Usually, nothing could stop history from being interesting.

As certain as oxygen and sustenance, so too was history a vital part of survival and culture. Windows to the past for all to look through and learn from; highlights of the past and foundations for the future. Every object in existence, if even for a moment, had its own history. A past, from which it could be granted a future of its own construction.

Never, so long as something could keep moving forth, would history run dry. From reverence to disdain, every second had its own emotion to document. A lesson to be learned, a warning to heed and a risk to take.

It was borderline impossible to void absorption in alternate eras. For an individual to feel no compulsion to scrutinise antiquity was almost unheard of. The odds of such a person existing were generally so low that it wouldn't be worth making the history to calculate them.

Despite it all, not a single student attending Beacon could find an interest in history. Not the upperclassmen and woman in their fourth year, nor the two years closest to them. Any who had only just been inaugurated for their first year of schooling would quickly find themselves wishing for another way to spend their time, any passion they once held evaporating, any engrossment in the subject of study barely an oasis on the horizon.

And all from the effort of one man- no, one doctor.

Bartholomew Oobleck was a spectacular historian, of that there was no doubt. The focus, the passion, everything he would ever need for success in the field had been found within him even from a young age; a calling from the universe itself for what he would end up doing with his life. His duties as a Huntsman had led him across the globe, his interactions with the younger or less informed members of whatever team he would find himself on eventually leading to his discovery of the final in his triumvirate of joyous occupations.

He had been a prodigy when he was young, a sagacious paragon in his education days, and a genius ever since. His material was good, backed by years of study and experience. When it all came together, it should have been the textbook example of a picture perfect educator. A role he had taken to with much gusto, after Beacon had presented him the invitation.

There was just one enormous, glaring problem.

The man was too fast, in absolutely everything he did. Be it talking, moving, or even breathing, nobody who had yet to ascend to his level could hope to keep up. Which, of course, excluded absolutely every student under his tutelage.

What should have come across as an opportunity presented atop a platter came across as a chore. Classes that were designed to be heartfelt and enjoyable were entirely out of pace, their charm squandered on poor delivery. Student still attended, and students still passed, for what would be a school teaching teenagers to handle weapons and protect the public from a threat they could go years without seeing instill if not some responsibility?

But the passion was absent. Lessons were looked at with irritation or, even worse, apathy. Not even those most astute and diligent with their private studies could enjoy the knowledge he had to impart; for none could even understand any of it.

It was an unfortunate state of affairs. A veritable shame, for Doctor Oobleck PhD could never seem to slow down, no matter what feedback and criticism he would ascertain from his lectures.

At least, that had been the status quo, until that morning.

XxX

If Jaune were going off boredom alone, he would have elected Grimm Studies as the worst class he was being forced to suffer through at Beacon. If he were to include any other factor… Grimm Studies would still likely be his least favourite, but History would be a very close second. Come to think of it, there weren't actually any classes he was very thrilled to be a part of; everything he did in the lecture halls felt more like a way to idle away time than to actually learn something, a concerning conclusion to come to when attending what was reputed as one of, if not the, best school for Hunters and Huntresses in all the Kingdoms.

But that wasn't something to concern himself with now. Skidding to a halt outside the portal to the next couple of hours of torture, Jaune pushed the door open, sliding the note from Professor Port that would excuse his tardiness back into his pocket. He wouldn't need it, considering there was still half a minute until class officially started, and Pro- Doctor Oobleck hadn't seemed to have arrived yet.

Though the man leaning against the desk at the front of the room did look somewhat familiar. Tilting his head to the side slightly, Jaune stepped through the threshold, heading towards the seat that Pyrrha had offered to save for him as he examined the man at the front of the classroom. He didn't look very old, maybe a fourth year student that had been held back once, which would probably explain why he looked to be asleep in a room he very obviously didn't belong in.

Speaking of the room, it was oddly silent, devoid of the conversations all speculating towards what the approaching class could be about. Sliding into his seat next to Pyrrha, Jaune opened his mouth to greet her, only to leave it hanging upon realising that she, as well as the rest of his team, as well as Team RWBY who had taken the seats next to them, were all staring towards the front of the classroom with expressions ranging from shock to outright disbelief.

Oh man, this wasn't someone else famous that he really should have recognised, was it? It that was the case then it was totally unfair, he knew for a fact that this guy had never been on a cereal box!

Abandoning the sentence he had been about to say; an optimistic comment about his chances of actually being able to take notes down this time that would very quickly devolve into a bitter and sarcastic mumble, Jaune turned back to the front of the room, his movement coinciding perfectly with the bell as it rang and signalled the start of class. The stranger's eyes cracked open, giving Jaune a glance of the most vibrant shade of blue he had ever seen on a person's features.

Now, while Beacon may not have been the best place to state absolutes, Jaune was perfectly happy to identify himself as a heterosexual male whom had never felt the desire to experiment with his preferences. That being said, when the bell stopped tolling and Yang's reverent whisper of, "holy crap, he's gorgeous," reached his ears, Jaune readily agreed with her observation. The man's features were sharp, from his eyes down to the collarbone visible through the unbuttoned top of his shirt. A reflection of light caught Jaune's eyes and he let his gaze fall, onto the round glasses that were sitting atop an unused tie, placed right beside where the man's hand had been resting…

Jaune almost choked on the breath he had just taken. No way. There was no way.

"Good morning, class." What was, without question, Doctor Oobleck's voice came out of the man's mouth. "My apologies for the slow start of this lesson, but I'm afraid that Beacon's last shipment of coffee was postponed over the weekend. It is rather difficult for me to find any energy without my caffeine, especially after two days, but I shall have to try my best."

The voice had been unmistakable, even slowed down from its usual unintelligible babble and into something smooth and perhaps even alluring. Many students rubbed their eyes. Several stuck a finger in their ears as an attempt to clean them out. Jaune just kept on staring right on through as Oobleck pushed himself off the desk and stretched his arms above his head, letting his untucked shirt ride up and show off his two lowermost abs.

Jaune didn't want to know why Yang chose that moment to groan. He knew exactly why anyway, but he didn't want to.

"I hadn't thought the withdrawal symptoms had been that obvious. Truly I must look a sight to garner such a reaction from you all." Oobleck ran a hand through his emerald locks, having neglected to fix his shirt in any way whatsoever. There was a muffled clang from outside the door as a student who had been making their way past the room happened to look inside and subsequently ran into a pole. "Where did we finish off last time, does anyone… ah, never mind, I believe we were discussing the origins of the Kingdoms."

Silence continued to reign supreme, silence that had nothing to do with the fact that nobody in the room actually knew the answer to the question Oobleck had been about to ask. A few people, those whose brains were among the first to reignite their engines nodded hastily, elbowing their friends and neighbours in an attempt to wake them up. From where he was sitting, Jaune could see someone with their scroll out and ready to record, something he was only able to notice after a quick shake of his shoulder courtesy of his partner.

"What should be a good starting point for the Kingdoms? Ah, yes, perhaps I should start by saying that the four Kingdoms were founded perhaps over even a hundred years ago." It was common knowledge at worst, something students starting their first year at any civilian school would know of, but the novelty of actually having knowledge imparted unto them by Doctor Oobleck made it worth writing down.

It was a good thing everyone was now paying attention. Beacon's reputation surely would have suffered had the students been caught off guard by Oobleck's next sentence; a mass outbreaks of strokes could put a damper on any situation.

"Yes, I've heard rumours of the first Kingdom being formed under the rule of the Schnee family, themselves being offshoots of a royal bloodline once thought completely extinct." Out of the corner of his eye, Jaune watched as Weiss straightened even further in her seat, her pen primed and ready for note-taking. For whatever reason, he had a feeling that something bad was about to happen. "Of course, the mere thought of such a thing being true is complete poppycock, spread through word of mouth and propagated by a family so desperate for even more fame than they currently repute that they would willingly mislead the people that have already given them everything they could ever desire… no offence intended, of course, Miss Schnee."

Weiss' face froze, the smile refusing to leave its place as she blinked a few dozen times down at her teacher. "…uh?"

"Yes, out of all the Schnees' I've come across, you have been the most tolerable. Remarkably so, almost grounds to be declared a miracle at work." Oobleck shook his head, planting his hands on his desk and using them as leverage while he lifted himself onto it. "But to actually make people believe that the formation of Kingdoms was not a move made from desperation and casualty? No, not even all of your families' wealth could possibly purchase those people the intelligence they so obviously require."

Ruby quickly wrote something down in her notebook, and Weiss broke her stare just long enough to send her a betrayed glance.

XxX

History had quickly become a favourite subject for the first year students of Beacon Academy over the course of the next hour, and Bartholomew Oobleck their new favourite teacher.

Perhaps he didn't have the exuberance and storytelling capabilities of Peter Port, or command the same amount of respect as Glynda Goodwitch, but what he didn't (currently) have in energy or esteem, Doctor Oobleck made up for it in droves with his unfailing ability to mock absolutely everything without bothering to change his tone.

Nothing escaped unscathed from his attention. Any flaw in all four Kingdoms that hadn't been touched upon had simply been too hidden. Every company that had participated in some way to shape Remnant into what it had become had their pasts dissected and disembolwed, their embarrassments laid bare for the entire first year class to see. Not even Beacon's initiation had been spared, with the first Board of Directors' and Headmaster's abysmal actions being put on full display, with special mentions going to how their attempted Dust ban against Faunus had almost triggered another world war and set off countless Grimm incursions.

History may have been written by the winners, but when the person in charge of teaching it had gone out to discover all of their material themselves, nothing was omitted, down to the smallest footnote. It was enthralling, it was entertaining, it was educational… it was downright bizarre.

It was absolutely brilliant.

"There was a time, long before any living memory today, where Faunus had taken it upon themselves to keep their human allies protected. Indeed, being so much closer to nature in general, they were the first to discover how to call forth and manipulate Aura, the very power all beings with souls naturally possess and produce." From somewhere near the back of the class, Jaune heard Cardin snort loudly, the noise unmistakable in whom it had come from. Still seated atop his desk, Oobleck's eyes narrowed slightly, his hands drifting a bit further to the sides and his index fingers tapping a random chorus out onto the wood.

"Ah yes, Faunus and humans used to be so much closer than we are today. While they always did see themselves and each other as separate species, it is believed that much of the animosity between the two can be tracked down to a single person; one Duke Winchester."

Only adding to the learning experience was one small, seemingly innocuous titbit of information the entirety of the class had very easily picked up about their teacher. Whether it was a result of his current torpor or a characteristic they had simply never been able to notice before, when it came to that which he cared about (history of course notwithstanding), Doctor Oobleck could be absolutely ruthless. And, as many of them had at least suspected, Oobleck cared a great deal about equality.

If Jaune were a lesser man, he would have taken some joy in hearing Cardin choke on his own spit. As it stood, he merely added another line to his notes, officially starting off his third page that day with Cardin's family name, followed by a frowning face.

"Yes, there are many different interpretations of events that have been passed around over the years. Some say that he suspected his Faunus maid of theft. Another tale is he had her executed after discovering the affair she was having with his son, who had been no younger than twenty at the time." Oobleck raised a hand to his mouth and tilted it, glancing down in confusion a second later. Letting out a sigh, the hand fell back to the desk, impacting the wood with a little more force than necessary. That was the fifth time it had happened in the last half hour; it was fairly clear that the good doctor was missing his caffeine. "Whichever interpretation is correct, what is known for sure is the army he led through his settlement the next day, and the rivers of blood that ran from a nearby Faunus camp. Word spread through communities, Faunus retaliated, and thus was perpetuated a cycle of violence that has spiralled out of control to this very day."

Oobleck propped a leg up onto his desk, resting an elbow against his knee and letting his head fall into his waiting hand. "That is thousands of lives torn to shreds, all to satisfy the ego of one man. Historians, myself included, still debate whether the attack had any basis in the first place. Was there even a Faunus maid, or was she just an excuse? We don't know, and perhaps we never will."

Nobody in the room spoke. It didn't sound like anyone was even moving. Jaune's pencil hovered over his page, before slowly lowering down to the paper.

He added angry eyebrows to the frowny face.

"What are you all looking at me for!?" Jaune almost jumped in his seat, shooting a glance over his shoulder at Cardin. True to the other boy's word, many people in the classroom had turned to look at him, none of their stares showcasing any surprise. "I'm not the one who made my ancestor's choice!"

"Correct, you are not." Oobleck's response was swift, if quiet. His head was tilted to the side, resting against the arm that was still propped up over his knee, his eyes almost unnerving in their intensity as he stared across the classroom. Jaune heard Cardin gulp again, and idly wondered if he even had any saliva left at this point. "All you do is exacerbate a pre-existing problem with a view and behaviour that was considered abysmal and archaic before the Kingdoms had even been established. Stack accusation and shame upon people who once upon a time were the only reason your bloodline even had the chance to get this far. I wonder, Mr. Winchester, why it is you even attend this academy, when your words and actions are so perfectly adverse that which allow Hunters to survive upon this fractured world?"

Jaune almost felt bad for the boy in question at that very moment. Almost. But the time he could have spent thinking about Cardin was also time he could have spent improving his already impressive notes.

He added a pulsing vein to the frowny angry face.

Time well spent.

The bell that signified classes ending made Jaune glance up again, catching the end of what was apparently a very intense staring match. From where he was sitting, Oobleck yawned, running a hand through his hair once more before swinging his arms and pushing himself to his feet.

"Ah, well, that would be lunch. Once again, I apologise for how lethargic today's class must have been. Coffee shipments typically occur every Friday, so it shouldn't be too long before we return to the normal curriculum." Oobleck rolled up his sleeves, pushing his glasses and tie further along the desk before falling backwards and landing across the papers spread over his desk. "Now, never mind me, I'm going to have a little nap before afternoon classes begin. Dismissed."

Within two heartbeats, snores were resonating from the teacher's desk. In the silence that followed, Jaune looked down at all the notes he'd managed to take, a smile spreading across his face as he read the entry about a village Oobleck had mentioned while talking about settlements outside the four Kingdoms, one well known for their armour and swords.

"We should never let him drink coffee again." He mused quietly to himself as he stared down at the only notes he'd ever enjoyed taking. His sentence had been hushed, barely louder than a mumble, but apparently everyone else managed to hear it regardless.

"Agreed." Half the room chorused. The other half consisted of nods, grunts of confirmation, and Cardin.

Doctor Oobleck snored once more, grabbing his coffee cup and holding it close to his chest.

XxX

A/N: I'll admit, I've never seen RWBY. Just read some fanfiction and looked up a few clips on YouTube to see what looks like it could set sail. Just like Oobleck, I was not under the effects of caffeine while writing this. In fact, I'm going to label it as parody just to be sure. Don't ask where the idea came from, the answer is literally nowhere.