PROLOGUE

You know those stories that begin with a main character that is a bit of a pussy and lets everyone roll all over him? Yeah…well this ain't one of them. This is actually a story about a guy who did the seemingly impossible…he conquered the world. Now I know what you might be thinking right now, that that's impossible. Well, I have some very disheartening news for you, nay-sayer, because it is possible. How do I know this? It's simple really…I fucking did it. That's right, I'm the guy who had the adventure of a life time and ended up, somehow, conquering the world.

Now, in order to understand my story, we gotta go back to the very beginning of my awesome adventure. In Literature, this is the beginning of the story…the thesis. Everyone has, or rather had a thesis. It's the point in your life where everything began, and I mean really began. I'm not talking about when you dropped out of your mama's vagina, but rather when you were actually able to string two thoughts together that did not involve either eating and then shitting yourself. And that is the point where my story begins.

You see, I was born and raised on this little shit-snot of an island that no one gave a rats ass about all the way up in the North Blue (one of the four cardinal oceans for those of you that are too dumb to know something as basic as this). This shit-snot of an island is (or was, depending on when you read this because for all I know, the island could be long gone by the time you read this) called…wait for it…wait…wait some more…okay, I've had my fun with you. The island is called Konoha.

Konoha…man that name's fucking retarded. But if you look back into the history of why the island was named Konoha, you'll find out that when it was created it was full of trees. That's right, just. Fucking. Trees. That's the reason why this island is called what it is today. Trees. I mean, which other island does not have trees. I'm pretty sure even those cunts in Alabasta had trees at one stage, right? Yet they did not name their island after some fucking leaves. Well anyway, long story short, the founders called it Konoha because of the forestry that was prevalent back when they first settled here…which wasn't that long ago actually. Maybe a hundred years, give or take.

But fuck them…this story is not about them. It's about me and my fucking awesomeness.

I'm sure you're wondering why I swear like a sailor, even as I write this. Well, the answer is really simple. My mom!

My mother, the one person that I'm genuinely afraid of 'til this day, is the reason why I swear like a sailor. She was against me swearing, mind you…used to beat the living daylights out of me every time she caught me doing it(mom, if you're reading this then I'm sorry for all the vulgarity), but that did not stop her from inadvertently swearing in front of her very young, and very impressionable son. So yeah, like any good kid, I listened to everything my mother said…with selective hearing.

No seriously, that's a thing. I found out later on during one of my adventures that selective hearing is something everyone does. You basically choose, inadvertently of course, what you want to listen to. So between a gunshot and the sound of sex, what would you listen to?

Anyway, my mother, Uzumaki Kushina, was a very strict woman who never took shit from anyone. And I mean no one. Not even from me. I remember there was this one occasion where I left the small house we lived in at the edge of the forest, without her permission and headed into the town to "entertain" myself.

Before I continue with the story you need to realise that my mother and I are reclusive…not by nature mind you, but by law. I know, that kinda sounds confusing, right? Well here's a basic gist of what my early childhood was like:

First, let me start of by saying that my mother, Uzumaki Kushina (as if you didn't know her name already), was a pirate. Now this was long before she had me…actually, not really that long. Anyway, she was a pirate, complete with her own crew. Mom's crew was infamous for clashing with the authorities a lot, like all other pirates, but hers did it more often than any other crew apparently.

But they never, ever, put civilian life in peril. In the end, that was their undoing because the World Govt. (those pricks) used civilians as bait to catch mom and her crew. Mom was charged on multiple counts of piracy and was sent to Impel Down. Luckily for her, she fell pregnant around the time of her capture, so she was able to use the law's prohibition of having pregnant females locked up in Impel Down, and she was able to leave Impel Down. Unfortunately that also meant that she had to quit piracy completely because one of the terms of her parole was that if she ever went back to it, pregnant or not, she was gonna go back to the big house.

Look at the bright side though…I'm a get out of jail free card!

So yeah, from that little bit of info, I'm sure you can picture the type of vulgarities my mother spews out regularly. She tried her best, the poor creature, but ultimately there was just no stopping me from experiencing the pure awesomeness of swearing profanities like it's my profession or something.

Anyway I got side-tracked there. I was telling you about the time I went out into town and how I met this really cool kid named Konohamaru. Konohamaru was named after the island, don't know why though. His grandfather was the town's mayor, a former naval officer, pretty good one at that apparently. I think that's why my mom was sent to live here as part of her probation, because of old man Sarutobi.

When Konohamaru and I first met, we did not see eye to eye. How we did end up Seeing Eye to eye is something I don't remember very well.

Why didn't we see eye to eye? Well…

"You're the son of a pirate whore!"

Yep, that's why. He went there alright. He just had to bring my mother into this. On the first date too…man he was asking for it. And give it I did.

I beat him up pretty good. Back then I did not know this, but what Konohamaru said was what most of the island's populace thought. They were just too cowardly to say it, but he wasn't. He just flat out said it…you know how five year olds can be, right? They just flat out say whatever comes to their mind.

Well the nine year old version of me did not know how five year olds could be, which was very weird considering the fact that I was that very same age four years prior.

Where was I? Oh, that's right; I was systematically beating down Konohamaru Sarutobi's ass for calling my mom a whore. As I was beating on him, this prick called Ebisu comes up out of nowhere, wearing these weird-ass glasses and starts to kick my ass.

Yeah, that was my world.

Anyway, I ran away from Ebisu and returned home, only to find this weird old man that wore red and white robes and a red and white diamond-shaped hat on his head talking with my mother.

"…and that's what happened, Kushina." I heard him say as soon as I entered the house.

My mother turned to me at that precise moment with a look on her face that promised me a LOT of pain.

"Naruto…do you know who this is?" mom asked sweetly…which should have immediately sent warning bells to my head because mom does not do sweet.

"Um…no. Who are you, ossan?" I replied dumbly.

The old man was about to reply before a raised hand from my mother put a stop to it, and she took over once again.

"Well, this old man you see before you is actually the mayor of this town."

"Oh…" was all I could reply with.

"Yes. And earlier on today you assaulted Mayor Sarutobi's grandson." Mom continued.

"Grandson…what grand-" and then it clicked. I remembered Ebisu calling Konohamaru, Honourable Grandson before he gave me a beating.

"Fuck." Very poor choice of words...or word rather.

"Apologise to the old geezer, now!" My mother shouted, causing me to jump on the spot like a scaredy cat, which I actually was. She also did not realise that she insulted the mayor as well. No way in hell I was going to correct her on that mistake thought, I was in hot water already.

"S-s-sorry Mayor Sarutobi. But it was-" whatever apology I had cooked up died in my throat as soon as mom got up and produced a belt from I-don't-know-where, and proceeded to beat the shit out of me.

"You beat up the mayor's grandson! You swear in front of the mayor! You offer half assed apologies! And worst of all, you swore in front of me!"

The repetitive sound of a belt against a bare bottom resonated throughout the entire house…along with my cries. Mom did not give two shits about whacking me in front of the mayor, which she did explicitly.

I don't know when the mayor left, whether it was during, or after my hiding, I was too busy trying to cool down my red hot ass to notice.

Also, on a side note, I never saw Ebisu ever again. Maybe the old man had him jailed for beating up a little kid or something along those lines.

So yeah, that's just one of many incidents that occurred while growing up that illustrate my mother's I don't give a fuck attitude.

Anyway (am I writing that a bit too much), I grew up under a strict mother. Even with a strict mother though, I was really juvenile. I got into all sorts of trouble with the townsfolk. I would pull pranks on them all the time, not because I wanted their attention or some pussy assed excuse like that, but rather because I was bored. Just fucking bored. My pranks were pretty sweet too.

I remember there was this time where I painted our island's national monument in orange. Why? 1. Orange rules! And 2. I just felt like it.

(Our island's monument is a mountain that has the leader and previous leaders of our great nation on it.)

That's the thing with me, I just do whatever I feel like doing at that exact moment because it's just who I am. Years later, my mother would tell me that I do what I do because I'm an Uzumaki, and for us, unpredictability is genetic.

Anyway (again), I got really good a pulling pranks and never getting caught. I continued to do this as I grew up, even enlisting Konohamaru when I felt that he was of the right age to join my crusade. Together we raped, pillaged and murdered the entire village. Just joking.

I abhor rape, I don't have a problem with pillaging, so long as it's being done to the right people, and I also abhor murdering people.

Together with Konohamaru, we pretty much ruled Konoha. Pranking people, getting into bigger trouble, and then having Konohamaru's grandfather bail us out, one of the perks of running around with the mayor's grandson, and then getting a beating at home from my mom. Even Konohamaru got them from mom too.

That was my early childhood life. Doing crazy, stupid shit. But then everything changed when she walked into my life. She was a girl I found by mistake while I was fishing for food. Its not like we really needed the food because mom worked as the mayor's assistant. Pretty fancy job for an ex-con, right? It paid well enough to keep us fed, so I did not really need to do this…but I still chose to do it anyway. Why?

Uzumaki.

Back to the story. I was thirteen at the time when this happened. My blonde locks dancing in the wind as I happily whistled our national anthem. I was at a river that directly links up to the ocean, and it was the only place throughout the entire island where I can actually be alone. It was my sort-of secret sanctum.

Anyway, there I was, sitting by the river, wearing my favourite orange jumpsuit and a pair of blue sandals when suddenly my line caught something, something really, really big (for a thirteen year old) and I tried to reel it in with all the might I could muster, and when I did reel my catch in, I was surprised to find out that it was a human girl, and from the looks of things she had drowned.

I don't really know what came over me at that exact moment, but I suddenly remembered one of mom's many teachings.

CPR.

I administered it on her and the girl finally returned to reality. In all likelihood the girl should have been dead, but she was not.

I watched, slightly mesmerised by her black hair that hung onto face for dear life because of its wetness, and I was captivated. You know how they say that there's no such thing as love at first sight? Well, those fuckers were lying, because I'd already found the woman of my dreams, and I was not even looking.

Looking at her as she struggled to get up, watching her wet clothes become a second layer of skin on her, and watching with rapt attention as she breathed fast and roughly, trying to get as much oxygen into her system as possible. All of these actions served to entice me, making me go stir crazy, and it just so happened that it was at the "My name is puberty and I'm kicking in" stage.

So yeah, you can see why I fell in love at first sight. Her wet skin that had water droplets run down it, her soft moans as she tried to get rid of the water in her lungs and her perfectly shaped face that had this weirdly strong-boned and straight nose just served to make my insides twist and turn like the unpredictable weather that is found in the New World.

I was in love.

As she was getting up, the girl elicited a soft, pain-filled moan that caused me to act before my mind could catch up. I put my hands on her chest, her quickly developing chest mind you, in an effort to make sure that she did not strain herself.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…don't do that. Don't overexert yourself." I urged her.

Neither of us actually paid attention to the fact that I had my hands on her developing breasts, which would come back to haunt me later, and instead focused on her current situation as I forced her back onto the ground.

"W-where…" She whispered between pain filled breaths.

I flashed a warm smile and said, "You're in Konoha. You're safe from whatever put you in the water."

Water seemed to act like some sort of trigger word for her because she began shivering before I could ask her what her name was.

"C-C-Cold." was all she could say.

Once again, more of my mother's lessons stuck out in my head and I said, "Take off your clothes and wear mine."

…

Yep, I said that without thinking things through clearly.

"Ah, forget I said that!" I told her. She did not seem to notice my mistake, because she fainted due to her rapidly dropping body temperature.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! What am I gonna do?" was what rang out in my mind as I stared at the love of my life about to die from hypothermia.

Ah, teenage love. It always happens at first sight. Am I right, or am I right?

ANYWAY, sup guys, long time no see. I just want to say that I am sorry for not updating my other stories but I've kinda lost interest in them. I want to get back into the FF groove, but I wanted to do it on a completely fresh slate. So that's why I came up with this story. This is just a prologue, a bad one at that…I think…I hope not.

You know what; you guys should let me know because I can't judge my own work. I just dish whatever comes to my mind, and what I wrote is what came to me in, like, an hour or so ago.

Also, this is not how I will conduct the rest of the story. I just wanted to write it out this way because I'm just too fucking lazy to write out an actual prologue from a third person point of view.

That's it for now. Depending on the reception of this prologue, I might continue or I might drop this story.

Hit me with those follows and favourites.

Til next time, I'm out!