A/N: Okay, this is a long one. I'd like to thank K'Arthur for beta reading this chapter for me. I know it was a long undertaking! I also apologize about the silly-looking scene breaks. The uploader doesn't like my six asterisks, so I've settled on ten "o"s. It's the best I could think of, and it works (I hope).

Gebler Special Forces: Chapter 5

The Plains of Kislev

Victor stared in bewildered silence, as did Knute, who stood beside him, staring after Renk as his form disappeared into the night.

The chaos on the streets was obvious as screams, both close and from afar, rose from the night. Renk had not been the only one to change, that was certain. But...

Victor had completely forgotten about Vance, who now came out of the bathroom cautiously.

"He's...gone?" Vance asked, his voice as quiet and scared as a child's.

Victor could only nod in response. "I don't...he's...yeah, he's gone..."

Vance rushed over to something that had been left on the bed. Victor hadn't noticed before that there was a small hand-held device lying there, a green light on it flashing away slowly.

"I'm going after him. I can't let him die. I won't let it happen," Vance said, quickly gathering his things.

"What's going on? What is this? What happened?" Knute asked, his tone both numb and horrified.

"I don't have time to explain it. Let's just hurry. And be battle ready," Vance said.

Victor waited for Knute to move, but he was still in shock. He could barely make sense of it himself. One minute they were all together, probably for what would have been the last night. Vance and Renk were working on some sort of experiment with the machine. Knute had just returned to the room... The sky had lit up with falling stars... Then...

Nothing about it made sense.

Regardless, he trusted Vance. Somehow the younger soldier knew something that he didn't. If Vance said to be battle ready, Victor decided it would be in his best interests to listen.

"Hey, Knute...snap out of it, will you? We've got to go and look for Renk."

Knute sat down numbly on the bed. "Yeah...I...guess..."

Victor sighed, feeling a bit better knowing that Knute was snapping out of it. He took Knute's pistol out of the drawer and gave it to him. "Okay, then. Let's get out of here."

oooooooooo

Several hours had passed, and the only light on the open plain was Vance's small worklight.

"Think you'll have it fixed soon?" Helm asked Vance, who was looking at the small device he had created as a tracking device.

Vance was completely bewildered as he looked at the small device in his hand. "Must be a loose wire or something. But I can't think anymore. I'll look at it again in the morning and hope Renk doesn't remember that he's got the thing hooked up to him."

Stratski stretched. "That's actually sort of good. I'm exhausted. I can't walk anymore."

"Yeah. I think we should all get some rest. I've had a long day. There's nothing we can do until morning, anyway. I'm sure Renk will be okay. We'll pick up his trail tomorrow. He's probably closer than we think," Helm stated.

"Yeah, he probably is. I mean, how much can he run, anyway? He's older than all of us," Stratski chimed in.

"You'd be surprised. He has amazing speed and strength now," Vance spoke absently, almost as if it was only to himself.

Helm gave Vance a confused look, but Vance chose not to elaborate further on it.

Helm eventually said, "Well, I still don't think he'll get that far. So don't worry about it."

Vance nodded. "Well, I'm going to just rest quietly for a bit. See if I can clear my head. I might be able to think better with a bit of rest."

"I'm just going to stay up for a bit longer," Stratski said. "We'll be quiet so you can rest."

Vance nodded, turned his back from them, and lowered his head onto his arms. Resting in a quiet place helped him rejuvenate slightly, and he knew he would need it. He fought the urge to close his eyes entirely, despite how the exhaustion ripped through him.

It was pointless even trying to work on his broken device at the moment. Instead, his mind drifted back for a moment to when he'd given Renk the other half.

"And this thing is supposed to do what, exactly?"

"It's a tracking device. You leave this little receiver with something or someone who might get lost. If you do end up losing it, you can use this other piece with the light lead you back to it. The light blinks faster the closer you are to it and should beep when you've found it. It works on things within this room, but I designed it to be used for long range, and I haven't tested that function of it yet. Which is why I'm giving it to you. How deep are your pockets?"

"This thing won't fall out. They're pretty deep. So what do you want me to do?"

"Just...go somewhere. Somewhere sort of far from here. I'll wait about fifteen minutes for you to get there, then I'll come and try to find you. Assuming it works alright."

"Oh, it'll work. Your other stuff seems to."

"Yeah...but everything still needs a test."

"Heh. Happy to oblige. Besides, it's about time I get outta this stuffy room and go for a good walk. I'm actually in the mood. How about that?"

"That's great, Renk. So you're feeling a bit better?"

"Yeah...a bit. Enough for a good walk in the night air. You should be getting out, too. We both need to get out of this room for a bit."

Vance sighed. For a brief moment, it had seemed like Renk was going to be okay. And everything changed so rapidly...

Vance brought out his book again and began to write.

I really shouldn't be stopping to write in this, but I'm tired, and I admit that I can't think anymore. After tonight, there's little chance I'll be able to sleep, either. Seeing Renk...like THAT...brings back too much. So I'm letting my mind rest by writing this. It's the only thing I can do.

Thankfully, my tracking device was working fairly well until a few minutes ago. I'm not sure what the problem is, but I'm pretty sure it's on my end. I can't think of what I've done wrong. As I said, I'm far too tired to figure it out right now. I'm glad I made the thing, though. Co-incidence that Renk and I were just about to test it when this happened. I don't know how long we would have searched in that city for him. He bolted right for the city outskirts, and seems to be wandering out here, in the Plains of Kislev. I only hope that when we find him, it won't be too late to do something.

Not that I know what to do. Or even if it's really safe to do so. But I can't abandon him. Not this time. Now that I have some control over things, I'll change things. I won't let history repeat itself.

Vance put his journal in his pack quickly and leaned back into the grass. Regardless of how hard the ground beneath him was, he didn't feel it. He'd been fighting sleep the entire time he'd been writing, that incessant urge to sleep. He'd managed to catch the odd catnap in the days they were in Nortune, but only when Renk was awake and watching to see if he was beginning to dream. Now there was nobody to wake him if it happened. And he still wasn't ready to face his nightmares.

Stratski and Helm had already fallen asleep, it seemed. Good. They wouldn't know he was planning to stay up all night. He couldn't tell them why he feared sleep so much. They'd laugh and say he was weak, he knew it. Vance knew that was a bad reason, but who liked being ridiculed?

Vance looked up, and saw that the sun's orange glow was tickling the edge of the horizon. Sunrise already. How long had they been out here travelling, following Renk? All night. And likely they would be all day. Vance hadn't thought of how he'd capture Renk when or if they did catch up to him, but he supposed that would be another thing to deal with when the time came. There were too many things that couldn't be said for certain.

He looked at his device again, trying to focus on it instead of thoughts of sleep. Now that he'd cleared his mind slightly, he saw that the problem with the tracking device had just been a loose wire. He cursed himself for missing such an obvious problem, but supposed it was just that he needed more sleep. He quickly re-soldered the wire and tested it. The green light flashed again, humming softly when Vance pointed it towards the north-west. Renk hadn't gone much off course, it seemed.

Vance wanted to stand and announce that they could continue on, but his legs wouldn't co-operate. Instead, he felt his eyelids close, and he couldn't fight to keep them open. At least until he saw a light shining in his eyes from above. Vance jolted awake and saw the gear approaching them from a distance, its lights trained on their makeshift camp.

Helm and Stratski were also up and staring towards it, looking alarmed.

"I don't like this..." Stratski mumbled to himself, but everyone could hear him.

"Nah..." Helm replied.

"It's not one of Solaris' gears...it's too makeshift," Helm said, and Vance agreed. This gear wasn't graceful enough to be one of the Gebler fleet.

"It's definitely coming this way..." Helm spoke. "Should we hide?"

"Where? There's nowhere to hide," Stratski said quietly.

Vance's eyes never left the gear as it landed about fifty feet from them. He stood quickly, holding his pistol in check as the cockpit slowly opened.

At first, the person standing there seemed threatening, especially since the pilot's large form ran from the cockpit towards them. But then Vance felt foolish upon realizing who it was.

"Oh, thank God youse guys are okay!" came the voice.

"Finn!" Vance exclaimed.

"Oh, Vance, Stratski, Helm...I'm just so glad youse guys are safe!" Finn grabbed Stratski in a bear hug which nearly strangled the life out of the smaller-statured man.

"Uh...urk...it's good to see you too, Finn...ugh...now let me go..."

"Oh, uh..." Finn released him. "Yeah. Sorry."

Stratski coughed in response.

"Wait..." Finn said, surveying the crowd. "Where's Renk?"

The silence became thick. Stratski opened his mouth to tell him, but the look in Finn's eyes told that he had already figured it out.

"No...not Renk, too..." Finn spoke numbly. "It can't be true..."

"Yeah...it is..." Helm said.

"Sorry, Finn."

"Is he still alive?" Finn asked.

"We think so. We're looking for him. He ran out this way, but we haven't found him yet."

Finn sighed in relief. "Well then, there's a chance...a bigger chance than mom and Vehra had..."

"Them, too?"

Finn was silent as if remembering it all. Vance remembered how close Finn had been to his family, and for him, losing them would be a terrible blow. And they had been such nice people...

A flash of memory came over Vance, but he shook it off. This wasn't the time.

"I'd rather not talk about it... but mom... dad... and Vehra... they're not coming back to this world..." Finn spoke lowly. The tone in his voice, the thought that it had all been taken away from him in an instant...

"Holy..." Helm said. "This thing has spread as far as Dazil..."

Vance couldn't hold back his tears. It was too much. This was all becoming too much...

"Hey, Vance...you okay?" Finn asked him.

Vance approached him. "I understand..." he said softly to Finn. "I'm so sorry..."

Finn took Vance in his arms, but was gentler with him than he had been with Stratski.

"Thanks, Vance. You're a pal..."

"Uh huh..."

Finn released Vance, who hurriedly wiped his eyes. Nobody was staring at him. Good.

"Have you heard any reports on the airwaves on what's going on?" Helm asked.

Finn scratched his head. "Well...a bit. A couple transmissions from Solaris, and I think another one from Bledavik. Things aren't looking good. This thing's something like a disease, they said. It's pretty wide-spread. Even some people in Solaris have changed. It's indi...indes...indes-something."

"Indiscriminate?" Stratski corrected.

"Yeah! I think that was the word..." Finn said. "It's bad, right?"

"Oh, yeah. It's bad, alright," Stratski spoke.

Helm stepped in. "Do they have any ideas on a cause? Or a cure?"

Finn shrugged. "Lots of ideas floatin' around. Nothing solid, though. I've been listening all the way here to find youse guys, and nothing."

Helm stretched. "Well, it's great to have you back, Finn. And good to see that you're okay, too."

"Yeah," Stratski agreed. "Now if only we could find Renk..."

"Wouldn't it be easier ta find him with the gear I took? We can see him much better from the sky..."

"Hey, Finn's right," Helm said. "Even a civilian gear like this is faster than a man on foot. Now we know what direction he went in. Or do we? Vance, did you fix your machine?"

Vance nodded. "Easily."

"Good. Who's going to go up first?"

"Renk's gonna be way too strong for just one of us guys," Finn said. "Better get a couple of us to go."

Vance nodded. "Helm, you and Stratski stay behind in the camp. I'll go with Finn, since I know how to use my tracking device."

"Yeah, okay."

Finn hopped back into the cockpit of the worker gear, and Vance squished into a small corner, the only room left inside due to Finn's large gait.

"We'll have to be careful," Finn said. "He might be Renk, but he's gonna be dangerous. Bein' like that makes them crazy, and it won't matter we're buds to him."

"I know, Finn. I know all too well. Let's just go and find him."

oooooooooo

Finn pressed the gear northward. It had taken a bit of time for Vance to regain his track on Renk, but he was eventually successful. The light was flashing quicker now, indicating that they were closer to their goal.

"Is he close, Vance?" Finn asked while he drove the gear northbound.

"I think so. My machine does, anyway. He's stopped moving. He's probably hiding in those mountains over there."

"I hope that thing you said you stuffed in his pocket didn't fall out."

"I hope not," Vance said quietly. He was worried about that possibility himself, but he couldn't think of that. They would catch up to Renk. Even as he was, there was no way he could outrun a gear.

"Keep going straight?"

"Yes. Towards those mountains."

Finn nodded, kicking up the speed on the gear and racing them closer to Renk.

oooooooooo

They're close...really close...but...I can't run anymore.

Please, guys...just...leave me alone and let me die like this. Don't want...to hurt you guys...

That smell...blood...delicious...so hungry...

"Renk!" a voice called out. The smell of food so overwhelming...the ache in his heart overwhelming...

"Get away! Don't look for me! Go back to Nortune an' don't follow me GURK "

"Renk, where are you?" A different voice. Finn? Why was he here?

He smells delicious...

He's my friend...but...I'm so hungry...

"Go away! All of you, just go away!"

"We're here to help!"

If they truly wanted to help, they'd leave me here. They just care about me too much... Damn...

"I think his voice is coming from this way."

"But my machine says he's THIS way..."

The machine...so that's how they found me... I shoulda thought of that and smashed it...

They're close now. Really close. They smell...irresistible. Gotta fight...the urge ta...

BEEP BEEP BEEP... the machine's sharp tone emitted three times in the air, startling him. Finn stepped out before him.

His blood...smells...so good...can't resist...trying him...

Renk lunged for his neck, but Finn raised his arm before he could reach him. Renk latched on to Finn's forearm, biting deep into his skin...tearing it open with his sharp teeth...

Finn's scream rose in Renk's ears and couldn't be drowned out by the rush of Finn's blood into his own, filling his need for food and so much more...

Why's he got to scream? Why's he remindin' me that I care for him like a brother? How can I have done this? How? But...I'm so hungry and he tempted me.

I want more...

oooooooooo

"Oh, no! Finn!" Vance called out.

Vance watched as a man only vaguely resembling Renk jumped from a hiding spot behind a rock and was now latched onto Finn's arm. He had been so fast...

Vance knew how dangerous the situation had become. Finn was too stunned to react. He would have to move fast. He felt a rush of energy and decided to use it. He had readied the shackles and approached Renk from behind...

"Vance! Look out!" Finn shouted.

Vance felt a hard impact in his chest and hit the ground before he had even realized he'd been hit. Renk had sent him flying as if he'd been weightless. It took him a few moments to realize he wasn't in any major pain and to clear his thoughts. Renk growled like an animal, but otherwise stood there and didn't make a sound. His expression was filled with despair.

"Renk...please...let us..."

"I warned you to... GURKLE ...stay... KHEK ..."

"Never. I can't abandon you, Renk," Vance said. "Now calm down long enough for us to control you."

"C-can't... You smell so good...so hungry...I'm..."

Renk looked at Finn and paused. Vance could tell something in him was changing. Renk cupped two deformed hands over his head and his mouth began to quiver.

"I - I'm... GHACK ...so sorry, Finn. I'm..."

Renk slipped to his knees, holding out his arms. "I'm not fully formed yet...I'm...I'm gonna go completely...eventually... but...for now...I can still resist...for short periods of time. Lock me up while I'm strong enough to hold back..."

Vance was stunned by how Renk's demeanor had changed so quickly. But he didn't have any time to waste. He quickly shackled Renk's wrists and ankles with the Gebler-issued bindings from their survival packs.

"Weird...I never saw the point of these shackles and it turns out we needed them after all," Vance spoke quietly.

"It was ta arrest insulated Lambs...that's what they told me in training," Finn chimed in, though was gritting his teeth in pain.

"In - in - ghuck...insolent Lambs.." Renk corrected.

"Renk, don't try to talk if it's so hard."

Vance felt Renk would be fine alone for a few moments while he went over to Finn.

"Are you alright?"

"Uh...ow...er...yeah. It's not so bad. But I guess I should bandage it up. Got some first aid stuff in my pack."

Vance nodded, and went to get it. He quickly prepared some disinfectant and gauze bandage.

"Okay, Finn...show me the wound."

"Well...I can do it myself. This is somethin' I'm good at, ya know."

"Just let me help. I'm not the best at this, but I'll do better with two arms than you will with just one."

Finn removed his hand from the wound, and Vance saw that it really was worse than Finn had let on. It seemed a relatively large chunk of the skin on Finn's forearm had been torn away.

"Why didn't you just tell me it was this bad?"

"I didn't want ta worry you, Vance. And really...it's not as bad as it looks...GAH! That stings!"

Vance continued to apply the antiseptic, silently. "Whatever. Just give me a break next time, okay? I'm not stupid and I can handle this sort of stuff, you know."

"Yeah...I know ya can. Sorry Vance...I just..."

"Ah, never mind...anyway...It shouldn't take us long to get back," Vance said. "Twenty minutes, max. This gear isn't as nice as a Solaris one, but it's still faster than any land vessel."

Renk nodded solemnly. "Yeah..."

"We'll have to carry you outside, in the gear's arms. Sorry, Renk. I hope you understand," Vance replied.

"It's okay, kid. I know why."

Vance nodded. "Finn and I promise that we won't lose you."

"Nope! I won't lose you. Uh uh..." Finn said.

Renk was still quiet. Vance would have asked him what was wrong, but he knew it was obvious.

"You guys didn't have to come for me. I'm done for...this is the end," Renk eventually spoke, not even looking at them.

"Hey, no way, Renk! We'd never abandon you just 'cause this happened. And there's probably some way ta cure it!" Finn spoke.

Vance nodded. "That's true. We'll find a way. Now let's go. Helm and Stratski are waiting back at camp. Then we'll decide what to do from there."

"T - thanks...you can bear to look at me?"

"Renk...you're our friend...right? We can't just leave you like this. We've got to find a way to cure you, am I right?"

"I guess so..."

"We'll find it. We will," Vance said.

oooooooooo

Victor and Knute sat quietly for a long time, staring off into the horizon in the direction where Vance and Finn had gone off to find Renk. The two had built a roaring fire with kindling they'd found, and the atmosphere felt just as it had been many years before on their first day on the open plain. It was only natural that Victor's mind would wander to a time when they'd been much younger.

"What are you thinking about?" Victor asked Knute quietly. He wondered if his mind was also on that time.

Knute paused, as if thinking on whether he should say something, but then began, "Nothing much, really. Well...okay. I'm actually thinking about my dad..."

Victor sighed. "I see."

"I mean, it's not that I'm really upset he'd dead or anything...but..." Knute paused for a careful moment. He still stared into the distance, his eyes unfaltering. "Oh, I don't know...there was just so much happening all at once, I guess..."

"A lot's happened in just less than a month, huh?"

Knute nodded lightly. "You know...sometimes...I think of my life, and how it's gone. All those little fragments that I have...and I see the future I wanted to have...a home, a wife...maybe kids... a bigger dream than I could ever have. I envied Renk, his life, at times... But now everything's all wrong. Destroyed. All that's left is this broken world. A world with no future. No happiness... and no light."

Victor nodded lightly. "I know how that feels," he said quietly. "My dreams are all gone, too. None of it seems to matter anymore. Or what does matter is impossible."

"So...you're still going to go back to Nortune to take that job?"

Victor hadn't thought about it. It had seemed so clear before all this had happened. But...

"Probably. Eventually. But I can't abandon Renk. He means too much to me. More than my own dad, for sure. But... I guess there will always comes a time when you have to stop dreaming and get on with life. I still don't have any skills useful to the world here on the surface. That job my dad offered me is really my only chance of making it down here."

Knute sighed, almost as if he wasn't listening to him. Victor knew that everything they had learned in Nortune was having a much heavier burden on Knute than he'd ever let on. But Knute sometimes just needed time to work things out for himself. Besides, Victor knew he wasn't going to be around forever. As much as he wanted to be, he would probably eventually have to part ways with his best friend and go back to Nortune. As much as that was killing Victor inside.

"Do you remember any more of how we were in a much younger day? Before Solaris kidnapped us?" Victor said. He was trying to change the subject and put Knute's mind on something else. He laughed lightly, "It's strange when I think back on it - how innocent we were back then. We had that dream... We were going to change the world, overthrow Kaiser Sigmund, and lead Kislev into democracy. Or so Manarin kept telling us."

"We could have done it, Vic. You and me... we could have made something of that city - of all of Kislev. It wasn't just because Manarin inspired us...we truly believed in the cause. Or at least I did."

"Hey, I did, too. Don't misunderstand me."

"Yeah, I know."

"What happened was kinda different then we planned, right?"

"I'll say. Considerably."

"Regrets?"

"Nah, not really. At least we were together, right?"

"Right."

The two sat silently again, staring off into the distance.

Victor sighed again. He knew the future, but he thought of what he could say that would put Knute more at ease. "I think that for the next little while, we can't really think too far ahead about anything. The world is in chaos, and we don't know where we fit in the whole picture yet. I'm sure there's a place for you somewhere, Knute. I know there is."

"Uh huh."

More silence.

"I'm sure those guys have found Renk and are on their way back. I've just got a feeling."

Knute nodded. "I know. I don't think Vance will ever give up looking for him. But...I don't know if I want to see Renk. He's...well, I don't know. Like something out of a nightmare, I guess. I guess thinking that makes me a horrible jerk."

"Nah. Not at all. I understand. But...remember... Even if he's no longer the same Renk we knew once, he's still the Renk we knew once. If that makes any sense. I don't know anymore."

"It does."

"Good." Victor stretched. "Man, I'm still tired. Only got a couple hours of sleep. It's been a very long couple of days, and we're going to need our strength..."

Victor looked over at his friend, who had his head resting on his knees. He could tell Knute was already asleep.

"Be joining you soon, Knute," Victor said, leaning back and closing his eyes.

oooooooooo

A horrified scream tore through the darkness of the desert night. Finn awoke with a start, his heart beating quickly. What was going on? Who had screamed? The worst thing about it was that Finn recognized it, and it was coming from inside the house. He rose quickly, taking the revolver he still had from his service in Gebler, and went to investigate.

His father's voice was rising loudly above the screams of his mother, even though his words were indistinguishable. What was going on? Had a burglar broken into the house? No. This was plenty worse. Finn could tell.

His father's voice melted into a blood-tinged shriek...

The bedroom door was locked, but Finn kicked it down.

A mottled creature was hunched over his father's torn body, blood dripping from its fingers... That monster had...had...killed him. Torn him to bits...

Dad... The dad who he had looked up to, the one who had taught him everything about business. The one who had been so proud with every accomplishment he had made...

But...wait...it...it was no monster... He knew it when it hopped off his father and stood before him. Despite the profound deformity, Finn knew those eyes...his mother's kind eyes.

"Oh...my GOD!" Finn shouted. "Dad, mom! What...why...?"

For a moment she stopped and looked at him with a pleading expression. She was frightened and in severe pain...She lunged for her son like a wild animal. Finn dropped his gun in shock, but was still able to grab her wrists. The feel of her mottled skin sent shivers down his back. This small woman had become so strong. She fought his grip, but fortunately he was still stronger.

"Why... I don't understand..." Finn's eyes were stinging with tears. She was still glaring at him, as if not realizing who he even was...that was what hurt him the most.

"Ma, don't you recognize me...?"

She growled, nothing more than a low gurgle. Her struggle to get free became ever more desperate.

"No, ma...I ain't gonna let you go...I can't let you do this...whatever's happened to ya, there's gotta be some way to stop it..."

"Bblood..." she murmured. "Need...b-blood..."

Finn hated to do it, but he shoved his mother into the wall. She looked slightly hurt, but still rose quickly.

"Ma...stay back... I don't wanna hurt you..."

She cocked her head and looked at him, confused. "FFiFinn...y..."

Thinking she might be talking some sense again, he sighed in relief.

His mother looked around the room...at her eviscerated husband... Finn's face... her blood-covered hands. She looked horrified for a split second before she tore off through the window...

He watched after her and remembered the mother he had been so close to...the one who taught him how to cook and clean and keep the house spotless. The one who had always handled his questions so gently and honestly even when he hadn't been too bright, and been there to listen when he needed someone.

Finn knew he had to go after her. He picked up his revolver and turned to leave the room. But he couldn't. Someone else was standing there. It was another one...but this time it was even easier to know who this was...

"Vehra... oh, no...not you too..."

"Grrraaaah..." she moaned. "F-F-Finnnnn...h-help...m-m...e..."

He cocked his head slightly. "Vehra, I don't know what's going on here...I don't...but... I wanna help..."

"GRAAAAAH!"

Before he knew it, Vehra had also lunged for him. However, unlike his mother, Vehra was almost as strong as he was, and whatever had happened to make them both like this had made them much stronger. Vehra was able to throw him to the ground.

Finn had never been so frightened in his life. Would his life end at the hands of his own sister? What was happening here that changed the people he loved into monsters?

Vehra lunged, her sharp claws ready to tear into his flesh...but then there was a shot...and his sister slumped to the floor. He hadn't even realized he'd picked up his revolver and pulled the trigger.

"VVehra...I...I'm...oh...no..."

"G...g...rrrrrraaaaa..." Vehra moaned.

He jumped to her side. "Vehra, you still kicking? Oh, I'm so sorry I shot you! I have to do somethin'...somethin' ta help youse guys...but I don't even know what the hell's going on..."

Vehra's breath was shallow, and her eyes were slightly glazed over. But Finn held on to the hope he hadn't hurt her too badly.

"F-F-innnn...nnnn...you...did...h-help...me...don't...don't wa wanna live like... this...t-thank...you..."

"Wait...Vehra...don't...don't die...just like..." Just like dad, he thought.

Vehra breathed in once sharply, wheezing...but that was her final breath.

Vehra had left him...the sister who had protected him, kept him from being picked on, laughed at him and with him, too...the one who always told it like it was, spoke her mind...

The tears flowed bitterly down his eyes. He had never expected to lose them... and certainly not like this! And where had his mother gone? She was out there...

There was another scream from outside the house. Despite all that had happened, he had to try and find his mother. Yes, she had done a horrible thing, but it was because whatever this was had driven her mad. Nobody loved his dad more than she did...

Finn left the revolver on the floor next to Vehra. He was too afraid he'd use it again. He didn't care what happened to him. He had lost almost everyone he loved, anyway...

His mother hadn't gone far. She was in the street, holding the cuff of a male Finn didn't know. There were other mutants like her around, causing equal amounts of havoc, but he only saw her.

"Mom! No, stop it!"

Finn saw that a city guard had a gun trained on his mother from across the street.

"Wait, no! Don't shoot her!"

BANG!

The man dropped from his mother's grip...and then his mother also dropped.

It was all over. They were all gone...

He was alone once again...

"We're almost back at the camp," Vance spoke, snapping Finn out of his memories. He was happy for the interruption.

"Good. But...then what?" Finn asked.

Vance continued flying the gear silently.

"No idea, right?"

"No," Vance replied.

"Well...we'll take it a day at a time, right?"

"Yeah. I guess that's all we can do. Was there anywhere you needed to go?"

Finn shrugged. He did have one suggestion, but he didn't want to impose.

"You do, right?" Vance asked. Finn realized he probably hadn't hidden it as well as he'd liked to.

"Dazil..."

"You'll be okay with that? Are you sure?" Vance asked.

Finn nodded. "I hafta be. I want to go back and see what's left. And I wanna give my family a proper burial. I don't know what happened with that."

Vance nodded. "Well, it's a better plan than I have. We'll head back to Dazil, then. I don't see the others objecting. We can be back in a day with this gear."

Finn nodded. Yes, he had to go back. That was the right thing to do.

oooooooooo

The three arrived back at the camp and Vance and Finn tethered Renk to the gear with a strong binding cord. Renk had stopped being wild, and accepted the actions as necessary. Vance felt horrible that it had to be that way, but he suspected Renk would insist upon it himself if they didn't do it.

"So...what now, then?" Helm asked.

"Well..." Finn spoke. "I wanna go back to Dazil. I have some stuff I've gotta take care of there that I didn't before I left. Anyone not wanna go?"

"That's fine with me," Helm said.

"But...before we go, can we get a bit more sleep? I'm exhausted..." Stratski said.

"I'm for that," Helm chimed in.

"Yeah, me too," Finn said. "It can wait that long."

Vance nodded. "Okay. We'll leave when we're all awake again. I have to work on something, anyway."

The three others went to sleep, leaving Vance alone. He pulled out something he'd been working on, and tried to focus on it, now that they had daylight. But he was having a hard time concentrating and keeping his eyes open.

"The other three fell asleep awfully fast, didn't they? They ARE exhausted ghGURk..."

Vance looked up to see Renk staring back at him, his gaunt, dark face horrible, but with those same soft eyes.

"Yeah. Asleep already. What about you?"

"I'm fine for a bit. I got a bit of sleep on the way back. Not much, but it was enough."

Vance nodded.

"What are you working on?"

Vance looked at it. "Don't know yet. I'll have to see what it ends up being."

Renk seemed to smile. "Weird how all these years you were good at that sort of stuff, but never, ever used the skills. Solaris shoulda had you doing that sort of work. Not that you weren't a great gear pilot, but you're pretty talented with this stuff, too."

"Well...I think that's what they wanted me to do originally, but...things didn't work out."

Renk tipped his head. "Something happen?"

Vance didn't want to discuss it, but he found himself blurting it out. "Yeah. Something happened, alright."

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. We've all got stuff in our past that we're ashamed of, kid. I sure do. Not stuff I want to talk about, either."

Vance nodded. "And how are you feeling, Renk?"

"'Bout as good as can be expected, I guess. It's not really painful anymore, like it was when it first happened. It's more of a dull ache all over. Still not pleasant, but...not that bad..."

"Well, it's good to know you're not in much pain anymore."

"Yeah...but...my mind is something different. That's...the worst part now, I think. The madness. The way...that I keep just wanting to lose control. It's a good thing you guys have me bound up. I don't trust myself not to hurt you."

"...I wish we didn't have to."

"Yeah...but that's the way it is. I'm doing my best to hold it together, but...it's only a matter of time until I lose it completely. I can tell."

Vance looked at his feet. Yes. It did happen so fast...

"You know..." Renk began again. "There's a voice whispering to me...it's sorta weird. It's telling me...'Come to the Soylent. You'll find peace at the Soylent.' And something tells me it's to the south."

Vance heard the name, recognized it as far more than the old prison in Etrenank where people were reprogrammed. Recognized it as something far worse.

"No, I can't let you go there. They'll kill you. There are other ways."

"But...something tells me...it's not exactly like the one in Solaris. Something tells me...this is a good Soylent. That I can be healed there. And if I can, then..."

"You won't be cured. You'll be killed. You're not going there."

"How do you know for sure that they'll kill me? How do you know that I won't be cured?"

"...I just know. Trust me on this, Renk. Please?"

Renk sighed, but it came out like a gurgly growl instead.

"I've never not trusted ya, kid. Okay, for another little while. But if it's the only choice, then let me go."

Vance didn't respond.

"Kid?"

"I'll never let you go, Renk. Out of the question. Sorry, but I can't tell you why."

Renk sighed again. "We'll see, then. Anyway...have you had a good night's sleep in awhile?"

Vance shook his head. "I can't. I still can't sleep."

"I think you should try. You're not looking too hot. And we don't want to both be in bad shape, right?"

Vance nodded. "I - I'll try..."

"Good...now...could you leave me alone for a bit? Go get some sleep."

Vance nodded. "Okay."

But he knew he still would not be able to sleep. Not with Renk being as he was. Far too many bad memories.

oooooooooo

Mist rose over the ground of the Plains of Kislev, its tranquil softness betraying the chaos over the world.

Finn awoke with a start, shaking away the thought that he'd had a nightmare he couldn't remember. Not remembering was likely a blessing.

The fire glowed in the centre of the circle they'd made around it, but Finn was still chilled deep inside himself. So...this WAS real. None of it had been a dream. It...they were gone.

He felt the bandage on his forearm. The wound beneath still throbbed and sent a wave of pain throughout his body, but there were far worse things on his mind than that. He pulled his blanket tighter around himself, but it didn't help. The images were still there. No more point in trying to sleep. He rose and looked around the camp. The dying fire only provided so much light, but he could see Helm and Stratski sleeping on the opposite side. Renk's misshapen form was leaning back on the leg of the worker gear, probably asleep. But Finn didn't see Vance.

Vance was funny in that way. You'd expect him to be one place, but then he'd pop up somewhere else. But only recently, and it made Finn's head hurt. It was so hard to believe the egotistical jerk that Vance had been on Drive was so vastly different now. He was still obsessed with his hair, but he wasn't as cruel and mean. Moody - but certainly not mean. He was even a bit sensitive, and much smarter than Finn had ever imagined. So vast a change, it almost seemed impossible. Finn didn't stop to wonder what Drive had done to his own personality. He knew he didn't want to think about it.

Regardless, Vance was not anywhere nearby. He never seemed to sleep with the rest of them.

Well, Finn thought, maybe he's just shy or somethin', and doesn't like sleeping where people can watch him. Wouldn't surprise me.

Finn stood and looked around the camp. It was too dark to see very far, and the plains were probably about as scenic as the desert, anyway. Finn just wanted to leave and go home to Dazil. But he didn't want to wake the others if they were still tired. He'd just have to stay up alone for awhile. That thought worried him. The last thing he wanted at that moment was to be alone.

"This thing's quite an antique," came the voice from behind the gear. Finn hadn't expected Vance to still be up. He'd had just as long a day, if not longer.

Vance lit up his small work lamp, and Finn saw that he was examining something on the gear. At this time of night. Why wasn't he asleep?

"You okay, Vance?"

"Good morning - night - whatever, to you too, Finn."

"Huh? Oh. Well, sorry. Didn't think you'd be up so soon."

"Can't sleep. On a roll. So I decided I'd look over this thing to see how well it's been kept up. Looks pretty good, though. The guys in Dazil knew what they were doing."

Vance stood, wiping off his hands. "Are the others up yet?"

Finn shook his head. "Nah. They still seem pretty tired. And...I can't sleep anymore."

"Yeah. I know that feeling."

Finn glanced at Vance, who looked over another part of the gear's leg absently, as if he was trying to put his mind on something else. He wasn't acting like himself. Then again, it was so hard for Finn to know exactly who Vance was these days, anyway.

"Are you okay, Finn?" Vance asked, not even looking at him.

Finn looked at his arm. Of course it still hurt, but he didn't want to worry Vance too much.

"I'm okay. I'll be okay. It's not bad."

"Yeah...but...I mean...are you REALLY okay? Inside, I mean?"

Finn looked at his feet. How could he possibly answer when he was so jumbled up inside and had no idea how he felt anymore?

"Maybe...I don't know."

"Did you watch them?"

"Watch?" Finn asked.

"Did you see any of them...change?"

"Oh...well...no. But...I saw 'em after. An' that was bad enough."

Vance nodded. "Sure is. We saw Renk. Right there in front of us. If there's any consolation in it... be glad you didn't see that part."

Finn nodded. He sensed Vance's words came from far more than his experiences with Renk.

"So when are we going? Do you think those two have slept enough?" It's been about eight hours since we went to sleep," Vance asked.

"Dunno."

"Well, I guess it's not too bad if they sleep a bit longer. I'm not quite done looking over the gear yet. I just want to make sure it's in top shape before we head out in it."

Finn nodded. It was probably a good thing that Vance was around to check those things. He'd worked in a factory transforming old gears into newer models, but that was hardly the same thing as knowing how to look after them on his own. And seeing as this one was so old, chances were that something was bound to be wrong with it.

"Uh...what's this?" Vance asked, noticing a door close to the gear's legs.

Finn shrugged.

"I think I remember seeing something like this in one of my dad's old books. I think this is a carrier gear. Or it was before it was modified to be a worker gear."

"Carrier? You mean..."

"Yep, a jail transport. I read once that Solaris used to have a jail on the surface a couple centuries ago, but they abandoned it a long time ago. This gear must be from that time. My dad was into all that stuff - gear history and all that," Vance supplied.

"So we won't have to transport Renk in the arms? That means we can go faster than we planned and be back in Dazil in about four hours."

"Four hours? By gear, it should only be about two hours..." Vance spoke.

"Not this gear. It's a snail compared ta the ones we had."

"Well, it's at least three hundred years old. I'm supposing it was state-of-the-art in its time. Four hours will be fine."

Finn heard noise back at the heater. It seemed that Stratski and Helm were finally waking up.

"Good. We can go soon."

"Morning..." Stratski said with a yawn while stumbling over to where Finn and Vance were standing.

"I guess we're all going to ride together in that thing, right? How are we going to transport Renk?"

"Oh, that won't be a problem. There's a small cell here in the leg."

Helm looked up. "Ahh...old jail transport, I see. Maybe a G5-84X...or maybe a C? Hard to tell. It's been modified quite a bit."

"Weird...just looks like a gear to me..." Stratski said. "It starts up, it moves, it stops. That's all I need to know."

"There's one problem, though," Finn spoke. "The cockpit...well...it's a little small."

"How small?" Stratski asked.

"Let me put it this way. When it was just Finn and I, I was squished. Now...MAYBE we could fit you in, Stratski. But Helm...you're tall."

Stratski didn't seem impressed. "I'm still not as short as you..." he muttered.

"Yeah, but Vance probably hasn't finished growing. You don't have an excuse," Helm spoke.

"Shut UP, Vic!" Stratski shouted and lightly shoved Helm, who laughed.

"Never mind. We'll make ourselves fit. It's only for a little while. Who's going to drive?"

"I'm not driving this antique," Stratski said.

"Most of the controls are in Lamb language. I'm weak in Lamb," Vance spoke.

"No translator?" Helm asked.

"From what I can tell, removed a long time ago. Besides, I'm a bit too tired to drive."

"But...didn't you just sleep?"

Vance paused. "Yeah. But...not really enough."

"Well, okay. I'll drive it," Helm spoke. "Since nobody else is offering. Besides... I'm curious to know how this old thing runs."

oooooooooo

Knute wondered why he had agreed to this. As Vance and Finn had stated, the cockpit was tiny, and the four of them just barely fit inside. He only hoped it wouldn't be a long ride.

"Remind me not to do this again if I can help it..." Knute said, adjusting his legs as Finn sat atop them. "Ugh! Finn, why couldn't you have sat at the bottom?"

"What? And get squished by you and Helm? Forget it!"

"It's just that, well, you're a little larger than we are..."

"Aw, don't be such wussies," Finn said.

Knute pouted. "Renk must be having LOADS of fun in his own, special cockpit. I'm half tempted to go sit with him. It'd be far more comfortable."

"Oh, yeah. Gettin' a big CHUNKof your arm ripped off is really comfortable!" Finn said.

"Well...Aaah! Off my arm, Finn! I'm sure it'd be worth it rather than being squished in here. We could duke it out. I'd kick his ass."

"Hey," Vance said, "don't say that!"

"I was KIDDING, Vance. Geez...touchy!"

"Shut up, Stratski!"

"Quiet, guys! I'm trying to fly here, and this machine's not giving me much," Victor said. "It barely goes normal flying speed, much less battle speed."

For a moment everyone fell silent. Finn stretched out his injured arm for a moment, hitting Knute in the face.

"Hey! Finn, you're messing up my hair, here...come on!" Knute said.

"Oh, your poor hair..."Victor chimed in.

"Is this guy inta himself, or what?" Finn exclaimed.

Knute shrugged. "Yep, I am. No point in denying it."

"Hey! I said shut up!" Vance snapped.

Knute tousled Vance's hair.

"Hey! Grow up, Knute..." he retorted.

"Don't tell me having your hair all disheveled doesn't bug you, Vance. Don't worry. I understand."

"It does bug me, but there are more important things to think about now..."

"Vance is right..." Victor spoke. "Like what we're going to do once we get back to Dazil."

Finn sighed. "Part of me doesn't wanna to go. But part of me knows I've gotta. Ya know?"

"So...your whole family...all of them...became like Renk?" Stratski asked.

"Mom and Vehra. Dad...well..." He was choking on the words. Knute felt bad for asking.

"It's alright, Finn. You don't have to talk about it now. It was only yesterday. It must have been awful," Victor spoke.

Finn nodded.

Knute turned away from Finn to see Vance's head droop down, chin resting on his chest.

"Say...look who's nodding off," Knute said, pointing at Vance. Knute tousled his hair again.

"Agh! Stop it!" Vance exclaimed, fully awake again.

"I guess it is a good thing you're not driving, then," Helm said. "This isn't an easy one, everything's in Lamb and you're nodding off."

"I wasn't nodding off!" Vance exclaimed.

"Whatever, whatever...we believe you," Stratski said.

"I don't need sleep. If it looks like I'm doing that again, just hit me."

"Okay," Stratski spoke with an impish tone.

"LIGHTLY! And don't touch my hair."

"Well, okay. Man, you really don't want to sleep. You sure you're okay?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I told you...I got enough sleep. It's just been a rough couple of days and I guess I'm still tired. So don't let me nod off like an idiot, okay?"

"Well...okay. If that's what ya really want," Finn said reluctantly.

Knute shrugged. Vance seemed to be his normal, prissy self. In a way, Knute was relieved. The other Vance, though nicer, was odd to him. Sure, he'd gotten a bit used to it, but it hadn't been the Vance he'd known.

Knute looked outside as the desert rose above the horizon. It wouldn't be long before they were back in Dazil. He didn't know what would happen once they got there, but who knew anything about what was going to happen? It was best not to worry about it, and just take it day by day. With the world as it was, it was all he really could do.

oooooooooo

From a distance, Dazil didn't appear any different than the first time they'd stood there staring at it almost a month ago. But Finn knew how it changed. And...he wasn't entirely sure he was ready to revisit it.

He looked over and saw the others, also staring back. He regained a bit of strength from that, and stepped up to the entrance.

"You gonna be okay, Finn?" Renk asked.

Finn let out a long sigh. "Yeah... I'll be okay."

With that, he stepped forward and into Dazil.

Instantly it was different. Definitely different.

Dazil, the town that had just a month ago been buzzing with activity, now might as well have been a ghost town. The only life present on the streets was a small patrol of guards. Otherwise...nothing. They entered cautiously, under the careful scrutiny of the guards. Two of them approached.

"He can't enter!" the larger of the guards barked, pointing at Renk.

"He'll have to be held in the jail if you won't leave!" the smaller guard stated.

"But we have him bound!" Vance said.

"Doesn't matter. His type is unpredictable. For the safety of the town, we have to keep him locked up."

"Well, then...okay. We're leavin'," Finn said, not wanting to be any trouble to Renk.

"No, no...Finn..." Renk interjected. "It's okay. They're right. And you wanna find out about your family. I'll be better off there, honest."

"You sure, Renk?" Finn asked.

"Yeah...it's...not like it matters anymore what happens to me."

Finn looked at his friend for a moment. "Thanks, Renk..."

Renk merely nodded as the larger guard took him forcefully by the arm.

"No! You can't take him! I won't let you!" Vance said, stepping in and trying to free his friend from the guard's grip.

"Vance!" Helm spoke firmly. "We have to let him go. It's best for everyone..."

"It's NOT best for Renk!" Vance exclaimed. "Nobody seems to care about how HE feels in this whole thing! He's not just someone to toss in jail and forget about!"

Vance grabbed one of the guards, who shoved him off easily. "Watch out, boy! Or you're gonna end up in there, too!"

"I don't care! You're NOT taking Renk away! You're NOT!"

"Vance, don't be stupid!" Stratski added.

Finn didn't know how to handle Vance's emotional outburst. He was certainly acting odd. Not how he acted on Drive, but certainly not like the real him, either.

"Vance!" Renk shouted, his voice serious. "Let them take me away! That is an order!"

Vance instantly stopped his rant. "O - order...?"

"Yeah, an order. I'm still your superior officer, and when I command you to do something, you better bloody well do it..."

"But...Renk...I...you..."

"I'll be fine. Now back off..."

Vance hung his head. "I'm...sorry..." he spoke weakly.

"Fine. Now...get some rest and don't worry about me."

Vance nodded, then turned to one of the guards. "Please...treat him well. He didn't want this to happen, and..."

"None of 'em did," the smaller guard said. "We'll treat him well until we all decide what to do or someone finds a way to help 'em."

Vance nodded again and allowed the guards to lead Renk away. Finn sighed in relief. That had ended relatively painlessly. He only hoped that after all this, they would really be able to do something to help Renk out.

Finn glanced over his shoulder to look at Vance, who, despite his earlier outburst, now looked completely drained. But the look on his face could not be questioned. His eyes weren't leaving Renk as they led him away.

"He'll be okay," Finn whispered softly to Vance, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Vance nodded, then took a step forward. As he did so, his knees buckled under him and he fell to the ground. Finn rushed to help him up, filling with a deep worry. He thought he noticed Vance wasn't walking very steadily, but he'd been far too worried about coming home to really give it further thought.

Helm and Stratski also went to Vance's side.

"I - Is it...sunstroke?" Stratski asked.

Finn felt Vance's face. "No. It doesn't feel right."

"Then...what's..." Stratski asked.

"Vance!" Finn shouted, slapping the young man on the cheeks.

"It's like he's having a Drive crash..." Helm spoke.

"I - Impossible," Stratski spoke. "None of us have had access to Drive since we ditched our gears...right?"

Another town guard approached. "The doctor isn't far from here, and he wasn't affected by the plague."

Finn nodded. "I know where he is. We'll take Vance there right away." He swept Vance into his arms and rushed off.

oooooooooo

Only a few minutes passed before the old doctor emerged from his office. Finn had known old Dr. Strop for many years. He'd been a friend of his mother's, and the family's doctor for his whole life in Dazil.

"Finny," he spoke frankly. "When was the last time your friend in there slept?"

"Slept?" Finn asked. He honestly didn't notice. "Helm...youse guys would know better than me."

The other two shook their heads.

"I know he hasn't gotten enough sleep, but I thought Renk was looking out for him...until..." Helm replied. "I - uh...I guess we sort of neglected to think of it..."

"Well, the poor boy's exhausted. He'll be asleep for awhile. A sleep so deep that he's probably going to lose a day or two. Don't worry. It's good for 'im."

"That's a relief. I thought it'd be something tons worse."

"You're lucky it's not. I can tell the boy's body's been ravaged recently, though, by something. But it seems that he's recovering from whatever that was. And this sleep will do him a world of good. Fortunately, it's not this plague."

"Yeah..." Finn spoke, his voice trailing off into his thoughts.

"Finny...I'm sorry about your family. And so soon after you'd finally come home."

"Yeah. Thanks..."

"I want to look after that arm for you and see what I can do. Alone. Your other friends can wait outside. The streets are safe again, so there's no danger. I'll look after your friend for you, as well. He'll be safe in here."

Helm and Stratski nodded and left, catching the hint.

Finn sat down in the doctor's plush chair that was still a bit too small for him. Dr. Strop sat across from him in his own chair and slowly removed Finn's bandages.

"Finny...I'm sorry," the doctor spoke, not daring to look at anything other than the wound.

"What for?" Finn asked, confused.

"That horrible night...so much happened. I holed myself up in my office, like a coward. I didn't rush out to help people, like a doctor should have. I - I've just... never seen such violence before...I didn't..."

"It was bad. I hid, too. And I have seen that sorta thing. It's...how do ya even begin to make sense of somethin' like that?"

"Yes, but I'm a doctor. I should be brave in the face of people being hurt and injured. Instead, I didn't live up to my duty...wow, quite the chunk's been taken out of you. Does it hurt much?"

Finn thought about it honestly. It had eased up a little. "Not too bad..."

"Hmm... Still, I should disinfect it again. You just never know..."

Finn nodded.

The doctor continued with his earlier topic. "I let the entire town down. If I'd been there, I might have saved someone's life. And that would have made it all worth it. Even if I'd been killed."

"Don't be silly, Dr. Strop. Then you wouldn'ta been here to help Vance out."

"True enough. But...my regret runs even deeper than that."

"What happened?"

"I tried to make them wait. I tried to give them all decent burials. But the ones who did it aren't from Dazil. They didn't understand...they didn't listen to me. And they did have a point. I had no idea if the plague was contagious or not. I've never seen anything like it, so I couldn't know. I still don't."

"What're you telling me?" Finn was still confused.

"Your family, the mutants and those who were killed by them...they gathered them up and quickly burned them in the desert, and buried the ashes deep in the sand. Without dignity. Nameless."

"Nameless?" Finn said, that word striking a chord in him. he hadn't remembered before Dr. Strop had mentioned it. In Dazil, if someone was buried nameless, their souls were forever lost. Even the unknown men who were found in the desert, their lives lost, were then given a name and burned peacefully with the marker so their souls could rest.

"I rushed to get markers for all the dead, but they didn't give me time to name everyone. They'd already gathered everyone up before I even came out of hiding. And there were just so many dead..."

"Mom? Dad? Vehra?"

Dr. Strop shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Finny. So sorry..."

They had all died so horribly, and now... nameless...

"I shoulda stayed and named 'em myself. But...I didn't know what to do. And...I didn't remember the nameless thing. I'm sorry... "

"The fault was mine. I pleaded for more time, but it wasn't granted. They wanted to burn them quickly, in case there was a virus. That was the way it was done where some of the guards were from. I can't fault them. They aren't from Dazil, and don't see..."

Mom...Dad...Vehra...

Everyone was gone. Or lost. What if Sera was also dead and nameless? He would never see any of them again.

"So you see...it's my fault that your family now wanders in eternity. It's my fault that you'll never see them again in death."

"Aw...Dr. Strop...nah. That's not how it is at all. Like I said, it shoulda been me. But I couldn't think of what to do either. I left and abandoned them. And now..."

"I guess this is just going to turn into one big pity party then, huh? Well...maybe we should stop and look at ourselves. I guess we're human, aren't we? We've all got our faults, right? And I guess we can't go back in time and fix things."

Finn thought about it. Dr. Strop was right. Of course, it didn't make it any easier. He worried about Sera even more as his mind turned to thoughts of his family. Had it only been three weeks ago since he and Vehra had been standing on the roof under a starlit sky, discussing the future? Had it only been that long since he'd held Sera in his arms and kissed her? So much had happened so quickly. A sharp brain like Helm's could probably handle all this change, but Finn didn't know how. But he had to try. And hope.

"The bite will heal over time. But I can't guarantee it's going to look pretty. It's probably going to scar up pretty bad."

"Dr. Strop...I - I'll...I'll be okay."

"Finny...please start calling me Marcel. You're a grown man now, and it's about time. I remember when you were just a lad. But now you're a man...and a great one. I can tell. I'm so glad you're back in Dazil. Despite what happened here."

"Thanks...Dr. Strop."

"Finny..."

"Uh...Marcel?"

The old doctor nodded. "Actually, that does sound a little weird coming out of you, but...it's time." The doctor stood. "I suppose I should check on your friend one more time. He'll be comfortable here, and I'll make sure of that. I'll transfer him to a bed, and he'll sleep like a baby until his body's ready to wake up again. From there...you're all going to have to make sure he's taking proper care of himself."

Finn nodded. "I'll do it myself. My other friends won't be much help after Renk's gone."

"I trust you will. But...you'll be fine, right?"

Finn sighed. "Yeah, I will."

"Good. But...what are you going to do from here? Are you going to stay in Dazil?"

"I'm going home first. I have some things I hafta do there. But...after that, I think I'm going to go back and travel with my friends. Not sure where we're going yet, though. I guess we're not going anywhere until Vance wakes up, though, huh?"

"I imagine not." Dr Strop looked toward the examining room. "Well, I best get on with checking on him, and you on with what you have to do."

"Yeah...I guess so..."

"Then hopefully I'll see you, Finn. You're always free to drop by."

oooooooooo

Nameless... Lost...

Finn wandered around the small home that he'd only found again a little less than a month before. In that month, he had been showered with so much love. It might as well have been a dream...

It would have been less painful if he'd never seen them again. That way, he wouldn't know the looks on their faces as they died. But he also knew that he would never go back and change that. He was so happy that he'd had a chance to let them know he was alive. They were a great family, and they deserved as much.

He opened a small door in the corner of the house. This was an old storeroom that they'd never used for anything but now it would serve as a special place for the ceremony.

"I think you liked this, Vehra. I hope this is it. It's so hard ta know. It's been so long since I been here."

He set a small trinket on a table, next to two other items he'd personally picked of his family's.

"Laid out in a row..." Finn whispered to himself. "Ven Broyer, Edda Broyer, Vehra Broyer..." He placed the small markers atop the items, their names written neatly on them.

This is what he had decided to do for his family. What he supposed were his family's most treasured possession laid out in a row, with their names drawn onto a separate piece of parchment paper and left for the lost souls to find and keep in their travels. It wasn't quite the same as naming someone who had died, but it was the best Finn could do for them.

"I'm sorry, youse guys..." he spoke softly. "I shoulda stayed and named you proper. I don't know why I ran off, anyway... Okay...sorry. That's a lie. I do know why I did it. I didn't remember about naming until Dr. Strop mentioned it. They took that stuff out of my brain, and I just forgot! Otherwise I woulda stayed and named ya. Honest, I woulda. And... I ran off too because... well... my friends mean a lot to me. 'An there was a chance they were still alive. I had ta know. Still...that's no excuse for abandoning youse guys."

He waited to hear his father use some cutting, but true retort. Something like, "Finn, you knucklehead! Hell yeah you had to go to your friends! They mean so much to ya!" But he only heard it in his mind.

"You're right, dad. I know you'd say something like that. I know. But...I still feel really bad...I guess there's no way to go back and change what happened, huh? Anyway, I suppose it is good I went because I helped find Renk, and Renk needs me just as much."

"That's right. You're a good boy, Finny..." he imagined his mom saying. His mother had always been so encouraging. Of course, he knew he was imagining it.

"Thanks, ma. It really does mean a lot. I know you woulda said that."

"Of course she would. Finn, we died. Your friends were alive, and we all want you to go on with your life."

"Thanks, Vehra. I know that, too."

Finn reached down into his scripture book and pulled out a piece of paper. He hadn't wanted it to get crunched, so he kept it there. A drawing of a pink-haired woman had been scrolled onto it with a big heart and caption that read "I love Sera forever". He'd stayed up all evening to draw it. He didn't think it was a really good rendition of Sera, but his heart had truly been in it and that was what mattered. He placed it in front of the other items and then placed another piece of parchment atop it.

"Sorry, Sera...I'm not quite sure I spelled your name right. And...my writing in Solarian is sorta bad. I did my best. I guess it'll work just as good."

Of course, he hoped he was being premature with that. But just in case Sera was gone, she'd know that he would always love her.

Finn tried to wipe his eyes, but it was pointless. There was just no way he could keep them dry anymore. He knelt before the small table and merely wept.

oooooooooo

Two days passed and Stratski and Helm had been helping Finn finish some tasks around his home. Finn had decided that he had no more use for the inventory in the store, but he wanted to give Dazil a boost. People were still afraid to leave their homes, and the town might as well have been a ghost town. People were running short on supplies. Finn was concerned by that. He wanted to help, and by giving away the shop's stock, it would help. At least for a little while.

"Finny! Don't stack 'em boxes too high, now," came the sharp but caring voice.

Finn stared at the boxes piled neatly atop one another. Fortunately, nobody had looted the store while he'd been gone. The guard that had posted himself at the door had been diligent about it, and most people in town were afraid to leave their homes, anyway. Not that it would have mattered. He was the last of the Broyer family, and this was the last of their legacy. He didn't need it anymore. Best to give it away to people who needed it far more than he did.

Finn silently packed away the inventory from the store, while Helm and Stratski had offered to pack up the personal possessions of his family and have locked them in a secret storeroom that would hopefully remain unscathed until he was settled into a new home. If that ever happened. He also kept a small amount of stock from the store - a good year's worth of valuables and money, but the rest of it was going to help the town get back on its feet. It was all he could really do for anyone right now.

"That's the last of it..." Finn whispered to himself. "And no, dad...I didn't stack 'em too high. Now how am I gonna give this out?"

"Hey, Finn..." Stratski said softly. Finn had heard someone coming, so didn't jump.

"Hey, how's it coming upstairs?" he asked.

"Well...Vic and I hope we've done it right. Looks like you're pretty much done here."

Finn nodded. "Pretty much. I was just tryin' ta think of a way ta give the stuff out."

"Hmm...well...how about a one G sale? Everything, absolutely everything, is just one measly G. That's as good as giving it away for free. And believe me, it'll get the people out of their homes and liven this place up again, even if just for a bit."

"You sure that'll work?"

"Were you ever in Etrenank during any big sale? People are crazy, I tell you. You should know how it is, being from this background, really. Your family never had a sale?"

Finn thought back to a time when his parents had a huge sale and it how busy it had been. Yeah, maybe that plan would work.

"You and Helm are gonna help, right?"

Stratski nodded. "Nothing else to do around here, really. So why not help a friend?"

Finn grabbed Stratski in a tight embrace. "Thanks...I owe youse guys so much!"

"Ow...er...Finn...you can thank me by...letting go of me..."

Finn realized what he was doing and released Stratski. "Uh...sorry."

Stratski coughed in response.

"By the way...have you guys been to see Vance and Renk today? I've gotta go later, but I've been kinda busy up to now today."

"Yeah. Vance is still sleeping. And Renk...well..."

"Not doin' so hot?"

"He growled at us and told us to go away. But...then he started to go on about going to the Soylent. You know...like the Soylent prison back in Solaris."

"He must be cracked. The Soylent's gone now, isn't it?"

"Maybe this is a different Soylent? We know sometimes Solaris had places built here on the surface. Maybe a Soylent facility, too."

"Ida know..."

"What are we talking about?" Helm asked as he walked downstairs.

"Renk," Stratski spoke.

"Oh," Helm stated, then became very quiet.

"Any ideas, Helm?" Finn asked.

"Well...yeah. I gave it a bit of thought. But...I don't really like my conclusions much."

"You're thinking that if the place still exists, that we should take him there. Right?" Stratski spoke.

Helm nodded. "Look, even if this is the same as Solaris' Soylent... Renk wants to go. He thinks it will give him...I don't know...SOME sort of salvation. Freedom from his pain. I don't like to think of what that means, but...as it stands, it's only a matter of time before we lose him completely, anyway. He knows it, too. And for all we know, that could be far worse. For him and us. So no, I don't like it at all. But I don't see as we have much choice. What do you guys think?"

Finn remained silent, but Stratski spoke, "You're probably right, Vic. But...if we do it, we should wait until Vance wakes up so he can say goodbye. You know how those two are."

Finn nodded. Yeah, Helm and Stratski were right, after all. This was what was best for Renk. What sort of life would he have as he was? Finn knew how dangerous it could be. Renk would never want to hurt people he cared about, but like he was...

Finn looked down at his bandaged arm. I know ya didn't mean it, Renk...

Yes, death was probably less painful than allowing Renk to turn more violent. And...if somehow it turned out that it was true and the Soylent could truly heal Renk, then it would be worth it.

"Yeah, youse guys are right. Vance should be wakin' up any time now, Marcel told me last night. As soon as we have the sale and Vance is awake, we'll take Renk to the Soylent thing. It's what's best."

Helm and Stratski nodded.

"After that's all done... I guess there's nothin' left here in Dazil for me, anyway. Maybe if the world ever goes back to normal, I'll come back. But not now."

"Same with us," Helm said. "There's no point in me going back to Nortune just yet. I'll wait until the world is back on its feet. Right now..." he looked at Stratski. "I just want to be with you guys and help you all see this through."

"Really?" Stratski said, his tone relieved. "That's great to hear, Vic."

Helm nodded. "I don't know what's ahead, but I'm going to take a risk on this one. My dad said the offer would stand for awhile. So...there's no real hurry. Heh...I'm still young. I've got lots of time. I hope."

"Yep, sure do, Vic."

Finn sat down on a wooden crate. "Good youse guys are so sure. I feel bad leaving, but I know I hafta."

"Yeah. And just think, Finn... It gives you a chance to look for Seraphita. I'm sure she's fine and probably waiting for you somewhere. You would never find her just sitting around here moping in Dazil," Stratski said.

"Yep, that's true," Helm agreed.

"Yeah, youse guys are right, I guess. Well, I hope you are. About Sera being okay an' all."

"You'll never know until you seek her out, right? So come with us."

"Yeah...but...come where?"

Stratski and Helm fell silent. They didn't know what was next, either.

Never mind, Finn thought. I'm just gonna keep looking for Sera...

Sera...please be out there...

oooooooooo

Voices...urgh...so loud...

"He's wakin' up, youse guys..."

"It's about time!"

"That's a good thing. I hope he's alright now."

Vance heard their buzzing in his ears, but still didn't have the ability to move. Yes, this felt exactly like reviving from a Drive crash, even though it couldn't possibly be one. His head spun, even though he'd opened his eyes. It would take a few moments to revive and focus again.

"Dizzy..." he muttered without even realizing he'd said it aloud.

"Ya okay, Vance?" Finn asked.

"I'll be fine...just...be quiet for a minute and let the room stop spinning, okay?"

The others seemed to back off, and that was a good thing. He would be fine, after all. And he hated people fussing about.

Eventually Vance was able to sir up and look around.

"Where am I?" he asked. He didn't recognize this place.

"We're in Dazil, still. This is the doctor's office. You've been sleepin' a long time."

"How long?" he asked Finn.

"Two days now."

Two days? Even with the worst Drive crash he'd ever had, it had only been a day at the most. But...he admitted that he felt refreshed. A bit stiff from sleeping so long, but not that overall heavy, tired feeling he'd gotten so used to. He shook out his arms, which were a bit numb.

"So you're feeling okay, Vance?" Finn asked.

"Yeah...fine now. I guess I was just a little tired."

"A LITTLE? Shesh..." Stratski scoffed.

"Dr. Strop said you were exhausted. Don't do that again, okay? We'll remind ya ta sleep if ya want."

"Yes, we will. Is there some reason why you don't want to sleep?" Helm asked.

A reason? Of course there's a reason. But it's not your business.

Sleep...the only one I trust to wake me up before the nightmares begin is...

"How's Renk?" Vance asked.

The others fell silent.

"What? What's going on?"

"Well...it's a good think you're awake now," Helm said, stepping forward.

Vance's heart began to beat fast. "Is he okay?"

"Well...he's getting worse. And...well..." Helm sighed.

Stratski stepped in. "He keeps talking about this place called the Soylent where he'll find salvation. We don't know if it's the same one like in Solaris, but he seem convinced this place can help him. So we were going to take him there. But we didn't want to do it until you were awake again. Because...well... if it means that Renk's gonna die, we wanted you to be able to say goodbye..."

As Stratski spoke, Vance's heart raced. The Soylent...

"We aren't taking him. I refuse to take him," he said.

"But...if this place can find him salvation, then..."

"WE AREN'T TAKING HIM!" I will never let anyone go to the Soylent...never...

"But, Vance..."

"NO! We are not taking him! I have my reasons, and I already TOLD Renk we're not going to take him! Nobody I care about is going to ever go there!"

The room was silent again.

Finn spoke, "Y'know...maybe we should all go visit him. I haven't gone today yet and I'm sure Renk would like ta know you're okay now, Vance."

Vance looked at his feet. "Sure. I think I should...and...I'm a lot better now."

"But...just so you know...he's a bit different from when you last saw him," Helm spoke.

A brief vision from the past flashed in Vance's mind. He quickly turned it off and tried not to think of it.

"I'll be okay. He's still Renk...no matter what happens. You guys have to think that, too."

oooooooooo

The few other mutants that had been captured and jailed whimpered and growled as Vance and the others walked by the other cells. The late day sunlight beamed into the jail, providing the only light. At the far end of the hall, a single lamp burned on the sill of a boarded window across from the last cell. That was their destination.

Vance peered inside, expecting the worst. Renk was curled up in a corner, hidden in shadow. He'd likely heard them coming, for he was awake and peering at them with piercing blue eyes that somehow glowed. His body was even more misshapen now, and he stood on all fours like an animal.

He emitted a low growl and his glance didn't even seem human anymore. He was a wild animal, ready to tear them all apart if they came too close. And if there hadn't been bars between them, then things would have become dangerous.

"Um...hello, Renk. I'm awake...and feeling much better," Vance spoke cautiously.

Renk's expression did not change. The growling grew louder.

"Um...Renk...er..."

"Good ta see ya, Renk," Finn stepped in. "I know it's late. Sorry I missed comin' ta see ya earlier. But yeah...look. Vance is awake and all better."

The growling stopped, and Renk was silent.

"Y you " Renk said weakly. "You're awake. Thank - thank God..."

Renk tried to make himself even smaller in the corner of his cell.

"Vance...please...take me to the Soylent...please..."

"I can't do that, Renk."

"Damn you..." Renk said lowly. "Take me to the Soylent. That's...that's an order..."

"Sorry, Renk. I'm not doing it."

Renk jumped suddenly, making them all start.

"DAMN YOU! TAKE ME!"

"We...we were gonna...then Vance..." Finn spoke numbly.

"Yes, that's true. I refuse to do it. And I refuse to let any of you do it," Vance spoke calmly.

"Don't you see it's the only chance I have to end my pain and give me salvation?"

"No. It's not going to do any of that. You'll thank me for this, Renk."

Vance turned away from him.

"Please, Vance...please..?"

Vance looked at the others, completely ignoring Renk's pathetic pleas.

"He's stubborn. I don't know what to say to change his mind. I already told him I wasn't taking him on the first night."

Finn spoke up, "I know how you feel about it, Vance. But you've gotta face it. What kinda life is Renk gonna have like this? At least if he goes to Soylent, we can do something for him."

"Yeah, get him brutally killed! I'm not taking him there, okay! So just stop even thinking about it." Vance stared back in Renk's direction for a second, trying to decide if he should finally explain more about himself. He'd kept it hidden for so long, and the idea of speaking about it frightened him a little. But he knew that this was the time. This might be what it would take to convince them. Never mind if it would make him look weak. This was for Renk's own good.

"I have to tell you guys a story. Maybe that will make you listen to me. Anyway...they thought they brainwashed me when they brought me and my family to Solaris. Like they brainwashed everyone else. Doesn't work on everyone, though. Not on me. I knew if I told them otherwise, they'd probably kill me. So I kept my mouth shut and just went on with my life. They gave me a job working with computers, and me, being a goofy kid, thought I'd try to find some way to escape Solaris with my family. I learned how to hack into their computer system. One day I was looking for a way to get out of Solaris when I stumbled by top secret information on the Soylent System. I read things I'd never imagined were possible. Exactly what the Soylent System is - its purpose...everything. It was far more than a jail and reprogramming center. It was even far more than an execution facility. It was...well...it was torture. You know, they didn't just kill the demi-humans and those sent there. They experimented on them and even turned them into what Renk and the others are now. Wels...they're called Wels. And...when they were done with their experiments, they needed to do something with the waste and useless specimens. That was the Soylent's main function. It was a recycling facility. Let me just say...that ever since, I haven't been able to eat that 'mystery meat' in a can..." Vance saw the others wince a bit. "Anyway... when I discovered this information, Solaris detected the security breach and led it back to me. Do you know what they did to me as punishment for hacking into their computer system? They forced me to watch " Vance choked on the words for a moment, took a deep breath, then continued. "They forced me to watch as they turned my whole family into Wels. Dad...mom...my baby sister... I watched them totter around like helpless animals and then was made to watch as they discarded them in the Soylent like livestock. They forced me to watch the whole process. You don't want me to explain it. It was horrifying. Then they sent me for re-programming. It didn't work on me again. They assigned me to the military, and I was forbidden from touching vital computers again...supposedly programmed me that way. But they didn't have to worry. That time fear kept me in line. But the nightmares still haven't gone away..."

"Whoa..." Finn spoke, seemingly overwhelmed by the whole thing. "I never knew...I'm sorry, Vance."

"Hmph! Never mind. It's okay. I don't like to think about it."

So there it was. Everything was all before them... and not one them was laughing or pointing blame. Not one voiced that they thought he was weak or stupid. In fact, they seemed to be saddened by it. They actually seemed to care. And that was far better than he could ever have hoped. What good friends these guys had become. He looked at them as friends before, but not...not quite like he saw them at that moment. Maybe this thing really had brought them all together. Strange that it took something so dire.

"If it's as bad as you say, we can't send Renk there. You're right," Helm said. "Maybe maybe there's another place that can help him..."

"Well...we don't know about a place like that. So let's look for one," Stratski said. "After all, we're not really doing anything else at the moment, are we, guys?"

"There is no place like that...there's...only...the Soylent...it's the only way..." Renk chanted.

Helm stepped forward. "Renk, give us just two more days. We'll find something. And if we don't, well, then..."

"We'll FIND a way!" Vance interrupted.

Helm shrugged. "Okay. We will, then."

oooooooooo

Two days...how quickly they passed. Vance had spent the entire two days trying to find some sort of solution...but he came up empty. The others had helped him off and on, but their minds were busy preparing for the sale of the store's inventory. Helm had made a wholehearted effort, staying up until the wee hours of the morning to help on the first night, but Finn and Stratski had their hands full with the sale. Vance supposed it was a good cause, but he wished they'd merely waited two days.

This library is useless! I need someone who understands Lamb to help me. All of these Ethos books are too complex for me to understand completely. Damn...I need Helm. Or Stratski. I think Finn might even get them more than I do.

They've given up on Renk already. They don't have to tell me so. The fact they're not HERE makes that pretty obvious. They were humouring me the entire time. I should have known...

Well...two days or two months... it doesn't really matter. If they insist on taking him, I'll go somewhere with Renk where the others won't find us. I won't let history repeat itself. I won't let someone else I care about die like that.

Vance closed another book and put his head in his hands. He felt exhausted again, for he hadn't slept since he'd woken up from his long sleep. The words he didn't understand became a jumble of letters before him as he fought to keep his eyes open.

"No...I can't fall asleep. I have too much work to do." He slapped his own cheeks and massaged his eyes, which made him feel slightly refreshed. He went back to the book and read on.

"In the land of Zeboim...there were...na...nano...some kind of machine. But...what do the they mean by that? Okay, I won't let myself get marred by that. Just move on, Vance. Okay...they were some kind of machine that could recon - reconstruct...What the heck is 'reconstruct'? I wish my parents had bothered to teach me more Lamb right about now...reconstruct damaged...shells? No, they can't mean that. That makes no sense. Maybe it's some other word that's close to that. But...I don't know..."

Vance put his head in his hands again. "I just don't understand this...this isn't going to work..."

"Say, Vance..."

Vance heard the voice, but didn't look up. He knew who it was.

"What is it, Finn? I'm sort of busy here..."

Finn sat down at the table across from him, looking awkward. "Vance, you should get some sleep, okay? You can pick this up again later. We'll come and wake ya up when the sale is over. That should give ya more than enough time ta get some rest."

Vance stared at Finn for a moment. Inwardly, he thanked Finn for caring about his wellbeing, but Renk was of far more concern to him.

"Finn...do you suppose you could...read this for me? And tell me what it says?"

Finn looked a bit afraid, as if he was sitting before a difficult test that he hadn't studied for. "Me? Well...I'm not too good at this stuff...but I can sorta try."

Vance passed it over to Finn, who looked at the words.

"Uh...in the land of Zeboim, there were...what is that?"

"Dunno. I've never heard of them before."

Finn read the next part aloud to himself in Lamb, and Vance understood it just about as much as he had when he'd read it. Finn paused a moment, thinking.

"Uh...I don't know how to say this in Solarian. It's really complicated...I'm so sorry, Vance."

Vance sighed. Well, at least Finn had tried. But he just wasn't good enough at these things, either.

"Well..." Finn said, standing up. "I just came in ta remind ya ta sleep. So you'd better get some sleep. Renk would want ya to."

"Um...thanks, Finn..."

Finn nodded and left. Vance watched after him, thanking his friend silently. But he couldn't listen to him. Vance still had work to do.

He sat for a moment, thinking, rubbing more tiredness from his eyes.

I'm sorry, Renk. I'm trying. I really am. But...I'm not good at this, either. But I will find something. If only there were just one or two good books in Solarian, this would be no problem. But...I guess this is all there is left. I guess if I'm forced to live here, I need to learn to read properly. But I don't have time for that right now. I have to save Renk.

Vance stared at the words, and they made even less sense the more he read. The letters began to dance, then blur...and he fell asleep.

"No! I don't want to see!"

Shadows loomed over him, held him against the glass wall.

"This is your fault. Your punishment..." the cruel voice rose from behind him. "Start the process...fast track...but don't overdo it. The guilty are meant to suffer."

His eyes focused on his mother, his father and his little sister, all terrified, and staring back at him with horrified expressions.

"Big brother...why are they doing this?" his sister cried, too young to understand. Unfortunately, he wasn't.

The sea of images flooded over Vance. The people he loved, the people he'd tried so hard to get out of Solaris so they could return home were now dying as a result of his actions.

His father's spine withered and twisted into a horrible, misshapen form and his fingers grew into long, claw-like rods, the skin falling off the bones and leaving them raw.

At first, Vance was too shocked by what he witnessed to think of looking away. His mother screamed. She was a woman who looked very much like him, chestnut brown hair and blue eyes. But...terrified. Vance could tell she was as she watched what happened to her husband.

Don't be scared, mom...please...don't be scared...

A boil grew on his mother's arm...two...three...dozens...

She screamed, brushing at her arms frantically.

Don't be scared mom... Oh, God...please don't be scared...

Tears ran from his eyes, and he shut them quickly.

"Open your eyes!" the shadow shouted.

"I can't! I can't!"

"Part of your sentence is to watch!"

No...

No more...

I don't want to see anymore...

"Please stop! I'm sorry I did it! I'll never do it again! Please...stop..."

"It's a bit late for apologies now, boy."

"Please take me! Let my family go! I'll do whatever you want...oh, God...please stop..."

Laughter. The shadow was laughing. Cutting into his soul.

"Watch, boy!" a second shadow said, grabbing his head and forcing his vision back on the lab.

His eyes fell on his mother again, who didn't even look like his mother anymore. Her head sat atop a two-foot neck, as her torso rested atop two thin, reedy legs. Her arms dragged on the ground. Her screams still rose in the air, showing her terror and pain, and forever etching themselves in his mind.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a much smaller figure, cowering in the corner. Chelsa sat, looking very small, and even more terrified. But still unchanged. Maybe...

"Please spare my sister...please...she's only eight years old...she's never done anything to anyone..."

"Sure. We'll spare her the pain of being an orphan...that's for sure." More laughter. They were enjoying this. What sort of horrible person would enjoy something so awful?

"Please, I beg you! Have mercy...stop this...put them...PLEASE PUT THEM ALL BACK THE WAY THEY WERE!"

"Silly boy...there IS no way to do that. Not that we would, anyway. Now watch...the show is still going on."

"No...no...let me look away...at least don't make me watch anymore!" he pleaded.

"When one commits a crime, they must suffer the consequences. It is because of what you did that they must suffer like this!" another harsh male voice barked.

The shadow held Vance's head up straight again and grabbed his eyelids, holding them open.

"We aren't done yet. The show is just beginning..."

Chelsa looked up in shock, as if she had been stricken. She screamed only a moment before her face distorted into an odd shape...and her nose the mouth that had normally held her joyous smile was no longer there. She raised her hands to her neck, as if she couldn't breathe.

She's...choking...Oh, no...oh NO!

His mother just wouldn't stop screaming...

His sister wouldn't stop crying and trying vainly to gasp for air...

His father, completely bent and misshapen, just curled up on the ground and began to emit hideous, inhuman screeches...

Renk...his bones twisted and bent, also appeared and screamed... his voice blending in with the others...

Vance screamed and awoke abuptly... He jolted upright and told himself that he was awake, in the library, and far away from that day.

They were still there...the nightmares would never go away...now that Renk had found his way into them, he would also haunt them.

He wiped the sweat from his brow, and felt numb and shaky all over. There was only one chance for him to get some sleep...only one person who would warn him if he began to dream...

"Renk..." he whispered, rising weakly and heading off towards the jail.

oooooooooo

Vance's eyes narrowed as he came out of the confines of the dark library into the bright midday sun. He heard the nearby commotion from the direction of the store. People were crowded around the tables, snatching up goods as if they'd never shop again. But Vance didn't care. He only had one thing on his mind - Renk.

The prison had changed little in three days. The sun streamed in, casting light on the other mutants, who reached out towards him. The only inmate in darkness was Renk. Vance didn't know why the window before Renk's cell had been boarded up, but he was too tired to question it.

Vance sat down by the bars of Renk's cell, staring inside. Renk's eyes were closed, but Vance didn't think he was asleep. Good.

"Renk..." he spoke softly.

Renk's eyes opened and he looked right at Vance, so normal, so much like his old self that Vance imagined him as he'd been before.

"Kid...what are you doing here?"

Without explanation, Vance found himself blurting it out. "I'm sorry, Renk. I'm so sorry...but...I can't do anything. I didn't find a way to help you...but...I still...I don't want you to go. I can't or my nightmares will get worse. I still can't sleep...they just keep coming. Getting stronger, not weaker...and I'm so tired... Renk...please...watch over me as I sleep. I...the only way is to wake me up before the nightmares...before they-"

"Kid...kid...calm down...calm down, okay?"

Vance didn't notice that he was almost hyperventilating. He stopped his rant and forced himself to breath heavily twice. He then looked at Renk. "You're okay... You're acting... Are you getting better?"

"No...I wish I could say that, but I'm no better. I still have good and bad moments. But...fewer good. You're lucky I'm having one now... I dunno how long it's going to last. So...you better get closer to the wall so I don't hurt ya..."

"I don't care..." Vance spoke. "I don't care anymore. I'm...too messed up. And too much of a coward to do it myself. And...I wouldn't mind if it was you. It's the only way to stop the nightmares now..."

"Well...I don't want it to be me. You never asked if I wanted that. And I sure as hell don't. It's bad enough I hurt Finn. If you're too cowardly to do it, then it shouldn't be done. Besides...have you really tried to fight the nightmares? Seems that you tend to just give into them. You're a soldier. Treat them like an enemy and just fight 'em."

"I'm no soldier, Renk. I've never been a soldier. The Vance on Drive is the soldier. I'm just a weak coward..."

"The Vance on Drive is also a real asshole. Kid...you're stronger than this. Way stronger. Look at it this way. You're weak because you're tired. And you're tired because you're scared of sleeping. One of the links in the chain has gotta break, Vance. Might as well be the good one. And stop talkin' about dying. It's not your time yet. Now back away from the bars and sit against the wall or I'm not going to talk to you anymore."

Vance hesitated, then backed away.

"Thanks, Vance. That made me a bit stronger..."

Vance sat quietly for a minute, not saying anything. He just stared at Renk, but his eyes were more distant. Somehow, Vance knew this would be one of the last times he'd see Renk. There was nothing else he could do to change this. That didn't make it any easier.

But maybe...maybe he hadn't tried hard enough to convince Renk. Maybe...

"Renk, I can't let you do this. I can't let you throw your life away over nothing."

Renk sighed again then looked at his misshapen feet.

"Nothing, kid? Look... I'm sorry, but you guys...you guys, it's all time you went on with your lives. Forgot about me. This changed world wasn't meant for me, I guess. Now that I don't have Ayra and Danie, I have no more reason to live and suffer like this. But you and Knute and Victor and Finn, you go out and make the best of what you've got left."

"Renk..."

So he was serious. This...was there anything he could say?

"I know you mean well, kid. I know you guys care about me more than you should. I'm flattered by that, just so you know. I look upon you guys like brothers, too. Even in some cases, sons. But my life is over. It's been over since the day Solaris fell. I lost everything I loved, except you guys. You're the only reason I haven't taken my life since. But fate's decided what's going to happen to me now. I'm going to die, and I welcome it. The closer I'll be to Ayra and Danie, you know. I can't wait to see them. Ayra with that bright smile of hers, and Danie bounding up to me with nothing but admiration in her eyes. I miss that, Vance. I want to hold Ayra again, hold Danie again, and make the promise that this time, nothing's going to happen to them. That we'll be together from then on in. Meanwhile, you guys, fate's decided to let you live. So make the best of it, okay?"

Vance paused, staring at Renk. Yes, it was over. He knew it. But...then what?

"Renk, what will we do if you go away? You're like a father to us, Renk."

"Yeah, I know. Especially to you, but..."

"Renk, since my father died, you're the only one who came even close to being a father to me. You took me into your home. You let me become part of your family whenever I wanted. I know the Drive eventually scared them away, and I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I just couldn't live with the nightmares anymore. It's the only way I got through every day."

"Yeah, kid, I know. Most of us have almost overdone it with the Drive at some point. Sure, yours was a doozy, but you know better now. Ayra never came out and said anything, either. I explained to her what it was. She hated the way it changed you. She hated the way it changed me. She always begged me not to take that stuff, but you know...orders and all. None of that matters now, really. We don't ever have to take that stuff again. And I don't want to catch you taking that stuff again, 'cause I'll be watching you. You don't need that stuff anymore. You're stronger than that, Vance."

"I know."

Vance sighed inwardly. Renk really did know him far too well.

"So...are you going to let me go to the Soylent?"

Vance looked at the desperation in Renk's eyes, the physical pain, the emotional pain. This really was the only way, as much as he hated the idea.

"Well...Renk, I...I think...whatever you really want to do..."

The mutant man's eyes softened. "Thanks, Vance. You do see..."

"I hate it. I really hate it. But I do."

"Well, then...let me go..."

Vance looked at his feet. "Okay. I'll take you there."

"Thanks, kid," Renk spoke.

"We can leave tonight."

Renk appeared to smile, even though it was hard to tell. "Well, I can wait just a little longer. You, on the other hand, need some sleep, dontcha?"

Sleep...so Renk was going to watch over him one last time...

"Thank you, Renk..."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't thank me. It's what I'd do for anyone I care about, okay? Now get some rest. But...I want you to at least try and fight 'em for me. When you see the visions come, force somethin' funny to come into your mind instead. Or whatever. Just do something. Don't just sit and watch."

Vance nodded. Maybe it was about time he fought them. If he still had the strength to. He leaned back against the stone wall and began to close his eyes.

"That's it. Close your eyes and get some sleep. I can wait just a bit longer. We'll go tonight."

Vance opened his eyes again and looked at Renk sympathetically. "You know you're going to die, and you're not scared?"

"No. I guess not. Well, okay. Maybe a little. But... please don't be sad, Vance. I had a good life. And all good lives come to an end eventually, right?"

Vance forced a smile. "Right."

He closed his eyes and tried to give himself a bit of strength before drifting off to sleep.

The visions came, pouring from his subconscious, trying to make him relive that day. Yes, they came. But the voices were muddled and the images slightly faded. But he could still hear those horrid screams...

Never mind the screams...you're dreaming. This isn't real. It was, once. But no more. This will never happen again. After Renk, never will the people I love die like this...by my hand...

The thought gave him strength to endure the visions, sit through their entirety. In order to fight them, he'd have to face them again. But he was the one in control now. That made all the difference.

Eventually the vision faded into other mundane dreams... It had been far too long since he'd had a normal dream. And he welcomed it.

oooooooooo

Vance slowly walked back to the Broyer house, where he knew the others would be. They'd probably all be asleep, so he decided he wouldn't wake them. He'd thought for a moment of just taking Renk by himself, but he'd quickly decided that wouldn't be fair, in case the others wanted to say goodbye.

It probably wasn't as late as Vance thought because the lights in the house were still on.

"We still ended up making 500G. Not at all bad, if I do say so myself," Stratski spoke, sitting before the counter with several stacks of money. "But...whew! The women in this town are crazy! I've never seen them act that way, even back in Etrenank."

"They're desperate, Knute. They need the stuff, so they go temporarily crazy," Helm said.

"Well...I just hope they enjoy their stuff..." Finn said.

"They will, Finn. They will," Helm spoke, patting the huge man on the back."

"Um..." Vance spoke, walking inside. "I'm back. And...I just finished tuning up the gear."

Stratski looked up from the money. "Why? Going somewhere?"

"Well...yeah. I've decided...I'm going to take Renk to the Soylent tomorrow morning. So... if any of you want to say goodbye, then..."

"Don't be stupid, Vance," Stratski said.

Vance was taken aback. "Huh?"

"What do you mean you're going?" Stratski said.

"I said I'm taking Renk to the Soylent. What's so hard to understand about that?"

"You don't get what I mean. What I mean is...you're going alone? Not a chance. I'm coming, too."

"Right. Me, too," Helm chimed in.

"Yeah!" Finn agreed. "There's nothing left here for me in Dazil. So...why not?"

"Besides...we don't want Renk to be alone, either. We all want to be there. Right, Knute?" Helm said.

Stratski and Finn nodded.

Vance should have supposed they would have all come. But the thought that they were all going to be there with him helped his further come to the realization that this was the right thing to do. It was what Renk wanted. And it was true...the only person who didn't seem to care about Renk's wishes was Vance himself. But he knew now that it wasn't his decision to make.

oooooooooo

"You're crushing my arm again..." Stratski said.

"None of the other gears in Dazil had bigger cockpits?" Helm asked.

"I already told youse guys...this was the best one we had."

"The best, yeah. But what about a larger cockpit? Or at least another one with one of those carrier car things like Renk's in?" Stratski asked.

"I don't think it's going to be long before we're there. Just live with it until then..." Vance grumbled.

Stratski squirmed, trying to free his arm, but said nothing more.

"Ya know...I keep thinkin'..." Finn spoke, "about the best memory I had of Renk. And...I keep thinkin' back to the first time he ever encouraged me. I was still kinda new to gear battling, and Solaris put me in the Special Forces without havin' ta work up or anything. I got kinda overwhirled with it all at first."

"Do you mean 'overwhelmed', Finn?" Helm asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Anyway, after a training mission, Renk pulled me aside and said stuff I still remember. Which was sort of weird 'cause I'd gotten the idea he was kinda a harsh guy 'cause that's how he was in battle. He said, 'Your weakness is your lack of confidence. But Solaris wouldn't ta sent you here battle raw if you didn't have talent. Know that you're good. You're here, and ya earned it. Don't doubt yourself. You could be a bit more like Stratski, ya know.' I didn't get what he meant by the last past at first, but now that I know Stratski, he was prolly talkin' about his ego. Or something."

Stratski laughed. "Yeah, probably."

"Anyway, I still remember that. After that, I tried ta have more faith in myself. Yeah, it's not easier, but I try."

"Funny you should mention that," Stratski said. "Because the first thing that popped in my head was Renk scolding me, having the complete opposite effect of what he said to you. "You're here, so you're good. No need to keep remindin' us. We're all equal here. Nobody's better than anyone else..." or something like that. Of course, then he added, "And don't start even thinking about it. I could kick your ass to the surface and back.'" Stratski laughed. "Yeah, he probably could have, thinking about it."

"That didn't stop you from continuing to gloat, though."

"Why wouldn't I? I know what he said, but I'm still a lot better than you, Vic."

"You wish..."

"What thing do you remember most, Helm?" Finn asked.

"Hmm...well...it isn't much. But I guess it sort of qualifies. ahem He said something like, 'I know that, when push comes to shove...or something like that...I'll always be able to count on you, Helm.' Because we both rode Wandknights, we understood each other's gears the most...and we backed each other up all the time because of that. Those words just stuck with me whenever I needed a boost."

"Which reminds me...why DID you and Renk get the same gears? I always wondered that..." Stratski said quietly to his friend, but Vance heard it.

"Well...I, uh...I'd rather not say."

"So there WAS a reason for it? Don't tell me that...they were grooming YOU to be second-in-command..."

"Okay, I won't tell you."

"Oh, SHUT UP! You were not!"

Finn stepped in to interrupt them, and Vance was happy for it. "What about you, Vance?"

Vance smiled. "I know what it is. But...I'd really rather not say..."

"Hey, no fair..." Stratski said.

"Oh, nah. That's okay," Finn said. "Something said in private should stay in private if it's that sorta thing. If it was just between you and Renk, that's fine."

"Yeah...thanks."

Renk's voice echoed in his mind, Kid...you're stronger than this. Way stronger. Look at it this way. You're weak because you're tired. And you're tired because you're scared of sleeping. One of the links in the chain has gotta break, Vance. Might as well be the good one. Vance smiled again. Yes, those words would always stay with him. And he would try to do as Renk asked.

The coastline of an unnamed island in Aquavy appeared in the distance. They were almost there. By the silence in the cockpit, it was clear everyone knew it.

"Well...that's it. In the distance," came Renk's voice over the com.

The four stared at the structure appearing on the horizon ahead of them. So...this was it. The end of their journey. For one of them, at least. Vance tried not to lose it in front of the others, but he found it difficult.

"Okay, Renk. We're going to open your hatch. We'll stay here and...well..." Helm spoke.

"Good...you guys will be much safer in there. I'm glad."

"It's been...well...Renk, we'll all miss you," Stratski spoke.

"Oh, nah. You won't even notice I'm gone."

"Don't joke about that, Renk!" Vance exclaimed.

"What better time TO joke, kid? Well...I'm going. And...thanks for all you've done for me. And for being such a good bunch of guys to work with. You made my life as an officer pretty easy. I couldn't have asked for a better platoon."

More silence. Vance could barely stand it. He heard the hatch below them open, and soon saw Renk rushing off towards the building not far in the distance.

"Open the cockpit...I want to get out..." Vance said.

"Are you crazy?" Stratski asked.

"JUST OPEN THE COCKPIT! Let me get out and then you can close it right up! I can't leave it like this..."

"What more else can you say, Vance? He's dangerous, remember?"

Dangerous...yes... He knew that. But...it didn't seem to matter. He had to go with him. Had to be there when Renk's time finally came.

Vance reached over and pushed the button to open the cockpit and slid out before they could close it on him.

"He's nuts..." he heard Stratski whisper.

"Hey...Vance...be careful..." Finn also spoke.

"I'll be fine. I'm armed. If worse comes to worse..."

Helm sighed. "Well, if you're so determined..."

Vance didn't look back. He ran after Renk and managed to catch up with him.

"What the hell are you doing, kid?" Renk's eyes were panicked. His hands quivered in held back anticipation, but whatever human part remaining in him was fighting the urge to attack. But Vance wasn't afraid. Even if it meant the end of his life to stand there before Renk.

"I'm not going to let you go alone."

"Huh?"

"I'm going inside with you."

"Huh! Ghugh! N - no way. It's gonna be dangerous..."

"I'm not letting it end like this. I want to be there when your time is close. Renk...I mean it."

"I suppose if you let me do my thing, I can let you do yours, stupid as it is. I'll keep an eye on you, make sure the others don't attack ya. But...there are no ghugh guarantees. I can't even say I won't try...I feel like I might...and if that happens, just run...and don't try to save me."

"Whatever. Let's go."

Vance walked in looking around, keeping up with Renk, since he appeared to know where he was going. Vance had to admit, he wasn't prepared for what he saw. He had thought Renk looked bad, but some of these people were far worse off than Renk was. All of them reflected that look of physical pain and desperation as they pleaded to the higher powers to allow them to live as they queued in a long line and discovered what their fate would be. It was as Vance suspected - a recycling facility rather than a jail. Certainly the only salvation they would received would be from death. But Renk didn't seem afraid.

Eventually they ended up in the room where they would finally enter the machine and be recycled. He wanted to stay by Renk's side until the very end.

"Kid...this is almost it."

"I know, Renk."

"You're going to have to get out of her somehow."

Vance nodded. "We'll see how it goes. If I get out, I do. If I don't, well...I don't."

"Don't talk like that, kid. Of course you'll get out."

"...I guess it depends on whether I want to get out or not...once you're gone..."

"Don't be stupid. I thought we'd been through this..."

There was a low rumbling from behind them. Vance and Renk turned to face a large container that held the recycled mutants who had come before. It broke open and a hideous beast jumped from the machine and began to attack them.

Vance reacted by pushing Renk out of the way, just as the thing would have grabbed them both and devoured them.

"I don't understand, kid...Why did you save me? I'm gonna die...anyway..." Renk said.

"I guess it was sort of a reflex reaction, you know?"

"I guess we've always watched each others' backs..."

Vance nodded as they heard a back door open into the room. He admitted he was shocked to see the familiar face. A red-headed woman stepped out with two other people and began to attack the large creature. Vance recognized her as their old Lieutenant, Elhaym Van Houten.

"What's she doing here...?" Vance asked.

"Ghhhgggkk..." was all Renk could say as they watched the battle numbly.

Vance watched the battle numbly, unable to put to words the amazing moves of the Lieutenant and her friends. He'd never seen anything quite like it before.

The creature fell to the ground, close to death. But instead of dealing a final blow, Elhaym took her friend's sword and slashed her hand. A warm, red drop of blood fell into the creature's mouth, and it seemed soothed by it. It seemed that it was no different than the mutants. It needed blood to ease the pain of its existence. As it died, it held a peaceful look in its eyes.

Lieutenant Elhaym stood with an odd stance and started speaking strangely, as if the words came from very deep within her. They were haunting, almost as if they came from someone other than her. Ethereal...

"...Don't throw away your dignity as humans...Don't let go of your human heart..." she ended before she fell to the ground. Her friends came to her aid, but Vance didn't concern himself with that. Instead, he looked over at Renk, who was staring at Elly as if she were the voice of God himself. Something she had said had apparently struck a nerve in him, as well as in the hearts of all the other mutants, who now seemed calm and almost normal, besides their appearances.

Renk broke out into a smile and glanced at Vance. His expression had changed so rapidly from that of someone willing and prepared to die to someone with the whole world before him.

"Renk..."

"Let's go to Nisan..." he said. Everything about him seemed to be better. "Let's all go to Nisan..."

Vance nodded, a smile peeking out at the sides of his mouth. Renk had chosen life, and with that, Vance knew things would start to get better for them all.

"Lieutenant..." Vance said, stepping up to her, Renk following him.

She eyed him curiously as he helped her up from the ground.

"V Vance? Vance Nye of the Special Forces?"

He nodded. "I'm not a mutant. I'm here with Renk. He wanted to die, but...now he's going to come back with you to Nisan. I thank you. For everything...you don't know how much this means to us all..."

"Well...you're welcome..." she said.

Vance looked at her with a deep respect he thought he never would. The hope she had brought to Renk and the other mutants was unlike anything he had ever seen. There had to be something about her. He couldn't think of what, but it mattered little.

If Renk can choose to go on, so can I. I have to be strong. I can make it if I ask for help. I can't just keep it all inside anymore.

End of Chapter 5

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Endnotes: The original plan for this story was for six chapters and the epilogue. It seems that now I'm going to need an additional chapter in order to conclude everything I want to. You can all blame Knute for that, for finally beginning to speak to me. But the ideas are finally coming for chapter 6 (and 7) so I'm hoping to be a little faster with those. Please, just be patient. I'm determined to finish this story. If I decide to discontinue it, I'll place that information in the summary. But don't expect that to happen. These guys won't let their story be unfinished.

Also, I am planning a re-write for the first four chapters. There's a possibility I might be melding the first two chapters into one, and what is now chapter 2 is going to be added and tweaked considerably (it will have the most changes). Chapter 1 and 3 are just going to be minor tweaks, with a couple new scenes added. At least the beginning of chapter 4 will be tweaked and new scenes added. I tended to fall into the "tell, don't show" trap that's not so nice. I can do better than that. In addition, I will continue work on chapter six and seven. Thank you all for your patience, and I hope you're enjoying the story.

Obligatory Disclaimer: As much as I'd like to claim Xenogears as my own intellectual property, I am unable to do so, for that honour is already taken by Squaresoft. So yeah. The characters and world belongs to them.

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