Trigger warning for suicide and self harm. Don't read if you can't handle it...

Standing on a structure built high into the air, Ichimatsu stared longingly at the hard cement lying storeys below that just looked so inviting. He wanted to jump. He wanted to jump so badly. To just take a few steps and let everything be over. So he'd no longer have to put up with these shit feelings and no longer be a burden on his brothers.

It's far from the first time he's climbed up here, but every time he convinced himself this time he'd be able to do it, fear took over and forced his scattered mind to retreat. Again, it seems he'll be unable to take the steps forward. Ichimatsu curses himself for being so cowardly, but like every other time a small part of him is relieved, that wants to keep living.

Letting out a low defeated sigh he begins the trip down the ladder. Next time, he thought. I'll defiantly do it then. Once reaching the ground his shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets and tries not to look suspicious as he re-enters society. He'd picked that spot to jump for a reason, it was deserted. No bystanders or witnesses to the gruesome act. He'd leave that to the police officers. After all, he'd already left a note hidden in his belongings they'd find eventually informing his brothers where he'd done it. That is, until he actually did it.

I was hard to pin point exactly when the problem had started. Once the sextuplets entered high school and began branching off into differing traits was when Ichimatsu started getting quiet. He talked less and spent more time alone, preferring the company of cats over people. It had never been a worrisome change, only when cuts began appearing on his wrists did they finally notice that secluded and shy had turned to suicidal and depressed.

He was put on medication and forced to see a therapist once a week. Things got better little by little, but not from pills and questioning. It was his brothers that aided in pulling him from the rut he'd been stuck in. Whenever his mind would drift into dark areas or his gaze would linger on kitchen knives they'd step in and change his train of thought. Osomatsu's snide humour, Karamatsu's painful lines, Choromatsu's constant reassuring, Todomatsu's words of concern and especially Jyushimatsu's wide smile were enough to stop him from doing anything stupid, and they're likely the reason why Ichimatsu is so hesitant to just take those few short steps now. His brothers almost acted like some kind of invisible force, pulling him back at every attempt.

A full moon hung in the sky, it was getting pretty late by now. Ichimatsu wondered if any of his brothers would be home by now. He remembered they all had plans today besides himself and Todomatsu, which was odd considering he usually spent the most time out of the house. Sliding open the door, he kicked off his sandals at the entrance and stepped inside. It looked like no one was back yet, considering how eerily quiet it was.

The living room lights were turned off, Ichimatsu hadn't moved far before hissing in pain. He's stepped on something sharp. Navigating his way to the light switch, he gritted his teeth at the sensation of warm blood seeping out. Finding the switch, he flicked it on and cringed at the sudden bright light. Once his eyes adjusted, Ichimatsu recognised the sharp material he'd stepped on as a piece of Todomatsu's phone screen, which was completely shattered and scattered across the room. It looked as if it had been thrown against the wall with enough force to cause the hard plastic to break.

Before he had a chance to question this, he heard it. A cough. Then another, and another.

"Todomatsu?"

Ichimatsu's heart began to race a little, feeling an ounce of panic. The cut could wait, he had a bad feeling about this.

Sliding open the bedroom door, his body freezed up at the sight before him. The first thing his eyes locked on was his youngest brother, slumped against the wall. Then the blood spattered around his mouth. Then the canister of pain killers, opened with the contents strewn around the floor.

Ichimatsu was frozen in place. Totty was the last of his brothers he ever expected to do something like this, and just after moments before he had attempted the same thing.

He was trembling. Shaking. His mind refused to operate.

Ambulance. I need to call an ambulance.

Everything seemed so surreal, as if he wasn't even moving. Ichimatsu rushed towards the phone, punching in the number as quickly as possibly with fumbling fingers. He couldn't even feel the cut anymore. It must have only taken the dispatcher a few seconds to pick up, but even that short moment of waiting felt so long.

A monotone woman's voice answered and Ichimatsu immediately began sputtering and talking a mess of incoherent sentences into the receiver. The dispatcher spoke calmly and managed to get him explain the situation as clearly as possible.

"An ambulance is on it's way, I need you to stay on the phone with me until then."

Ichimatsu's droopy eyes gave a panicked glance towards Todomatsu, still coughing violently in the other room.

"How long?"

"Around twenty minut-"

"That's not fast enough."

"Sir please calm down, they are going as fast possible."

"He's dying, what am I supposed to do?! Fast as possible isn't good enough."

"Sir do-"

Ichimatsu slammed the phone down, hanging up, and rushed to his brothers side.

Todomatsu's breathing was haggard and pained, as if each intake of air was a stab to his lungs. Ichimatsu picked the bottle of medication off the ground. He felt sinking feeling when quickly realising how light the canister was, and how little pills were left. He'd drained almost the entire thing.

"Todomatsu you idiot." He muttered.

Kneeling next to him, he propped his brother into a more comfortable position and held his hand, squeezing it tightly as another torrent of coughs overtook him. It was all he could really do in a situation like this, he only hoped the ambulance would arrive sooner.

Totty's eyes locked on him for a moment, before immediately looking away as if ashamed. Tears bubbled in his eyes, and he cried loudly into Ichimatsu's chest. Red faced with tears and snot running down his face, it was a state he would usually hate seeing himself in, but here in his older brothers arms he seemed to have given up caring completely.

He coughed again, this time blood splattered out, and Ichimatsu felt completely useless.

"Why did you do this to yourself? This kind of shit has always been more in my department you know..." Ichimatsu knew it probably wasn't a good time to ask questions, but he desperately needed an answer. However, all he got in response was another round of sobbing. Sobbing and coughing.

Todomatsu was slipping. His breaths were smaller and shorter.

Ichimatsu was at a loss of what to do.

"Hey Todomatsu, hey?!" He shook his younger brother a bit more violently then he probably should have. "Stay with me! Come on, please..."

Again he didn't get a reply,
Or any response at all.

The ambulance never arrived on time.

The truth came to light a few days later about why Todomatsu committed suicide. Apparently his social media account had been hacked into by one of his "friends." Ichimatsu couldn't care less about remembering his name, Atsushit or something along those lines. The bastard had posed as him online and destroyed his younger brothers reputation.

The moment Totty's phone screen had been replaced and was able to be accessed a flood of unanswered text messages, death threats and literal pages of ignorant people commenting that he should kill himself filled the screen.

The youngest matsu's social life had always been almost like a lifeline, and once it turned to shambles, he just fell apart without anyone knowing.

The scary thing is how ignorant they all were to the fact that any of this was even happening. Todomatsu was a good actor, and a good liar. There wasn't a single indication of the hell he was going through. The whole thing just came out of no where. Nobody was prepared to see him dead on the ground that night.

Ichimatsu was there for when the police interrogated him, the bastard behind it. He remembered his calm posture and sleek black suit that screamed money. The man talked in a constant light and airy voice. He acted concerned and surprised about the situation, but Ichimatsu could see the hidden effort he was putting in not to crack an arrogant smile.

There were other people questioned, a lot of people Todomatsu had apparently been acquainted with that he didn't recognise in the slightest. Just another thing he'd kept secret from them he guessed. A pair of young women admitted to taking part of the onslaught of verbal abuse and apologised profusely. They didn't really care, he could tell. They were just scared to get in trouble, especially with the police involved.

He wished they'd all rot behind bars, but only the hacker was being held accountable. Ichimatsu didn't know how long he'd be in prison for, hopefully long enough that he'd never have to see his smug ass fucking face again. As far as he's concerned that man murdered his younger brother.

He himself was questioned as well, along with the rest of his family. They asked if he had noticed any changes in Todomatsu's behaviour recently, and whether or not he'd had suicidal tendencies in the past. The answers were the same from all of them, a resounding no.

Now Ichimatsu stood in a formal black suit, next to four brothers and not five as a coffin was lowered into the ground. Some familiar and unfamiliar faces arrived. He recognised Todomatsu's former co-workers from Subataa, who both looked more like they'd attended to show off their fancy dresses that weren't even coloured black then to pay their respects. He kept his gaze strictly pointed at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with anyone around him.

It was hell trying to explain a horrific situation he didn't understand yet himself to each of his brothers as they arrived home one by one. Their expressions of utter shock and devastation were plastered in his memory. The ambulance that had ended up arriving late sadly pulled a white sheet over his lifeless body, and the incomplete sextuplets were left, still desperately trying to process that this was reality and not some fucked up dream.

No one had said anything, but it was painfully obvious they had all expected Ichimatsu to be the one to commit suicide out of them, and especially not Totty. After all he even had a half successful attempt in the past.

Once arriving back home after the service, Ichimatsu wanted nothing more then to be left alone. It was moments like these especially that he wished he had a room to himself. The tension was suffocating. It would have been completely quiet if it weren't for Jyushimatsu's loud crying, muffled as he buried his tear stricken face into a pillow. Choromatsu seemed to follow Ichimatsu's example by avoiding eye contact, pretending to be interested in the book he'd picked at random of the shelf. Osomatsu simply sat cross legged, face shadowed. He didn't say anything or even acknowledge anyone else's presence. He'd been a huge mess at the reception, body shaking as he sobbed uncontrollably, although now he acted completely sombre. Karamatsu had wanted to stay at the grave a little longer, so he'd been left behind.

Times where Ichimatsu felt this shit were usually improved by Jyushimatsu's infinite energy and cheerfulness, but looking at his younger brother's current state he seemed more in need of comforting then himself.

That night the five remaining brothers lay on a futon designed for six. The empty spot a chilling reminder of how easy it was for anyone to succumb to depression and suicide.

Anyone at all.