ZUKO

Uncle Iroh returns to the palace about six months after the end of the siege. Fire Nation troops have largely retreated from Ba Sing Se and the Eastern Earth Kingdom; it's simply too much territory to command. Iroh seems entirely unperturbed by his younger brother taking the throne.

"Life is too short to waste worrying about who gets to sit behind a wall of flames and look down on everyone who comes in," he tells Zuko as they stroll down the Royal Gallery one evening. Ozai's portrait hasn't been added yet. "The Fire Lord hardly ever gets to go on vacation, anyways. I took a nice, long one before I came back here. I figured everyone would just forget about me."

"Where did you go, Uncle?"

"Oh, all over the world," Iroh says. They pass Fire Lord Azulon's portrait, the last on the row. "And out of this world as well."

"What do you mean?"

"There is an island in the Eastern Sea—I don't think it even has a name—but when I sailed past it, I felt such a strange compulsion, I had to stop and explore it. I don't know how it is that I got there, but I must have stumbled upon a door to the Spirit World. So I went in and searched."

"…for?" Zuko questions, before he notices where they are going. In a chamber adjacent to the Royal Gallery, a vast tapestry hangs, embroidered with the names and likenesses of the immediate royal family tree. His mother's name and image are still there, woven into the fabric, proof that she was here once.

Iroh touches his son's name and picture. "I searched, but I did not find him. Of course, the Spirit World is vast and not at all like our own. It is possible that I just did not know where to look or who to ask." He sighs deeply. "His entire battalion fell in battle, though they fought bravely until the end. His body was never recovered, so I would sometimes dream of him coming home, but…"

They stand there for a stretch in silence. "I miss him too," Zuko finally says, not knowing how else to offer comfort. He was brave? He brought down many Earth Kingdom forces? All true, but none of it was what he wanted. It was all practically for nothing.

"I know, Zuko. I am not the only one who loved him."

ZZZ

Iroh starts training Zuko in firebending not long thereafter. It's almost like having Lu Ten back, but Zuko quashes that thought quickly. No one can ever replace his cousin.

"Hmm," Iroh says after Zuko gives a demonstration, far better than the abysmal one that so disappointed his father and grandfather. "Lu Ten did well with you. I taught him everything he knew, and he clearly did not fail to pass it all on to you, except for one thing."

Zuko thinks he'd done all right, and his stomach sours. "What's that?"

"Courage. Alas, this is one thing that can't be so easily learned."

"I'm not afraid," Zuko protests.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it," Iroh says. "You start each form with measured and confident moves, but somewhere along the way, you lose that poise to overwhelming fear. Of what, I do not know. Only you can discover what it is."

Zuko does it all over again, and again after that at his uncle's direction. He does not feel as if he is gaining any ground on fear.

The weeks stretch into months. Zuko falls into a routine. Train. Avoid thinking about Mother. Avoid thinking about Lu Ten. Fail and blame himself for being weak. Sleep. Repeat.

Azula starts training with Commander Zhao, who is on temporary leave from the navy after the Eastern fleet left Ba Sing Se. Iroh speaks of Zhao with a frown. "He loves only power and does not concern himself with where that power comes from: from within or without."

Zuko privately thinks that if he had any power to speak of, he wouldn't care where it came from either. In spite of this, his firebending remains resolutely stagnant. Mediocre, uninspired, better than the average firebender's, but far short of what his father would expect, and certainly nowhere close to Azula's genius.

He trains. Avoids thinking. Fails. Sleeps. Repeats. With time and a lot more training, he eliminates the 'failing' part, namely by being so tired after training that he falls asleep almost immediately without time to think about the holes in his life. He can't control what he dreams about, though.

The months stretch into years.

Four years later…

AZULA

"Let me pass!"

"I'm sorry, Princess Azula, but only the high generals are permitted to sit in on this meeting." The imbecilic guard bars Azula from entering.

"I demand you let me in, or my father will hear about this!"

"No doubt he can hear you even now, Princess Azula. What's the problem?"

She turns to see Uncle Iroh there, and Zuko standing behind him. Excellent, finally someone she can sway.

"This guard won't let me into the war council," Azula says with much less ire than she had turned on said guard. "Please, Uncle, can't I go?"

"Oh, trust me, these meetings are terribly boring. Why don't you enjoy a cup of tea with us instead?"

I do not want tea, you stupid man, I want in on this meeting! Azula longs to shriek, but restrains herself. Time to try a different tack. "Zuko, you should be at the meeting too. Don't you want to go?"

Zuko looks surprised at the thought. "Not really, no."

Oh help me out here. Zuko's always quiet these days whenever dinner talk turns to the war. He probably still cries about Lu Ten's death at night, how pathetic. "But as the children of the Fire Lord, it's important for us to learn about battle strategy, isn't it? If you're going to be the Fire Lord one day, Zuko," though I'm crossing my fingers for a different outcome, "you especially need to start learning now."

Zuko frowns. "Well, yes, I guess it would be a good idea. Uncle, can we?"

And there we go, easy does it. "I suppose so, just as long as you don't say anything. These old generals are a bit dull, but very…sensitive." Uncle ushers them in dutifully.

AAA

Two hours later, and Azula has to agree, these meetings are more boring than watching stone erode. Still, she stays alert and listens, as does Zuko. The generals finally finish discussing supply trains and training regimens and move on to deployments.

General Bujing taps the map on the floor. "The Earth Kingdom defenses are concentrated here. A dangerous battalion of their strongest earthbenders and fiercest warriors. So I am recommending the forty-first division."

"But the forty-first is entirely new recruits," another general interjects. "How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?"

"I don't. They'll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the rear. What better to use as bait than fresh meat?"

Suddenly, Zuko stands as if to speak. "Zuko, sit down!" Azula hisses. What does he think he's doing?

He ignores her. "You can't sacrifice an entire division like that!" he exclaims. "Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?"

Everyone stares in shock at his outburst. Even the old general, unused to this kind of protest, doesn't seem to know what to do. The wall of flames separating the Fire Lord from everyone else burns brighter and higher as he stands in a rage. Azula can only make out his figure faintly. His voice rumbles forth. "Prince Zuko, you have disrespected General Bujing with your foolish words. It was not your place to speak."

Zuko looks stricken, but he doesn't quail back or cower in fear. He's stone-headed and obtuse, I'll give him that.

"For your dishonorable act, you must fight an Agni Kai. We will convene tomorrow at noon. You will not hide from this, Prince Zuko."

"I'm not afraid. I'll fight for my honor!" Zuko says, glaring at General Bujing, not even putting on a show of false bravado. He really means it.

Iroh rises and puts a hand on Zuko's shoulder. They turn towards the Fire Lord and bow; Iroh looks over and inclines his head. He means to leave. Azula makes her bow and follow them out as the meeting resumes.

"You had to get us kicked out, didn't you, Zuzu? Now I'll probably never find out the rest of Bujing's great plan to defeat the Earth Kingdom."

"Zuko, are you all right?" Iroh asks. Zuko's jaw is clenched, and his hands shake slightly at his side.

"Obviously he's not, Uncle," Azula says. "Zuko, you're just going to have to do your best. No one will fault you for losing; you're pretty much expected to."

"I don't think that's helping very much, Azula."

Zuko still hasn't said a word. "I'm going to prepare alone," he finally says. "Don't send anyone to bother me, please." He strides off, leaving them in stony silence.

"Azula, if this was your intention, you should know that an Agni Kai is no laughing matter," Iroh pronounces seriously.

"You flatter me, Uncle, but even I couldn't have orchestrated this mess as well as Zuko and his own bullheadedness. Oh well. If he's lucky, General Bujing will be old and slow, one of the easier opponents out of all the people Zuko could have picked to insult." She starts to walk away.

"You don't understand, Azula! By speaking out against General Bujing in the Fire Lord's war room, Zuko disrespected not only him, but also the Fire Lord. Your father means to duel Zuko himself."

Azula stops. Well, that makes this whole affair so much more…interesting.

"See you at noon tomorrow," she bids Iroh a crisp farewell.

ZUKO

"This isn't fair. I was just trying to stand up for those recruits who would be massacred by the Earth Kingdom forces. I know I wasn't even supposed to be there, but I couldn't sit in silence," Zuko says. "'Never give up without a fight.' And now I'll have to do just that, literally."

"I know you would feel the same. You would care for the soldiers serving under you, just like you cared for me. Why can't they all see that?"

Lu Ten regards him silently from his picture frame.

"I wish you were here." He sighs. "Well, here goes nothing. Wish me luck."

AZULA

"This will be quite the show, won't it, Princess Azula?" Commander Zhao remarks as the crowd gathers to witness the Agni Kai.

"On the contrary, I expect it won't last more than a few minutes, if that," Azula predicts. "My brother's not the brighter one out of the two of us."

"Hm. True."

In front of her, Iroh shakes his head sadly.

"Don't worry, General Iroh. Your favorite student will be fine," Zhao says condescendingly. "Agni Kai's aren't generally fought to the death unless something really important is at stake. Prince Zuko's honor is not such a huge issue."

"Silence yourself, Zhao," Iroh says. "You do not know what you speak of."

The stage is set. They are ready to begin. Azula clenches her fist in excitement as Zuko prepares to face his opponent. Does he still not know?

The gong sounds, and he turns.

He didn't know. It's written all over him.

AAA

Zuko's scream echoes around the chamber for what seems like ages. Even Zhao looks surprised, and Iroh is well on his way to complete shock. But Azula will carry this sound with her from now on. It is the sound of loss, of shame, of defeat for Zuko.

For her, it is the music of triumph.

OZAI

"Your Majesty, Prince Zuko is on his way to making a full recovery. However, his spirits are low. He eats little and sleeps less."

"I do not require the details of his mood," Ozai cuts the healer off. "I merely wish to know when he will be able to resume normal activity."

"I would say he needs one more week to regain his strength for daily activities, but longer for anything more physical. Perhaps a month on the outside."

"Very well, you are dismissed. Send for the court scribes," he orders.

"Yes, my Lord." His head attendant scurries out after the healer. Ozai folds his hands and waits, pondering his next words with care. There is no doubt that Zuko does not belong with the royal family. He is weak, just like his mother, his uncle, and his cousin. Without him, the path is clear for Azula to prepare for her role as the Avatar and the Fire Nation's greatest weapon.

"Fire Lord Ozai."

What are the Fire Sages doing here? I sent for the scribes.

"Your Majesty, we come with news for you regarding Prince Zuko," the head sage says.

He sneers. "I'm afraid I don't know who you're talking about. As of today, there is no Prince Zuko. He is to be banished."

"Your Majesty, we have determined that your son, Zuko, is the Avatar."

It can't be.

"In order for Avatar Zuko to become the fully-realized Avatar, he will need to find an earthbending master in the Earth Kingdom and begin his studies."

"Clearly your minds are addled. Zuko is not the Avatar. Azula is," Ozai says coldly. How dare they bring this blasphemy before him?

"But your Majesty, we have conducted long and careful spiritual inquiries into the matter—"

"Then your inquiries were wrong. I will not hear another word about it," he commands. This idiocy must be quashed immediately. "Azula will be trained as the Avatar. You will forget you ever thought it was Zuko. He never has been, nor will he ever be the Avatar."

The sages gape brainlessly. Why is this so hard for them to understand? Zuko's talent is barely at par, and his honor is all but gone.

"Leave me now. I will inform Azula when she turns sixteen. You will cooperate on this matter."

The sages bow and leave, shocked dumb. The court scribes enter after they are gone. Excellent.

AZULA

"Zuko?"

He's sitting upright in bed, but his head remains bowed over his thin chest. Dear, dear, has he even eaten in the week since the Agni Kai?

"Zuzu," she says louder.

He raises his head at the sound of her voice. "Azula."

"You don't look so good." His burn is bound with gauze, and most of the hair on the front of his scalp has been burned or shaved off.

"No kidding."

"I've got a message for you from Dad."

That gets his attention. "Is he pardoning me?"

"I don't know," she lies, holding out a scroll, which she of course read as soon as Father gave it to her. Zuko reaches for it but misses her hand by an inch.

"I can't see out of my left eye, or hear from that ear," he explains self-consciously. "The healers said it should be temporary."

She slaps the scroll into his hand. "Oh, Zuzu…"

"Don't say I brought this on myself. I know I did." He unwraps the scroll with clumsy fingers. "So I'm going to do whatever I can to make amends for…"

His face falls as he reads the message.

By decree of Fire Lord Ozai, Crown Prince Zuko is hereby stripped of his title and banished from the Fire Nation. He is to be sent to work in the mining colony on the Earth Kingdom coast. Pending evaluation after three years, he may be permitted to return to the Fire Nation, but not to set foot in the palace again. Commander Zhao is hereby appointed to enforce this punishment.

Violation of this decree is punishable by death.

Zuko puts down the scroll. Azula predicts his tears gathering and spilling in three…two…one. If his left eye can still shed tears, they're absorbed by the gauze.

"So do you have another message, one declaring you Crown Princess?"

"What?" She feigns incomprehension.

"Don't pretend, Azula," he says flatly, too weak to muster any spite. "You knew. Did you recommend Zhao for the job? Tired of his lessons, were you?"

"No, Dad chose him specifically. Maybe he'll have Uncle teach me now, ugh."

"Uncle wouldn't have you."

"And I wouldn't have him. Settled."

They sit in silence for a moment. "When am I leaving?"

"Dad's graciously granted you time to recover. Zhao will set sail a week from today. In the meantime, you're confined to house arrest with no visitors."

"So I'm a criminal now."

"I'm sorry it turned out this way, brother."

"No, you're not." He lies back down and faces away from her. "Just go, Azula."

She does. Poor Zuzu, utterly broken. Somehow it's not as satisfying making fun of him when he hardly has the will to respond, much less give back. She thinks she might miss him, but shakes herself mentally. She won't miss the days when she would wonder whether the Fire Nation would completely go to pieces when Zuko inherits the throne. After all, the right to rule is something you're born with, and Zuko clearly didn't have it.

I never even had to lift a finger. I really was born lucky.

ZUKO

He stares out over the port side as they pass the Black Cliffs and leave home still farther behind. Not home anymore. By decree of Fire Lord Ozai, it will never be my home again.

If he squints, he can make out the faint bump on the horizon that is Ember Island to the north. It feels as distant as his memories of the place. To think that once, he and his family were happy there. If his mother's stories are to be believed, his father had once saved him from drowning when he was trying to rescue a hermit crab from a sea hawk. And now he's tossing me to the birds. A bitter smile curls his lip, only on the right side. Any sort of facial expression still pulls the skin around his burn painfully. The scar itself feels no pain.

"Enjoying the view?" Zhao's lazy drawl breaches his silent thoughts. "Take advantage of the time you have. You'll be spending most of your days underground in the mine."

Zuko turns his face halfway towards Zhao, the half that isn't burned. "And what about you? Aren't you a little too lofty to be wasting your time babysitting me for three years, Commander?"

"Don't fool yourself. I'm not going to hang around for all that time. I've got a more important mission than that, personally entrusted to me by your father."

This is news to Zuko. "What's that?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Zhao sneers. "I suggest you don't worry yourself about it. We'll be in port in just over a week, and you'll need all your strength then." He walks away.

Zuko grits his teeth and stares back overboard. Zhao is infuriatingly smug; maybe that's why he and Azula got along so well.

ZZZ

They've been at sea for six days now, and the ship is drawing close to its destination. Soon the reality of his destiny as Zuko the Fire-prince-turned-coal-miner will face him at last.

Only two items from his life as Crown Prince accompany him. One: his broadswords—the guards had tried to take them away, but Zhao had interceded. "Let him keep them; they make him feel a little more dangerous. Not that you'll have much of an opportunity to use them, of course. Best just let them rust."

Zuko seethes at the idea that he would ever let his—Lu Ten's—swords go to waste like that. He briefly entertains the thought of gutting Zhao with them.

The second is the headpiece his mother gave him. His great-grandfather's—Sozin's? Yet he's never seen a portrait of Fire Lord Sozin wearing it. Did she mean it belonged to one of her grandfathers? Zuko realizes he knows nothing about his mother's family and her life before she came to the palace. And now he will never have the opportunity to find out.

A storm is gathering, has been all afternoon. With the ship groaning and rocking on the waves, Zuko doubts he'll be able to fall asleep at all tonight. He sits down on the floor of his room below decks, knees drawn up and arms wrapped around his legs. Idly, he pulls the gold headpiece out of his pocket. He flicks his eyes towards the mirror. His ponytail sprouts rather ridiculously from the back of his mostly bare head like an unruly weed. Zuko wouldn't call himself vain about his looks, but he has to admit that now Azula outstrips him even in that department.

The jostle of his swords in their sheath as the ship rattles beneath his feet gives him an idea. He draws one sword and with a single directed swipe, cuts his ponytail down to half its length. Now it's short enough to cram into a formal topknot, though Zuko realizes he's a little ironically late to Fire Nation fashion. He slides the headpiece on over it, secures the pin, and looks in the mirror again. Honestly, it still looks a little foolish, unstably nestled against his topknot.

"Stupid," he mutters. It's all he has left of his mother, though. He doesn't even have a picture of her. Sometimes he thinks he might be forgetting her face, but then he dreams of her, of her drawn and devastated eyes as she leaves his room for the last time. They haunt him as he slips, at last, into fitful slumber.

ZZZ

The first thing he notices is that his scar is gone, the skin smooth and pale, as if he had never been burned. The second thing is that he's not wearing the headpiece anymore. Third, he's not looking at his reflection in a mirror, but in a pond. In fact, it's the pond in the palace gardens where he used to feed turtleducks with his mother, so long ago now.

Something stirs, and he raises his head to see a man in yellow robes sitting cross-legged in the air above the water, with no visible means of support.

"Hello, Zuko." He inclines his head; he's got a blue arrow running down his scalp and the backs of his hands. An airbender? "I am Avatar Tenzin, your predecessor."

Zuko vaguely recalls one of his few history lessons with Lu Ten. "Avatar Tenzin? But…you're dead. Sorry," he appends. "Wait… predecessor?"

Tenzin smiles graciously. "Don't be sorry. It is only because I am dead that you are able to speak with me at all, Avatar Zuko."

"But I'm not the Avatar," he says reflexively. "I'm just…Zuko." Certainly I'm not Prince Zuko anymore.

"How do you know you aren't?"

"Well, because I think someone would have told me that before my father banished me from the Fire Nation!" Zuko gets up and paces around the pond. "If I were the Avatar, I wouldn't be here right now! I would have my honor and my father's love and a clear path to the throne. I wouldn't be shipped off to spend the rest of my days in an Earth Kingdom colony."

"You are the Avatar, Zuko. Just look around you."

Around the garden, there stand dozens of men and women of various nations. There is a Water Tribe man with a wolf-bear pelt slung over his head, a woman in a green kimono and white face paint, a woman in yellow Air Nomad robes like Tenzin's, and to the fore stands an old man in crimson robes, his hair bound in a top knot with the gold headpiece from Zuko's mother.

"That's…" Zuko starts, but the old man and everyone else wink out of sight, leaving him alone with Tenzin once more. "My great-grandfather?"

"Avatar Roku, the former Avatar of the Fire Nation. He and all the past Avatars are part of you. If you look deep within yourself, you will be able to speak with them."

Zuko crouches down and touches the water with one finger, as his mother would. No ducks come, though. "If I'm the Avatar, does that mean… what does that mean? For me, for the world? There can't be harmony in a world where an entire nation is missing. But how can I restore it? I've lost everything in my life. I've lost all hope."

Tenzin shakes his head. "No, Zuko. There is always hope. It is something you give yourself. But a little inspiration from others can go a long way, and I think I can help you there."

"You can?"

"Yes." Tenzin stands, his feet still inches off the pond surface. "There are some people in the world of the living that you should meet. I will try to—"

A sudden quake shudders through the garden, but Tenzin seems to take no notice. Zuko stumbles to his feet. The pond ripples, and mist rises, obscuring the airbender.

"Tenzin?" Zuko can no longer hear him. A bolt of lightning splits the sky before darkness falls.

ZZZ

Zuko lurches upright in bed and meets his reflection in the mirror. It's him, all right, with his scar and Roku's headpiece on. So that was all a dream. Of course.

Thunder cracks outside, and he feels the ship pitching and tossing on the waves. No wonder he woke up. He slips out of bed and almost falls flat on his face. It's been so long since he was on a ship. He ascends to the deck, clutching at the railing every step of the way. The lone helmsman is at the other end and doesn't see him. Zuko watches the restless sea and the lightning that strikes every now and then. He wishes he knew how to summon lightning. Uncle Iroh had promised to teach him, before all this happened.

But even if I could, what good would that do? How would that help me carry out the mission of the Avatar? If I were the Avatar, that is. Which I'm not.

The storm still does not break; if anything, it's getting worse. If Zuko were particularly poetic, he might compare it to his current spirits, but that was more Uncle's domain. Lu Ten wasn't too bad either.

Lu Ten, Uncle Iroh, his mother, they're all gone now. He even misses Azula, a little bit. Just the bit of her that could sometimes be kind and fun-loving. A very tiny bit.

He pretends the tears he's blinking back are from the ocean spray and not from missing home. It is very misty, and the air is half salt water from the relentless waves beating against the side of the ship. He leans over the railing a little farther, and the ship tilts forward at the exact moment a wave twice as high as Zuko's head breaks over him. He loses his grip on the railing and goes, almost willingly, overboard.

A/N: This chapter is the last of the first installment of the Avatar Zuko series. The story continues in Book 2, which picks up immediately after Book 1 (Zuko is not going to drown). Why am I dividing them into separate stories? 1) Mainly for organizational purposes; that way if I ever want to reread a certain moment, I can more easily locate it instead of being baffled by a long list of chapters. 2) It sounds more legit when I call each work a Book :D

Book 2 is called time crawls on (when you're waiting for the song to start) [from "Phoenix" by Fall Out Boy, one of my faves], and will cover Zuko's leaving the Fire Nation and learning earthbending and meeting new friends, growing up, and such stuff. This is going to be a long series, with a total of 6 books planned.

By the way, thank you so much to everyone who has commented/favorited/followed/read this fic at all! It is so nice to know that my hours upon hours of writing fanfiction when I should be doing responsible adult things have at least not been in vain. You all are the best :*

Notes: archiveofourown dot org /works/7019827/chapters/16345484