Don't be so driven by the past that you throw away your future.

Kate Beckett

"Oh Katherine," Martha said, coming forward and taking her daughter-in-law's hand. She gave it an affectionate pat, and Beckett looked up at the woman with an apology written all over her face.

"I had to choose, fast," she explained, though Martha didn't ask. "I would've talked to you first, I promise—"

"Shhh, darling." The red headed woman looked upon Beckett, understanding in her eyes, for which the Captain was grateful. "I think you made the right decision. This is Richard's best chance."

The words kicked her in the gut, really, because even his best chance wasn't a great one. Her heart was thumping terribly hard beneath her breast.

"Kate?" Alexis said from the door, and she looked over to take in the red-head's appearance. Her face was blotchy, and her eyes red. She was responsible for that, wasn't she?

Beckett reached her hand out towards the young woman, beckoning her closer. Each let out shaky breaths as their hands connected, fingers interlaced in unyielding love and support. "Hey, bud," Beckett said after a second, throat clogged with her anguish.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Alexis murmured, looking down at their hands. "You... you know you mean a lot to me, too, right?" It had dawned on the young woman that she had never sat down with Beckett to tell her what she thought of her. It hit her harder than she ever could have imagined that she might've missed her chance because of Caleb's bullets. If they had been just off by an inch, the hand she was holding would be cold. Dead.

Beckett's eyes instantly welled with tears as she looked at Castle's daughter. His lovely, kind, sweet and caring daughter. Castle might attribute Alexis' to good fortune, but Beckett knew better. She had seen how he was with his daughter and it made her fall in love with the man all over again, every time she saw the two of them together. And now… now Castle was going to have another child to impart his wisdom and experience on, and if it weren't for the fact that Castle was undergoing the knife at the moment, the thought would excite her more. A lot more.

Suddenly, Beckett pulled on Alexis' hand, and the girl came. Wrapping her arms around Alexis in a needy hug, she choked down a sob and ignored the raging pain. "I'm so sorry, Alexis," she whimpered, feeling overwhelmingly undeserving of Alexis' love and support. "So sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"It's not your fault, Kate," Alexis tried to calm her step-mother. Eventually, the two parted, Alexis' shirt a little damper than before.

Beckett sagged against her pillow, struggling to control her breathing.

The fact that Alexis and Martha were there to keep her company while Castle fought for his life, it meant the world to her. Well, they were there to keep each other company. They were in this together. A family. Castle had always been quick to point that out to her when she moved back into the loft. They were in this together, and they weren't on this journey with her because she asked them, but because they wanted to. Simple as that. No matter where this rabbit hole took them, they were in it together.

Though the room was silent from that point on, it wasn't awkward. The sound of the second hand on the clock filled the void that had settled upon them. It taunted them, laughed at them.

Before long, four hours had passed and there was still no word on Castle's status. Beckett had been in and out, desperate to keep her eyes open and yet failing spectacularly. Exhaustion was taking over her body, and forcing her to close her eyes every now and then. "Rest, Kate," Alexis whispered, giving her other hand an affectionate squeeze as Beckett fell away for the second time. Permission; good to have but unwanted all the same.

When Beckett came to for the 5th time, she looked over to see her father holding her hand. She gave his a squeeze. "Castle?" she asked, pleading and desperate, but she didn't care if it made her sound pathetic (it didn't!). At Jim's hesitance, she shifted on her bed, sitting up straighter and ignoring the twinges of pain from the two new holes in her torso. "Dad?"

"There were complications, Katie."

Fifteen minutes later, and Beckett was frozen in her seat, the remote in her hand as she played the video over and over, and once in slow motion, watching as Flynn reached out to activate the IV, and then the panicked look on her husband's face as Ryan fired a shot and saved his life. Oh, they were definitely going to be putting his kids through college, just like Castle had suggested. Joyfully.

She watched as Castle strapped his would-be murderer to the table and shoved the IV in his arm. It was horrific to watch, but she couldn't hear what was being said over the rampant gunfire in the room, not like she could hear with absolute clarity the questions her husband was made to answer.

After Castle was through the wall, she found she couldn't watch anymore. She knew what happened after that and now she just needed to find him, and he had had more than enough minutes to himself now. Leaving the tech room, she looked around the bullpen for him, checked her office and found nothing.

"If you're looking for your husband," the agent who took their statements earlier spoke up, "he took the stairs."

"Uh, thank you. I'll just…" she gestured to the stairs, indicating that she would bring Castle back. "Then we'll finish up our statements and—"

"No need," the agent said, closing his folio. He smiled at her, an attempt at sympathy that fell remarkably short. "He just finished it."

"Oh," was all the Captain said, taken aback. And yet, she was somehow relieved it was over. She only wished she had been there for him. She knew what this was, though. It was infinitely easier to give a statement without an audience—without her—because he was undoubtedly painting himself as the bad guy in this. Oh, no, no, no. She couldn't have that.

Shaking her head to herself, she didn't spare the agent another thought as she headed for the stairs. She found him between floor levels, sitting on the floor with his legs pulled up as close to his chest as he could get them. His head buried in his knees with his fingers interlaced under the short strands of his hair.

"Hey," she said, and Castle looked up sharply at her, relaxing only when he saw it was her. She came to sit down beside him, right against him, bodies melding together as Fate intended; not that she was a believer in fate, but she was getting there. Her hands wrapped around his bicep, head coming to rest on his shoulder. "You finished your statement." Fact, and there was no malice in her tone; only understanding.

"Seemed easier," he responded after a brief moment, but his voice was laced with apologies.

"I get it," she said. "You needed the Captain, and not your wife in there."

He bowed his head, guilty as sin. "It's hard when you're the same person," he acknowledged. "I saw you watching. The tape. You watched it. Should've told you that wasn't what I wanted."

"I watched it as the Captain," she offered. Then, Castle's eyes cut sharply to her, scrutinizing her. She shrank under the intensity. "Then I watched it as your wife," she admitted. "I'm sorry."

"You're not."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "I'm not, but I am." Definitely a conundrum, she was. She was sorry, on some level, to have watched the video without his permission.

Beckett reached out to run her hand through his hair, over the curve of his ear and down to the nape of his neck, scratching the skin there with the tips of her fingernails that always, always, gave him gooseflesh. He shuddered under her unfair ministrations, and she smiled, because there was her man, ever so responsive to her.

"Babe, I know you feel like you let everyone down, but I promise you—you didn't. You saved my life today and helped get justice for McCord, the team and my mother." She swallowed thickly, determined not to get choked up now. "You need to know that I couldn't have done that without you, nor did I want to." Castle looked up at her, his face gentler than before. He leaned into her, and she accepted his weight gladly, pressing her lips to his temple. "We're going to get through this," she promised.

"I was given the 'Don't leave town' speech," Castle muttered. "For what happened to Flynn. If he doesn't... survive... they could..."

Beckett's eyes slipped closed and she tightened her hold on him. They could charge her husband for murder, or manslaughter, given the circumstances. The thought crossed her mind as she had watched the video of Castle drugging the man. There was the possibility that Flynn would survive, that the drug would wear off eventually and there would be no permanent damage. That was the best case scenario. Now that she knew the Feds were thinking about it, too, well... she felt the pieces of her world beginning to crumble down around them.

And they sat like that for several minutes, disturbed only once by an officer who was too energized to wait for the elevator. After quick apologies, Beckett nudged her husband who was still trapped in his own mind. "Babe, how about we table this, hmm? Talk after we've gotten some rest? Your mother and Alexis will be here any minute now, so we can wrap this all up and go—"

"Home," Castle finished. That did sound delightful, even if it was just an illusion.

"Yeah," Beckett smiled. "Home. You'll feel a lot better once we see your family and get out of here."

Together.

A/N: Once again, my apologies for the delay! I am still around, but work is just kicking me like a puppy. Suuuuucks. ANYWAY! I know this update is short, but like I said before, it's better than no update at all? Until next time, everyone. Peace, love, and friendship. XOXO