Author's note- I do not have any rights to Senkaiichi Hatsukoi.

Thoughts are in italic.

Enjoy and please review.

Chapter 1: Hatsukoi

The apartment room was filled with moans and excitable incoherent words. It was around 9 pm. There was dim light of scented-candles, placed on the center table. Ritsu did not understand why Lisa was so insistent on making these many preparations, maybe, he thought, she wants to make it a remember-able experience for the both of us...'us'? Heh!

Onodera Ritsu, eighteen years old. There is so much I do not understand; like the pop culture, movie: birdemic, parallel universe theory, my aunt Yumi, Nicholas Cage and love. The rest of the topic can still be explained to some extent but 'love', it is an ambiguous thing or feeling...whatever.

It is not that I have not experienced it. I have a loving family and friends who care for me but still at times I feel empty, like something is missing. I feel some part of me is still longing for him….

He was pulled out by his thought on hearing the soft sobs of the petite-red-head lying on the bed under him. She was shaking a little; her cheeks, nose and wrist were red due to her constantly rubbing her face to get rid of the moisture which was still present on her small round face.

Ritsu panicked, never has he seen her like this. She was the cheerful type, who rarely let anything bother her. She was in his class, and she was among the first people to approach him on his fist day of middle school in England. She started calling him 'Ritsu' right off the bat. Ritsu found that odd, but shrugged it off; as he was in England where people were used to calling one another by first name. Then few months later though he was taken aback by Lisa's blunt confession which Ritsu declined instantly. He felt bad on seeing the sadness in her eyes, but said firmly that he cannot fall in love with anyone. Lisa still did not give up and begged Ritsu to be in a relationship with her in which she will not force Ritsu to take any responsibility. Ritsu was lonely and her persuasion soon melted him and they were in a stable relationship since past two years.

"Ahh! Lisa was I rough? Does it hurt?! I am sorr.."

"NO-no. I am fine" She sniffled. "It is just that I want to know.."

"Hmm" Ritsu's flurried green eyes met her pleading brown ones. "What is it? Di-did I do something?"

"No, it is not like that...Do you...love me?" She said softly, in a sad tone.

Ritsu's heart sank. What am I doing? It was never my intention, but I have made her life a mess. It was never meant to be this way. I told her. But maybe my accepting her, even under such dire conditions, gave her hope. So what. I cannot... I mean the reason I was attracted to her was because she reminded me of... me; how I was determined to stay by my beloved's side. I was contented even by watching him from afar. I want her as a friend but she wanted it. And before I could even make out of the situation it became like this: a disaster.

"Lisa," I looked away, from her eyes peering into mine, "You should leave now, I have some packing left to do so..."

She said, looking dejected,"You will ne-never come back."

Ritsu's turned his back to Lisa, and said, "I told you beforehand. I-I don't love you. I am my parent's only child; they need me. I cannot stay. We have been apart since three years. Besides—"

Lisa went out closing the door behind her before Ritsu can finish. Ritsu stared at her leaving, from his window, in her purple station wagon. He continued after a sigh, "...besides, you deserve someone who can take care of you, not the other way around. I wish you best of luck, Lisa."

I was attracted to her because she reminded me of me. She was just as determined as I was; to keep her beloved by her side. I never wanted to lead her on. I was weak. I was always one step away from falling in love with you. I could have never been able to keep you happy. I can never get over my first love. I gave him every last bit of affection I had and I am now afraid that none is left for anyone else.

It has been a three-year of running away from him, my past, from those memories. I loved him not like a friend. It was more than admiration. But he was always a good friend to me. He was always protective about me and yet…

It scares me, the mere thought of seeing him again.

'Saga senpai..I love you', was what I once said to him... I can never forget what he did to me. It scarred me emotionally.

It was not as if I didn't realize that my feelings will not be accepted with open arms; I love a guy after all. My love will be unrequited. I can see that. I will have to keep these feelings inside me, but I wonder...

Why did I fall in love with you? I have always asked myself this. It was not only you who was curious to find out the reason why I liked you. The answer, as sappy as it sounds, was: love at first sight. It may sound shallow as if I liked him for his good looks. That was not the case though. I never saw his face the first time, I did not have the courage to look him in the eye.

Was it because you reached out and grabbed the book, for me that I badly wanted, which was out of my reach?

Maybe I felt you will always have my back like that and be there for me?

Maybe I thought you are...you are kind and helpful...that's why?

The reason was never important for me. What I wanted was to make you happy.

Since that day, I was watching you, since three-years, and I still could not muster the courage to ask you: why are you so sad, senpai? I wanted to help that's all.

I was flipping through a book that he just returned. I saw a paper inside the book. It was folded. Something was written on it. It might be senpai's. I cannot read it. NO. No, but what if it is urgent? I should check.

Even before I could read the contents someone shouted exactly what was written in there, "CAUGHT YOU! Stalker:Onodera Ritsu!"

I let out a shriek and almost drop the book on the ground but there was still a sound of something heavier falling: it was me. I was so taken into those hazel eyes looking at me with sheer anger and annoyance. I was found out. Is he going to hit me?

Suddenly his expressions changed, he was not angry but he was...smiling. Huh? I guess my friends were right; my silly antics were fun to watch.

He held out his hand toward me which I accept, my shaky hands were in his strong-firm hold. I was on my feet and I flustered and let his hand go.

He flashed another one of those rare smiles at me and ruffled my hair. "Shit! You blush like a maiden."

And then it happened, out of the blue, even without thinking, I said, "S-Saga senpai, I love you.."

Senpai was dumbfounded. "HUH?!" He then paused while I fretted, thinking about the new record of stupid that I just set. I wanted to run away but it felt like my shoes were glued to the ground.

Senpai's feature calmed, he continued, "I already have a girlfriend and I don't want her to be replaced. What you said, I appreciate it, but I can only imagine us being friends."

I was really happy. That's all I wanted; to be close to him; to see his smile. I chimed, "HAI-HAI."

I woke up in Saga senpai's bed. I was elated. He finally accepted me. He loved me back.

But why was he slumped against the headboard with that guilty look on his face.

Wait he...

Ritsu nervously approached his senpai. He was looking into his senpai's eyes; they looked very grim. "Se-senpai? Are you alright?"

It seemed like he was not even listening, I called out again, "senpai.."

"Ritsu, I am sorry."

I felt sharp pain in my chest. "Why are you sorry? It is fine isn't it? If we lo-love...I mean you..Do-do you love me?"

He said, "Yes, but last night I was not thinking...I...we were friends and I crossed the line...I hope you will forgive me..."

I was just looking at him pensively, trying to hold in whatever he was saying.

"Oh, but first I will get you a change of clothes and breakfast..you must be hungry." He awkwardly exited the room.

He is afraid to face what happened between us last night. He does not love me. If he saw and liked me as a 'friend' then what was last night about? Was he fooling around, or wait, was I a stand-in for his girlfriend? Asshole! Jerk!

I quickly put on the clothes; I was wearing yesterday when I came to his place. It was messily thrown on the floor near the pile of books. It felt moist and sweaty against my skin, but I did not really care; I had to get out of there. I did not want to see his face ever again.

A/n: I am really excited about this fanfic. I hope you all liked it so far. There is lot more twists to come. This chapter was Ritsu's P.O.V, how he feels about about his past relation with Takano Masamune. So what exactly caused the rift between Ritsu and Masamune? Please look forward to the future updates.

PS- 'Hatsukoi' in Japanese means 'first love'.

Thanks for taking your time to read it..

LOVE YOU ALL!