author's note: uploading from my ao3. this was a request from peach. in this fic, lapis is selectively mute due to ptsd.

Peridot pokes at the shattered glass screen of her tape recorder and groans as the pieces fall out onto her lap. She brushes them off and slots her tape back into it, sighing in relief when she presses the play button and hears her voice being played back to her. The sound was a little crackly, but she was glad Lapis hadn't broken it beyond repair. Even if it was primitive compared to her screen, it was better than having nothing.

The last recording continues playing and Peridot flinches when she hears it abruptly and loudly end. She quickly stops the recording and pulls the tape out, staring at it in her hands. It's slightly cracked where the screen was broken, but again, she was grateful that it still worked. She runs a finger over the crack and sighs, dropping it into her lap and putting the recorder down beside it.

Part of her wants to be annoyed at Lapis for breaking her things, to make an angry log about her right in front of her again, not caring how she reacted. But she did care. All Peridot could feel was the same feeling she felt when she upset Amethyst. Smaller. Uncomfortable. She remembers Steven calling it "feeling bad". Garnet called it "guilt".

Another part of her knows she should "apologize" for what she did, especially since Lapis did save her life. But she still feels like Lapis should apologize first, but she knows that's not going to happen. Lapis hadn't even said one word to her since the others brought her back to the barn with them. She isn't even sure Lapis has said anything to anyone but Steven yet.

Peridot peeks around the door frame of the barn slowly, looking towards the fence where Steven and Lapis are sitting. Lapis has her head down, her hair covering her face as Steven pats her shoulder. Steven looks up and smiles when he see her, saying something to Lapis before getting up and walking towards the barn. Groaning, Peridot quickly retreats back behind the doorframe and slumps against the wall.

"Peridot?" Steven calls as he enters the barn, smiling again when he sees her. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine," Peridot says, voice flat as she picks up her tape and recorder, holding it to her chest protectively.

"Oh … does it still work?" Steven asks as he sits down beside her. "If it's broken, I think dad might have another one somewhere."

"It works, but one in better condition would be greatly appreciated," Peridot mutters as she slots the tape back in. "This will suffice for now."

"That's good!" Steven says with a smile.

"You're wearing a different ... shirt," Peridot says, pointing to Steven's hoodie, "The one you said you wear when the temperature decreases and it starts ... raining. But it's not right now. Why?"

"Oh, dad's taking me and Lapis to the aquarium and Garnet said that it'll be colder in town later, so I should wear this."

"... Aquarium?" Peridot repeats in confusion.

"Yeah! It's like a place where they keep animals that live under water, like fishes," Steven explains. "You can go in and see them without having to go under water. You can come too if you want!"

"Will she let me?" Peridot asks, gesturing towards the fence where Lapis is still sitting.

"I'm sure she won't mind," Steven says, laughing nervously. "Besides, it'll be a good way for you two to get to know each other better. I think you should leave the tape recorder here though."

Peridot looks at her tape recorder for a moment and then sighs in defeat. "Fine," she mumbles, dropping it on the ground.

"Thank you," Steven smiles at her again and then stands up. "We should get going. Dad's waiting in the van."

Peridot stands to her feet and follows behind Steven as he walks out of the barn and back towards the fence. She cowers behind him when she see Lapis look up and stare at her through her bangs. She was already starting to regret agreeing to go with them, but she didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing her run back to the barn and hide again. Instead she just kept her head down and glared at the ground.

"Peridot's gonna come to the aquarium with us," says Steven happily to Lapis. "You two are gonna have to sit in the back of the van, alright?"

Lapis nods and hops down from the fence, beckoning Steven over to her. She leans down and whispers something to him, looking over at Peridot. Steven shakes his head and whispers something back, before taking her hand and leading her towards the back of the "van". Peridot follows them and cautiously clambers into the back of the vehicle, scooting to the back corner, as far away from Lapis as possible.

After Steven closes the doors, Peridot picks up a flimsy "book" lying beside her and opens it in her lap, staring at the pages even though they don't make much sense to her. She can feel Lapis staring at her but she keeps her head down and stares at the pictures on the page until they go blurry.

"Are you guys okay back there?" Steven asks after a while, looking at them through the gap between the two front seats.

Peridot glances up at him and nods.

"What're you reading, Peridot?" Steven asks and Peridot holds the book up to show him.

"Ooh, she found one of your old music magazines, dad!"

"... Magazine?" Peridot repeats, staring at him in confusion.

"It's uh... just another word for a book," Steven explains. "Are you okay, Lapis?"

Lapis looks up at him and nods, face blank, before going back to staring at the box beside Peridot. Peridot glances over at her before turning the page of the "magazine" and looking at it. She can feel Lapis gaze drift back to her and she finds herself doing the same. Their stares occasionally lock for a few moments. She finds herself studying Lapis's tired face, her unchanging expression, her blank, sunken in eyes. She looked so much more different when Peridot first met her. She used to always look so afraid, but now she didn't look like anything. It made Peridot "feel bad" and she couldn't figure out why.

"Thanks," Peridot mumbles as she breaks eye contact with Lapis and stares down at the magazine again.

Lapis cocks her head to the side and doesn't respond.

"For earlier, "Peridot continues, blushing as she looks up. "For saving me."

Lapis's expression softens for a moment and she nods, but then drops her head again and stares at the floor. Peridot shifts around uncomfortably and stares at the ground too, hiding her face in her hands. The bad feeling was still there, but part of her felt lighter. Even though she knew Lapis was probably more interested in saving herself rather than Peridot, she still appreciated not having her form fried by the roaming eye. She tucks her knees against her chest and stares at the pile of shirts in front of her, silent for the rest of the journey until eventually, the archaic automobile stops.

"We're here!" Steven exclaims excitedly, turning around as he undoes his seatbelt. He gets out of the van and runs around to open the back doors. Peridot follows Lapis out of the van and on to the street, overwhelmed by the amount of building towering over them. She was so used to the spacious barn that she'd forgotten what cities were like.

"Beach City Aquarium," Steven says, pointing to the sign. "I haven't been here since I was a kid! Remember when you took me here, dad?"

Greg laughs and ruffles Steven's hair, "How could I forget? You almost climbed into the stingray tank!"

"I just wanted to be their friends," Steven said, giggling, "Are you gonna come in with us?"

"I'd love to, but I can't. I gotta work the car wash today."

"Aww," Steven looked disappointed.

"Maybe another time, kiddo," Greg said, smiling. "I'll be here to pick you guys up at four, okay?"

"Okay!" Steven gives Greg a thumbs up while the other two gems stare at him blankly. "Seeya dad!"

Greg waves at them before he gets back into his van and drives off.

"C'mon guys," Steven takes Lapis' and Peridot's hands, leading them in the door. "Where do you wanna go first?"

Neither of them say anything.

"Uh... how about the sharks? They were my favourite when I was a kid!"

"What is... 'sharks'?" asks Peridot.

"You'll see! Do you wanna see the sharks too, Lapis?"

Lapis nods absentmindedly as she stares at the murals of sea life covering the walls. Peridot stares at her in amazement. She was actually smiling. Peridot had never seen her smile before.

"Then sharks it is!" Steven leads them down several dark hallways, down to a large room with glass walls. Peridot looks at the walls filled with water and strange things floating around in amazement. The bottom of the walls were filled with sand and rocks, as well as plants Peridot hadn't seen before. Lapis pulls away from Steven and walks up to one of the tanks, pressing herself right up against it.

"Sharks," Peridot repeats flatly, staring at the tanks.

"Yep! See those big grey fishies," Steven runs to one of the tanks with Peridot and points to one of them. "They're called sharks. Aren't they cute?"

Peridot nods and watches the sharks swim by as Steven runs back over to Lapis. The 'animals' of Earth had always fascinated Peridot, though she prefered the smaller 'insects' and 'birds' that inhabited the barn's surroundings. They were a lot less intimidating than those 'cows' or these 'sharks'.

"What do you think, Lapis?" she hears Steven ask from behind her, and then a quiet, scratchy voice answers him, taking Peridot by surprise. She hadn't heard Lapis say a word to anyone since she came to the barn. Peridot swivelled around and stared at the two in shock.

Lapis stopped talking and glared at Peridot, before dropping her head and turning back towards the tank. Steven gives Peridot a nervous smile and takes Lapis by the hand again.

"H-Hey, why don't we go see the stingrays? They're just in the next room and you can see them swimming around and pet them!" Steven gently leads Lapis towards the door and gestures for Peridot to come with them. She follows them to the door and down another dark hallway, into a big room with some humans scattered around it. Steven skips towards a big pool of water in the middle of the room surrounded by what looks like a short glass fence.

Lapis kneels down and dips her hand into the water, her smile returning as the disk-like fish swim towards her.

"Do you wanna pet them too?" Steven asks Peridot. "You just gotta rub their backs. As long as you don't grab their tails they're really friendly and don't mind you touching them."

Steven kneels down beside Lapis and gestures for Peridot to sit beside him. She copies him as he reaches his hand down towards the water and gently runs it over the back of one of the 'stingrays'. She does the same when one swims by her, but quickly pulls her hand away. The texture was odd, unlike anything she had every felt before. She was happier to just sit and watch the peculiar animals swim around. Their movements fascinated her and their smaller size made them a lot less intimidating than the sharks.

"Did you ever see these ones in the ocean, Lapis?" asks Steven as he pets another stingray.

Lapis nods. "They're even bigger in the ocean," she whispers. "They're one of my favourites. I like how it looks like they have wings."

"It does!" Steven agrees. "Wow, I wish I could see one of the big ones. They sound so cool!"

"What are those ones called?" Peridot interjects, careful to not look at Lapis. "The big ones."

Lapis doesn't respond for a moment and Peridot hears Steven hold his breath, but she eventually replies in an even quieter voice. "Manta rays. That's what the book Steven gave me called them."

"Manta rays..." Peridot repeats, nodding. "Thanks."

"Ooh, I remember reading about them too, Lapis! Maybe we can look for a video about them later. I don't think they have any here."

They sit by the pool for a while. Peridot continues watching the stingrays swim by her and occasionally reaches in and runs her hand over the backs when they stop beside her. Eventually Steven stands up and takes both Lapis and Peridot by the hands again.

"Why don't we go see some of the other rooms?" he says, leading them towards another door. "I think they have jellyfish in the next room! They're awesome."

Peridot watches as Lapis follows Steven, still looking around at all the glass tanks surrounding the little pool, her smile growing wider and wider as the minutes passed. It makes Peridot smile too.

They visit a few more rooms, with Steven and Lapis explaining what each fish is to her. Steven does most of the talking, but Lapis occasionally butts in with a story involving one of the fishes from when she was underwater or something she read in one of the books Steven gave her. She doesn't always directly say it to her. Most of the time she says it to Steven but it's the first time Peridot has actually hears her talk to him out loud like that, not just whisper in his ear. When she does answers one of Peridot's questions though, she doesn't look at her and her voice remains quiet and hushed as she stares into the glass tanks, smiling. It's still new though, and it makes Peridot feel a little special. And a lot less small and "guilty".

Eventually they come back to the door they came in through, out to where Greg's "van" is. Steven opens the back doors for them again before jumping into the front seat, blabbering about everything they saw and did. This time, Peridot sits down a little closer to Lapis, but not too close. She still didn't feel like she or her were ready for that yet.

As the vehicle starts moving, Peridot reaches her hand into the pocket Steven helped her add to her appearance modifier and feels around for the 'bracelet' she made for Lapis. Steven said that might help Lapis forgive her for putting her in "space prison". She didn't seem too interested in it when she first gave it to her and that's what led to their little dispute in the first place. But things seem to have settled between them now. Not only is Lapis not glaring at her, she actually talked to her. Peridot takes the bracelet out of her pocket and fiddles with in her hands, nervously looking over at Lapis. Steven helped her make it. He gave her some strands of threads, all different shades of blue and helped her braid it into what he called a "friendship bracelet".

"Uh... Lapis?" Peridot asks quietly.

Lapis looks up at her and nods.

"I was just wondering if you... wanted the bracelet or not," Peridot looks down. "It's alright if you don't, I can just-"

Lapis coughs and reaches her hand out to Peridot, nodding again. Peridot stares at her hand for a moment before handing the bracelet to her. Lapis looks at the bracelet and then slides it on to her wrist, holding out her arm again to admire it.

"Thanks," she murmurs with a tiny smile, before she looks away and hides her face in her hair again.

"... Y-You're welcome," Peridot smiles too.

She felt big.