Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts

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They'd been good, those lazy days sitting at the Clock Tower, eating their ice cream. No work or worries, just Axel, Roxas and –

No – no, it was just Axel and Roxas.

Axel ran a hand down his face, turning again in the bed. There was something tickling at the back of his mind, something important. If he could just remember what it was…

He threw the covers back, pushing himself off the bed.

"How did this happen?"

Roxas had left – and the Organization wouldn't take kindly to his departure. But he'd known that, they both did. Axel had even gone out of his way to warn his friend and he'd only been brushed off.

"No one would miss me anyway."

"That's not true! …I would."

Axel hadn't chased after the kid. He should have, but … he was tired. He was just so tired of everything and so he'd let him go away and now…

Was Kingdom Hearts worth all this? Did having a heart matter at all if your life was in shambles when you got it? Memories of childhood days long past flitted through his mind's eye and his chest … hurt. It hurt so much it felt like it might split.

A small, white envelope caught Axel's eye.

Axel wasn't supposed to be in Roxas' room – or, rather, he had no business being in the room previously assigned to Roxas. Technically, with member XIII gone from their ranks, the room belonged to no one in particular so it wasn't wrong, it was just … pointless.

And yet, it wasn't.

Roxas hadn't exactly left the Organization with a lot of planning and it showed in his room. The bed was still unmade, an old black coat hung on the one chair, and various little items he'd collected here and there during and in between missions were stacked somewhat haphazardly on the desk. Everything still lay where it was put, waiting the blonde boy's return.

Firmly stepping on every voice of decency in his mind, Axel idly made his way through Roxas' personal items. In any case, he doubted he'd find anything particularly embarrassing; Roxas wasn't the most openly touchy-feely kid around and he doubted that that would change very much when it came to his things.

Surprisingly, there were quite a few seashells in a grubby pouch in the desk drawer. Yes, they were small and they were quaint and brightly colored, too, but Axel hadn't really pegged Roxas as the type to go around picking up seashells of all things.

But then again, Axel hadn't imagined that Roxas would leave, either.

Discarded drafts of old reports lay on the desk, scattered about along with–

A notebook.

Axel hesitated before picking it up. A weight pressed down on his shoulders as he held it and the feeling only solidified when he opened it up and his cat-green eyes fell on the pages.

It was a diary. It was Roxas' diary.

He stared at it, suddenly unsure. The reports, the shells – they were fine to root through. But a diary was personal.

Still…

Axel sighed. He was weak man and he knew it well as he opened to the very first entry and read.

It wasn't long before he tripped over the name.

Xion.

A fourteenth member? In Organization XIII? Really? He reread the entry, unsure if he could believe his eyes or if it was his friend's sanity that needed a check. But no matter how many times he read the entry – and the ones written after – there was a very sure mention of the fourteenth member. Yet no matter how hard Axel thought, he couldn't recall anyone – anyone at all – named Xion.

There was only – blankness. And an ache that wasn't really an ache because Axel was a Nobody and Nobodies didn't have hearts that could ache. But his chest felt … something. It wasn't even pain, not really. Just…

Yearning.

That was it – yearning. And the floor crumbled beneath his feet and he fell into something vast and deep and wide and so terrible that Axel slammed the book shut and threw it on the desk before he even realized what he was doing.

Yearning clawed inside his chest because he should remember this, he must but he couldn't.

Xion. Xion, Xion, Xion, Xion, Xion.

Roxas' friend – and maybe his, too.

He thought back again.

Nothing.

Axel brought his fists down on the desk, nearly shattering it. He snarled at the diary as if doing so would give him what he needed and he was tempted to throw the bag of seashells at the wall. Again, there were more questions than answers – and he hadn't even come here looking for that. A bit of closure, that was all he'd come here for – so why did everything have to be wrapped in a mind-numbing mystery?!

Xion, Roxas' friend – their friend.

How could he ever forget something like that?

Axel wilted, his body curling inwards. Slowly, he turned his eyes towards the window, towards Kingdom Hearts. Monstrously huge and yellow, it hung in the night sky in all its garishness. For the first time, looking at its light hurt his eyes and he blinked away the stinging sensation.

He didn't want Kingdom Hearts anymore.

"Xion," he whispered, closing his eyes as a terrible pain ripped through his chest.

Seconds, minutes, hours passed by Axel. But finally, he picked up the notebook again, running a finger gently over its spine, before carefully tucking it into a safe pocket - right beside a winning popsicle stick.

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