"So, Kokabiel's here and he wants to start the war again. Can't say I approve of that idea," said Azazel. "So why come to me?"

"Rias would like to know if you'd be interesting making an appearance should things go south. Personally she's reasonably sure she could hold him off until a stronger player came to join in, but she would rather not test her power against his. Her Pieces aren't nearly ready to handle someone of his level just yet and she's fully aware of the fact."

"I get it. So the next head of the Gremory wants to make me an Ace in the hole just to be sure Kokabiel doesn't wreck the place. I can live with that. In fact I do have someone who might be more than happy to deal with him if he does start to gain too big of an upper hand. However you haven't gotten to the point that matters most. What's in it for me?"

"I have a Caster Servant with an A-ranked ability in crafting and enjoys making magical girl outfits. I also have a direct line to a certain multiverse-hopping vampire who Sona will soon wish I didn't know," said Shirou deadpan.

"Deal," said Azazel grinning.

A few days later...

Mordred was growling.

"Would anyone be offended if I killed that fake priest? Kiba and Lord Shirou can deal with the fat pig over there," said Mordred.

"Take Sakura and Illya with you. I don't care if you have to go overkill and blast him with Ruby and Sapphire. Make sure he's a bad memory before the night is over," said Shirou.

Illya looked far too bloodthirsty at the idea.

"Can we unleash the cards on them?" she practically begged.

"Go for it. And feel free to use that angel as target practice."

"Yay! Come on Ruby, let's go kill an exorcist!" said Illyasviel.

"Thank the Devil kings I diverted her bro-con fascination to something a little less disturbing," muttered Kiritsugu.

"Kaleidogirl Illya..."

"And Kaleidogirl Sakura..."

"Ready for action!" the two Bishops said loudly as they did a double pose with Ruby and Sapphire crossing each other in the air.

Rias paled rather rapidly.

"Oh dear sweet Lucifer don't tell me you know..."

"I'm going to get Sirzechs to introduce me to Serafall later," said Shirou.

"Sona's going to kill me for not stopping this..." muttered Rias.

"Install, Archer!" said Illya in a bloodthirsty manner.

"Install, Rider!" said Sakura.

Sakura and Illya's cards were rather...unique...compared to the original ones. Unlike the first set of Class Cards, these were special in that Sakura and Illya could pick and chose which version of the Heroic Spirit that they would summon. While it meant that the time limit only lasted as long as their magic did, it also meant that the charge time was a lot shorter...but they could only use it once per day. However if they swapped the card, then the other person could use it...just at half power.

In Illya's case, she chose Gilgamesh as her Archer-class armor. Sakura went with the version belonging to her familiar, Medusa.

"Let's go beat up an exorcist and shitty fake priest!" said the two bishops.

"Just let me at those fake Excalibur swords," said Mordred.

"For the sake of our precious school, for this town... we must stop Kokabiel!" said Rias firmly.

Mordred's POV...

The fake Excalibur swords were barely D rank, if that. They were no match for her Clarent Blood Arthur. And if they weren't already outclassed beyond belief, the mere fact they were acknowledged as Excalibur would have meant they were doomed to be destroyed by her sword.

Before she could move on to the deranged priest who had bound the fakes together however, something happened.

"Shirou!"

There was a portal under Shirou and the two bishops. Sakura and Illya were both as stuck as their King.

Using her superior speed, and augmenting that with the characteristics of "Knight", she narrowly made it to the portal before it closed.

Rias and the others could swear they faintly heard Shirou shouting something in a very angry manner. It almost sounded like...

"DAMN YOU ZELRETCH, YOU KILL STEALING BASTARD!"

And Shirou had been the most enthusiastic about showing off his Servants and how powerful they really were against an opponent they were allowed to go all out with.

"Ow. Everyone alright?"

"We're okay, Sempai. What was that?" asked Sakura.

"Zelretch, who else. Where did I... there it is!"

Shirou pulled out a cell phone. It was one of the newest models.

"Hello, Black Wing? Remember that prank I discussed with you a few months back when your grandfather introduced us? Well he's taken me before I managed to kill a particularly annoying and powerful opponent that annoyed me. Yes, I'll hold."

Shirou's expression was positively evil as he heard the shriek from Zelretch.

"Well? So it's going to last for three months and he'll have to stay in a magical girl's school as the only cute boy? And he turns into a girl every time he transforms? No, that's plenty. Mind dropping us back in our alternate so we don't lose too many days at school because of his meddling? Thanks."

"Well Shirou?" said Illya impatiently.

"Our Zelretch was just dumped in a magical girl school as the hot new transfer, but he'll turn into a teenage girl with the worst cramps in existence for the next three months. Also, Black Wing said we could either stick around or he'd drop us back off in our alternate once we're done."

"That is...cruel and unusual."

"Black Wing agreed to do it when I explained it the first time. We were saving it for something special, or if Zelretch did something to annoy me greatly," said Shirou cheerfully.

Shirou got along far too well with Black Wing, mostly because he got along with Zelretch to a point. Well that and the fact he was a devil meant it was a lot easier to get along with multiverse-hopping evil gods that had long since lost their humanity.

He did not feel sorry for introducing his recently found mother to Black Wing, or for tricking his father into acting as babysitter for a bunch of vampire-hybrid children who practically breathed chaos.

Grayfia had increased his allowance after the destruction they caused last time, because it meant she could remodel while her mother-in-law was busy watching the kids in her place.

"Since we're stuck here, let's find out where that ass dropped us," said Shirou.

"Alright Sempai/Onii-chan/Sire," came the trio of responses from the girls.

Shirou's annoyance with Zelretch hadn't abated, but at least he didn't feel like punching the fanged bastard in the face anymore.

Mordred tensed.

"Sire, is that..."

"Arturia and Irisviel. This is going to be more fun than I thought. This looks like the opening battle of the Fourth Grail War. Let's watch for now."

The two bishops agreed, but Mordred didn't. Her hatred of Arturia was as strong as ever.

"I want to kill my 'father' now," growled Mordred.

Shirou thought fast.

"Tell you what, wait until Berserker shows up. If I remember right, Lancelot was summoned by Kariya, and since this is an alternate universe, we don't have to worry about ripple effects."

"Does this mean..." started Sakura.

"We can save your younger self and give Millicas his first Piece," affirmed Shirou. His younger brother was supposed to go and earn his Evil Piece set soon, and they already knew Sakura was a lot stronger and more flexible than her sister. And she had good breeding, so if Millicas dated her there wouldn't be a problem.

"So I get to fight two Servants to make up for the fact Zelretch is a kill-stealing bastard?" said Mordred.

"Yup."

"Once again you've reminded me why I love having you as a king," said Mordred hugging him.

Shirou was a far superior "king" than Arturia had ever been. He didn't have the inhuman charisma, the untouched nature, or the cheap gifts from the mythical faeries that made him superior.

Unlike Arturia, who was the embodiment of the red dragon, Shirou was a sword.

Sharp steel with the superb grace of a weapon in the hands of a true master, unyeilding against his enemies. Either he succeeded in the field of battle or he broke. Those were his two options.

It was up to his Evil Pieces, his most loyal allies, to insure that the latter never happened.

And so they watched in silence as the battlefield slowly became muddied. What had started as an honorable battle between Lancer and Saber quickly began to turn into some absurd meet and greet for the Servants.

But Mordred's patience was rewarded when Lancelot appeared on the field. However before she was about to jump down and fight both Lancelot and Arturia, Shirou held her back.

"Don't use your balance breaker."

"Lord Shirou?"

"If we're going to abduct Maiya, Sakura and Irisviel, we'll need a trump card. Having them prepared for someone with wings would be troublesome, or have you forgotten the man who raised me?"

Mordred blinked, before she nodded. It would indeed be troublesome if Kiritsugu were to learn too early that they could fly unaided. Not to mention Kotomine.

As a member of the Church, he had enough holy objects to become...troublesome... if he were to learn that such things would hurt them.

He had been difficult enough to kill last time.

"Have fun," said Shirou, knowing Mordred would provide some unexpected entertainment.

"Yes, Lord Shirou," said Mordred with an evil glint.

So long as Arturia didn't use her Excalibur, Mordred didn't really have need to bring out Albion. It had been because Arturia was unused to Ddraig's powers and her over-reliance on Avalon and the sheer power behind Excalibur that Mordred had been able to fatally wound her 'father'.

With a mere thought, she donned her cursed armor, before jumping in the middle of the battle between Saber and Berserker.

Arturia's gasp was enough to tell Mordred that she had been recognized. Clarent Blood Arthur was promptly pointed in Saber's direction.

"As it was, so it begins again," said Mordred.

Where Shirou was hiding, he face palmed. He knew letting Mordred watching all those classic movies was a bad idea. Though he had to admit, investing in a digital copy of that Monty Python movie was totally worth it. Even if Mordred did cackle evilly for hours on end.

Come to think of it, didn't Kiritsugu have a laptop?

Shirou's face went into a vicious grin as he immediately thought up a prank he could use to trick King Arthur into watching that movie.

And he knew when to plant the movie on it too!

Seeing Gilgamesh get annoyed at being ignored, Shirou did the one thing sure to rattle the collective Masters and Servants.

It was a good thing there was a shop open this late. This was guaranteed to play merry hell with Kiritsugu and Maiya's night vision and heat sensing goggles.

"Girls, I believe you know what to do with these," said Shirou with an evil grin and a lighter.

"Molotov Cocktails and illegal fireworks? You shouldn't have!" said Illya with evil delight.

"Girls, let's give them a show that will draw tons of cops without exposing any magecraft whatsoever."

Hearing Waver yelp like a girl totally made their poor aim and far too enthusiastic throwing worth it.

As did the fact that they could hear the cursing of the Arturia in between dodging caught Molotov cocktails that were thrown courtesy of Mordred. She didn't mind the badly aimed projectiles.

What they didn't throw they saved for later to drink.

Mordred was cackling as she got drunk off her ass.

"Did you see their faces when Lord Shirou started throwing things?"

"You kidding? Lancer's Master was cussing us out when we set off those illegal fireworks!" said Illya laughing.

"Can we do it again?"

"We kidnap your younger self, then you can set as many fireworks off as you like," said Shirou. His grin widened. "By the way, I had an evil idea earlier about Mordred's favorite movie."

"This I have to hear," said a drunken Mordred.

Shirou had looted a lot of liquor from that store. All of it the expensive high quality stuff they held back from the general customers.

"Well...what if while Kiritsugu is off trying to kill Lancer's Master, we slip Illya in to the castle as Irisviel so you can find his laptop and make it sound like 'you' have been kidnapped. We'll only use an audio file so he can't tell the difference. That way we can trick them all into watching that movie Mordred loves," said Shirou.

"Oh that is evil. Because I still sound like my old self, they won't know I'm an alternate of her! And because we have the same memories..."

"They'll have no choice but to have Saber watch Monty Python, especially since you know better than I do how to leave a trap like that," grinned Shirou.

"Let's do it!" said Illya happily.

"Right after this hangover passes," said Shirou.

Arturia was not having a good night.

What had started as a battle between her and Lancer had quickly turned into a free for all.

That would have been tolerable...had Mordred not suddenly appeared. What was more was that Mordred had all the same class characteristics as Arturia herself did. Almost as if her child had been summoned as a Saber as well.

Which was impossible. Kiritsugu confirmed only the standard seven had been summoned. And Mordred didn't have the qualities to be summoned as Caster.

And if THAT wasn't horrifying enough, without warning the battlefield was bombarded by fireworks and what Kiritsugu had quickly identified as "Molotov cocktails".

He had not been happy about those, and they had nearly blinded him and Maiya when someone started launching them without warning. And they were a very effective way to not so discreetly convince the Masters to disperse.

Whoever did that, Kiritsugu planned to put a few bullets in their ass.