Hi guys. So This is my contribution to the mass of post-'Family First' fics. I do not accept that Ziva is dead at all so I thought I'd write something. I love the idea that they meet up in Paris but I don't think that Ziva would gamble on Tony and Tali having to find her. Let me know what you guys think/ Whether I should continue?

Thanks

Tony stared at the TV set in his apartment, he couldn't tear his eyes from the screen as he had his first real moment alone, since the inferno had destroyed Ziva's farmhouse.

He had barely had a single second to himself, between taking care of Tali, being comforted by his father and meetings with Gibbs, Vance and Orli…

He knew that it had been out of love and concern that his privacy had been denied… Yet all he had wanted was to grieve Ziva alone and in peace.

After putting Tali down for the night, he had insisted his father attend a poker game he'd been invited to, against Ted Cruz… or Mark Zuckerberg… or Donald Trump… or some other vastly important CEO.

Though Senior had been reluctant, Tony had remained stoic insisting his dad should go, almost pushing him out of the door.

Even though Tali had yet to sleep through a whole night at his apartment, she was getting better and Tony had needed this time before she roused, to think.

But now he sat- in silence, eyes fixed on the blank screen.

For the first time since he was eight years old, Tony felt no desire to pick a movie to watch, so he sat.

Whenever he was sad, angry, tired or alone he would sit through a film and feel so much better; maybe her death had broken him?

Ziva David.

He had loved her more than anything for so long but had never told her and she then she had left him, almost 3 years ago, to live a life with nothing important but his job and a lifetime of regret.

But Tony had always believed that he would see her again, that they would cross paths one day and find happiness but she now she was gone, dead.

And her parting gift to him had been a child, Tali.

How could she expect him to look after a child that he hadn't known existed for 2 years, or whom filled his heart with both love and sadness every time he looked at her because she was so much like her mother?

His daughter, though he loved her fiercely, was a constant reminder of his loss.

Because he and Ziva could never end up apart, could they?

He had followed her to Somalia and brought her back and he wished that this time he could do the same.

"If I could drag her back, I'd do it in a heartbeat but that's impossible Ziva David is dead…"

They were a package deal and everyone had known it- Gibbs, the Team, Vance, Eli David…

Hell, even some their relationships had ended with their exes begging for them to become and item.

EJ's words rang in his ears:

"Ziva appreciates you…"

Of course he was angry though too.

They had both discussed having families many times, both knowing that the other had wanted one. Someday.

In these conversations about settling down, they had talked about it happening in some very distant, surreal future.

Probably because neither had found the right person - but really they had, they had been seated opposite each other in the bullpen for 8 years …

Ziva had known how Tony had longed for a family, yet she had kept his daughter secret from him.

He had missed Ziva's pregnancy, Tali's birth, her first birthday, first words and first steps….

He didn't know if she had been born late or early or how long her birth had lasted.

He didn't even know what his own daughter knew about him, besides the word 'Abba'.

Tony sighed covering his face with his hands as he breathed out- God if only Ziva had told him.

Things would be different.

She may have still been alive and he would have dropped everything to be with her, the moment she asked- without hesitation or resentment.

Tony's introspection was interrupted abruptly by a composed knock at his apartment door.

He huffed, breathing in to gather himself, clearing his eyes of tears he hadn't noticed pooling under his lash line, he couldn't let his father see him crying, not when he'd assured him he was fine so many times.

He knew it was Senior, no one else would have knocked softly so to ensure not to wake the sleeping toddler in the next room.

He should have expected his father would bail on his poker plans to check on his son, cursing his own naivety he made his way towards the door…

"I thought the earth moved"

As the door opened and Tony froze, his heart stopping as his eyes fell upon the someone- not Senior- the last someone he had expected it to be.

Time seemed to stop as he took in her face, desperately trying to remember how to breathe, unable to speak and totally stunned as one name bounced around the inside of his skull.

Ziva.

Her dark main was wild as ever, falling further down her body than it had the last time he'd seen her, devouring her shoulders as she stood at his door…

Was he dreaming?

Yes. He must be because she had died in the fire thee days ago and he had accepted that only in his wildest dreams, would he ever see her again.

Yet here she stood and Tony could have sworn that he was wide awake.

"Tony…" She whispered, surveying him, her chestnut eyes glistening in the dim light.

One word- his name, pronounced perfectly through her soft Israeli accent, just like it had been so many times and years before, cut through Tony leaving him shattered.

He was still trying to comprehend her presence, to convince himself that she was really here, and she was not one of the countless photos he'd memorized in the last few days, when he spoke.

"Ziva"

It was all he could manage without crumbling, his composure falling like paper in water.

"Tony-"

He could hear the emotion in her voice, her tone so estranged that it evoked grief within him, leaving him feeling broken to his very core.

The immensity of how much time they had almost lost hit him and before he knew what he was doing he was reaching out to her.

The moment he felt their figures meet, she melted into him.

Ziva's frame felt fragile as it shook against his own, sobs wracking her entire body.

"I am sorry- so so..."

Her voice cracked as she gulped back breaths attempting to carry on, but emotions that she had been supressing for the last three years were enveloping her.

Tony's hand had found its way into her hair as he strived to be as close as he could to her, trying to close all distance between them.

He breathed in her familiar scent as his head rested on the crook of her neck; he had always thought that she had smelt amazing, unlike anything before her- something that should be bottled and sold.

Where his body met hers, tears stained their skin, as each felt the rawness of the others pain, like a knife wound.

He never wanted this embrace to end because he knew when it did, angry words would come and then decisions about staying or leaving, about their daughter and their feelings for one another.

With each decision came the possibility of losing Ziva and, God knows he couldn't do that again.

As the pair sat on Tony's sofa in tense silence Tony was the first to speak.

"What happened in Israel, Ziva? How did you get out?"

His voice sounded hoarse from the tears that he had just cried as he eyed her cautiously.

She did not hesitate or query his right to demand such answers, but Tony had not expected her too.

She merely took a deep breath and braced herself slightly, avoiding his gaze as she began.

"I had fallen asleep early in Tali's room which was not unusual. At around 11:30 I awoke for no obvious reason- maybe it was... maternal instinct- I am not sure. But something did not feel always said to follow our guts and that is what I did- I packed the go-bag, it was just a precaution, I was not meant to need to use it only for it to settle my mind…"

Ziva recounted thoughtfully, she was still unable to meet his gaze as she relived the events of that night.

She stared profoundly at the cushion next to Tony as if it was something she had never encountered before; her mane captured her hand as she twiddled with her hair.

Tony could see the anguish recounting the story was causing her and the heartache that lay beneath the surface of her words.

"…That was until the alarm was tripped. Orli had set up certain precautions for the farmhouse in case an attack ever occurred- my father had many enemies who would like to see his legacy destroyed and she knew this, wanting to keep Tali and I safe. The alarm gave us three minutes, without which we would not be here. I grabbed Tali and left through a ground floor window. We watched the mortar attack from the edge of the orchard."

Ziva continued but Tony heard something new in her tone, guilt- a pleading with him to understand.

"I watched everything I had left burn and I knew that Tali could not be safe with me as long as any threat remained, but she could be with you. No clever assassin would willingly go after the daughter of an American federal agent in their own country when their true target was alone and unprotected. Orli knew to take Tali to you and that she would be safe. I just needed to stay hidden long enough for the threat to go away. I started to connect with old intelligence sources- though only the ones I totally trusted to remain discreet"

Her words couldn't help but hurt Tony, so he had been given Tali as a tactic rather than Ziva caring about whether he had a family or not.

He fought his desire to interrupt and express his anger at this revelation, but he knew how closed off Ziva was and how shouting her down would get him nowhere.

"When my intelligence came through- that it was Trent Kort who had ordered the attack- I anticipated that I would be in hiding for weeks- maybe less than 24 hours later I received word that he had been tracked and killed by and NCIS team- lead by one Special agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I contacted Orli who, though surprised, assured me that all other threats had been neutralised. Less than 4 hours later I was on a flight out of Tel-Aviv and now I am here"

She looked up at him, searching for a reaction. His face was like a bright white light, as she tried to hard to meet his gaze.

Her face was marked with tear tracks as she willed him to say something.

Trying to form a coherent response in his mind, all he could think of was how ironic it was that she had moved to Israel to escape NCIS yet it had seemingly followed her as she ran.

"Tali… Our daughter…why didn't you tell me?" He choked out, revealing the only question he had really needed answering.

His tone perfectly conveyed the pain and anger he felt causing a regret to wash over Ziva, like waves on a shallow beach, slowly overcoming her.

"When I found out I was pregnant wit Tali, it was almost eight weeks after you left- Eight weeks that I had spent convincing myself not to call you, that I was unworthy of your love and that I could never offer you the simple life of happiness that you deserved. I hated myself. Suddenly I was pregnant and I knew that if I was not worthy of your love I could not be worthy of the purest love coming from a child. Telling you would obligate you to come to Israel leaving everything behind: Your job, father, friends- your life Tony.I thought that I could offer you nothing that you wanted and that you would come to hate me, and by extension our child, for trapping after her birth I knew that I had made a mistake. She filled every void in my life and it was as if I had awoken, I came to my senses realising that you would not have resented us.

But how could I contact you now? It would have been obvious that I had not been going to tell you so I did all I could to make sure that she knew you."

"Don't you think that was my decision to make?"

"You do not know how much I wish that I could go back and take a different path. Everyday I regretted my decision, I thought about how it would hurt you. I will always regret that I was not strong enough to banish my demons and that you will pay for my weakness. I told Tali about you everyday, trying to ensure you were part of her life. Her first word was "Abba""

She explained, her voice little more than a whisper as she looked at him sadly.

"Tony, I do not expect you to ever be able to forgive me but-"

She continued before Tony cut across her.

"Ziva, Of course I will forgive you. It will take some time but I will eventually. I thought that I had lost you–I can't go through that again"

He knew he was angry with her but over the last few days he had realised the importance of time, facing a lifetime of lost memories alongside eight years of wasted moments in the bullpen. He knew that he couldn't spend any more time wishing he had told her he loved her, longing for her to want him.

"I love you Tony and I am so sorry for all of it."

"I love you too Ziva"

"Couldn't live without you, I guess"