Prompt: Do remember when? – Childhood or treasured memory.

Warning: Profanity and alcohol abuse.

December 25th, 2004

Dear Mattie,

I can't believe it's only been a day since you've left. My mom says you're in a better place but no place is better than Canada, right? Maybe Germany is better. I read about a place called Prussia from our new textbooks, I think that place is best. Once I graduate high school, I'm going to go over to Poland and tell the president to bring back Prussia so I can be the awesome ruler and we can live there. That sounds awesome, right? Man, sophomore year sure is lame without you. Now that we don't get picked on for being fresh meat but I totally kicked their asses. No one calls my birdie a girl! Also, if you see Alfred, tell him his ass still stinks and I love him. I love you too Mattie, but in a different way. Anyways I have Algebra II homework to work on so I better stop writing. I did tell you I was actually going to get my grades up so we can graduate together, right?

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

January 1st, 2005

Dear Mattie,

Happy New Year! I wish I could have kissed you when the countdown ended, that would have been totally awesome. I spent the night partying though with those rich kids that live down the street from you. It was totally wild, that girl you had a crush on in 3rd grade flashed us. I would have taken a picture but her brother was there and he was ready to kill us. Russians are crazy man, stay away from them. Anyways, my mom won't tell me what happened to you and where these letters are going. I just hope she doesn't read them anytime soon, I've already said a few things that are obvious. But hey, my New Year's resolution is to come out to my family! Since we are dating, it only makes sense. This might be the last letter I send you for a while though since I used up all my mom's stamps and the post office is closed. I know, she had a set of 5 but I ruined the other ones by spilling beer on them since I snuck some from the party. Don't worry; I'm still a good egg!

Happy holidays,

Gilbert B.

January 14th, 2005

Dear Matt,

WOW, THAT WAS LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. Okay, my mom caught me drinking so she grounded me for two weeks. That meant she wouldn't let me leave the house so I couldn't buy stamps. Anyways, I'm starting to get really worried. Where are you? You just disappeared off the face of the earth, same with Alfred and I don't know man! I'm freaking out! Eating lunch with my little brother and his friends isn't fun at all; they're too weird. And his Asian friend is creepy… soulless eyes and such silence… It's intense. Either way Mattie, I love you and I hope where ever you are; you stay out of trouble.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

January 18th, 2005

Dear Mattie,

You shit. You missed the party! It's like, 2:00 AM and I'm kind of buzzed up. After my cake and ice cream party, I left with Matthias to go party it up at Michelle's house. Matthias is a new kid and Michelle is this cute chick from my class. Although I may find these people attractive though, I'm faithful to you until you decide to write me back and dump my ass. When I was talking (not flirting I swear) with Michelle, I asked her if she knew where you went since she gets gossip from your relative, she almost started crying and she told me she was sorry for me. What the hell? Dude, if you're in Germany getting drunk and completely forgot about me; I'm going to feel sorry for me too. Anyways, I love you! You're luscious locks of gold makes me feel…old…mold… Okay I suck at rhyming.

Smooches,

Gilbert B.

January 27th, 2005

Dear Matt,

I got into a fight today, my mom isn't home right now but once she gets back I'm for sure getting grounded. Before you lecture me, let me tell you that it was a completely good reasoning that I don't like to think about. You know that blond kid that we used to throw paper at in 8th grade? Well today during lunch, we were talking about last night's hockey game and I mentioned how you were probably watching it since your favourite team was playing. The dude looks at me and he tells me… Well, he said you died. I don't believe him Matt, he's always been a jerk but… He looked serious. After he told me, I got up and punched him. That's when we started fighting and he must've hit me in the eye because once I was pulled off of him by his friend, I was crying. I don't know Matt, the thought of you dying scares me to no end, I hope he was only being a jerk and not being serious. Plus you're getting these letters… Right? Just to make sure, this time I want you to respond. I won't send another letter until I get some kind of sign from you.

Hear from you soon!

Gilbert B.

February 14th, 2005

Dear Mattie,

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you like the bear I sent you. I told you I was going to get you one on our first Valentine's Day together. I love you so much though! I even Googled how to say 'I love you' in German. Ich liebe dich! Now that all of the Valentine stuff is over, I wanted to asked you; why haven't you written back yet? Did you get hurt? Did you find someone new? Did you get kidnapped by the government? Oh wait; we live in Canada, not America. DID YOU GET EATEN BY A MOOSE? A FLOCK OF MEESE? Lol, anyways Mattie. I love you, you are my birdie. If it weren't for you, I don't know how screwed over I would be right now. You don't know how many parties I've been invited out to or how many people were trying to hook up with me, it's ridiculous! But I always have you on my mind… Give you wings and you would be my angel. I love you so much! You're beautiful!

Lots of love,

Gilbert B.

March 3rd, 2005

Dear Matt,

My mom read my last letter to you. She won't talk to me and she almost started crying this morning when I simply said 'hey.' Is she really that disappointed in me being bi? If she is then she can go… go… eat a pickled foot. Yeah, that sounds right. I'm still going to send letters, I found out the address you're at. Why the hell are you all the way in America? Really Matt, why are you living in Connecticut? I hope you're having a good time though. It would suck if you weren't even though you've been gone for a while. Three months now? Anyways I have to cut this letter short. Also, Ludwig finally hit puberty so he's starting to grow hair on his armpits. Unlike me, he doesn't have facial hair yet, that loser. What about Alfred though, how's he doing? I hope he's doing well, same with you too.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

April 24th, 2005

Dear Matthew,

It's been a while. Matt, I miss you so damn much. How is Connecticut? Did you meet someone new? Is that why you haven't been responding to my letters? If you did meet someone new… Just please; let me know what they're like… I want to know if they make you happy. Are they kind like you are, or are they a pain in the ass like me? Boy or girl? Either way Mattie, I still love you and not one day has gone by without you on my mind. No matter how drunk I get, I won't ever forget you.

Love,

Gilbert B.

May 19th, 2005

Dear Mattie,

I'm at a hospital right now, I got alcohol poisoning. Don't worry though; the doctors said I'm going to be fine. It's just that I have charges for MIP and a DUI. I'm getting my license revoked until I finish treatment. So yeah, I'm going to treatment… My mom is extremely pissed but she wants to help me because she said she wants me to get help since I'm apparently in denial about something. I'm going to be in treatment for three months and I have some community service to do to help take care of the charges. Piece of cake, I just need to slow down on my drinking though. Well, I'll end this letter here. Just remember that I still love you and miss you to death.

Smooches,

Gilbert B.

July 1st, 2005

Dear Matthew,

I love you and happy birthday! Wow, you're 14 now. How does it feel, Matt? Are you growing a beard yet? Anyways, I sent you pancake mix and a gift card from Timmie's. You should also have a necklace… It's our first anniversary as well after all. I'm just so glad you were born today though, I'm glad you were born at all! (Lol.) Also, treatment ends in a week for me and I'm excited. I met a kid named Raivis here and he's younger than I am! He's going to be going to school in our town though. I told him that once he gets out, he can hang with me and I'll kick anybodies' ass if they pick on him. He's a cool kid, Matt. I wish you were here to meet him though.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

August 5th, 2005

Dear Matt,

Call me an asshole, I haven't responded for a month. It's just that after treatment, my mom sent me to counseling and my counselor told me that I should stop sending letters? Instead of drinking, I've started smoking cigarettes and they really do leave a bad taste in your mouth. Terrible, just terrible. Either way, Luddy apparently has a girlfriend. Her name is Emma, she just moved here not long ago but I guess her brother moved to Connecticut with their mom. Funny, you live in Connecticut too. I wonder if you'll run into her brother though, his name is actually Tim but he prefers to be called Lars. EITHER WAY, Lud got buff! Remember how tiny he used to be? He's getting big, like we're almost the same height. I wonder what you look like now, Mattie. I attached a picture from my homecoming party last month. Yes, I dyed my hair white. Looks cool, doesn't it? That would be awesome if they came out with red eye contacts though. I would totally buy them if they weren't so expensive. Also, tell Alfred I said hi. I haven't forgotten about him yet!

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

August 30th, 2005

Dear Mattie,

Hey! Remember that one kid I mentioned from that letter a while back? Not Raivis. It's Ludwig's girlfriend's brother. His name is Lars. Anyway, I met him today. He said he's a volunteer at a hospital and he helps keep an eye out on coma patients. He said he's been talking to this one kid named Matt and Matt's brother. I asked him if he knew who the brother was and he said his name was Fred or something that has to do with an F. That would be ironic if Fred's name was Alfred though, huh Mattie? Anyway, Lars is only going to be here for another day since school starts soon where he's living. I love you Birdie!

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

November 28th, 2005

Dear Matthew,

Apparently in America they have a break for a holiday called Thanksgiving. It's not really a Canadian thing but the only reason I mentioned it was… Well, I saw Alfred today. He was leaving your house when I saw him, I ran over to say hi and he told me not to talk to him? I'm going to try talking to him again tomorrow and see if he's seen you anytime soon. Mattie, you've been gone for almost a year now. I don't know, I still look forward to seeing you or hearing from you though! I love you!

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

November 29th, 2005

Dear Matthew,

I talked to Alfred. Matthew, I don't know how to deal with this… You've been in the hospital for a year? When Lars said he was talking with a coma patient named Matthew… I was praying it wasn't you. Sure enough, Alfred is friends with Lars. Matthew, I heard you're in an unstable condition but your vital signs are improving? Have you even been getting my letters? Matthew, by the graces of God I hope you return home soon that way I can hold you in my arms and we can go up to the hill like we used to. I remember our first kiss as if it happened yesterday. I love you so damn much that it drives me insane. I just wish you never went to America in the first place for vacation, and then you would have never gotten into that crash. When you wake up, I hope you find these letters and respond so I know you haven't left me just yet. I love you with all my heart and soul.

Yours Truly,

Gilbert B.

June 3rd, 2006

Dear Matthew,

It's definitely been a long time. Remember when I told you last year that I was seeing a counselor? I still am. I can't believe no one has told me that you were in the hospital this whole time. Either way, I live in Germany now. Last year when I found out about you being in the hospital… I got drunk and tried to run away to Connecticut to see you. My mom said she couldn't handle it anymore and she shipped me off to Berlin with my rich grandpa. This letter might take two weeks to get to you though since it's international and all that bologna. Also, I'm taking a German speaking course. It's actually fun and I met some exchanged students. My favourite student has to be a guy named Antonio from Spain. I guess he knows who Ludwig is though since he's in a long distance relationship with Ludwig's "friend's" brother, Lovino. Remember Lovino? Man, he wanted to kill me but apparently he had a huge crush on me. Also, speaking of Luddy, he's finally dating Feli. Can you believe it?! I knew it was going to happen though, no matter how many girls Ludwig has dated, I knew those two would get together. Anyway, I hope you're doing well and Lars is taking good care of you.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

March 12th, 2007

Dear Birdie,

One more year until I graduate, and when I do graduate; I'm going to move to Connecticut to see you. Also, I made a Myspace account. My username is "awesomegermanjunk25"; my friend Liz showed me how to work Myspace. Liz is so awesome though! She's really pretty and stuff and I remember I showed up to her house drunk once and she hit me with a frying pan in the head. I'm with you though so don't worry, I won't try hooking up with her anytime soon.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

September 20th, 2007

Dear Birdie,

Alfred messaged me on Myspace. He told me to stop sending letters but I'm not gonna stop. The last letter I sent was months ago, they're not constant like they used to be. Also, I finished school early with a GED. Since the education systems are all weird, I didn't feel like doing a bunch of random junk just to get a piece of paper. Plus I did say we were graduating together but we can't due to the conditions… I hope you're not too mad at me. I wonder when you're going to respond though. I'm still waiting! Any ways I'm still thinking about you and I hope you're doing well.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

October 5th, 2008

Dear Birdie,

Where are you? I'm in Boston, Massachusetts right now but I'm getting a bus to the closest city in Connecticut tomorrow. I'll try messaging Alfred over Myspace or I'll even try to friend him on Facebook. Either way, I bought those red contacts I told you about and my hair is still white. You'll know me if you see me, I'm totally hot and stuff. You won't be able to resist me. Anyways, I'm going to see if I can find a party to go to since I'm too young to drink in a bar. America sucks sort of, but I like it.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

October 7th, 2008

Dear Birdie,

I met your cousin Francis today, Alfred introduced me to him and he's awesome. Really though, you live here? This place is big! It's awkward to write letters to each other since we're in the same town but I still haven't found you yet. Alfred doesn't really want to talk to me that much and he said that I made a dumb move coming all the way over here. What does he mean? It was worth coming all the way over here to see you again, Mattie. I love you, I have travelled thousands of miles and back and I will do it again just to see you. Ich liebe dich, mein vogel.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

October 12th, 2008

Dear Birdie,

I officially moved in with Francis today. I have a month to get a job though, I don't mind entirely. I'm pretty good with computers since I've been messing around with mine lately so maybe I can do something with that? You did say I was good at playing the flute or music in general so should I get a job at a music shop? Oh! How about at the radio station? Yeah, I'll try that. Either way I love you, Mattie.

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

October 22nd, 2008

Dear Birdie,

Either Halloween is early or I actually saw you today. Matthew, do you still have long hair and that curl? Do you have glasses still? If yes then I for sure saw you today. I was on the bus going down Broadway. I got a job at the radio station, but still. On the bus I was looking out the window and there you were, walking down the street with Lars. I didn't see you two holding hands thank goodness. Mattie, you're absolutely stunning, I want to put a smile on your face like the one I saw today. I was tempted to jump out the window but I had to go to work. Damn, hopefully some other time. Maybe I'll get close with Alfred so he can tell me where you're at since you're obviously not in the hospital.

Love,

Gilbert.

December 19th, 2008

Dear Matthew,

I saw you today. We talked for the first time in years and the first thing you told me was that you didn't remember me. I was so happy to see you and I told you how much I loved you, I asked you if you have been getting my letters and you looked at me as if you don't know what letters were. If you would have read my letters then you would know. You would already know what I've been waiting and wanting to tell you when I saw you again. Matt, this doesn't change how I feel about you but it breaks my heart. Francis is going to buy me a bottle though so I'll be okay. I promise. This is the last letter I will send you, since you told me to never talk to you again... Maybe I can talk to Alfred though, that seems like the only option I have but I don't know; he still hates me for some reason.

Sincerely,

Gilbert.

July 1st, 2011

Dear Matthew,

How many years has it been? I can't remember, ever since I turned 21 I've been at the bar every day. I lost my job at the radio station last year since I was in "unstable condition", now I'm working at the grocery store near the theatre. I watch the doors to see if you'll come through the double doors of the store like some kind of miracle. It's not going to happen though, and if it did, you wouldn't remember. Remember in the last letter I sent that I said I was going to talk to Alfred? Well I did, and he told me you have amnesia. You only remember so much but you forgot about our childhood together, all of those years on the hill... The day I confessed to you and we had our first kiss; that was today exactly seven years ago. Damn it, I'm trying not to get this paper wet with my tears but... Well, Happy birthday Matthew Williams, I love you with all of my heart and soul. I miss you.

Yours Truly,

Gilbert B.

December 25th, 2011

Dear Birdie,

As I lay on my death bed, you're the only one on my mind right now. I'm in the hospital, once again for the same reason but this time I got stabbed too. It started as a bar fight but then the guy stabbed me in the arm, once I got home I apparently started vomiting then I passed out cold. Francis freaked out and Alfred's boyfriend had to drive me to the hospital. They're actually outside right now. I guess Alfred didn't show up since he said that he had to give you something important? I hope you meet his boyfriend though; he's a pretty cool gal. He's hilarious though and his accent is the best. His name is Arthur, him and Francis like to "brawl" a lot though and it's totally worth putting on YouTube.

Sorry for the bad hand writing, I'm using my right hand. My left hand doesn't work since you know, I got stabbed. But this is the last letter you'll receive, mein liebling. I was told just a minute ago that I have liver failure, there are no donors. By the time you receive this letter; I'll be in the morgue. I'm sorry I couldn't stick around to see you again, I'm sorry I can't kiss you and hug you. I'm sorry. .

I love you, even as I die; you're my angel and I hope I can see you again on the future. You won't hear the end of it if I see you soon from where I'm going. Just remember, you're always my birdie.

I have to cut this letter off here, because the damn nurse has me doped up and I'm tired as hell. Huh, I just realized today is Christmas. Merry Christmas Birdie, it's funny how I wrote my first letter and last letter to you on the same day...

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.

July 1st, 2016

Dear Matthew,

It was on this day 12 years ago I told you I loved you. It was on this day 26 years ago you were born. And it's on this day I can officially call you mine for many years to come. I said a while ago that that was my last letter; but this is my last letter to you.

On Christmas day you gave me a present that saved my life; it was your liver. That sounds weird but it's true. You were the only donor fit, now I'm alive to torture you some more. I'm just glad Alfred pulled his head out of his ass and gave you those letters...

Too bad the gift card wasn't valid for a little longer, huh? Damn, my brother in-law keeps on yelling at me... Lovino is sure antsy hah. Being a groomsman and all...

I hope you like the gift! The gift is me! No you do not get a receipt. So yes, your gift from me to you after all of the fun stuff is over, is me (and this letter.) That's what everyone is talking about so...

I will cut this short since my brother is giving me the death stare. Happy Wedding day, Matthew Beilschmidt. AKA My birdie. ;)

̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶l̶w̶a̶y̶s̶,̶

Ttyl,

Gilbert B.