Yay! My first story! I hope all of you readers enjoy it and review! No I do not own How to Train Your Dragon. If I did, the storyline would be very, very different and Astrid would not be here. Nope. We'd have Camacazi instead; who is a much better character and overall person. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1: How to Infiltrate Your Vikings

An island guarded by two huge statues rises proudly out of the raging nighttime ocean, a town full of torches on its front where guards waited on catapults and patrolled the city's streets. In the forge, a hammer could be heard clanging away on metal into the late hours of the night.

Suddenly, a dark blue parrot-like reptile swooped down and snatched a sheep grazing in the pasture stealthily before lifting off.

A guard spotted more dragons coming in and shouted an all too familiar phrase through the village: "DRAGON RAID!"

Immediately, the village responded. Huge, bulking people rushed from their homes, weapons at the ready, charging out to fight the invading forces.

In a house that overlooked the entire village, a boy woke up, flung off his covers, put on his boots, and whipped the front door of his house open excitedly.

A nightmare perched outside, almost ready to kill a Viking, was startled by this sudden development. It roared at him. "If somebody doesn't mistakenly shoot you, the Vikings will slaughter you. Go back in!" Then he blasted at the door, forcing Hiccup to close it. "Dragons."

In a word, his overly protective adopted family, seeing as his Dad didn't want the role. Hiccup, when he was young and fresh out of a beating, had been found by a female Nadder. She'd taken care of him for a few days, healed him, and implanted dragoneese into his mind so he could talk to other dragons.

He'd never been able to stand the Viking way since.

He rushed out the door of his home stubbornly. He would do anything he could to help the dragons (Who, after a few visits to the nest with his 'mother' Blue-Fast-Flier considered him one of them) without making it look like he was openly siding with them.

A flung axe landed in front of Hiccup, who stopped in time to avoid it. He jogged around the weapon protruding from the ground and jogged towards the Blacksmith shop.

Suddenly, a warrior was flung through the air, landing on Hiccup, axe raised, with a battle cry. Suddenly he turned cheerful. "Mornin'!" Then he got up and jogged off.

"What are you doing out!?" One of his neighbors, Hoark, cried.

"Get inside!" Another neighbor, Burnthair, shouted.

A third neighbor, Phlegma the Fierce, agreed. "Get back inside!"

And finally, he passed the last neighbor, Ack, who was picking his ear with his axe. A Terror(Small-biter, in the dragon vocabulary) watched this all with amusement. "This one's funny. And weird. And slightly gross, but funny."

Suddenly, as Hiccup ran down the street, a huge, meaty hand grabbed him and pulled him into the air. Hiccup winced. "What is he doing out aga-WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT!? GET INSIDE!"

Hiccup's father, the chief of Berk, and most renowned Dragon Slayer in the Archipelago, was the owner of the meaty hand. There was a rumor that when he was a baby, he popped a dragon's head right off its shoulders. His surrogate mother had assured Hiccup that this was not the case, but Hiccup still couldn't help but feel like it was true.

As if to confirm this, Stoic flung a cart at an unlucky Nadder, dazing her and causing her to drop a sheep.

Hiccup jogged into the forge, looking for his newest invention. It was designed to malfunction, just as they all were, but if Gobber had closely examined them he would have found that they could actually work if Hiccup didn't intentionally sabotage them when he built them.

His plan was ruined by Gobber the Belch, who was (unsurprisingly) already there. "Ah, there ye are! I was starting to think ye'd been carried off!"

Hiccup laughed. "What, who, me? Nah I'm waaay too muscular for their taste. They wouldn't know what to do with all… this."

"Well, they need toothpicks, don't they?" Gobber joked right back.

Hiccup knew that he was at extreme risk of being carried off every raid, but he knew they wouldn't do it to eat him, rather just to get him the heck out of danger. It wasn't often that dragons adopted humans, but dragons were extremely protective of their friends and family.

Hiccup got to work fixing weapons, a chore he disliked. The problem was, he'd started blacksmithing before Blue-Fast-Flier had adopted him. Gobber knew how good he was. Besides, he'd never use his skills (Other than speed) that he'd learned from the dragons in front of humans. To them, he looked like a noodle. If they knew he could pretty much kill at least ten of them in a fair fight it wouldn't be good for him at all.

There was a shout from a dragon outside. "Small-Dragon-Soul-Stealthy, we need a distraction!"

Hiccup would respond, but he couldn't risk it.

There was a Viking shout. "Fire!"

And the teens ran through.

Hiccup wrinkled his nose in distaste. Typical Viking children. There was Fishlegs, who liked to research all he could about dragons and offer up the best ways to kill them (and warning people of their strategies so that more dragons would end up dead), The twins (Who caused more destruction to the village than they fixed, which amused the dragons to no end), Snotlout, (his cousin and bully, but also his savior in the way that the beating he gave Hiccup lead him to meet his surrogate mother), and then…

Astrid. Ugh.

The cold-hearted heap of Red-Death manure that couldn't give a rat's rear end about anything but being the best dragon killer on Berk. She hated pretty much everybody, and even when she was walking past someone who really needed her help, she wouldn't offer it. She was indifferent to anything and everything but her own success.

He snorted as they dumped a pitiful amount of water onto a burning house. It would take more than that to put out a dragon's fire… Especially one as hot as Melts-Rock-For-Fun's flame. The Nadder in question, a red, yellow, and black dragon who looked like he was made of lava, shrieked mockingly at the teens as he blasted a hut full of sheep, scaring the skittish creatures into fleeing the barn.

He watched his friend with envy.

His job was so much cooler.

Suddenly, a metal appendage(one of Gobber's replacement hands, since he's missing a hand and a foot) latched onto Hiccup's shirt, and he was lifted into the building. "Ah, come on, let me out, please, I need to make my mark." Hiccup, realizing he'd been caught staring, decided to pretend he'd been staring at the teens.

"Oh, you've made plenty of marks, all in the wrong places." Gobber poked his chest with the last three words.

Internally, Hiccup rationalized that it all depended on which side the marks were being made for. He swallowed down bile and said, "Please, I'll kill a dragon. My life will get infinitely better, I might even get a date." Blegh. He wasn't interested in dragon killers. Maybe if he found a nice non-dragon-hating girl who was available, he'd date her. But no one in the village. Yuck.

Besides, the only way his life would get infinitely better would be if his mother allowed him to leave Berk entirely.

Unfortunately, he still had arena dragons to free and the arena to trash (As well as the forge, the armory, and maybe the great hall). And Blue-Flies-Fast felt that human interaction was important for his growth, seeing as he was a human himself.

Gobber decided to provide him with some excuses. "You can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even throw one of these!" He held up a bola, which was wrapped around a friend of his, sending her to the ground. With some sickness, he recognized Lugs-Much-Meat as the dragon to fall.

Feeling vengeful, he moved towards his sabotaged invention. "Okay, but this will throw it for me." He tapped it in just the right spot and it flew open, the front flying off to slam into the Viking who threw the bola's head. The man fell unconscious, going cross-eyed as he did so.

"See, now this right here is what I'm talking about." Gobber said.

Hiccup kept up the ruse. "Mild calibration issue!"

Gobber cut him off. "Look. If you ever want to get out there and fight dragons, you need to stop all… this." Gobber gestured to all of him.

If only he could see his apprentice without the spell that kept him looking like a walking noodle. "But… you just pointed to all of me."

"Yes, that's it! Stop being all of you!"

Hiccup internally rolled his eyes. A saying all dragons used: "If you can't be yourself, then you can't be anyone at all."

"Ohhh…" Hiccup had to force himself not to growl like a dragon.

"Ohhh, yes." Gobber cut him off.

"You, sir, are playing a dangerous game. Keeping all this raw…" He stopped himself from saying dragon soul, as it was a tendency to brag when he was in an argument with the people (Cough*dragons*cough) he normally talked to(Dragon souls were rare in humans, and dragon souled humans were very powerful) "…Vikingness" He said past bile, "Contained? There will be consequences!"

Gobber rolled his eyes. "I'll take my chances. Sword, sharpen. Now." He dumped it into Hiccup's arms, who was surprised by the sudden weight. He snorted like an upset nadder and started sharpening the weapon, making sure to make the edge a bit too fine on this one.

One day, he knew he'd be out there, fighting for his true people.

He spotted nadders landing, collecting sheep. His mother was amongst them. Nadders were quick and agile, if slightly vain and short-tempered. The Vikings who went after his kin would be nice kills to start with.

Then there were the gronkles. While tough, they were slow fliers. He could do well defending them to start out with, he mused, spotting them flying off with racks of fish in their jaws. Then there were Zipplebacks. They were annoying. He wouldn't want to fight side-by-side with those jokers.

Then there were Monstrous Nightmares. Being practically raised by nadders, Hiccup was very familiar with how annoying the Nightmares could be, and would rather jump off a cliff without his wingsuit or another dragon around than fly with one of them.

Then, of course, was the Night Fury.

He watched in excitement as a tower blew up, and the Vikings cowered from his friend. Friendly-Retractable-Teeth was the most feared dragon to attack Berk, which all dragons though ironic, seeing as he was the most cute and cuddly (though he objected to both adjectives) dragon in the nest. Hiccup would love to be up with his friend during the raids.

He watched, withholding a cheer, as his ape of a father jumped into the freezing sea to escape his best friend's plasma.

Gobber quickly traded his hammer for an axe. "Man the forge, Hiccup. They need me out there."

Hiccup watched, bubbling with anticipation.

Gobber paused at the entrance. "Stay. Put. There. You know what I mean." Then he charged out with a war cry.

Hiccup eyed his invention with distaste, then grabbed it and ran off, knocking into a Viking as he went and shouting, "Be right back!" To an irritated Viking who yelled at him.

He rolled it up to a cliff and, without premise, aimed it at Astrid and fired, shoving it off a cliff right after he did this.

It practically exploded onto the rocks below.

"I can blame that on the calibration issue." He said to himself.

Suddenly, he spotted his mother in a net, held down by his so-called father.

"Blue-Flies-Fast!" He cried.

Friendly-Retractable-Teeth blew up a catapult behind him, and a rather tolerable Nightmare, Tempermental-Chases-Ships, landed. "Is that your mother?"

"Yes." Hiccup responded. "They'll kill her!"

"Unless we distract them." He said, grinning.

Hiccup nodded, also smiling. Time for a show.

And this was how he ended up shooting down the docks, giving the girliest scream he could muster, while the nightmare 'chased' him down the hill.

As they'd predicted, Stoic left the nadders. Friendly-Retractable-Teeth blasted a final catapult, distracting the Vikings and allowing the net to go a bit slack.

"Let's burn the torch over there." Hiccup suggested. "See if we can roll it at the Vikings!"

"Sounds like fun! Now less talk and more running for your life." He blasted again and Hiccup 'hid' behind a torch, letting the fire splatter it and coat it, looking behind him. "I don't see their Alpha yet."

There was a hum from behind him as the Nightmare agreed, and then Stoic leapt in from the opposite direction they were looking, chasing Tempermental-Chases-Ships back into the sky.

The torch snapped off its base, and as predicted, rolled downhill and resulted in the freedom of the nadders.

Hiccup felt triumph surge through him as they successfully retreated, but hid it perfectly through years of practice.

Then it turned to dread as his father glared him down. He rubbed his head sheepishly. "Sorry, Dad." The words felt wrong on his toung.

Stoic sighed exasperatedly and shoved him at Gobber. "Get him back to the house. I have his mess to clean up."

Is this how a father is supposed to treat his child every day? No.

He walked past the mass of Vikings, making internal fat jokes at them and wishing they'd go 'clean up his mess' as his father so eloquently put it. It would be satisfying.

"Quite the performance." Tuffnut congratulated him while his sister cackled.

"I've never seen anybody mess up that badly. That helped!" Snotlout said.

"You Idiot!" Astrid growled at him, arms bruised and sporting obvious rope-burns.

Hiccup inwardly grinned. What would have been insults to any other viking's ears rang like praise in his. He faked depression still, though, but nonetheless, said "Thank you, I was trying." He really had been. Especially with the Astrid incident.

Hiccup sighed as he approached Stoic's house, deciding to vent. "You know, he could be a little less harsh. What was I supposed to do, fight the nightmare? I don't know how! It trashed my bola launcher! No matter how hard I try, he always looks at me with this disappointed scowl like someone skipped all the meat in his sandwich. 'Excuse me barmaid, I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring. I wanted a boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side! This here, this is a walking fishbone!'"

"You're thinking about this all wrong. It's not so much what you look like, it's what's inside that he can't stand."

Hiccup marveled at how Gobber managed to always be insensitive and generally cruel like that while trying to console his apprentice.

"Thank you for summing that up." Hiccup replied. It always hurt to be reminded about how much his birth parent hated him.

"Look, the point is, stop trying so hard to be something you're not." Gobber commented.

Hiccup sighed. He wished he could stop pretending to be a Viking already. But he couldn't.

Without another word, he entered his home.

And a minute later, he burst out of the house again, wearing dark green, brown, and grey dragon-like armor he'd made himself with fake wings attached to the back, heading into the woods.

Hiccup: Yay! Finally, a story where I'm not a total weakling!

Astrid: Noodle boy.

Hiccup: As stated, there's a spell disguising me as a noodle boy in this one! I can be happy now!

Astrid: You shot me and you're happy about it?

Fishlegs: Well, in this story, it does kind of capture your behavior before the cannon timeline well.

Snotlout: Does this mean I can have Astrid now?

Astrid: God no. In your dreams. You know what, not even there. Go swimming in a pool of fireworms.

Ruffnut: No, wait! I volunteer Tuffnut!

Tuffnut: Yeah... wait, what are we talking about?

Ruffnut: *Drags Tuffnut away with an evil cackle*

Hiccup: ... Well then, somebody should probably go make sure they don't kill one another. TOOTHLESS!

Astrid: Hiccup, you do realize that he's not technically been introduced to the storyline yet, right? He was just a background element so far.

Hiccup: Oh, right. *Single tear falls* I miss you buddy...

The Black Cat 666: Whelp, that wraps that up. Hey, readers! Please...

Snotlout: Hold on, people actually read this cra... OWW *Holds clutches lumpy forehead*

The Black Cat 666: *Clenches slightly shaking fist, eyes closed, tick mark on her forehead, teeth clenched* As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, please review! Bye!