Lydia was terrifying when she was angry. She and Alec were in a meeting between with a Consul in Idris. The Consul had been screaming for 15 minutes, and while Lydia was getting flusher and flusher she had yet to raise her voice.

"If you think that I am a threat or a rebel, Consul, then you have lost sight of the mission."

"YOU ARE IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF A DOZEN CLAVE LAWS!" The Consul shouted back at her. He was old and fat, wearing gear that didn't have a scratch on it. He was also slightly see-through, a projection floating just a little bit above the marble floor of Lydia's (former Alec's parent's) office. Even so, Alec could see he was nearly purple with rage. "We are Shadowhunters! We do not shelter downworlders—"

"No downworlder injured in defense of the innocent will be turned out of this Institute," Lydia asserted. "The Accords promised an alliance."

"The LAW-"

"I am well within the Law. Your signature is ON the Accords, Consul I've seen it. The New York Institute will defend its alliance with the downworlders who came to our aide."

"They defile the sacred—"

"You and I are still ALIVE, and the WORLD WAS NOT OVER RUN BY GREATER DEMONS, because the Lightwoods have made ties with the downworlders here!" Lydia bellowed, bringing her fist down on her desk so hard that everything on it rattled.

The Consul looked taken aback. Alec certainly was. The Consul's jaw worked, then clamped and finally, more quietly, just as angrily, he replied. "The last shadowhunter to defy the Clave was Valentine. Think, girl, about the footsteps you walk in."

"I am not a girl. I am the Interim Commander of the New York Institute," Lydia replied. "I am not Valentine. I returned the Mortal Cup to the Clave. I am not trying to take over, disperse, or ruin the Clave."

"But the Clave failed all of us in that battle" Alec cut in. "We have the dead and wounded to prove it. Valentine nearly opened up a portal to hell. Shadowhunters didn't save the world, the Seelie Court, the New York Wolf Pack, and Magnus Bane did."

"I do not care to hear you simper on about Magnus Bane, Lightwood," the Counselor wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Don't insult my Lieutenant, Consul," Lydia barked.

Catarina Loss, who up to this point and been sitting in a corner observing, only occasionally lifting a finger to adjust the projection she was casting all the way to Idris, finally chimed in. "I would also advise that you do not insult Magnus Bane. He has great power, and many friends."

The projection of the Consul looked from Catarina to Alec. "I've heard all about that, I assure you."

Alec was still recovering from the battle. He was exhausted. More than anything, he just wanted to lie down. But this had to be done first.

"Then hear about this Consul— in Alicante, you have the demon towers. But every other institute in the world relies on Warlocks for protection from demons." He held his hand up, ticking points along his fingers. "They cast wards, heal demon wounds, create talismans, weapons, and a whole host of other magical objects. Also, only a warlock can create a portal."

"Thank you, Lightwood, I understand what a warlock can do."

"Then understand a world where Warlocks stop selling this power to the Clave," Catarina said quietly. "No more magic for Idris."

The Consul turned an even deeper shade of purple. "They wouldn't. Squeezing money of out the Clave has made too many warlocks rich."

"Warlocks live a long time, Consul," Alec said. "They know how to prepare for a rainy day. And they can wait out the Clave's stubbornness longer than Clave can wait out their own powerlessness." Alec smirked. "Much longer."

The Consul turned back to Lydia. He fought to speak for several moments before words finally poured out of him. "YOU ARE IN DEFIANCE OF THE LAW! YOUR COMMAND IS NOT SANCTIONED AND WE WILL HAVE A LOYAL SHADOWHUNTER SENT TO REPLACE YOU."

"Wish him luck getting through customs at the airport," Lydia replied. She gestured at Catarina, who dismissed the projection with a flick of her wrist.

Everyone in the room deflated a little. Lydia paced back and forth along the edge of her desk and leaned heavily against it. Alec moved to the chair behind the desk and collapsed into the leather covered cushions.

"Gut check?" Lydia asked, glancing at Alec. "Have we gone completely rogue?"

"Well," Alec replied. "We just told one of the highest ranking members of the Clave to go fuck himself."

"But still doing the right thing?"

"Yeah," Alec and Catarina replied in unison.

"The Accords can't stay an empty agreement," Catarina said.

"And our laws have to acknowledge that the world changes," Alec added.

"No one's come to arrest you yet," Catarina offered. "And we can't keep every single Warlock from refusing the Clave's money forever, but we can dry up the market very badly for a while. Shadowhunters will die when young warlocks make mistakes. Refusing magic to Idris is not an empty threat."

"And basically the only thing they can do right now is have someone from the Los Angeles Institute drive here and try to take over. And we can deal with that," Alec said with a yawn.

Lydia looked at him, he glared back. He was sick of people asking him how he felt. He was getting better.

"How is Magnus?" Lydia asked.

"Better," Alec replied.

"Good." Lydia nodded, and glanced back at the space the Consul had been standing in a few moments ago, then back to Alec. "Okay. Well. I need to let you leave. You said you had some kind of appointment?"

Alec nodded. "Are you sure you can spare me for tonight?"

Lydia pulled some papers off the edge of the desk and started flipping through them. "Yeah. Yeah. I think that was the last big meeting of the day. Now it's just calls and fire messages and scheduling. I'm gonna work on a letter to send out to the Institutes, make sure everyone knows what happened," She yawned too. "I need you to meet the Vampires with me tomorrow night though, so… you know. Keep a block of time free."

Alec nodded and worked his way up out of the chair. "Yeah. Just text me the time when you figure it out." He walked to the office door, stifling yet another yawn. "And don't forget to eat something today, alright?"

Lydia smiled and shrugged, and Alec walked out the door.

"Hey!" Isabelle called out as Alec finally peeled back the glamour and found the group in the park. "It's the Great Reformer!"

"Shut up," Alec called back, with no real feeling. Jocelyn had called him that first. Isabelle had picked it up, and if he was being completely honest with himself, he liked the title. But he didn't want anyone to know that.

"Has Lydia made any of the Consuls cry yet?" Jace asked, twirling the sword in his grip around his hand.

"No, but one more meeting with Consul Aldertree like the one we had today and I think he might have an aneurysm," Alec said. "We dropped the Warlock Strike Bomb today."

"Jesus," Jace said.

"Yeah. So… if they find a way to come and arrest us, you guys are in charge of rescuing me."

"You can count on us!" Simon cried out.

Alec gave him a nasty look, the vampire didn't seem to notice.

"Okay. Enough politics. I've got a date tonight, let's do some training."

Clary handed her sword to Isabelle, Jace handed his to Alec.

Alec and Isabelle went through a few sequence, first at full speed, then half, then slow, then handed their swords to Clary and Simon.

"Okay, the grip is good, don't hold it up so high," Jace corrected Simon. "You're trying to hit her, not her sword."

"It's so weird to be doing this in the middle of Central Park," Simon said. "I mean, not bursting into flame in the sunlight, for one thing, but I keep feeling like we could be arrested at any moment."

"We're invisible," Isabelle said.

"Do you need to see us do the sequence again, or do you think you have it?" Alec asked, cutting off this conversation. He'd agreed to help train Simon, but only if he was going to take this seriously.

Simon shrugged. "One way to find out."

"I like the new, rebellious you, Alec," Jace said as they watched Simon and Clary try to reenact the thrust, parry, thrust sequence Alec and Isabelle had just shown them. "I can't believe you've spent two weeks openly antagonizing the Clave."

"If Luke, Jocelyn, and Lydia hadn't stopped the Clave from following the rules to the letter, and if the Clave had kept ignoring you, and if I hadn't been in the right place as the right time, demons would have overrun the earth." Alec replied. "Fuck the Clave."

Jace laughed. "I bet it was still hard for you to say that though."

"It's getting easier everyday. I'm pretty bitter about how close to dead I got on that boat, and everything they tried to blame me for afterward."

Alec was slowly beginning to realize that he would never forgive the Clave. Not after two months of whispers and sneers after the wedding. Not after two weeks of pomposity and fighting with rigid old morons about the dangers of their stupid fucking rules. Valentine's methods had been wrong, his hate had been wrong, but the Clave had to be remade. The Law had to be rewritten.

And Alec and Lydia were going to be the ones to do it.

The battle on Valentine's ship had been two weeks ago, on cold, foggy Saturday evening. Terrible fighting conditions. The huge cut on Jace's thigh from a demon that had scurried away too fast to identify was only now starting to knit together, and the bandages still stank whenever they had to be changed. He'd only gotten out of the Silent Brother's care a few days ago.

The gashes across Simon's wrists and neck were still visible. Light pink and fading. Izzy still had gauze wrapped all the way up her left forearm from when she'd been burned. Clary had nearly drowned.

Alec had wound up in one of the life rafts with Magnus, lending his strength to his boyfriend while Magnus tried to close the entrance to the Demon realm until neither of them had any strength left to give.

Alec had woken up on Wednesday morning, slowly regaining consciousness to the sound of Jocelyn Fairchild and his mother quietly talking about what a headstrong baby he had been and his mother crying. It had, Alec gleaned as their voices floated around him, taken six hours for the search parties to find the life boat, eddying around in a big circle, with Magnus and Alec lying in the bottom of it, nearly dead, and still holding hands.

Magnus didn't wake up until Thursday night.

"Yeah," Jace sighed. "I'm not thrilled about that myself. Still.I appreciate you taking out your anti-Clave anger this way. I owe Simon. Big time."

"You know, you did let him drink your blood. And now one slip up from him and all the kingdoms and constituencies of vampires the world over could come knocking on your door trying to become Daylighters themselves. You're not teaching him to fight because you owe him. You're doing it because your girlfriend asked you to."

Jace grinned. "Yeah, sure, fair enough. But he's still the reason we're together."

Alec fought an urge to roll his eyes. He was happy for Jace and Clary. He was glad they were so happy together. But all Simon had done to bring them together was google "dna test manhattan". They'd bought a kit that came in a little cardboard box at a CVS in midtown, mailed in a couple cotton swabs, and gotten an answer back in two days. If Jace was going to get starry eyed over something, he should do it over mundane science, not the vampire's ability to use use his 3G service.

"Hey, Alec, I've actually got another favor to ask you."

"Sure," Alec sighed. "We'll go teach runes at an art school. Start taking tourists into the Seelie court. Whatever."

Clary and Simon finished the sequence and looked over at Jace and Alec for their approval.

"Better," Alec called to them. "Still not good. Do it again."

"I was hoping you could put in a good word with Jocelyn for me," Jace said seriously, as Clary and Simon moved back into position. "Get her to warm up to me."

"Why me?" Alec asked.

"Because Jocelyn likes you."

"Date a downworlder instead of her daughter. She'll like you too." Alec fought back a yawn. "Parents are like that."

Clary and Simon did the sequence a few more times, and again, looked to Alec and Jace when they finished.

"I think we've got it!" Clary called.

"You don't. Again."

He saw Clary and Simon grumbling to each other as they returned to a sparring stance.

"You're not going to go easy on them at all?" Jace asked. "You know who you sound like, right?"

"I know exactly who I sound like," Alec yawned. "But Mom is right about some things. And we're fighting a two fronted war now. They have to learn." He yawned again, so wide his jaw cracked.

Alec was aware of Jace watching him, biting his lip so he didn't say anything. Alec was getting better. If he needed to rest, he would. They had talked about Jace not mother-henning him back to the brink of death. Alec needed everyone to stop worrying about him so damn much.

"Is Magnus getting any better?"

"Yeah. He's fine. He started getting some magic back on Friday, I think that helped a lot. He can't really use it, he's still… recharging, I guess. But he was worried it might not come back for weeks, so he's really relieved."

"Is he still wearing the sunglasses?"

Alec groaned. "Yes. Yes he is and it's driving me crazy. It's ridiculous."

"He knows you don't care, right? About his warlock mark?"

"I can't think of any more ways to tell him. I mean really, how weird could his eyes possibly be? They're just eyes." He yawned again, shifting from foot to foot. "To be honest with you, I was really worried that he'd have a tail."

Jace snorted with laughter.

"It's a pretty common mark. And it's… you know… yuck."

"And you're sure he doesn't have one?" Jace asked. There was… a sound in his voice when he asked the question. Like he wanted to tease Alec but wasn't sure he was allowed.

It was weird. So much had happened while he was gone. Alec's life had changed so much while he was gone.

"Uh…" Alec started. "Yeah. Very sure."

"Made the uh," Jace cleared his throat. "Full inspection, then?"

Alec dropped his head back and held in a frustrated groan. "Whatever you're trying to ask me, just ask it."

Jace cleared his throat again. "Have you guys had sex?"

Alec's frustrated groan broke free. "I don't know."

Jace looked at him, brows furrowed for a long time. "Okay. I personally have not had sex with a warlock, but I can't imagine how you wouldn't be able to tell."

Alec did his best to summarize the night in the hotel in the least descriptive way he could manage.

"Wow," Jace managed when he'd finished. "You really do love me, huh?"

"Shut up."

"Well, what about since he woke up? I mean, I know you both drained out most of your life force, but… you've slept at his place every night since he was moved back to it."

"And now we're back to the problem of the sunglasses. He doesn't want me to see his eyes, I'm not going to sleep with him when might not be able to see me, and…" Alec hadn't told Jace the truth about what Magnus had done in the lifeboat. Only a few people knew. It was a secret Alec had to keep for himself a little longer. "He really overdid it during the battle. He's better, but he was really…" Alec swallowed a lump in his throat.

Jace didn't make him go on. "Hooves, I think. I think I'd have trouble getting over hooves."

Alec nodded, forced a laugh, and yawned, broadly, again. "Okay. I gotta sit down. I'll tap Izzy in."

Jace shot him a sympathetic smile and Alec ambled over to where his sister was sitting.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Just tired. Life force grows back slowly. You're up."

Alec lowered himself gingerly down into the grass. He knew this was going to pass. Feeling exhausted all the time, getting winded from minor exertion. Waking up with aching muscles and a headache. When he got frustrated with his slow recovery, all he could do was keep repeating Catarina's words to himself. Everything she'd told him about what it was like to recover from giving someone so much of yourself. How it hurt, and ached, and healed. Just like love.

Izzy and Jace joined Clary and Simon and started walking them through sword angles. Alec leaned back, watching them for a few moments before giving up and laying down in the grass.

He felt himself sliding away into sleep, and decided not to fight back.

Alec unlocked Magnus's front door and walked into the loft. He opened his mouth to announce that he was there, but stopped. He glanced around, checking to see if Magnus was somewhere in the main room.

Not seeing him anywhere, Alec set the bag of take-out on the drink cart, tip-toed across the narrow path between the drink cart and the couch, picked up the end table, and very carefully set it down a few inches to the right of where it had been before.

"Magnus?" Alec called out. "You awake?"

After a few moments, he heard Magnus's bedroom door open.

"Alexander! How was training?" Magnus asked as he appeared in the hall. He was dressed. That was a good sign, even if he hadn't done anything with his hair. He'd paired dark wash jeans with one of his jewel-tone silk shirts with the glitzy stuff around the collar. The look was completed with huge, round, black sunglasses. He kind of looked like a fly.

"It was good," Alec said. "I think we can make the vampire into a fighter."

Magnus walked toward Alec briskly, and just as briskly, walked into the end table with a crack of knee against wood.

"Oh! Fuck," Magnus hissed, doubling over to rub his knee and confirming Alec's suspicion that Magnus could only get around his apartment with the sunglasses on because he knew where everything was.

"I've never heard you swear before."

"Alexander, I can swear fluently, in hundreds of languages, including dozens that were dead before you were born."

"Okay," Alec replied, trying to convey his eyeroll with his voice, since he knew for sure now that Magnus couldn't see him. "I picked up Thai food from that place you like."

"Thank you."

"I'll dish up. I got you those egg roll things too."

"Did you move any more of my furniture?" Magnus asked with a little bit of a sneer.

"Why don't you take the sunglasses off and find out?" Alec replied as he carried the take out bag into the kitchen and took out plates, glasses and silverware.

Magnus's only reply was a disgusted scoff as he slowly made his to the couch, tapping one foot out in front of him like a cane. Alec watched him for a couple seconds, then shook his head and started spooning Penang Curry and Pad Woo Sen between two plates, which he carried out to the coffee table.

"How are you feeling?" Alec asked as he walked back into the kitchen. He grabbed a little glass dish of lemon slices out of the fridge, dropped a few in each of the glasses.

"Better," Magnus replied. "Finished a lovely novel today. Catarina came over for lunch, a very sexy description of you making a Consul nearly burst into flames with rage, and a glass of wine, which made me fall back asleep, and then I cleaned up around the apartment— without magic— because I was expecting you."

Alec brought the glasses to the drink cart and filled each of them with seltzer.

"And then you hit me with an end table," Magnus went on, aggrieved. "And now I'm thinking it wasn't worth the effort."

"Maybe I should pour a little gin in here," Alec huffed. "Knock you right back out."

"No thank you," Magnus said. "But help yourself."

"That's alright. It'll knock me out too." Alec glanced over at the couch. Magnus had moved off of it and down to the floor, so that the surface of the coffee table was at shoulder height, and the plate was right under his face. Goddammit. Alec thought. He can't see the plate. It's too dark in here.

Glasses in hand, Alec walked to the dimmer switch by the door and turned the lights all the way up, grabbed his bag from where he'd dropped it when he came in, then finally joined Magnus in the living room on the floor between the couch and the coffee shop.

"Hey," he said, finally giving Magnus quick hello-kiss.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

Alec shrugged. "Still tired, but better. Jace and Izzy and everyone let me sleep in the grass at the park for like two hours before some kid hit me with a frisbee. I'm frustrated more than anything. It's been a week and a half. It's a long time to feel like an invalid."

"Don't I know it." Magnus sighed happily as he bit into his egg roll. "How are things at the Institute?"

"I thought Catarina told you," Alec said.

"I like the way you tell it."

Alec scoffed, but gave Magnus a quick overview of the meeting and Lydia finally losing her temper.

"I would have paid to see that," Magnus laughed. "I always liked that girl."

"Yeah," Alec agreed.

A few minutes of restful silence passed. Alec snagged Magnus's last egg roll off his plate without him noticing.

"Hey, so I brought something," Alec said, opening his bag and digging through it. "I thought, after all the excitement recently, I'd give action movies another chance." He pulled out DVD case and held it up. Magnus turned his head toward Alec and leaned in close, trying to see what it was.

Alec set the DVD case on the coffee table, then reached out and gently grasped the left stem of the sunglasses.

"Alec!" In his hurry to grab Alec's hand, Magnus dropped his fork. It clattered loudly along the table. Alec didn't pull the glasses away. He just let his hand rest there.

"What do you think I'm going to say?" Alec asked gently. "What do you think I'm going to do? I've seen warlocks before. I'm not going to be horrified."

"Why do you want to see them?"

Alec sighed. "You're in the Codex, you know. There are plenty of files on you back at the Institute. If wanted to see your mark, I could type your name into a search. It would take me less than a minute."

"So why don't you just do that?"

"Because I don't want to see them. I want you to show them to me," Alec moved toward Magnus, so that their thighs touched. "I want you to trust me enough to show them to me."

Magnus didn't let go of Alec's hand. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and let it slide all the way back out under his teeth.

"Come on. I haven't seen your face, while you've been conscious, since the battle. Please."

Magnus let go, and Alec slid the glasses off his face, to reveal familiar dark brown eyes, ringed with black eyeliner and a little bit of silver shadow. He looked into Alec's eyes for a moment, then looked out at the coffee table. He grabbed the DVD and glanced at the cover.

"Star Wars. Really?"

"You said you liked it."

Magnus shrugged. "I think I did. I don't remember."

Alec turned his attention back to his plate. "You can't watch it with the sunglasses on and you can't keep the glamour up all night."

"No," Magnus delicately plucked the glasses back up off the coffee table. "I probably can't stay awake for the whole movie either." He slid the glasses back on.

"Me neither. But I'll make you a deal."

Even with the sunglasses covering the top two-thirds of his face, Alec could tell Magnus was raising his eyebrows at him.

"We'll finish dinner, I'll set up the movie and turn off all the lights, you can take the damn glasses off. We can spoon on the couch and I won't look, okay? I promise."

Magnus tapped his fork on his plate and took a sip of his water. "I hate the word spoon."

888

About forty minutes into the movie, with Magnus warm against his chest, Alec was starting to drift off. Judging by Magnus's deep, steady breathing, he was already asleep.

Alec considered just closing his eyes, falling asleep on the couch and dealing with the stiffness and aches in the morning, since Magnus's comfortable, luxurious bed just felt too far away.

"Alec?" Magnus whispered. "Are you still awake?"

"Almost."

"Let's go to bed. We can finish this over coffee in the morning."

"Yeah."

"Go ahead. I'll be right with you."

Alec kissed the back of Magnus's head, and Magnus moved, letting Alec get up and keeping his face turned away. Alec kept his promise not to look at Magnus, and loped across the loft to the bathroom. He tapped the left side of the mirror and it popped out, revealing the two small shelves of Magnus's medicine cabinet that had been set aside for him. He grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste (Magnus used cinnamon flavored toothpaste and Alec couldn't stand it) and squeezed a pea sized dot at the head of the brush while he looked at himself in the mirror.

His hair was flat and a little frizzy. He hadn't had the energy to deal with it lately. But other than that he looked better. He was less pale, his cheeks were a little fuller than they had been. The circles under his eyes were still pretty pronounced, but again, better than they had been.

The bathroom door opened as Alec brushed. He watched in the mirror as Magnus walked in wearing his pajamas… and no sunglasses. He gave Alec a small smile, then joined him at the mirror, retrieving his own toothbrush from his side of the medicine cabinet, his make up remover and cotton pads, and a little tube of face soap. Their eyes met in the mirror as Magnus brushed his teeth. Alec's hazel, and Magnus's gold with slitted pupils.

They were strange, Alec thought, but not in a way that made Alec… think about how strange they were.

Alec spit into the sink, filled one of the small silver cups by the sink with water, rinsed, and spit again. Magnus did the same.

"Well. What do you think?" Magnus asked.

"Your eyeshadow doesn't match," Alec replied with a yawn. "Well… not match… you know. Go. You need different color eyeshadow."

Magnus snorted. "My eyeshadow is what sticks out to you?"

Alec shrugged. "Yeah."

He squeezed Magnus's arm as he passed him on the way to the bedroom. Undressing was such a chore he almost couldn't convince himself to get into his pajamas, but another fun side effect of being low on life force was that it could be hard to stay warm. The clothes he kept here were in the top drawer of Magnus's dresser. He pulled out the soft cotton pajama bottoms Magnus had gotten him, and a clean white tee shirt, put them on, and climbed into bed just as Magnus came in to join him.

Magnus arranged himself on his side of the bed for longer than usual, adjusting his pillows and smoothing his blankets.

"It's not that I thought you would react badly," he said quietly.

Alec pulled his foggy brain back from unconsciousness. Magnus was using his 'serious discussion' voice.

"Thank you," Alec replied, then waited for Magnus to find whatever else he needed to say.

"But a lot of people have. A lot of people do," He made a sound between a sigh and a laugh. "Camille used to pretend to pull a string when she was annoyed with me. Your mother brought me a glass of juice while I was in the sick bay at the Institute and you should have seen the way she looked at me," he sighed. "I don't like them and I mostly use them to intimidate people."

"She brought you juice?" Alec asked, not bothering to hide his shock.

"Maybe Lydia made her do it," Magnus suggested.

Alec didn't want to have this discussion right now. He wanted to sleep. But if he didn't bring it up now, when would he?

"My mother's feelings about you are really complicated."

Magnus scoffed. "I'm sure I have a good grip on how she feels about my corrupting influence."

Alec moved close enough to Magnus to set his head on the warlock's chest. "Look, I know you have a long history with my parents. I know there are things you haven't told me about them. And my mother is… harsh. But she loves me. She wants what's best for me. We just have very different opinions about what that is."

"Okay."

He could end it there. He could pretend that's all it is.

But he can't.

"She knows what you did."

"Magically sucked out most of her son's life force after withholding information from her precious Clave?"

Alec turned his head down, talking into the silky fabric of Magnus's pajamas. "She found us. Her and Catarina Loss."

Magnus's whole body stiffened underneath Alec.

"She's a very proud woman. She never admits she's wrong until it's way too late. I know… I know what she is. I know how she feels about downworlders and rule breakers and rebellion," Alec wondered where his spring of sympathy for a woman who had spent two months making him feel like dirt for being happy came from, but kept going. "And she… had a very fixed opinion of what was going on between us."

Magnus made a noise that was unmistakably disgusted.

"But she was there when Catarina jumped into the life boat, and broke the spell you'd cast. And when my mother started demanding to know what you'd done to me… Catarina told her. How you'd cast a spell so that after we passed out, your life force would keep me alive. Until you ran out of it."

"Alec… how long have you known about that?"

"Lydia told me after I'd been awake for a while on Wednesday."

"Why?"

Alec lifted his head, intending to look Magnus in the eye while he said this, but then realized he couldn't.

"No one would let me go see you when I woke up," He told Magnus's collarbone. "Clary knew where you were. She and Izzy helped me get to your room, and when I got there you looked so… you know. Dead." He wished he was explaining this better. He felt like he was screwing this up so badly. "And that first time I let you take on my energy, when we were healing Luke, you bounced back so much faster than I did. Catarina kept promising you'd be okay. I obviously didn't believe her. Lydia came to your room and I thought she was going to send me back to mine, but she sat with me for a while and she told me. She said she thought it would help me. "

"Who knows about that?" Magnus asked.

"Catarina. My mother. Lydia. Me." Alec yawned. "And don't think we're not going to talk about you deciding you could just sacrifice yourself for me like that." He yawned again. "I'm really angry with you. I just… can't stay awake long enough to yell at you."

Magnus finally slid down into all the way into bed. "Okay. I'll let you yell at me in the morning."

Alec moved closer to him, kissed him and replied. "Good. I'm gonna do that."

Alec woke up slowly, drifting between a dream about a cold ocean and the reality of Magnus's warm body wrapped around him, his boyfriend's warm breath rolling over his neck. He wriggled back against Magnus, trying to escape the phantom cold until he heard Magnus sigh, and felt Magnus's arm tightening around him.

"Are you awake?" Magnus whispered softly before kissing the back of Alec's neck.

His voice was low, and a little gruff. It finally pulled Alec away from the last vestiges of his unpleasant dream.

Magnus's hand was tight around Alec's stomach, with his fingertips waiting at the waistband of Alec's pajamas. Alec pushed himself back again, just a little and realized that he could feel how hard Magnus was where they were pressed together.

"I am now," he responded, gasping as Magnus kissed his neck and slid his hand under Alec's pajamas.

They hadn't done this since before the battle, that perfect night interrupted.

Alec melted into Magnus's hand, his lips, his body instantly as Magnus started to touch him. He let everything but the feeling of Magnus's body against and around his fade away, until just the touch wasn't enough.

He turned himself around. For a moment, he looked into Magnus's eyes, his real eyes, and then he brought his lips to Magnus's with a contented sigh. He loved how Magnus could do this to him so easily. A touch, a kiss, sometimes just a grin before Alec's body was going warm and liquid. He loved the way the quiet happiness he felt around Magnus got so sharp and focused, but never overwhelming in these moments.

Magnus's clothes started to get in the way of all the places Alec wanted to touch him. He slipped his hand under Magnus's tunic, and found where the laces were tied at the front of his pajama pants. As always, trying to kiss Magnus and untie his pajamas at the same time was a struggle.

"Magnus," Alec growled, pulling hard at the string.

"No magic," Magnus reminded him breathlessly.

Alec groaned and pulled out of the kiss. He threw the covers back off of their bodies and Magnus moved on top of him easily, kissing him deeply and pressing his hips down against Alec's before he lifted himself up and pulled his tunic over his head.

Alec wriggled out of his tee shirt. His hands dropped to the strings at the front of Magnus's pajamas and worked at the knot with increasing frustration.

"You've got to be kidding me," Alec hissed, as he continued to fail to untie the knot.

Magnus pushed Alec's hands away, and after his own few moments of struggle, finally got the tie undone. He rolled to his side to slip out of the pajama bottoms, Alec did the same, and then, finally, mercifully, they were naked and pressed together.

Alec had slept in Magnus's bed every night for the last week and a half, but between both of them still recovering from the battle and everything still happening at the institute, they hadn't done much more than sleep in it. Alec was shocked at the way he could suddenly feel the lack of Magnus's touch. Those two empty weeks, after that almost night, covered his body like dust.

Magnus reached between them, and Alec threw his head back at the touch.

It wasn't going to be enough. They lead dangerous lives, the two of them. Anything could happen to either of them at any time. Alec couldn't live with almost any longer.

"Magnus?" He panted against Magnus's lips.

"What is it?"

"I want you."

"I'm all yours."

"No, I mean now. Let's do it. For real this time."

Suddenly, Alec wasn't being kissed anymore. The warmth of Magnus's chest against his was gone. He opened his eyes and found Magnus looking down at him, eyes shadowed in doubt.

"Like this?" Magnus asked, a note of incredulity in his voice.

Alec blushed. He didn't want to have the "on top" discussion again. They'd done that part. He was sure, and he didn't want to explain again. "Yeah, how else?" he answered. "Come on. We talked about this."

Magnus's eyes narrowed, then went wide, and Alec realized that he'd misunderstood.

He grabbed Magnus's face, a little harder than he'd meant to, and pulled him close. "I. Don't. Care," he said slowly and clearly. "I don't care about your mark. I don't care." He kissed Magnus, hard and repeated, "I don't care." Then, feeling hot and desperate and daring, added, "Fuck me."

Magnus dove back into the kiss. He didn't even pull away to scrabble through the nightstand drawer, and with only a couple quick pauses, Alec felt Magnus's fingers between his legs.

It was different than last time. Before, there had been an all night ramp up of touching and kissing and undressing slowly, one piece of clothing at a time. There was an edge to it now that hadn't been there before. A desperation. Maybe from getting so close only to be denied. Maybe that was just what happened when you nearly died.

It was faster and easier this time too, now that Alec knew what to expect. He felt less like part of him was sitting in his head, watching what was happening. He could just enjoy it now. And then, again, as though no time had passed in between, Magnus was grabbing a condom and kissing him.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

Alec realized, at Magnus moved into him, that he didn't actually know what to expect. His whole life, there had been a road map. Hold the sword like this, nock an arrow like that. There had always been a sequence to memorize, a form to perfect.

And now here he was, with his boyfriend moving into him like he was precious and fragile, and there was no map at all. No direction for this strange, vulnerable thing that refused to go the way it was supposed to.

Alec had a vague idea that this was just supposed to happen… start, be the thing that everyone talked about, and then end.

But it wasn't like that.

They had to stop and start a few times. Switch positions. Magnus nearly elbowed Alec in the face when the both moved the wrong direction at the same time. But eventually, the pieces came together. They found a position, an angle, a speed together. They moved together, they panted and kissed and made ridiculous sounds together, until, trying to deny it until he couldn't anymore, Alec was too sore to keep going.

They stopped.

Alec didn't see how Magnus discarded the condom. Maybe he would ask later. They finished each other off with their hands, like they'd done dozens of times by now.

And then the whole ridiculous, perfect, awkward, wonderful mess was over.

Alec set his forehead to Magnus's chest and laughed.

"What?" Magnus asked. His fingertips chased a line up and down Alec's spine.

"Nothing. I just… I didn't think…" he pressed his forehead harder against Magnus's chest, unable to stop smiling. "I didn't think that losing my virginity would be like that. Not in a bad way just…" Alec lifted his head and pressed a quick kiss to Magnus's lips. "Sorry. I'm not laughing at you…"

Magnus's face was open and happy and amused. Alec couldn't stop himself from kissing him again.

"Was it a good first time?" Magnus asked. His fingers made their way up Alec's neck, into his hair.

"Yeah," Alec replied. "Was it for—" he stopped, realizing too late that it was a silly question.

But Magnus just smiled again. "Yeah. It was a good first time for me too." He turned, so that he and Alec were pressed chest to chest. "We could have a hundred first times, you know. A thousand."

"Yeah?" Alec asked. "Like how?"

"Oh, I have my personal favorites," Magnus sighed. "The first time you realize you know everything that turns your lover on, that's always good. The first time in a new home is always exciting. With you, I have to admit I'm particularly looking forward to the first time in the shower, and the first time in the Institute."

Alec laughed, and was shocked at how loud the sound that burst out of him was. "I'm not having sex with you at the Institute."

"I love a challenge, my dear," Magnus replied. "We'll have to cover up your poor fish. Wouldn't want him getting the wrong idea."

Alec laughed while Magnus listed off a few more options, some of which Alec wrote off immediately and some that made him warm with anticipation.

"Well," Alec said, pressing a kiss to Magnus's pleasantly stubbled jaw. "Well, I guess we'll just have to keep doing it. Work our way down that list."

"I guess we will," Magnus sighed. "I seem to remember promising you coffee and star wars in the morning. I may even feel good enough for a mimosa."

"Coffee, for me," Alec said, turning over to grab his phone. "I've got to go into the Institute this afternoon. Oh, shit."

The home screen of his phone was a list of texts from Lydia, Jace, and Catarina, all lined up under the time. It was 2:30 in the afternoon and everyone in the Institute seemed to need something from him.

"What's wrong?"

"We overslept, we really overslept." Alec sighed. "I have to go to the Institute. I'm sorry."

"You're a very important man, Alexander, and duty calls," Magnus replied.

Alec got up and started to get dressed. "I feel bad, running off to work right after this."

"It's fine. I understand, and you're coming back tonight."

"Yeah," Alec promised. "I am." He pulled on his jeans and texted Lydia back first, letting her know he'd be on the train in ten minutes, pulled on his shirt before he texted Jace and was looking for his belt as he texted Catarina. "Maybe we can order in from that Indian place? The one that makes the Masala with those gigantic shrimp?"

"I'd like that," Magnus said, climbing out of bed. Still naked, he followed Alec out to the living room, where Alec snagged his bag from beside the couch.

They stopped at the door, and Alec pulled Magnus into a deeper goodbye kiss than usual, trying to convey how much he wished he could stay, and how bad he felt about having sex for the first time and then immediately running off.

"Alec?" Magnus asked as he pulled out of the kiss.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe tonight could be the first time after we say 'I love you'."

Magnus looked up at Alec with that painfully open expression as he said it. The one he gave Alec when he was saying something he hadn't said in centuries.

After a stunned second, Alec kissed him again.

"Yeah. It can."