She's not supposed to be thinking about this.

Hell, she knows she isn't. She's not Wynonna, she's not brave.

And she's lying in bed with her boyfriend, who could have died today, and-

She's thinking about Nicole.

It pains her to even admit it to herself.

Champ has his arm over her waist and she should be grateful, she should be thanking her stars he's here with her.

But all she can think about is Nicole's face and the way their hands touched and how grateful she was to see her. And how when they touched it lit a fire in her belly and how suddenly, Champ's lips and arms on her just felt wrong.

She's always been the impulsive one, the one sneaking out the window late at night when Gus was asleep to go kiss boys (not steal things like her sister,) the one who never got caught.

But now all she wants to do is throw off the covers and make up an emergency just so Nicole will show up at her door with concern in her eyes.

Guilt floods her face at the thought of what Champ said, how something about her seemed wrong, off. And embarrassment follows soon after when she thinks of how Champ was kissing her and later, fucking her, and she found herself looking for curves and softness that weren't there.

God, she is so fucked.

Really she's not even supposed to be here in Champ's bed. Her room back at the homestead is waiting for her, and her sister is waiting for her.

But he almost died for Christ's sakes so she felt obligated to stay here, to sleep with him.

She is not Wynonna. Wynonna wouldn't even be with Champ in the first place, Wynonna would tell him to fuck off and maybe she would flirt back with Officer Haught instead of grinning like an idiot and blushing whenever she looked her way.

But she's tired of being in her sister's shadow, tired of wondering what Wynonna would do.

And it's not like Wynonna would be disappointed in her kissing a girl, Lord knows she's done it before.

Waverly thinks back to a night they had at Gus's, three in the morning Wynonna sneaking in through Waverly's window and smelling like gardenias, cheeks flushed.

"Where were you?"

Wynonna's eyes were bright. "Go back to sleep, Waverly."

"You smell different."

She was sixteen. Accusing, looking up to her sister and at the same time wanting nothing to do with her.

"I said go back to sleep."

But Wynonna's tone lacked the harshness it normally did.

"Who were you kissing?" Waverly asked, because she knew that look in her sister's eyes.

"None of your business."

"Come on," Waverly whined, because even at sixteen she knew how to charm her sister.

Wynonna rolled her eyes. "Fine. You know that waitress down at Shorty's? Lili Anne?"

Waverly's eyes widened. "You didn't."

"I did."

Wynonna plopped herself down on Waverly's bed as Waverly scooted forward and wrapped her arms around her knees.

"What's it like?" she asked. "Kissing a girl?"

Wynonna shrugged. "Nice, I guess. Different from kissing a boy. But nice."

Waverly felt heat go up her own face. "Does Gus know?"

"Nah, not like she'd care. I've done worse," Wynonna said, grinning. Then her grin softened. "What? You thinking about doing it?"

Waverly shrugged. "I dunno. Not right now. I like boys, and Bo Ember's still keen on me, so. He promised to take me to homecoming."

Wynonna smiled. "Well, little sister. I won't care either way."

Thinking about that conversation now is a weight pressing on Waverly's chest. Not like she can break up with Champ now, not since he's almost come back from the dead. Not like she can add any more stress to Wynonna's life.

Besides, she's supposed to be investigating the Earp curse. And investigators have more on their plates than kissing officers behind Shorty's…

She wishes she could talk to Shorty about this. She doesn't even care what he'd think, and suddenly, the ache of missing him and the confusion of wanting Nicole is too much, and Waverly brings her knees up to her chest and tries to stifle a sob.

Champ stirs, face pressing into her back.

She thinks he's going to say something, comfort her (or try to), but all he does is mumble something about cows and roll over again, taking half the covers with him and leaving Waverly cold and alone.