"ATTENTION MERCENARIES! This is the Administrator! I have received word that another team of highly-trained agents is currently moving forward toward MannCo! Obviously, I will not be paying you for this assignment, given that you will be defending your own lives, and therefore need no motivation."

The RED Spy, standing calmly inside the RED base, gazed upward at the loudspeaker that was blaring the Administrator's warning. He smiled and pressed the COM button.

"Tell me, boss, what will you do if we simply decide to retreat? Stand by and allow MannCo to be ravaged by these enemy agents?"

"Ah. The Spy. I am glad to see that at least one of my mercenaries has at least a few brain cells. Fine. I'll pay you. Six million for successfully defending MannCo, and ten million for each enemy agent killed. On top of that, anyone who runs from the battle will be hunted down and killed without possibility of surrender by my agents, whom I guarantee are better than any of you."

The Sniper scoffed. He had no intention of running, nor was he so sure about the Administrator's men being superior to him, but he wasn't about to argue. Ten million was quite the payoff, even for the Administrator's standards, and he was sure he'd get plenty of it, given that he'd be wiping the enemy team before they even came close enough to see him.

"Fine. Your terms are acceptable. We will move out and engage the enemy on the outskirts of Teufort. When do you expect them to arrive."

"The mission begins in ten minutes."

The Heavy almost growled. The Administrator had certainly seen the enemy far before she had warned her trusted and loyal mercenaries about it, and now they'd have to move out fast if they wanted to prevent Teufort and Reliable Excavation Demolition from being wiped off the face of the earth.

"Medic! Come quickly! We have to move out!"

The white-coated doctor came running, grabbing his medigun and syringe gun on the way. He already had his saws on his belt. He never went anywhere without them.

"I am on my way! Heavy, what medigun do you suggest I bring?"

"The standard will be fine, doctor."

"Excellent! It is my favorite anyway."

The Heavy chuckled.

"I know."

The Scout rushed through the RED base, grabbing ammunition, his pistol, his baseball bat, a baseball, some Mad Milk, his scattergun, and his trusty Flying Guillotine as he ran.

"Damn it! Why does that crazy bitch always have to call us out at the last freakin' second!?"

The Demoman charged past him, carrying more explosives than the Scout could keep track of, not to mention the Eyelander and the Chargin' Targe.

"Because she enjoys watching us run for our lives, that's why! I don't even have time to grab some extra scrumpy! I think I might just have to drink it from the bottle I fight with!"

The Soldier rocket-jumped through the hallway himself.

"DO NOT WORRY ABOUT IT, COMRADE! I BROUGHT SOME AMERICAN BEER WITH ME, AND YOU CAN SHARE IT!"

The Demo cringed but said nothing else.

Meanwhile, the Sniper and Spy had hopped into a conveniently-located teleporter that led directly toward a hill far outside Teufort, a perfect position for sneaking up on an enemy team or sniping them away. The Spy tested his portable radio watch.

"Testing, testing. Can you hear me? Can you HEAR me? Respond, idiots!"

"Yeah, yeah. Scout here. We hear ya loud and clear, Spy. You just do all your cowardly hidin' and orderin', and we'll do all the killin'."

"I have no intention of hiding, Scout. But yes, I will be issuing orders. So, if you do not mind, I will observe the enemy."

He hung up, and glanced at the Sniper.

"What do you see?"

"It's funny. There are just nine of 'em."

"Only nine?!"

"There are only nine of us."

"Yes, but we are the best in the world! What other nine men could possibly compare?"

"Not just men, either. There's at least one robot, maybe three. Hell, maybe four. One of 'em's a mech, and a big one, too. Chaingun on the back. Another looks like some kinda' ninja, another one has a machine gun, and another has… looks like some kinda' launcher."

"We've dealt with plenty of robots in the past. Who else?"

"There's a scrawny kid… no… a scrawny woman."

"A woman? They have a woman on their team?"

"Maybe two of 'em, if one of those robots is really a cyborg girl. Wait. My mistake. There are three of them."

"Ugh. Three women, four robots, and… what else?"

"A man in a skull mask, a dwarf, and… another woman."

"WHAT?"

"Looks like some kinda' medic."

"Merde. Fire a warning shot in their direction. Perhaps they will realize what they're dealing with and scatter."

The Sniper fired one shot, into the dirt in the midst of the enemy team.

He then quickly rolled backwards and took cover behind a small boulder nearby.

"Get down, ya bloody idiot!"

Spy quickly pressed a button on his watch and disappeared into thin air.

"So… what happened?"

A bullet suddenly flashed by his head, coming close to blowing it off. Evidently the enemy hadn't quite seen where he was when he cloaked. No matter. They wouldn't try again.

The Sniper wiped some sweat off his brow.

"Well, they did scatter. As in, they weren't scared, they just all rolled for cover instantly, and one of those women I was talking about popped a sniper rifle, hit the ground, and started sighting down at me, near as fast as I coulda' done it. Gotta say, mate, that was a damn close one."

"You have literally got to be joking. Ugh."

The Spy pulled out his watch again and began barking into it.

"Listen! Attention RED team! If you do not pay attention to this warning, you will almost definitely die! The enemy team appears to be a nine-man elite unit much like our own, and they have a sniper, much like our own. Stay under cover, or you will not last an instant! Do you understand?"

This time, it was the Engineer who answered, in his trademark Texan drawl.

"Yeah, Spy, we all hear ya. Who else is on the team?"

The Spy gestured to the Sniper, who popped out his own walkie-talkie.

"From what I could see, they got a giant mech like the heavy, a girl with a sniper rifle, a girl with a launcher of some type, I'd say grenade, a dwarf with a hammer, a scrawny chick that reminds me a bit of the Scout, masked man in black with two pistols, a robot ninja, and a robot with a machine gun. A few more, didn't quite catch 'em all."

"That ain't the most intimidatin' lineup I've ever heard of, but if they're as bad as you say they are, I'll take 'em seriously. I'm settin' up a Level Three outside town, and I'm keepin' Sentry with me."

"Sounds good to me, mate."

"Indeed. Keep mobile, and don't pin yourself down. Heavy, Medic!"

"Yes, Spy?"

"Never, and I mean never, get separated. We need both of you together. Scout!"

"Uh-huh?"

"Sneak up on them, but do not engage until they have entered the range of the Heavy, Demoman, and Engineer. Speaking of that, Demoman, set up a stickybomb trap at a chokepoint, any chokepoint, and then wait it out."

"Got it, mate."

"Pyro!"

"Mmmmph!"

"Stay close to the Soldier and use your flare gun to ignite them from a distance. Don't try to get them with your flamethrower until you know what weapons they have."

"MMMMPH!"

The meaning of the Pyro's almost indecipherable grunt was instantly clear to the RED Team. They'd been around him long enough to recognize a hearty agreement.

The Team dug in, the Engineer putting up his Sentry guns, the Demoman placing his sticklybombs, the Sniper getting back into position, and the Spy calmly strolling toward enemy lines, smoking a cigarette.

The Scout, rather annoyed with the Spy's overbearing attitude, followed his orders nonetheless and rushed toward the enemy lines.

The Soldier rocket-jumped up to a perch on top of a mountain that looked remarkably like a plate- but before he could reach it, he was shot out of the air by a bullet to the knee.

The Widowmaker cringed. She hated missing. It wouldn't happen again.