Weiss Schnee was many things, according to herself. A loving friend, a compassionate and talented teammate, a kind and caring partner who would do anything during the heat of battle to save her friends from total annihilation.

But if there was one thing that she was not, according to herself, it was fat.

Many people had heard the word hurled at them throughout their youth, and even during adulthood there was no escape from the dreaded descriptor. It stung, even if there was no truth to it, and if there was even a little bit of fat on your person, be it pudge, tub, plump or chub, the word took on a new meaning of hell.

God save those who were legitimately overweight.

Weiss knew that there was nothing wrong with being overweight. Some people literally could not help it, and far be it from her to say that a person couldn't live their life the way they wanted! Foodies rejoice.

However, the word was nothing but dread to her. Pure horror, unimaginable terror!

The heiress prided herself on her perfect form. Her lithe, fit body helped her achieve this at all hours of the day. She was careful to balance out her meals, plan ahead with her calories and never, NEVER eat before bed. On the occasion that she indulged herself on a sugary sweet or salty snack she took into account the nutritional facts on the package down to the percentage and not a number below.

Weiss Schnee was not a fitness nut. Oh no. But she made sure to exercise daily. Most often her training sufficed perfectly. Whereas Yang would run several miles, bench press two trucks worth of weights and down a protein shake like it was a home cooked meal daily, Weiss simply did her allotted training and called it a day.

This worked for her just fine because she had never blundered on her diet. Not once. Not even a little bit. Not even when Ruby made her absolutely mouthwateringly delicious chocolate chip cookies that tasted like they were baked on the highest peaks of mount Olympus, blessed by the gods of several pantheons.

So that her own boyfriend, the man that she loved and sought comfort in after a hard day's work, would tell her that she was putting on a few pounds… well...

Yang watched giddily, munching on a bucket of popcorn that she had conveniently been holding when she walked in on the exchange.

It had been a simple question that Weiss had asked Jaune. There was a simple answer. In fact, there was only one correct answer. But Jaune Arc was a stupid man. A stupid, stupid fool of a man.

When a woman asks you if you think she's gained some weight, you. Say. No.

But he did not do that. He, in fact, said yes.

"How could you say something so… so… rude! Something so incorrigible!" Weiss said, Myrtenaster in hand and very much ready to spring into her combat stance at any moment.

"I was just telling the truth, I'm not gonna lie to you! You asked and I gave you a truthful answer!" Jaune replied, his voice frantic and at a higher pitch than he would have liked.

Yang was absolutely loving every second of this. Blake walked into the room and came up beside her, not saying a word but grabbing a handful of popcorn for herself as she joined in to watch the show.

"Oh so you're admitting that you think I've gained weight!?" Weiss spat incredulously, her grip tightening around her weapon as if she were ready to launch on the offensive.

Jaune pulled out Crocea Mors, feebly holding the shield on the defensive. He would never brandish the blade against her, she knew that very well. Which is why she was currently towering over the much taller man, unafraid of him retaliating against her ceaseless and potentially physical tirade.

"That's not what I meant! I mean, gah yes! You have gained a few pounds but who cares!? Pounds don't mean a thing unless you start adding in double digits! What's one or two gonna do!?" Jaune replied, trying his best to give his reasoning a sound argument.

It was not working.

"I care, you absolute dunce! I try very hard to take care of my health, even one pound off my average is one pound too many!" Weiss countered, her face red as her blood boiled.

"Well maybe if you started measuring in metric you wouldn't feel so bad about one stupid digit!" Jaune planted his foot down, growing overly hot about the whole thing. Really, Jaune should have been the voice of reason. He had tried initially but Weiss' never once lowering her voice from a scream certainly didn't help.

Ruby reached for some popcorn.

"Oh, hey sis, when did you get here?" Yang asked, her own mouth filled to the brim.

"Oh, you know, a couple minutes ago," Ruby shoveled even more of the buttery, salty snack into her mouth, never once taking her eyes off of the main event.

"Don't you get started on this whole imperial vs metric thing again!" Weiss warned, threatening him by pointing Myrtenaster in his general direction. It was noted, by the four interlopers-

"Hello, again!"

-that Weiss never once pointed it directly at him. Always a bit to the left, or a bit to the right.

Nora, who was just here for the snacks, thought that she should have. You know, just a little bit to show dominance!

Yang blinked. It was getting crowded in here.

"All I'm saying is that metric is clearly better! And just think, you wouldn't be in the triple digits if you'd just MAKE THE SWITCH!" Jaune parried, the sharpness of his words stinging like she was waxing her legs.

"Triple digits are normal for a grown human being, thank you very much! I'm a healthy one-hundred-and-eleven!" Weiss crossed her arms and closed her eyes, turning up her head to harumph.

"Oh boy, she just harumphed…" Ruby muttered.

"Is that bad?" Ren asked, causing Yang to wonder if team CFVY would show up at some point.

"It's pretty bad," Blake confirmed.

"One-hundred-and-fourteen!" Jaune reminded Weiss. He regretted it immediately.

"He shouldn't have done that," said Blake.

"He really shouldn't have done that," agreed Ruby.

"Should we help him?" asked Ren.

"Nope," answered Nora.

"I'm gonna help him," resolved Ren, who crouched to the floor and placed his hand almost flat upon it. Within seconds, both Weiss and Jaune were enveloped in a grayscale tone.

Weiss, who was just about to launch into an even more focused and terrifying state of rage, suddenly fell quiet, her body relaxing as all the stiffness that had built up during her fight with Jaune diminished into nothingness.

Jaune himself simply dropped Crocea Mors down to his feet and breathed deeply.

Ren rose to his feet, only slightly tired from the usage of his semblance. He took a moment to lean on Nora, who gladly held onto him in very inappropriate places.

"Does this mean the show's over?" Ruby asked with a little bit of a pout, having hoped to see her partner and her best friend kick the ever loving shi-

"I'm so sorry!" Weiss all but shouted out, her tone apologetic and wavering. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes as she rushed to embrace Jaune in a very tight hug, color returning to her features. "I've been so stressed these past few weeks, and I suppose I may have been eating a few more sweets and… refusing to catalogue the calories… Ugh, I feel like such an idiot. I should never have picked up Myetenaster, that was way too far! All over something so stupid!"

"It's… it's fine, Weiss. Really, it is. I, uh, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said what I said, I just hate lying to you. But if, from now on… you want me to lie about certain things if I know they'll make you upset… I will." Jaune smiled as his natural color returned to him as well, pulling her as close as humanly possible.

She pulled away briefly to look him in the eyes, tears fell freely down her cheeks. "You big, stupid dolt!" She emphasized the words by softly pounding a closed first into his shoulder. The two of them gave a little laugh before going in for a kiss.

A kiss that lasted for several long, agonizing moments for everyone who wasn't Jaune or Weiss.

"Wow," Nora exclaimed, "this was pointless! And we're all out of snacks!"

"Speaking of snacks," Yang started, "anyone get the feeling none if this would have happened if Jaune was better at eating ou-"

"AHHHHH MY SWEET BABY VIRGIN EARS!" Ruby screamed.

Author's Notes: What the fuck is this and why did I write it.

I'm really tired.