"And so, by the power vested in me as friar of the parish of Gotham, I now pronounce you man and wife," announced Friar Tetch. "You may kiss the bride."

The wedding party, comprised of the citizens of Gotham and the Merry Men, plus a very angry Sir Bruce tied up and gagged under the watchful eye of Catwoman, let out an almighty cheer as Maid Harley and Robbin' Joker kissed tenderly. Except Lady Pamela, that is, who glared at them both, seething.

"Pam? You're not going to snap and go crazy, are you?" asked Two-Face, warily.

"No," muttered Lady Pamela. "But my lady deserves so much better a man for her husband. Now she's allied herself to this outlaw scum for the rest of her life, and she'll never be happy."

"She looks pretty happy to me," commented Two-Face, nodding at Maid Harley's glowing face. "Maybe you should start letting her make her own decisions, Pam."

"Then I'd be out of a job," retorted Lady Pamela.

"Maybe...you could start looking after someone else instead," said Two-Face, hopefully.

"Don't push your luck, Harvey," snapped Lady Pamela.

Two-Face shrugged. "Worth a try," he muttered, heading over to congratulate the newlyweds. Robbin' Joker slipped a bag of gold into his hand.

"Remember, I want Pammie distracted for the next few days or so," he muttered.

"We both do," agreed Maid Harley.

"I'll do my best," said Two-Face. "But a guy only has so much stamina. Harley will find that out soon enough."

"Speak for yourself, Harvey!" chuckled Robbin' Joker. "I can go all night!"

"Right," said Two-Face, skeptically. "If Harley actually thinks that, she's in for a real disappointment."

"We're just gonna sneak off while everyone's distracted by the party," said Robbin' Joker, pulling Maid Harley off into the woods. "See you losers later!"

"That was an excellent ceremony, Jervis," said Crane to Friar Tetch.

"Thank you," said Friar Tetch. "It's actually the first wedding ceremony I've ever performed, so I hope I got it all right. I'm just glad I was able to perform the one Maid Harley wanted, rather than the one her cousin wanted."

"Speaking of which, what are we going to do with Sir Bruce?" asked Crane, nodding at him. "You're the person with the most authority left in this town, so I assume the decision is up to you."

Before Friar Tetch could respond, a group of Gotham villagers rushed over to him. "Friar Tetch, can we burn Sir Bruce?" one of them asked, eagerly. "I think that would be a great way to end the wedding."

"Burn…what? No!" snapped Friar Tetch. "Absolutely not!"

"But he might be a witch!" exclaimed one.

"He's not a witch!" snapped Friar Tetch. "Nobody here is a witch, and nobody here is being burned! I don't know what to do about Sir Bruce, but burning is never the answer!"

"Perhaps you should just send him back to where he came from in humiliation," said Crane. "Make him face the king and admit he's failed to defeat the outlaws. Surely there is no greater punishment for a man like him?"

"I'd have to send him back with someone to guard him," said Friar Tetch. "Someone I could trust to look after him and see that he doesn't escape."

"You called?" spoke up Catwoman. "I'd be happy to take Sir Bruce anywhere you want. He won't escape from under my watch, I guarantee it."

"If you're seriously volunteering, I very gratefully accept," said Friar Tetch. "But won't you be caught and hanged once you reach your destination for being an outlaw?"

"I doubt it," retorted Catwoman. "There's not been a jail yet that can hold me. Anyway, I do have nine lives, you know. I'll be fine."

Friar Tetch nodded. "I'll need to compose a letter to his majesty to send with you. Something along the lines of we do appreciate the thought of sending a sheriff to Gotham, but in future, he shouldn't waste his time sending his men to a den of madmen. Madness is incredibly contagious, as we've seen from Maid Harley. And we're all mad here, you know."

"I'll be sure to tell him when I see him," said Catwoman. "I'm going to go get packed while you write that letter – my cats need a lot of provisions for the road. Do pass on my congratulations to J – his wife's far too good for him. I only hope Harley isn't disappointed, in more ways than one."

The wedding celebrations lasted long into the evening. As dawn broke, Catwoman left the forest with Sir Bruce and her cats in tow, the latter keeping dozens of watchful eyes on the former. Crane headed deeper into the woods to wash the cobwebs from his brain in the stream, and was surprised to see someone already there.

"J?" he asked. "Where's Harley? Shouldn't you be with your wife?"

"Er…yeah, I should," he stammered. "Just told her I…needed a quick break from all the…stuff we've been doing." He splashed some water on his face. "She's very…uh…demanding, now that she's had a taste of…y'know. Once you destroy their innocence, they just turn into insatiable fiends. But I guess that's women for you."

"Puddin'?" called Maid Harley's voice from nearby. "You coming back soon?"

"Very soon, pumpkin pie!" he called back. "Just need a few minutes to…reload the old bang gun!"

"What's a bang gun?" asked Crane, puzzled.

"A euphemism," retorted Robbin' Joker, splashing more water on his face. "Anyway, I just gotta man up. Harley's gonna kill me if I can't perform anymore, even though I have literally been performing all night. This is why women should be educated about sex – otherwise they have unrealistic demands on their husbands."

Crane was silent, and then rummaged around in his bag. "Here you go," he said, handing Robbin' Joker a bottle. "Drink this, and you'll be ready to perform again in no time."

"What is it?" asked Robbin' Joker, eyeing it warily.

"An aphrodisiac made from herbs," replied Crane. "You see, I told you my medicines would save your life one day."

"How did you know?" asked Robbin' Joker.

Crane shrugged. "I am a witch, you know. It's my business to know these things. Anyway, I'm doing this for Harley, not for you. Now get back to your wife and make her glad she's married you."

Robbin' Joker swallowed the potion, and then clapped him on the back. "Thanks, Little Johnny, you're a pal. Just for this, maybe I'll stop calling you Little Johnny one day. But I wouldn't hold your breath."

He hurried back to Maid Harley, who smiled up at him. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"Just fine, pumpkin pie," he replied. "Feel a second wind coming on and raising the old bang flag again."

Maid Harley grinned and kissed him. "I'm so glad I can spend the remainder of my days with my outlaw," she murmured. "Free and happy and loved."

"Yeah, looks like it's a happy ending for the bad guys after all," agreed Robbin' Joker. "That's unusual, but kinda nice, huh?"

"Yeah," agreed Maid Harley. "Do you think Robbin' Joker and Harley Quinn and their Merry Men are gonna have many more adventures together? Do you think our adventures will eventually pass into legend? Do you think people are gonna read stories about us one day and wish they could be as free and happy as we are?"

He kissed her. "On my word as an outlaw, toots," he murmured. "I guarantee it."

The End