BoneTale

Written by: Tf141Soldier, Man-of-Shame

Fandom: Undertale

Rating: B for Bones

Warnings: Reading this story might get you a bone up your ass. You're gonna have a bone time.

Shippings: BonesxAsses.

Long ago, two races existed in harmony: bones and monsters. And also humans. One day, the bones were forcibly shoved up the monsters' asses. After a lot of screaming, the humans were successful. They sealed the monsters underground using a magic bone barrier, just to add insult to injury. Humans are dicks.

Many bones later…

[*****]

MT. EBONE

20BoneX

Legends say that those climb the mountains never sit right again.

Frisk took one look at the hole and decided, "I'm gonna fall down that hole. But slowly."

However, she tripped on spaghetti. As she fell to the depths below, she heard a cackling "NYEH HEH HEH. THOROUGHLY JAPED BY THE GREAT P-"

Wham!

Luckily, Frisk's face broke her fall. Thank god it wasn't Frisk's ass. When she looked up to the sky, she saw a huge bone go inside the hole she fell down. She hoped this wasn't foreshadowing.

She fell unconscious, and when she came to, she realized that she was in a purple room, filled with flowers and upward-pointing bones.

Lot of bones here.

Seeing no better foreseeable options, they began walking down a hallway, which led them into a completely black room. As in, it was full of blacks. The next room, however, had a flower in it.

"Howdy," it groaned, clenching its apparent teeth. Frisk wasn't aware flowers were capable of possessing teeth, or sounding like they were in incredible pain.

"Uh… hi?" she says, hesitantly.

"I'm Flowey. Flowey the Flower," is what he would have said, had he not been wincing in pain. Instead, it sounded more like: "Eh'm Frwyi. Frwiyw da ginmisgn."

Flowey cringed in pain for several minutes before realizing Frisk was not cringing in pain; she stared at him, oblivious.

"You're not from the underground, are ya? I can tell by your ass. Or more so, the lack of a BONE IN IT."

"What?!" Frisk said, stepping backwards, wanting to return to the room full of blacks before realizing she hated black people.

"Golly, you must be so… hold on, give me a minute…" Ten hours later, after much, much cringing: "Confused right now."

"A little bit, yeah," Frisk admitted.

"Someone oughta teach you how bones work around here!" Flowey said, quasi-cheerfully, or it would have been quasi-cheerfully had he not been gritting his teeth. "I guess my bones will have to do!"

"What's with all the bone talk?" Frisk queried.

"Ya ready? Yeah, me neither," Flowey groaned, profusely.

A menu popped into Frisk; on the display was an ass. Or, at least, something ass-like.

"See that ass? That's… well, your ass. But we call it SOUL, to make the human kids feel better about getting bones shoved up their ass."

"What?!"

Flowey continued on, imperiously ignoring her. "Try moving it."

Frisk was triggered. "Check ur privilege you white cis flower."

"Move dat booty."

Reluctantly, she did, because she was being oppressed.

"Your ass starts out weak, but it can gain strong if you put a bone into a monster's ass! We call it gaining LA. That stands for Level Of Ass!"

Frisk pursed her lips, thoroughly triggered.

"Every monster down here already has a bone up their ass! So putting another one in, would kill them!" Flowey ebulliently explained, not giving a bon—shit.

"Do you?" Frisk asked, tentatively.

"What gave it away?" Flowey asked, clenching his teeth, sweat beading over his petals.

"But you don't have an ass."

"RUDE!" Flowey exclaimed. "Nah, it's inside my roots."

"Your ass or your bone?"

"Both. Now pay attention! You want some BONE, don't you?"

"NO!"

"How about LOVE?"

"Oh, okay! But you're a flow—" Abruptly, a line of bones appearing, encircling Frisk.

"Ya see, down here, love is shared via little white friendliness bones," Flowey explained. "Ya ready?"

"No!" Frisk refused, quickly dodging the bones. However, more bones appeared.

"Hey, pal. You missed 'em. Let's try this shit again!"

Frisk strafed out of the way.

"Are you an idiot?! Are you braindead? Or bone-dead, I should say?!" Flowey shouted, prickly as all hell. "RUN. INTO. THE. BONES."

Being the rebellious little shit that Frisk was, she dodged them once again. It was kind of invigorating. Flowey blankly stared at her before gaining a monstrous, but strained face. Because bones in your roots hurt.

"You know what's going on, don't you?" Flowey asked, his voice snarling.

"Hell no!"

"You just wanted to see me suffer!"

"You tried shoving bones up my ass!" Frisk points out.

"Details, details. In this world, it's bone or be boned."

Suddenly, an enormous line of bones encircled Frisk. She wasn't going to escape.

Shit.

"Get boned," Flowey rasped. Slowly, the bones drew closer.

Aw man.

Frisk silently signed her will. My only dream was a world without Jews. And bones.

Before she could feel the sweet embrace of death (or bones), however, Flowey was suddenly punted like a soccer ball across the room.

She saw a skeleton roar, "GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" before suddenly disappearing. Before she could ask, realistically, what the fuck was going on, she was suddenly approached by a very pained-looking goat lady thing. Not to be racist, but… it was better than a flower.

"What a terrible… creature… thing…" Toriel muttered, straining herself on every syllable. "Ugh… don't be afraid, child… even if I wanted to hurt you, I don't think I could. I have a bone up my a—I mean, bum… ass."

"Who are you?" Frisk asked.

"I am Boneriel—shit, Toriel," Toriel corrected herself, sweat dropping down her neck, having a Vietnam flashback (Vietbone flashback). "I am the caretaker of the Ruins, because they symbolize my life… in ruins."

"That's pretty deep."

"Not as deep as the bone inside my ass, child. Follow me… on second thought, please carry me. It hurts to walk. I will guide you through the catacombs, but… only in bones—words. Words. That's what I meant, my ass—child. Child."

Frisk, resigned to her fate, picked up Toriel.

"You're a little bit heavy for me."

"Then drag me…" Toriel groaned.

Frisk proceeded to drag the goat-lady, wondering how much more spaghetti and bones she'd have to deal with over the course of this wacky adventure.

TO BE CONTINUED