Tumblr Prompt: 61. "I love you. I'm completely and utterly in love with you. Please don't get married."

1: The Stark Simplicity of the Sky

Closing the door to her room behind her, Abby slipped the key card into her pocket and walked the short distance to the elevator. An elderly couple stepped out as the doors opened, and Abby smiled at the two of them as she took their place inside. She rode down to the ground floor and checked her makeup again, the mirrored walls reflecting images of her in all directions as she wiped a smudge of lipstick from her teeth. Pushing at the heavy door at the entrance to the hotel, she stepped out into the fading afternoon light, but still rummaged in her bag for her sunglasses before setting off down the street.

Clarke's apartment was three blocks from the hotel Abby had checked into for the week, and while they were going to share a cab into the city for dinner later, Abby decided to walk to meet them. She was appreciating the longer days and increasingly warm evening air; walks after work having become a regular thing in recent weeks. Anything to fill the vast amount of time she now had to herself. It was the only way she knew to clear her head and, although she didn't have her headphones with her, she allowed the distant tones of the city to be her soundtrack.

Rounding a corner, Abby walked up the cement stairs to Clarke and Lexa's building and was able to sneak through the door to the foyer without needing to be buzzed up, a young family she recognized making their way out. Abby opted for the stairs, one flight taking her to the apartment which overlooked a shared yard which sealed the deal for the two when they moved four years ago.

Wrapping her knuckles against the door, Abby stood back and waited for the inevitable sounds of Aden running to open it for her. In no time she could hear him barreling down the hallway, heavy footfalls nearing closer before he flung the door open.

"Nanna Ab!" Aden threw his arms in the air and waited for Abby to scoop him up, his arms circling her neck as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Look at you! You've gotten so big, I can barely pick you up."

Lexa appeared in the hallway and smiled as Abby winked, lowering Aden back to the ground.

"Hello beautiful girl." Abby threw her arms around Lexa, drawing her into a hug. "Clarke home yet?" Abby placed her purse on the side table in the hallway and followed Aden and Lexa through to the living room.

"Shortly, but it's great that you're early, someone has been rather keen to see you." Lexa grinned at her son as he ordered a stack of drawings he'd done for Abby, deciding which one to give her first.

Dumping the whole pile on her lap as she took a seat on the sofa next to Lexa, Aden chewed his lip as he waited for her to look at them.

"I did them all for you." He leaned in and whispered the words, his breath hot against Abby's ear. "And I got some new pencils." With that he took off up to his room and Abby and Lexa could hear him rummaging around, both wincing at the sound of something falling down.

"I'm fine, nothing broke!" He called to them at the top of his voice, and Abby and Lexa shared a laugh. A similar noise caught their attention at the other end of the house shortly before Clarke emerged juggling several large folders, the contents of one having partially spilled out.

Abby jumped up to relieve Clarke of the load before embracing her, kissing her daughter's forehead as she released her. Clarke removed her satchel from over her shoulder and threw it into the arm chair before planting a kiss on Abby's cheek and wandering over to lean down and kiss Lexa on the lips. Abby felt her heart clench.

"I've really missed you guys this time." Abby sat down on the sofa opposite the women, Clarke resting her head in Lexa's lap and toeing off her shoes as she drew her legs up onto the sofa. Lexa stroked her wife's hair as she grinned at Abby.

"Just this time? You need to move back here so we can have you guys over for dinners during the week and we can meet you and Ontari at the park on weekends." Lexa's smile faded as she noticed Abby's jaw clench at the mention of her partner. "Abby?"

"Mom?" Clarke was sitting up now, elbows on her knees as she leaned forward to talk to her mother. "You were shifty on the phone when I asked if Ontari was coming with you. What's going on? Have the two of you had a fight or something?" Clarke had never warmed to Ontari in the two years since her mother began to date the women. Lexa wasn't a fan either but, unlike Clarke, she kept her opinions to herself out of respect for Abby.

Abby knew she was going to have to have this conversation with them at some point during the week, she just hadn't prepared herself to do it straight away. Lexa's mention of the name caught her off guard.

"Well, I wouldn't call it a fight, exactly." Abby hesitated. She had barely admitted things to herself, let alone spoken them aloud to someone. She hadn't even talked to Callie about it, saying only that she had broken up with Ontari and couldn't see them reconciling at all. "I have been thinking about moving back, though, but Ontari won't be joining me if I decide to. She moved out almost two months ago."

"Two months? Mom, how could you keep something so huge from us? What happened?" Clarke was alert now, the fatigue which had been evident on her face when she walked in had all but disappeared.

"It's not really our business, Clarke." Lexa leaned forward, mimicking Clarke's position, and dropped her head to the side, whispering to her wife. Abby heard her just the same.

"It's okay, Lexa. I should have said something earlier, but I didn't really know what to say to be honest. I was embarrassed, I suppose. I am. So many people had opinions when Ontari and I first began dating and I'd been so quick to refute them that when I saw things had run their course for us, I was reluctant to share that with people." Abby was very conscious of people's skepticism when it came to her relationships with younger women. Raven Reyes had been only five years older than Clarke and although Ontari Azgeda had another four years to her name, she was still twelve years Abby's junior.

"So she moved out. Did she break up with you, M-"

"Clarke!" Aden interrupted her, racing down the hallway having just realized she was home. Taking a running leap he landed on Clarke's lap causing her to emit a groan before wrapping her arms around him.

"Hello beautiful boy, Mama told me you got some new drawing pencils today. Are they as cool as mine?" Clarke and Aden both grew very serious, decent pencils essential for both Clarke's design work and Aden's Kindergarten masterpieces.

"They're amaaazing. They're watercolor just like yours. But, oh!" Aden smacked himself in the head, rolling his eyes comically. "I was going to get them to show Nanna Abby." Jumping off Clarke's lap, he sprinted up the hallway again.

Abby watched him disappear before taking a deep breath and thinking of the best way to answer Clarke's question.

"I was the one who ended the relationship. I haven't been happy for a long time and it wasn't fair to continue when I kept finding myself-" Abby hesitated, aware that she was about to voice her reasoning for the very first time, "-I kept finding myself comparing her to Raven." Abby threw her hands in the air at the words, just as Aden came running back into the room carrying his new box of pencils.

"Aunt Raven's getting married to Aunt Gina next week, Nanna Ab. These are my new pencils, aren't they awesome." Aden thrust them onto Abby's lap and crawled up onto the sofa beside her, opening them and seeming not to notice the sudden change in his grandmother's demeanor.

Lexa was the first to respond.

"He means next month, Abby." She rushed. "They've moved up the wedding because Gina's been offered a new job in Chicago and they're leaving in about six weeks." Lexa's words sounded like a confession and an apology all rolled into one.

"But they only just announced their engagement." Abby fingered the new pencils absently, forcing a smile as Aden passed her his favorite shade of red.

"They've been engaged about five months, Mom, but their engagement party was only about two and a half months ago…" The words faded on Clarke's tongue as the realization hit her. "That was it, wasn't it? You saw her that weekend when you sat for us while we went to the party that night?"

Abby pressed her lips together in an effort to avert her concentration from the heat she felt rising in her cheeks. Passing the red pencil back to Aden, she shifted the box of pencils to the coffee table between herself and Lexa and Clarke and stood from her spot on the sofa. Smoothing her hands down the front of her jeans, she smiled at her grandson, excusing herself from the room.

"Sorry, I just need a minute." Abby walked to the kitchen and reached for a glass in the cupboard above the sink. Running the water, she swiped a finger through it to make sure it was running cold before she filled her glass. Taking a sip, she heard Lexa ask Clarke to grab Aden's shoes and shirt to get him ready to go out. A moment later, Lexa appeared at the entrance to the kitchen.

"Abby?" Lexa waited until Abby turned before walking over to the counter to lean next to her. "I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I also know our situations are far from similar, but when Costia died, I didn't think I would ever find someone who I could love the way I loved her. I only dated one other person before I started seeing Clarke, but with both of them I found myself comparing, too." Lexa's voice was low, likely out of respect for Clarke, but also out of respect for her mother-in-law who stood fragile before her.

"It wasn't long before I realized that I was falling in love with all the ways in which Clarke was different from Costia, the things which were uniquely her soon became more of a comfort to me than any of the traits I felt they'd shared initially." Lexa reached a hand to Abby's shoulder and rubbed her hand up and down, gentle strokes as she waited for Abby to speak.

"You and Clarke are so lucky to have found each other." There were tears in Abby's eyes as she spoke. "I would give anything for you and Aden to have not had to go through all that, but the thing about death is we have no choice but to move on. You were so brave to put yourself out there, especially with Aden being so young. That took a lot of courage." Abby felt the tears tracking down her cheeks now and Lexa felt her own eyes beginning to sting as she moved to wrap her arms around Abby's shoulders.

"You did the same after Jake, Abby. Just because Clarke was a lot older than Aden, that doesn't make you any less brave." Lexa rubbed her hand against Abby's back as they pulled away. Abby nodded. She and Lexa had had many conversations over the years about the parallels in the way they'd lost Costia and Jake, car accidents leaving no opportunity for I love yous or final goodbyes.

"I think there's one big difference between you and me, though, Lexa." Abby took another sip of her drink and placed it in the sink. Turning her body, she rested both hands on the edge of the sink and looked out the window as the last light of the day was replaced by streetlights dotting their way along each street like the strips in airplanes to guide people to their nearest exit. Perhaps her visit had been a mistake. Raven and Gina would be long gone by the time Ontari and herself had managed to sell the house and settle their finances. Raven would be long gone before Abby could return and express her regrets. Raven would be long gone and married to someone else by then.

"The difference is that you let yourself love again. You let Clarke become the second love of your life and you didn't deny her that title just because someone had held it before her. When Raven proposed, I ran. I was scared that marriage represented everything I'd lost and I didn't want that for either of us. I broke her heart, Lexa, and mine broke right along with it." Abby swiped at the tears which were staining her cheeks. She'd lost count of the times she had cried over Raven, over her own choices which meant losing the love of her life.

She looked up and saw Clarke's reflection in the kitchen window, the black backdrop of the evening providing her with a near mirror image of her daughter. Abby turned in time to meet Clarke's embrace. It had taken Clarke almost three years to accept her mother's relationship with Raven. When Clarke met Lexa, a twenty four year old woman with a twelve month old child, Clarke was able to re-frame her misconceptions about Raven's age. At twenty one, Clarke was taking on another woman's child and, before long, treating him as her own, and suddenly age meant nothing and experiences were everything. She realized that while Raven was only five years older than her, Raven had had adult responsibilities for almost half her life. Raven took care of herself for years when Clarke had been lucky enough to have two parents to do that for her. In many ways, Clarke realized she was virtually a child until she met Lexa and Aden.

When Abby broke up with Raven, Lexa and Clarke had been left devastated too. Having met through Anya, Lexa's cousin and Raven's best friend, their family of six dwindled to a family of four when Abby moved away and Raven put the necessary distance between them.

"Aden's in the bathroom brushing his teeth, but why don't we just order in tonight, babe?" She turned to look at Lexa, her wife nodding before Clarke turned back to Abby. "Mom, why don't you stay? He can sleep in with us and you can take his bed. I don't want you going back to that hotel alone tonight." Clarke smoothed her hands over her mother's braid, her hands resting against the woman's shoulders as she waited for a response.

"Will Aden be disappointed we're not going out?" Abby breathed deeply, the tears which had dried on her cheeks were still present in her voice and she didn't need her grandson to notice her sadness. She cleared her throat.

"Not if we order pizza from Larry's." Lexa leaned against the kitchen counter and, smiling, slung an arm across Abby's shoulders. "Tell you what, you two walk back to that hotel and put a few things in a bag, and by the time you get back dinner should almost be here, okay?"

Clarke and Abby nodded in unison. As they made their way out to the hall, Aden high-fived Lexa at the news of pizza and gave Abby a grin which was all teeth and Clarke in every way. Grabbing her purse she waved to her grandson and blew a kiss to Lexa who was already on the phone ordering dinner. Lexa blew a kiss back and waved them off as Abby closed the door behind them.

"I hope you don't mind, but I heard some of your conversation with Lexa, Mom. She's right, you know. She's always right, but she said you were brave and it's true. If anyone knows brave, it's that woman, Mom." Clarke reached for her mother's hand and gave it a squeeze.

"But I messed up, honey. Twice." Abby wrapped an arm around Clarke's middle and the two fell into step as Clarke put her arm around her mother's shoulders.

"You did the right thing by Ontari, though. It wouldn't have been fair to stay once you acknowledged you weren't happy. That takes courage." Abby couldn't acknowledge Clarke's words for the lump in her throat. She couldn't think of a line which would be adequate in response, but which would also allow her to keep her tears at bay.

They arrived at Abby's hotel and took the elevator to the fifth floor, Abby swiping her key card three times before the green light appeared letting them in. Crossing the room, she grabbed the small suitcase off the bed, Clarke's eyes on her as she walked to the bathroom to grab her makeup bag and glasses case and slip them both inside.

"I know I did the right thing leaving Ontari." She nodded her head, agreeing with her daughter and running a hand over her braid as she considered her next words carefully. Pressing the heel of her hand against her forehead, she then brought it down and pressed her fist to her mouth before her next words arrived on a flood of tears.

"I only wish that three years ago I'd been brave enough to stay."