Learning to Walk

Anders flopped into the seat next to Isabela and promptly ordered a drink. He had a sour expression on his face and his hair was mussed from most likely running hands through it in frustration all day.

Fenris grinned at the apostate's disheveled look. It seemed that Hawke was giving the man a run for his money, or rather his healing.

"That woman is impossible!" Anders exclaimed.

"You've known her for what? Four years now? And this is news to you?" Varric asked. Isabela shook her head.

"Daft man, you should have been more prepared," Isabela tutted her tongue at him and Anders leaned forward in exasperation.

"Prepared? How can anyone be prepared for an impalement?" He asked. Merrill shrugged.

"Oh I don't know, it should have been at least a little bit obvious with how big the Arishok's weapons were," she supposed, earning a wonderfully entertaining face palm from Anders.

"Regardless, Blondie, does it really come as a surprise that Hawke is a bad patient? Remember when she got the flu and still insisted on hunting down that gang being run out of Old Man Gut's place?" Varric asked.

"Oh, right! I remember, those were some boogery spells that day," Merrill continued on. Fenris frowned, he…he did not remember this. He tried to imagine Hawke sick but all he could think of is seeing her smiling in her bed as they continued his reading lessons. He frowned and leaned back into his chair, she must not have told him she was sick.

"That was bad but this is different, she's refusing to get out of bed." Anders said and the table went quiet. Fenris cocked his head, concerned.

"Perhaps she needs more rest, the injuries she sustained –

"Need to heal properly, which means she needs to get out of bed and walk so that her muscles do not deteriorate and make the problem worse. But she refuses to even try! It's maddening!" Anders continued, keeping the focus on himself. Fenris crossed his arms, his scowl deepening.

He wondered why she wasn't walking. He would have thought she would be eager to get out of bed by now, stretch her legs and take one step closer to getting back to her old self. Anders should be having to keep her strapped to the bed, not trying to convince her to try and walk. What was more bizarre was that he hadn't noticed anything different in their twice a week reading lessons.

His hair flopped into his face and he continued to ignore most of the conversation for the rest of the night. He…he should not be this worried about her, she was a capable woman and he had forfeited any right to give her attention after that night…and yet…

The next day, Fenris headed to the Hawke estate. He knocked twice on the door, fidgeting while he waited to be let in. He didn't fully understand what he was doing here other than he wanted to help her, she had been unrelentingly kind to him and he…he should do something at least.

Orana opened the door, the timid girl's eyes widening upon seeing Fenris.

"M-Master Fenris! We were not expecting you until tomorrow," she stammered and Fenris sighed.

"I am not your master, Orana, we've been over this," it was the same conversation every day and by this point, he was worried that Orana would never get it through her head that she wasn't a slave any longer.

"I-I know, but…. Are you here to see the Mistress? I mean…Hawke?" She asked and he nodded. This was some improvement but some improvement after months of trying to get through to her was not promising. She opened the door up for him more fully and he stepped inside. Orana took his coat and he walked up to Hawke's chambers.

The door was open and Anders was there, puttering around while trying to convince her to get up.

"Walking is part of the process, Hawke. It is all a part of the elaborate healing process, you walk, you get better," he was saying. Hawke turned away from him, her eyes devoid of the light he had come to know and…recognize.

Fenris stepped more fully into the room, showing himself.

"Hawke," he said. She turned her head to him, eyes widening in surprise. Her hair was a mess and she was slumped more fully into the bed.

"Fenris, I…did we have a reading appointment that I forgot about?" She asked, trying to raise herself up onto her pillows, only to wince and shudder back down into the bed.

Taking a deep breath, Fenris strode to the bedside.

"No, we did not. I…I came for a different reason," he said. Anders frowned and walked up to Fenris.

"You should not be here, this time is for healing, not…badgering her," he huffed in indignation. Hawke rolled her eyes and waved Anders off.

"Fenris is welcome to badge me at any time, Anders, stop worrying," she said, earning a patronizing scowl from the healer.

Fenris sat on the bed, maintaining a soft eye contact with Hawke before turning to Anders.

"Could you give us a minute?" He asked. Anders crossed his arms over his chest, affecting a rather petulant look.

"No, she is my patient, it would be remiss of me to leave her alone, especially with the likes of you." The man sneered.

"For the love of Andraste, Anders, give us a minute," Hawke said quickly. Fenris bowed his head. She was always so quick to defend him, especially from Anders, and while he was certainly capable of sniping back at Anders, a part of him enjoyed seeing her like this. And it was preferential to seeing her just lying here…unwashed and dejected.

Anders sputtered for a moment before huffing out of her room. He left the door open but Fenris could hear his angry foot stomps down the stairs. He was as alone with Hawke as he could be, considering.

Hawke turned her gaze back to Fenris and she smiled that wonderful smile that made him think that maybe he could be fine. That he could find a way to live a life free of fear and anger. It was a nice smile.

"So, what's this about? Or did you just want to see me in all of this glory?" She gestured to her bed and her disheveled state. Fenris frowned and shook his head.

"No. I came to tell you that I miss having someone having my back at Wicked Grace," he said.

"Oh, well…got impaled, you know…it's not exactly a fast recovery," she said, laughing weakly at the end. Fenris quirked a brow at her and shrugged.

"It could go faster, or at least better."

Hawke frowned, "And how would you know that?"

"Your healer has been saying that you need to walk…and that you're not," Fenris said.

"Of course he has, at least he hasn't talked about how he basically sees me naked every day." She grumbled. Fenris kept the growl he wanted to vocalize down. He told himself that he had no business dictating how she conducted herself with other men and Anders was simply doing his duty – healing her, which meant keeping her clean and bathing her, checking her bandages and wounds. But still…the abomination got to see her bare.

"Why aren't you walking? Usually we have to keep you strapped down to let you heal, and now…" he trailed off, gesturing to her languid state. She narrowed her eyes at him and looked away.

"I'm not ready. I know my body and I'm not ready yet," she protested.

"The Abomination says that you need to walk to continue to heal," he tried to keep his voice kind but he was unused to this cadence and tone, it felt clumsy and fake. Wrong.

"You're taking Anders' side? Maker, what sick dream is this?" She asked and he rolled his eyes.

"I am not taking his side; I am taking the side of your healing. Hawke, you need to get better." He continued to prompt. Her eyes suddenly turned icy and she sneered at him.

"Yeah? Why? So I can go out and get used by this shithole of a city? So the guard can parade me around like some prized mabari bitch for saving this city? This city that would have me executed or worse for apostasy if I weren't rich? Fuck that. And fuck them. I am going to get gross and fat and die in this bed. They can't have me," she turned away from him, and he could feel the sullen and enraged energy rolling off of her. He had a little experience with lashing out when angry and he…understood her position more than he cared to admit.

"No, that's not why you need to get better. Get better to prove them wrong, to shove it in their faces in that despite everything they have done to you…they can't take you down." He told her. She snorted.

"Then do it for yourself. Your life isn't finished, you have…things to live for," he…was not good at this. He couldn't even get past his own anger, how could he help her?

"Things to live for? What, like a family? My father, sister, and mother are all dead! The only remaining family I have are Carver and Gamlen and they fucking blame me for at least mother's death! They hate me, even after I have practically killed myself trying to help them!" She shouted, grabbing a nearby pillow and throwing it in anger.

"You have others, Hawke. There's Varric and Aveline and Isabela. The abomination keeps coming even though you drive him crazy…" Fenris paused and took a deep breath, "and there's me." He said warily.

She turned back to him slowly, surprised, "Really?" She asked quietly and he knew where the surprise came from. She…she had every right to be surprised, he gave her no reason why would care for her but…he did.

"I…yes. I am here, and I want you to get better," he said bashfully. She looked at him for a long moment before sighing.

"Very well, I will try. But I am not ready to walk," she said. Fenris sighed, stubborn woman. He then stood up and faced the bed.

"Then you leave me with no choice," that was her only warning before Fenris flung the covers off of her and grabbed her legs. He gently rotated her and pulled her to the edge of the bed.

"You need to walk to get better, there is no way around it. It doesn't matter why you do it, only that you do," he said matter of fact.

"Fenris!" She exclaims, "I…I will fall!" She protested as he worked to bring her up.

"Then I will catch you," he responded immediately, continuing to help her into a standing position. Hawke went quiet and then she was letting him help her up. Her hands reached out and clasp his arms and he moved his hands to her waist. He helped to support her as she began to move forward to stand. Fenris waddled back a bit, making room for her.

Hawke hissed in pain but she continued to lurch forward.

"Fucking ow." She growled, but she doesn't let up until she is standing upright on her own two legs. Her breathing was heavy and her balance wasn't so good after being bedridden for so long but…she's standing.

"Now walk," he whispered and much to his surprise…she took a step, and then another. She took about five steps before falling forward, and just as he promised, Fenris was there. He moved forward, angling himself so that when she fell, she fell onto his chest. He held her up, her face in the crook of his neck.

"There, I caught you. I got you, I got you," he repeated, to her or to himself he doesn't really know. But her hair was in his face and he's directing them to sit on the bench in front of the bed. He kept her close, supporting her body as she continued to try and acclimate to not being in bed.

Anders of course chose that moment to walk into the room.

"You…what did you do? Did you move her? Get away from her!" He yelled. Before Fenris could say anything, Hawke was speaking.

"He got me to walk, Anders," she said. Anders stopped and looked at them, then at the bed, back to them.

"But…how? Did he threaten you?"

"Hardly." Fenris said dryly. Anders' eyes narrowed but he didn't press the issue further.

"Hawke…can you walk to me? I need to see how you're doing," he requested. Hawke looked to Fenris who nodded. She stood with him hovering closely, making sure to be there if she fell. She looked into his eyes and smirked.

"I can do this," she said. Fenris gave a small smile.

"Yes, you can," he said, and then she tried again.

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. Please review! And if you want to see more of Katra and Fenris, head over to my tumblr (survgirl) to see more stuff I've written and to prompt me if you wish! Thank you again!