refused to accept that there was anything further in his life which could possibly be causing this feeling. He was a happy normal man, he had a good job full of responsibilities. He had good friends and a lovely flat. He was a free spirit. He had no need to change his life, he was satisfied with it the way it was.

His heart tried to interject something but his mind over ruled it. He was self-sufficient, he had been raised that way. He needed no one… his mind faltered and his heart was quick to step in. He shook his head, thinking, 'No! I am happy with the status quo, I am a mature person, I have most of my life needed no one…' He felt more than heard himself say, '…and certainly not some stupid professor from Cambridge.'

He threw the covers off and strode to the window. He could see the barns in the distance and his mind was drawn back there, to a vision of a dark-haired figure kneeling on the golden straw, he forced himself to the present and said aloud, "I have no need to rely on anyone but myself. I am not friendless, homeless or abandoned… I am alone by choice." He remembered a quote from university, 'The victor is he who can go it alone!'

That was how he had been raised to see himself, as capable needing to rely on no one, totally independent. He knew he could make it alone, he really meant it and almost convinced himself that it was true.

He finally returned to bed, he lay back, his head on his arms He remembered something that Tess's mother Shirley had said to him years ago, "Arthur, I don't like to see you alone. Remember, 'Love consists in this, that two solitudes, protect and touch and greet each other.' Your father loved your mother, as my daughter does her husband, Darling, don't deprive yourself of love, when it comes…greet it with open arms."

It only made his feel worse, he repeated to himself, 'The victor is he who can go it alone!'

...however he couldn't understand why he was sobbing.

THE END

1 John Godfrey Saxe 1816-1887 'The Victor is….

2 Rainer M. Rilke 1875-1926 'Love consist of…

In the upcoming story NOTHING VENTURED NOTHING GAINED, the characters will have to face reality. Merlin will reevaluate his former life and Arthur will take a giant step forward.