Fun fact! During the very early stages of outlining this story, the Company was already out of the Goblin Tunnels by chapter 27. As you can see, that is not what happened in the final version because I am a fool who doesn't take relationship development into account. :D

I know I say this every time, but that's because I mean it every time. I really appreciate y'all leaving reviews and asking how I'm doing and messaging me on tumblr and just everything. Some people might get annoyed with messages asking when the next update might be or telling me not to give up on this story because they love it so much, but tbh I love them. I love those messages and really you can blame those messages for me getting off my butt and finishing this chapter. (Plus a little bit of North and South starring Richard Armitage was a nice help. lol) This was sitting half done for months and my depression has been off the rails insane lately, but that tiny spark was enough. So thank you. A hundred times, thank you.

You all have been so patient and loving, so here it is. :)

The Loudest Silence

Chapter Twenty-Seven

If there were a handful of good things to come from all this walking, it was A) my leg muscles getting the workout of their lives, and B) more time to practice my sign language. My Iglishmêk was in a constant state of improvement now, with shorthand combination symbols becoming easier, allowing me to speak less like a 2nd grader learning to write essays for the first time and more like a grown woman. I also gained some small satisfaction from the fact that Kili was still playing catch-up, despite his head start because of the Khuzdul. Call me petty if you'd like.

However, the day following Thorin and I's conversation about his grandfather was a dreary one. When the sun refused to come out from behind the clouds that morning, I knew it was just going to be one of those days. And even though it was definitely one of those days, I couldn't find it in myself to mind so much. Not while the aura around Thorin seemed… lighter. It wasn't happy-go-lucky by any stretch of the imagination, especially considering the revelations of the past week or so, but it was still back to a better place than it had been since before the Warg attack.

Practicing Iglishmêk with Balin often had me placed closer to our Company leader as we walked, towards the front of the group, and this was one of those times. Though the sky was gray and overcast, with an off-and-on drizzle that caused me to put on my travelling cloak I bought in Bree, the mood was different.

My hunch was that it helped Thorin to talk about his family a little bit to someone outside his usual circle. I wasn't another Dwarf offering placating words because Thorin was family or royalty, and I wasn't the usual Man or – God forbid – Elf, tossing out the disparaging comments.

I liked the guy – I liked all of my dumb guys, all fourteen of them (counting Bilbo) – and I wanted Thorin to trust me with his thoughts, like friends should be able to. (Definitely just friends though and nothing more. Nope, never – ) I doubted we would ever reach the point of going for casual coffee and a dash of gossip, but I could live with that. Didn't think we'd find a Starbucks perched on a hill around here anyway.

Lighter mood or no, the group still wasn't quite back to that lackadaisical attitude we started off with, and I doubted it would ever return on this voyage. Maybe once we were at Beorn's we could take a moment to breathe… assuming Thorin wouldn't immediately boot me off a cliff after the Goblin Tunnels.

I glanced at the King walking ahead of us, his wavy hair slightly damp from the weather, and cringed internally.

Yeah, let's not think about that right now.

Thankfully the clouds above eventually cleared up towards nightfall, so we didn't have to seek out any sort of shelter aside from the sparse grouping of trees we made camp beside.

Regardless of any progress I was making with Thorin and the SS Friend-ship, I had hit a pretty big plateau in a different area: my training.

Fili had tried to move on from purely defensive to some offensive, just so I wouldn't let myself get backed into a corner, but my reflexes were suffering. Between not getting enough sleep, expending all my energy hiking and training, and my anxiety with being watched while I tripped over myself trying to keep up…

It was just a hot mess.

"Perhaps we should stop for the evening," Fili suggested softly in the midst of our training. I had failed to get in a retaliation when it should have been easy, and my young teacher was becoming worried.

I shook my head, an irritation born of exhaustion springing forward.

Fili gave a pleading look as he dropped his training stance. "Jenna…"

'I need to get better,' I argued, stowing my stick under my arm to talk.

"As you shall – but not like this," he replied, not only referring to my abysmal sleep levels but also my foul mood. He quirked his lips a bit wryly and his braided mustache followed as he said, "We're not training you to be a warrior. That's not… you. We simply want you to be safe, and this will give you a way to protect yourself."

Frowning, I wanted to prod after everything he'd just said, but couldn't bring myself to. I knew I wasn't the warrior type and this was just self-defense training, and deep down I agreed, but... what about them? Who was going to protect them when it came time?

We'd be crossing the Misty Mountains in less than a month. I'd heard them talking about it, estimating if we were on course without following the road for fear of the Orc Pack on our asses. What was I going to do in the Goblin Tunnels? On the fiery mountainside, surrounded by Wargs? Was I just going to sit in the tree like a happy little pinecone and wait for the eagles? What about after that? When the whole Company was going to be tired and sore, and training me was going to be a MEGA pain in the butt?

What if… what if something went wrong again?

It was obvious Fili was calling it for the night, whether I wanted to or not. He made his way closer and put a hand on my shoulder, getting me to meet his eyes as he said, "You're doing well. Don't take it out on yourself simply because you're new at this."

Oh, good, I love having emotions.

Fili gave my shoulder a departing pat before he went to go see how his brother was faring with the Hobbit. These Dwarves were cursed – gifted? – with the ability to make me feel and I hated it. Little blonde bastard was going to make me cry in front of everyone right before dinner.

I was tired and he was right and I was upset about it but I couldn't get actually upset about it because I knew it was just the tired talking and I just wanted… I wanted… comfort? Safety? Eh, I felt that around the majority of the Company, but I didn't have the energy to put up face so they wouldn't worry. Maybe like… calmness? A sturdy kind of calm that wouldn't worry over me... My brain was making this mental checklist and my eyes were wandering off on their own, making the decision for me when all the proper boxes were ticked off and I realized where I was looking.

Well I mean...You're not wrong, per say.

Dropping my stick off at my bedroll just as dinner was called, I took the liberty of requesting two bowls instead of one, like I had done once before on this trip. (It felt like ages since the last time. Had it really only been a month?) Bofur gave me a curious look, so as an answer I glanced over to where Thorin was seated, smoking his pipe and watching… oh. Hm. He was already looking at us and he definitely noticed what I was up to.

I gave a likely tired-looking half smile, turning back to thank Bofur for the two bowls with a nod, then made my way to the spot Thorin was occupying. As usual, it seemed like he always found something just out of the Company's circle that he could lean against or sit on, this time with it being the latter – another mostly flat boulder that was poking out of the ground, with only enough seating for one. It was like a game of The Floor is Lava except the only real goal was to avoid sitting on the grass so he could continue to look like a cool guy.

Thorin had already seen what I was doing, so he'd had time to make himself look less surprised when I handed him his bowl. I only paused long enough for him to nod his thank you before plopping my happy ass down on the grass beside his rock, which he did not seem to anticipate. In retrospect, maybe I should have asked first?

There was a moment where I feigned for casualness, criss-crossing my legs and poking at my stew as if waiting for it to cool down some. As if I wasn't hyper-aware of Thorin in my peripheral, not having moved since I sat down. My actions seemed to catch up with me then, and my face heated slightly as I caved to my embarrassment of acting without thinking. Sure, I wanted Thorin's company right now, but did he want mine? My fatigued brain was having a meltdown if I thought this was normal behavior oh my god –

I glanced up – yes, up, because he had a seating advantage of several inches and man, seeing him from a lower angle was weird – and met Thorin's puzzled stare.

Though he seemed caught off guard, certainly, it was less a look of surprise and more like he just didn't know what to do for this particular situation. Like in all his mental planning and preparations, he didn't think I would seek out his company unless we were talking about something important. It was just so… casual.

I could only stare back, trying to play it cool. And by play it cool, I mean blink up at him like an owl with dry-eye, silently hoping he'll let it slide that I made this presumptuous move. If he didn't want me here, I'd never do it again. I'd never look at the grass next to him, I'd never think about grass, hell, I'd never even step on any grass again if –

None of my panic was necessary, however. Thorin's expression went back to some semblance of his normal stoicism, though it was clear he still didn't know what to make of my decision to sit next to him. His mouth opened the slightest, like he was going to say something, then closed it again as he gave a short nod instead, averting his gaze back to the circle of camp. It was the closest thing to 'awkward' that I'd ever seen from Thorin Oakenshield himself and it was… weirdly satisfying.

Honestly, it helped to remind me that he was just a dude. My anxieties slowed their barrage through my brain, coming to a crawl, and eventually stopping tiredly. I could quit staring at him like I was waiting for the other boot to drop. He wasn't suddenly going to change his mind, and that put me at ease.

I returned my attention to my stew in earnest this time, eager to eat. While I was still almost annoyingly aware of Thorin, it was an awareness that I had volunteered for when I sat down. The guy was calm and I felt safe around him.

Plus there was the whole thing about me knowing the future and nobody knew this besides Thorin, so he kinda understood my angle a little better than the others at the moment. They knew I was under stress and I had more secrets than they were aware of right now, but I'm sure they just attributed most of my behavior to the mental scars I'd just received from the kidnapping and subsequent bloodbath.

My stomach roiled a bit as the memory rushed me. Realizing I was gripping my bowl a little too tightly and just staring into my stew, I blinked a few times to escaped the zone-out. Awesome. I wasn't going to be over that for a long while yet, was I?

Once I came back from my brief recollection of that shitty day, I noticed that camp was… quiet. Even for dinner time, when everybody is usually too busy stuffing their faces to talk coherently anyway. I ate a little bit before deciding the quiet was almost unbearable and glanced up to investigate. Everything seemed normal, with everyone sat down, eating their stew, until – wait. There.

Trying to be sneaky but turning embarrassed when caught, I noticed Ori quickly look away from my direction. He ducked his head back down and continued eating like nothing had happened, leaving me to wonder what his deal was.

That was when I noticed Bofur do almost the same thing, but he wasn't trying to hide his blatant curiosity. He wasn't nearly so shy. When I caught him looking my way from across camp with an expression of confusion, I returned one of my own. Bofur darted his gaze over to Thorin and back to me as he quirked an eyebrow.

Ah. Right. I guess I broke the Company with my seating choice then?

I glanced up from the corner of my eye at Thorin, who was focused on his stew and probably 100% aware of all this and just pretending not to notice. I guess I didn't really sit with him in a social setting very often, with the few times being very early on in our journey, before I even knew any Iglishmêk. Even then, that had been solely so Thorin could basically interrogate me. The other times had all been relatively private, like my breakdown in Rivendell and the night I shattered my wine glass all over the floor. Or literally this morning when everyone else was still asleep.

But regardless. It wasn't that weird, right?

There were some gods above that took pity on my poor soul about then, and Balin broke the weird silence with a fairly innocuous question.

"So, how's the training comin' along?" he asked, looking from Fili to me. "It seemed like you're hittin' a bit of a snag…?"

Ah, of course they'd noticed we cut off training a little earlier than usual. I gave a noncommittal shrug and a small frown, conveying my displeasure with the subject.

Fili paused in his eating to respond for the both of us. "Well, it's less a snag than it is just an issue we'll have to work around. She's… not used to this, is all." He dodged the fact that I was too tired to keep up, probably out of respect for my pride or something.

"Well aye, but we already knew that," Dwalin said, gesturing vaguely to me with his spoon. "She's too soft, lad – nay, even her glarin' at me now is more akin to an upset pup than anything else."

There were a few chuckles at that, and I realized I was indeed glaring. Oh. Oops. I tried to relax my face muscles a little, but the subject of training was a sore spot for me at the moment.

Bilbo, bless his soul, leapt under the bus for me as he said, "She's still doing better than I am, at any rate. Far more skilled in the long-range, myself – tossing stones and the like."

"Aye, but it seems ye brought along a sword from the Trolls' hoard rather than stones, didn't ya, Bilbo?" Bofur joked, earning a few more chuckles and a small frown from Bilbo.

Beside me, Thorin huffed through his nose.

Seeming thoughtful, Balin entered the conversation, offering up an idea from his seat against a tree. "If our Miss Jenna is having such trouble with your own fighting style, why not try some others instead?"

Fili glanced at me for permission to say what was really holding us back. Whatever he saw on my face caused him to hesitate, and that was enough to get him cut-off midway through explaining, "Well, it's not necessarily the style that – "

"Some basic hand-to-hand is really what you should've started with," Nori interrupted, earning a few hums of agreement.

"Like you'd know the proper basics," Dori said to his brother.

"I could give her my slingshot," Ori put in, trying to be helpful.

"What about archery?" Kili suggested excitedly, looking ready to jump from his seat and train me this very second.

"You've only two bows, lad, and they'd be best in the hands they're already in," Balin said wisely, as the Ri brothers went back and forth about slingshots and fisticuffs. Kili had his long range bow and his short range, and I had to agree with Balin. They were better where they were at because my aim was atrocious.

As a response to his plan getting shot down and his skills being simultaneously complimented, Kili gave a grin that was half salt and half amusement. "I had to try, didn't I?"

Nori continued with his view on the subject, saying in between bites, "You're all complicatin' the matter. Teach her how to put up a fight with nothin' but her fists and the rest comes naturally!"

Fili looked my way helplessly, realizing he'd never get a word in edgewise. It was probably for the best, anyway, and I shook my head a little, telling him not to worry about it. I didn't want to admit it, honestly.

With a humorless bark of a laugh at Nori, Dwalin said sarcastically, "Aye, excellent idea . No offense, lass –" he glanced at me, then returned his attention to Nori " – but I can't exactly see her going toe-to-toe with Orcs, using naught but her hands."

Nori rolled his eyes, nearly flinging his spoon when he gestured as he spoke, "That's not what I was sayin! Don't put her out there with nothing, but get her going with the basic instinct of it all first!"

Preemptively wagging his index finger at Nori, Dwalin opened his mouth and paused, slowly closing it as he squinted at the other. He began to nod and his expression didn't change as he just said, "I like it."

I warily watched this sudden agreement.

It seemed a conclusion was reached, Dwalin looking back to me while saying, "Alright then. Soft lass or no, tomorrow we try somethin' a wee bit different. See if it's just the lad's style that might not be workin' for you."

Oh. Oh I was so fucked.

Bofur was laughing. "Oi, Jenna – ye don't have to look like you've been sentenced to death."

I threw him a look that obviously meant I disagreed.

Dwalin caught on to my hesitation, seeming just as amused as the others. He reassured me with a teasing, "Ach, don't worry your pretty little head over it, lass. No bones'll be broken, far as I can help it."

My cheeks flushed and I was still quite worried, regardless of what he might say. Dwalin was the toughest in the group aside from Thorin, and while it wasn't meant to say Fili's training was a breeze or anything, I was just so sure that this would end with me crying like a toddler. If I was too tired to handle training with sticks, what the fuck did they think was going to happen by handing me over to Dwalin?

"It'll be easier than how I was taught, if nothin' else," Dwalin mentioned.

By that point, most of us were done with or finishing up our dinner, and Bofur went about collecting the bowls. I handed mine over with a small – strained – smile to my friend and Thorin handed over his as well, giving the same nod he always gave.

Balin chuckled and asked his brother a bit wisftully, "Ahh. Ye trained under ole Tírn, did you not?"

"Aye, and a right pain in the arse he was, too," Dwalin answered with a scowl.

If anything, Balin just thought that statement was pretty funny, and said, "Of course, brother, let's just ignore the fact that he went easy on the younger of us."

This sparked a small back and forth. The two argued over which one received the worst of this Tírn guy's ire, mentioning several injuries that I'm sure would have gotten Tírn sued straight to hell and back if we were in modern times. The examples had me cringing, ranging from broken fingers to accidental almost-amputation of limbs.

Of course, like most of the conversations around here, it devolved into interruptions from others about a friend who'd lost a limb in a similar fashion, then diving into debates about how many limbs you could lose and still feasibly fight an Orc. If nothing else, you could never say it got boring around here.

Meanwhile, me and my tired self were mentally fretting over the prospect of shifting my training regimen. The whole Dwalin thing was… manageable, I supposed, but I was also afraid that nothing would change. That I would be too worn out to keep up or learn anything and their efforts would be wasted.

As the rest of the Company debated and poor Bilbo looked terribly worried about just how many limbs these people had seen be chopped off, there was movement in my peripheral. I peeked over to see a question presented to me by Thorin, using the Iglishmêk so as not to draw the attention of the others.

'What kind of snag did you actually hit?' he signed.

It took me a second to realize what Thorin was asking, since the topic amongst the others had shifted. When I understood, I knew it was silly to assume Thorin had let his nephew's interrupted words fly under the radar. Of course he noticed Fili had more to say.

My lips drew into a thin line and I replied shamefully, 'I am weak. I am not getting better at fighting.'

Thorin appeared skeptical, though I wasn't sure why until he said, 'Weakness and exhaustion are different things.'

Oh. How was I still so surprised when Thorin did something like that? Maybe somewhere deep down, I expected him to agree. Like, 'lol yeah you're weak'. But he didn't.

'Different but often related,' I motioned back, unsure if I was trying to convince him or myself.

He gave me that very specific look, then. The one that said I was being stupid.

Thorin was getting too good at reading me, and it was sometimes frustrating. I couldn't hide my tiredness or my melancholy from that stare, but I was getting better at reading him in return. A little softness on his face told me he was a bit concerned, but his eyes told me he knew that I knew better than to do this to myself. Self-depreciation would only lead me down a path of depression in my current state.

I searched his face for a bit longer before caving, eventually sighing through my nose and dropping my gaze. He was right. Of course he was.

Thorin shifted his foot to grab my attention again, and when I looked back to him, he signed, 'You have been awake far too long. Go rest.'

I wasn't actually disagreeing, but said back anyway, 'You have been awake longer.'

Tilting his chin down, he narrowed his eyes at me in a light-hearted way that meant I was picking a fight I wouldn't win. A sleepy smile curled onto my face as I returned the look with an impish one of my own, letting Thorin know I was only arguing in jest. I caught sight of those amused wrinkles at the corners of his eyes then, and the slight upward turn of his lips, and felt contentment settle into my bones.

It was quiet again, I realized. Or rather, quiet-er.

Quite a few of our group were setting out their bedrolls, and others were cleaning away the dishes. Ori was journaling by the fire light. I noticed Dwalin was still engaged with Oín and Nori in a rather graphic conversation about – wait, when did the subject change to botched operations? – and I saw Balin watching Thorin and I with an expression that I just couldn't pinpoint.

Thorin noticed, turning to look over at Balin, and it seemed as though the older Dwarf was curious about something. Maybe he had noted that things weren't as tense between me and Thorin since Rivendell. Maybe he just wanted to know why I suddenly changed up my seating arrangement. Whatever the question was, I couldn't decipher it, and whatever silent answer Thorin gave with his face in response, I couldn't see from the angle I was at.

The evening was ending though, so Thorin stood from his seat and took a few steps away before clearing his throat to cut the gruesome conversation short. Back to his usual gruff manner, he said, "Ori takes first watch, Bofur second."

Despite my curiosity regarding Balin, I felt a little better after my short exchange with Thorin. I took his advice and went to bed straight away, gaining what only felt like a few more minutes of sleep that night. The tossing and turning and waking up with my heart pounding had become almost routine at this point, but I was determined to get a little more rest.

I would need it for Dwalin's hell training, after all.

While Fili admitted he wasn't trying to turn me into a warrior, I was afraid Dwalin only had one mode and that it would definitely be Warrior Mode. Jenna Marie 'Delicate Potato' Hollander wasn't made for fighting. I could only hope that my new volunteer teacher understood that.

The following day was long as we walked on, with my thoughts of the upcoming evening swarming around my head like angry bees. I knew it was going to be bad, but just how bad was the question.

Lunch seemed to be the only reprieve I had from either thinking about training with Dwalin or mulling over Thorin's perceptive words, if only for the stupidity that ensued. Not even stupidity of others, as a distraction or something, but the stupidity of me.

After we finished eating and were getting ready to head off again, I noticed Balin take out a small square cloth like the one Nadri had packed for me in the dental kit. I knew what it was for then as I watched, absolutely dumbfounded that I hadn't thought of that. Scraping off plaque! With a cloth! The realization had me reeling enough to temporarily forget my training woes, fascinated as I took out my little box of oral supplies.

I attempted to use something other than my nails to clean off my teeth for once since being here, and it felt much better. I'd been using the string floss too, washing it off when I could, unsure of how often you were supposed to use a new portion of the string. It wasn't quite the bliss of a toothbrush, but I'd make due. Now if only I knew how much mint to chew on…

Regardless of my teeth-related revelation, the evening approached with a speed that made me wish for my voice back, if only to groan.

Camp was made at the base of a humongous boulder-turned-hill, probably larger than the one Gandalf split open to turn the Trolls to stone. (Not that I got to see that spectacle in person, but whatever, I wasn't salty.) The coverage afforded by this and the surrounding shrubberies was deemed safe enough for our group and so we settled for the night.

As the sun was on its way to the horizon, Dwalin approached me. I had just set my backpack and my sleeping roll down, anxiety spiking when he did so. Though that would insinuate that my anxiety ever settled to an acceptable level in the first place, which just wasn't true, but I digress.

"Ye ready, lass?" he asked, arms crossed and looking altogether much too amused.

I had to force my face to look less like I was sucking on a lemon and more like I was thrilled to be getting more assistance with my training. I supposed I should be more grateful, but like… I was made of Doritos and chicken tenders. And now stew. What did you expect?

Dwalin chuckled and nodded his mostly bald, tattooed head in the direction where we'd be training. We were off to the side and out of the way, but still very much in view of the Company, who the majority of were – unfortunately – interested in how well I'd do. Fili in particular seemed invested in this as his own teaching skills were inevitably going to be in the line of fire.

"Alright, so first things first – what have the lads told you in way of defense?" Dwalin questioned. To my relief, it appeared he'd taken off his knuckle-dusters and any other weapons. (Not that I thought he'd use his axes on me or anything, but they still added to the intimidation factor.)

I thought about it for a second, recalling some of the things they'd said, though most of it was common sense. 'No back to your enemy while fighting, do not lock knees, keep distance, do not get knocked down… Do not leave stomach or neck open,' I listed off to him. I'm sure there was more, if I could remember it without having to be in a fighting stance.

Dwalin was nodding a little as I went, which I took as a good sign. He then said, "Aye, these are all important for any style of fightin', but do ye even have a blade, lass?"

Uh.

I glanced over at Fili and he looked ready to die. Opening his mouth and closing it a couple times like a fish, he finally called over, a bit embarrassedly, "I was going to give her one! I was just waiting til she could handle it better." This was followed by a quieter statement that sounded like, "It was going to be a surprise…"

My mood flipped on its lid as my friends proved once again to be sweethearts. I smiled at Fili with a bit of a pout, in a way that clearly said, 'aw, that would have been sweet'. Though judging by the skeptical 'hm' of Kili, I couldn't tell if Fili had made that up on the fly to get out of hot water or if he'd really planned to give me a knife.

Either way, Dwalin forged on, saying, "Well, ye haven't got one now, so where's that leave ya? They tell you anything about what to do if the enemy takes yer weapon?"

My almost-wincing expression was probably enough of an answer for him.

"Just what I thought," he said, rolling his eyes and looking over to the Company. "Any volunteers?"

Quite a few of them just blinked, and Bofur asked, "What for?"

I don't think patience was within Dwalin's vocabulary as he answered sardonically, "For havin' tea and biscuits, maybe a spot of cake – what do ye think it's for? To show the lass how to handle herself, of course!"

"I volunteer," Nori said quickly, seeming like he was trying to avoid chores or boredom rather than out of any interest to actually help.

Dwalin caught onto this too but didn't argue, sighing a growly, "Aye, fine, fine. Bring a knife with ya."

I tensed. We were using real knives in this demonstration?

"You can't be afraid of the weapon, just keep yer eye on the one usin' it," Dwalin said when he noticed my reaction, shedding a little of his battle wisdom. As Nori approached with a small, fairly simple looking knife, Dwalin looked unimpressed. "That the best you brought?"

"It's just for training, isn't it?" Nori snarked back. "Not all of us have an armory in our boots."

Once again, Dwalin appeared seconds away from slam-dunking Nori into a lake somewhere and just leaving him. Instead, he ignored the comment and said to me, "So, ye already know how to keep your distance with a weapon, but without one? If the enemy comes at ye, knocks your blade away?"

Dwalin motioned for Nori to pretend to come at him with his dinky knife and that's sort of where the whole thing fell apart.

"Nay, come at me like ye mean to gut me! What's that supposed to be?"

"That's how you do it! Surprise attack, knife at the side – "

"Never you mind yer street brawls. We're talkin' about Orcs here! Ain't no sneakin!"

"I mean, I'm sure there's a few who sneak?"

"That's not the point! Just – no, why would ye switch to that hold then?"

"Well you obviously didn't like the other one, now did you?"

I kind of just stood there, awkwardly, eyes darting between the two. A couple times I lifted my hands to sign, when I thought maybe they would see it, only to completely melt into the background of their argument. I considered blowing my whistle like a referee but decided to let these two have their… discussion.

Ultimately, I gave up and went back over to where the Company was watching the whole thing. Balin commented that this would probably last for a while, and that seemed to be the general consensus. I could only nod with a blank, wide-eyed look, still trying to process what even happened.

I was surprised to see Fili wander over to where I was, bringing with him a small, sheathed dagger.

"Dwalin has a point. I should've made sure you had a weapon once we started back on the road," Fili said, at first a little embarrassed but quickly falling back into his usual cadence. "Besides, you still seem skittish around real blades. That just won't do."

He handed the knife off to me, still in the sheath, and I stared at it for a good moment. Definitely heavier than the modern knives I was used to, that's for sure.

"Go on, take it out. Familiarize yourself," Fili continued, a bit of smile growing. "That's going to be yours from now on. Hope you won't have need to use it, of course, but it never hurts to be prepared."

Grasping the handle as he said this, I paused when he mentioned he was giving it to me and not just letting me borrow it. My heart swelled and I went ahead and unsheathed the small dagger, admiring my first weapon. The blade itself was about six or seven inches long, with both edges sharpened pristinely in a way that made me wary of ever using it. The dark metal handle was probably my favorite part though, decorated on the end (The pommel? The butt?) with angular engravings. Very Dwarvish. Very cool.

I mouthed, 'Thank you' to Fili, truly meaning it. This was awesome.

"Just don't injure yourself with it and we'll call it even," he said. I had to disagree on that whole 'even' thing, but he carried on. "Since you actually have a belt now, you can fasten it here – " he poked at my left side, " – if you want it accessible quickly, with the blade upwards. Or, you can have it here – " he poked this time on my dominant side " – if you want to grab it with the blade down."

I decided to go with blade down, because I was still working on my stance and this provided for a sturdier grip on the weapon. If I was surprised by an attack, it would be less likely that the knife would get knocked out of my hand this way (according to Fili), so he helped me secure it to my belt the proper way, showing me the right way to tie it.

The weight felt strange at my side, like I was a kid playing dress up again, stowing wooden yard sticks through my belt loops and proclaiming myself a warrior. Even though I knew this was different, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was still pretending somehow by trying to learn how to fight.

Fili encouraged me to… well, not exactly 'play' with my knife, but to take it out every so often and get familiar with it. He could tell I was afraid of the thing and said that was perfectly natural. It could potentially kill, after all – a thought that left me a bit ill. I didn't want to take any lives, ever, but… would I have to on this quest? If an Orc or a Warg came after me or the Company, and I was left with no other choice? Even Bilbo was going to have to kill one of each before we reached Beorn's, and that… that was an odd thought indeed.

I shook these thoughts away and glanced back over at where Dwalin and Nori were, the former now in possession of the knife as he gave his very strong opinion of what constituted a surprise attack.

"Er… it may be a while yet," Fili said, echoing Balin's earlier statement.

Kili had wandered over, drawn by the presence of his sibling, it seemed. He took a peek at the blade sheathed at my side, nodding approvingly, but still somehow seeming like he was questioning the decision. "You gave her one of the triplets, I see," he said.

I raised an eyebrow at the statement, curious.

"Yes, but it's the perfect size for her," Fili said, like he almost regretted having to part with the dagger. He patted his side, where I realized a matching blade was sheathed. I assumed the other one was around somewhere as well. "I've two more of the same make and she has none. Amad wouldn't mind if it was to help a lady."

Amad…? I'd heard that term before, hadn't I?

"Were those not a gift from Dís?" came the voice of Thorin. I didn't notice him come over, focused as I was on the conversation. His arms were back in their favorite position – crossed – but he didn't look mad, per say, just interested as he eyed the dagger now placed on my belt.

At least one question was solved. Amad meant mother.

Fili was caught off guard by his uncle's approach at first, but still felt certain that he was doing the right thing. He answered proudly, "They were, but as I told Kili, Jenna needs this one more than I do. I'm sure amad would be alright with it."

At the mention of his sister, Thorin appeared almost wistful as he answered, "I cannot say I disagree with you." He looked back to his heir and said with a fond smirk, "Though I have heard it's terrible luck to break up a set."

Fili smirked right back. "Ah, but we're not breaking up the set. She'll be right here in the Company, next to the other two blades."

The corny statement had me grinning too, nodding along. It was like friendship charms, but with daggers instead. Sort of.

Given that we were the closest ones to the whole thing with Dwalin and Nori, it wasn't a surprise when there was a sudden exclamation of, "Ah, there ye are!" and I was being herded back to the training zone by a firm hand on my back. I felt like I blinked and I was standing before Nori again.

Dwalin came around in front of me and started talking like nothing had happened. "As I was sayin', when yer enemy knocks the blade from yer hand, you've not got much choice," he said. For a normally fairly quiet guy, it seemed like this was definitely the niche that could get him going.

I was still trying to process the fact that we were back to training now, but tried to pay attention carefully. I had the odd feeling Dwalin wouldn't let me half-ass anything.

"Without a weapon, ye can't guard their attacks," he went on, settling in a defensive stance. "So, ye've got to fix 'em in a way they can't use their own weapon til ye get yours back."

Nori had a look that said 'here we go again' as he adjusted his footing as well. They had apparently come to an agreement on the offensive style and what exactly they were demonstrating, because there were no corrective comments as Nori gave an example thrust with the knife, aiming for the midsection.

I couldn't help but flinch a little as Dwalin made his move, essentially grabbing Nori's wrist knife with one hand and pulling him into a standstill where the blade was pinned harmlessly at Dwalin's side.

"Now what?" Nori asked, unimpressed.

"I'm takin' it at a pace the lass can keep up with, alright?" Dwalin snapped, then glanced over to me. "Ye can't stay like this, o'course, and ye've gotta move fast. No doddlin' or ye'll get yourself killed."

The next move was quick and efficient, breaking Nori's grip on the knife and putting him out of commission for a few seconds. Or rather, it would have, if this had been in an actual fight. As it was, Nori stood up and dusted himself off, looking skeptical as he stared at the knife on the ground a couple feet away.

"Y'know, that might work for those of you with enough muscle, but how's she supposed to pull that off?" he asked, throwing a thumb my direction before quickly tacking on a, "No offense."

I shook my head wildly while shrugging, telling him that I was thinking the same thing.

Dwalin looked like we were just being weenies, and said, "It's an easy enough move! Even a dwarfling could manage it. Look, here."

Suddenly Dwalin was plucking the knife from the grass and standing in front of me. My eyes hadn't stopped being stuck this wide since we restarted this debacle. Officially in panic mode, I reflexively put myself in the stance that Fili had taught me, but I didn't have a stick so I didn't know what to do with my hands.

"Aye, good – standing like that to make yerself a smaller target – but ye need both hands at the ready, not just one," he instructed. I brought my arm farthest from him up more to where I wasn't straightforward and exposed, but still had mostly equal use of my hands. This seemed to do the trick, and he said, "Now, trap my wrist at yer hip when I come at you."

While significantly slower than he moved with Nori, Dwalin was still too speedy for my liking. My automatic reaction was to flutter off to the side, away from the approaching dagger, before I remembered what I was supposed to be doing.

Dwalin was appalled. "Did ye not hear what I said? Don't dance away like that – grab my wrist!" Then he stood back and tried again.

The whole thing was a split second of me panicking and remembering that I – a human – had hands to move. I'm sure Dwalin wouldn't have actually stabbed me if I failed, but goddamn if my heart wasn't racing anyway by the time I grabbed and pinned the wrist in question. Even if it was sloppy, I was proud for just moving at all.

Never had I been this close to Dwalin, and lord, if you thought he was intimidating from afar? Try having his bushy eyebrows inches from your face.

"Not bad, but yer grip's weak – " he said as he slipped from my hold and made the fake stabbing motion at my stomach before I could blink. Starting the whole thing over as he stepped back and lunged once more, my only warning was a quick, "Try again!"

Jesus! I panicked and almost tripped over my boots trying to step back, but I grabbed again as he said, only gripping harder when his words finally processed.

"Alright, better. Now take yer other hand up here – don't hesitate," Dwalin said as he grabbed my free hand (my left) and slapped it onto the left side of his neck. "And just twist and pull. Nay, twist my hand the other way! Brace with yer hip!"

Trying to follow instructions, I tentatively began to twist and –

"What're ye doing? I'm not made of daisies! Break my hold!"

OKAY OKAY OKAY DAMMIT! JUST STOP –

There was a tiny thud as the knife landed on the grass.

Somebody clapped a few times, I think. Probably Nori.

I blinked, glancing behind me where the blade landed. Dwalin was still standing, of course, and in my surprise I hadn't let go of him, too transfixed by actually accomplishing something. Vaguely I registered that he had chuckled a little bit, peeling my hands off his wrist and his neck, and slapping me on the back. The action jarred me out of my reverie.

"Better than I thought, but don't let it go to yer head," Dwalin said, and then added quietly, for his own amusement, "It'll only be impressive when I'm actually tryin'."

Ah. There it was. The punch line of my fucking life.

My expression was rendered part-scowl, part-moping, and this only caused Dwalin to laugh.

"Don't take it too hard, lass. Ye might still manage on a weaker foe," he consoled me with.

Though I frowned for a few moments longer, I realized I was actually quite pleased with how it all went. I wasn't crying, nobody got stabbed, and Dwalin wasn't completely disappointed by what little I could do, so I counted it as a win.

I gave a begrudging smile and lifted my hand for a high-five.

Dwalin just kind of looked at the thing, hovering in the air awkwardly.

Sighing, I dropped my hand to say, 'Gesture from my world to say well done. We slap hands,' and put it back up in the air.

He seemed to accept the idea after a moment of deliberation and my hand stung for like ten minutes afterwards, but it was still worth it.

Nori was let off the hook for the time being and went to go chill with the others while Dwalin let me practice that move a few more times, and showed me a couple of other basic moves as well. These were less complicated and I kind of wish he'd started with them instead, but I could see how important a disarming move would be if I lost my knife.

Teaching me how to land a solid hit was high up on the to-do list, seeing as how my punches were about as solid as cottage cheese.

"No, no! If ye hit like that, yer going to break every bone in yer hand! Here, look."

It really must have been sheer dumb luck that I managed to elbow Gavin in the face during my first day in Middle Earth. Nothing else could explain how many times I was made to practice hitting before I landed one solid enough to even nudge the beefy warrior.

Dwalin's no-nonsense approach gave me such anxiety, but it took my mind off my other anxieties, so perhaps it was a trade-off. By the time the food was ready and everyone was lining up, I had almost – almost – forgotten we were being watched by the others.

I was tired, but I was satisfied with myself as I sat down to eat.

"You look like you're doing well out there," Bilbo said encouragingly as he joined me.

I smiled at him in a partial greeting and a partial thanks, taking another bite.

"I'm afraid I'm driving poor Kili mad with my – well, lack of swordsmanship," he remarked rather unhappily.

Shaking my head and frowning a bit showed him I disagreed. Kili was probably more than happy to help. He was literally just a puppy in a Dwarf form, so I highly doubted that Bilbo's worries were warranted. Plus, the princes seemed quite fond of the Hobbit so far, even if their uncle wasn't.

With a sigh, Bilbo continued in a partially joking tone, "Well, Kili seems to be enjoying teaching me at any rate. Who am I to deny him that?"

Having overheard with the power of great timing, Kili himself plopped down next to us, saying, "Of course I enjoy it. I'm an archer at heart, but it's nice to stretch out my swordsman's wings."

Fili settled next to his brother with a smirk. "Oh? Did I miss the part where you grew those?"

"Hysterical," Kili grumbled, lightly shoving Fili before turning back to face Bilbo. "While I may not be the same caliber of swordsman as this marvel beside me, I still know a thing or two, and I'm quite glad to be of assistance."

"Well, whichever degree of swordsmanship you have, it's still more than I've got myself, so I'm quite grateful for the help," Bilbo said earnestly.

The moment was warm and nice, with Kili beaming at the thanks from his somewhat-student, but then we finished our food and the evening was over, starting the monotonous cycle again.

The upside was that I slept like a rock and only woke twice, mentally exhausted from the anticipation of new training, and physically exhausted from the training itself. The downside was that most of my nightmares centered around being stuck in a fight with no weapon and getting stabbed to death, so that was great! Awesome! 10/10!

Morning arrived with promises of more training from Dwalin in the evening, but I tried not to think on it too much. While his training wasn't unbearable (so far) it was still unfamiliar. Very in-your-face and abrupt, as opposed to Fili's style which was more laid-back and, though still difficult, was closer to my pace. I wondered briefly if Dwalin would have the same amount of patience with me when my exhaustion caught up like it did during Fili's training. Once the newness of this routine wore off, I was sure to slow again.

During our lunch break, after I had scarfed down my food probably a little quicker than I should have, I sat on rock and took out my newly gifted blade. Fili had said to handle it more and get used to the feel of it, so I listened to his advice and unsheathed the weapon, passing it between my hands and changing grips to see how they felt with the weight of real metal.

It wasn't as though I'd never held a knife before, obviously. I just never was much of a chef, so my use of them in the kitchen was minimal, and I'd never had reason to utilize large knives outside of that either. I was a city girl who'd never gone hunting. I'd never needed to skin a deer or a rabbit. Even just the big kitchen knives gave me some level of skittishness, so this was a big step up for me. A nonchalant graduation from Basically-Harmless Potato to Maybe-Could-Be-Potentially-Dangerous Potato.

Familiar, heavy boots appeared in the corner of my vision as they came to a stop beside my rocky seating arrangement. I looked up and saw Thorin, though his eyes were not on me, but on the knife.

"Did Fili perchance explain how to care for a blade?" he asked, meeting my eyes then and holding out his hand in a request for the item.

Shaking my head, I obliged, remembering a sliver of etiquette and passing it to him handle first.

He seemed pleased that I knew that much, at least, handling the dagger in such a casual way that almost made me jealous. Sharp objects were a warrior's specialty, I supposed. Despite the casualness, though, there was definitely still an air of respect while he handled it.

The mystery of this behavior was solved almost immediately, as Thorin explained, "Dís gifted this set to Fili on his 50th birthday. A highly celebrated occasion amongst Dwarves, you understand."

Ah. I gave a serious nod while making eye contact again, eager to learn the history of my new weapon. He did mention last night that it was a gift from his sister to her son, but he hadn't said for what before. And I mean, half a century was nothing to shake a stick at though, so I could understand the sentiment.

"Imhaznâg," Thorin took a moment to trace the Khuzdul inscription with his thumb as he read it. He seemed amused for some reason.

I couldn't help but tilt my head a bit and give him a questioning look.

"Bravery," he answered. "The two others are for wisdom and strength, if memory serves. It seems Fili believes you to be in need of this one most."

My eyebrows titled as I bobbled my head in agreeance. Yeah, I could definitely use a big whoppin' dose of bravery right about now. Wonder if Fili had a knife that said sleep too...

Thorin continued to inspect the knife. "Sharpening shouldn't be a worry for quite some time," he said, tilting the weapon in a way that beckoned me closer to take a peek. I leaned forward, scooting to the edge of my rock to see what he was talking about. "Fili must have done so recently."

He went on to explain how to tell when it was time to sharpen it again, with me making mental checkboxes since I couldn't write it down, and he mentioned oils for blades, which I didn't even know was a thing. Like, I had heard it referenced in passing, but I didn't know, you know?

I found myself watching his hands with some measure of enthrallment; both at the prospect of learning new things that would help me in Middle Earth, and also at how his free hand fluttered around the knife when he was explaining how to keep it clean after use. The small motion was so at odds with how he normally moved, I was quite fixated.

Eventually, though, the rest of camp was finishing with their lunch, and I could tell in the way Thorin shifted his stance and straightened his shoulders that he was itching to get everyone going again.

"A Dwarrow's pride in their weapon is matched only by the pride of their beard, so I trust you'll be taking fine care of this," he finished seriously, tilting his chin down a bit.

I nodded, of course, equally serious in my silent promise. After all, Fili entrusted it to me, and I knew how the guy liked his blades.

After a moment of staring me down, Thorin returned the dagger to me and I replaced it in the sheath at my hip, feeling a bit more confident that I could give the knife a good life.

Aaaaand back on the road, it was.

I gathered my things back up, slapped my backpack on, and caught up to Balin to practice more Iglishmêk. As we walked, my focus waffled a little. From Thorin's mention of Fili's knife being a birthday gift, I began to wonder just what exactly the date was. I knew for sure that a month had already passed, but somewhere between here and the Goblin Tunnels, I was going to be turning 22.

For a moment I considered trying to use my period as a time measurement, but realized that was stupid because stress had been known to make me late before (and wow, shocker, I was under a lot of stress at the moment). Maybe I should just…

There was a lull in the Iglishmêk as we traversed rockier ground so I could focus on my footing and not my hands. Once we crossed this rough patch, I turned to Balin.

'What is the date?'

He thought for a moment, signing back inquiringly, 'Handful of days into June. Why do you ask?'

I debated on brushing it off as curiosity. We had a lot going on and it hardly mattered, but I told him anyway. 'My birthday is soon. June 16.'

This seemed to turn the audio back on for a moment, the old Dwarf giving a grin and a what I'm sure was a purposefully loud, "Ahh, so June 16th? A lovely summer birthday, then. Always a nice time."

Part of my brain disagreed, recalling the suffocatingly humid summers of my hometown, and the other part of my brain was focused on measuring the Company's reactions. Several feet in front of us, Thorin's head turned slightly before returning forward faced, and behind us, I could hear murmurings. Inwardly I cringed, hoping they wouldn't make a big deal of it.

I nodded along with what Balin said, trying to rush the conversation back to sign language. 'Anyway…'

He hummed a little, and said, "Of course, of course. Now, where was I? Oh, aye, the rules for words based in different languages are usually…"

And that was that. The birthday conversation was thankfully dropped – for the time being, anyway – and I assumed the information slipped through the brains of my companions and fell into oblivion. Or rather, I had hoped.

There was plenty of time before I had to worry about that popping back up, though, and in the meantime, my training took precedence.

One thing I noticed for certain was that Dwalin's style of defense felt more natural for me. Where Fili had been getting me accustomed to using a blade quickly, Dwalin was getting me used to utilizing my body, if that makes any sense.

I didn't want to say Nori was right, but damn. Nori was right.

During a bathroom break prior to the training, I changed into my worn-out t-shirt. The last thing I wanted was to wreck the new shirt Balin gave me, so I left it with my things and went to go join Dwalin where he was waiting.

"Now, how ye hold yerself when your foe goes in is going to make a world of difference," he explained, gesturing vaguely at me with one hand. "But ye can't waste time findin' your footing or ye'll be done. You've got to be there already, without thinkin'."

Nodding along, I was still feeling quite timid about the whole thing. That didn't last long, of course, with Dwalin giving me no other option. It was either interact whole-heartedly or be bowled over.

And I do mean absolutely bowled over.

The first foul was right out of the gate when he told me to brace myself and I, uhh, failed to do so properly. The embarrassing part is that he didn't even put much effort into the test shove and I still fell flat on my ass.

The situation was jarring, to say the least. The majority of the Company had been coddling me to some degree, and I think Fili's inexperience with not only teaching but with women had led him to go easy on me due to our friendship. I was a beginner and I was a soft soul, but that seemed to fuel Dwalin to do the opposite of Fili. He knew better than anyone that I would get eaten alive out there at this rate.

I had about half a second to contemplate how quickly I'd been knocked down before Dwalin's hand was in my face. I grabbed it, only to be yanked back up to my feet and told to try again.

"Sorry, lass, but no Orc out there will hesitate to slit yer throat or worse should ye do that in front of them," Dwalin said, referencing my immensely ungraceful fall. "Try again now – get rooted. Focus yer weight lower. If ye can't keep from toppling, then move. Use yer enemy's weight against 'em."

He went in with a slow movement, showing me how to brace my own arms and pivot once it was about to make contact, restarting the movement at a normal speed once the tutorial was done. I was nowhere near as fast as Dwalin, and while he was more abrasive, he still knew this, and I could tell he muffled a good portion of his fighting instinct so as not to actually injure me. Getting knocked on my ass was one thing, but I'm sure breaking a leg would make this journey significantly more difficult.

Dwalin's teaching approach was putting more emphasis on my body weight than I ever would have cared to think about under normal circumstances. How to brace myself for impacts, how to guide my weight distribution for the best balance, how to instinctually do these things without hesitation.

If I failed once, he would keep at it until I managed to keep him at bay or stay on my feet.

Fili had been helpful, but this was… a different perspective. Never once in my life had I thought about my thicker build as anything other than unappealing or a hindrance. Sure, I'd have good days or brief moments of confidence, but for the most part, I'd spiral back down, only ever seeing what my society told me I was: unattractive, fat, ridiculous.

The way Dwalin spoke was never disparaging on behalf of my weight. It was only critical of how I used it, of how I held myself like I was afraid of taking up room in the world.

"Ye keep shyin' away! You're a sturdy lass, so act like it," he said after I failed another confrontation with his forearm and wound up on the ground.

Wincing at the soreness rising in my body, I tiredly nodded for the millionth time. With a sigh, I took the hand he always offered and stood shakily, only just realizing how much this was taking out of me.

Dwalin seemed to realize it at the same time, giving a 'hm' as he saw my legs tremble a bit. Eventually he conceded, "Ach, alright. Ye've done enough for today. If we go anymore I doubt ye'll be able to make the walk tomorrow."

He didn't appear impatient or mad about it, for which I was eternally grateful. With a final slap on the shoulder, he left me to my own devices.

My mind was still whirring with thoughts of my weight – a silly concept to be stuck pondering on during a journey like this, sure, but it was something that had always haunted me. Rewiring my brain to think of my body in a better light would take so much more time. However, this was a nice beginning. I… I could work with this.

Regardless, for the moment, I was too tired to think on it for more time than it took me to find a bowl of food. I worked muscles today I didn't even remember I had. Bracing your legs over and over again, using your back and arms to deflect or redirect offensive moves, on top of walking all day anyway? Just a big helping of Oof, that's what it was.

There were no rocks to sit on where we settled that evening. The terrain was a good mix of forestry and hills, so we had nestled in the midst of a dip surrounded by trees. A fair few were large enough to lean against, and most of the Company had claimed such a tree to use while they ate and relaxed for dinner. Sadly, this meant there were no trees left for me, unless…

I stared at the wide tree trunk that Thorin had just sat against after getting his own bowl of stew, somewhat separated from the Company as per usual. His calm presence as a dining companion was admittedly very nice, but would he mind if I went for it again? Once was surely just him humoring me. A second time would just be weird, right? He liked his solitude and his brooding time. I didn't want to overstep anymore bounds than I already had, but at the same time, I felt drawn to the security of his aura.

Was that selfish of me?

Plodding over to where Thorin was eating, I paused in front of him. He glanced up from his meal, and I could tell he already knew where this was going, but for some reason he waited until I posed the question myself. I asked with my eyes, darting my gaze to the emptiness beside him and quirking my eyebrows up in a request.

Thorin's reply was also silent, gesturing to the seat with a slight tilt of his head that doubled as a nod.

The tension furled in my chest unwound a bit as I sat down and crossed my legs, only for me to realize how much closer we had to sit in order for both of us to lean on the tree. Hm. Maybe this was a mistake.

At any rate, Thorin seemed unbothered by the almost-brushing of our shoulders so I let myself relax, the bone tiredness making it easier than normal. I got a few bites into my stew before my anxiety demanded an apology, and I set my bowl down on the grass for a moment.

Thorin glanced at the action from the corner of his vision, only turning his face further when I began to sign.

'I should have asked the other day. I do not want to intrude,' I said.

His tone conveyed amusement, of all things, as he responded with, "If I were offended by your company, you would be aware of it, I'm sure."

I blinked at him for a moment, shifting my gaze over to some shrubberies nearby before conceding his point with a wobbly nod. This only seemed to amuse him further, earning a huff of a laugh as he went back to eating. I took this cue to pick my bowl back up and resume my own meal, feeling the slightest bit silly for even insinuating that he wouldn't speak up if he were unhappy with my presence. Which, to be honest, was truly a foolish notion.

Camp was not nearly as stifled as it had been when I made a similar seating choice two days ago. There were a few curious looks our direction when I sat, but for the most part, the group had resigned to the strangeness.

I barely remember eating my stew, the bone-weariness settling in as I got food in my stomach and the tension slowly drained from me, taking my energy with it. Leaning against the tree, listening as the idle background chit-chat of my friends lured my brain into a lull, my eyelids kept falling closed. My head was drooping on and off, and I remember thinking I needed to get up and go to bed properly, but…

I don't know at what point my eyes closed and stayed that way, only vaguely registering the fact that I had slumped a bit. I wasn't even conscious enough to realize my head was leaning against something much softer than a tree.

I'm not sure how much time passed, though it couldn't have been very long. I was still too tired to force myself to function, but I could hear when there was a shushing. Some chuckles.

Balin's voice permeated the fog of my sleep. "Perhaps you went a wee bit tough on her, brother."

"I did no such thing. Lass'll be fine tomorrow," Dwalin scoffed. "Just needs some sleep, is all."

Whatever my head was resting on moved a bit, causing me some confusion. There was the texture of fur against the side of my head and I couldn't for the life of me get my motor functions to listen. Couldn't I just sleep? Yeah, sleep…

"Miss Hollander."

That deep rumble was right in the ear that was leaned against the fur, sounding muffled but loud at the same time. Like leaning against someone who's speaking.

"I'd much prefer it if you slept elsewhere than my shoulder."

Some pieces were beginning to come together in my brain – like who I'd been sitting by and the fact that I was asleep but never made it to my bedroll – and I was forcing my eyes open. It was only by sheer willpower that I was able to lift my head up and blink blearily up at the owner of the shoulder. Thorin was staring at me – Thorin oh my god I'm very much in his personal space holy –

With a gasp of embarrassment, I shot back to a normal sitting position clumsily, sleep still addling my actions and almost making me fall the other direction instead. Thankfully I caught myself, scooting away a bit and cupping a hand over my forehead in disbelief. My bowl had fallen to the ground long ago, but luckily I had emptied it prior to dozing.

I shook my head a bit, looking back to Thorin with an apology in my panicked face. As I woke up more thoroughly and the situation struck me, my cheeks heated.

Whether it was me falling asleep on him or my reaction upon waking, Thorin blessedly appeared more amused than annoyed. Maybe a bit concerned, too, at all the flailing I'd just done in my effort to distance us.

"When I said I didn't mind your company, I didn't know you meant to use me as a pillow," he said, using a tone that would have come across as stern if I didn't know better. He was making fun of me.

With a herculean sigh, I shook my head once more and let an awkward smile of humiliation slip onto my face, making it very clear I didn't mean to fall asleep on him. I signed, 'I'm sorry.'

Thorin didn't appear too bothered by the circumstances (even if I'd definitely lost any ounce of chill I'd ever had) and thankfully brushed off the accident with little fuss. He simply said, "No harm was done."

I'm sure my face disagreed, but that was fine. I snatched my bowl off the ground and stood, still not entirely balanced. With a nod to Thorin's own empty bowl next to him, he obliged and handed it off to me, letting me at least do this to make up for my snooze on his shoulder.

He still seemed entirely too amused for my liking, and I swear he had a little bit of a smirk going on when I took the bowl, but I didn't stick around any longer. I gave a small nod as my departure notification and shuffled away, meeting up in the middle of camp with Bofur, who had started taking up the dirty dishes.

"Suppose the trainin' with Dwalin really took it out of you, eh?" Bofur questioned as he took the bowls from me, his mustache curling upwards with the playful smile he offered.

I leveled him with a look that clearly meant I didn't want to talk about it.

He chuckled and gave an, "Aye, alright then," before we went off our separate ways.

Our camp was settling down again finally, and now that my mortification had worn off, my exhaustion was catching back up. The small boost I'd gotten from my five minute nap was barely enough to power me while I laid out my bedroll and crawled into it. Sweet, blissful bedroll…

"Jenna," Kili whispered from his own bedroll close by, giggling a bit. "If you needed a shoulder to sleep on, you have only to ask. I'm not sure Uncle is the most comfortable choice."

My fist struck out of my bedroll and whapped the shoulder he had so kindly offered, earning a tiny "ow" mixed with more muffled laughs from him.

Sleep was, ironically, more difficult to come by after that.

:]

Not a whole lot going on, but I still enjoy writing Jenna and Thorin interacting. I'm kind of living for Soft Thorin ™ rn because I'm so uncertain of how to portray his growing fondness for Jenna, but Regular Thorin ™ is gonna be back REAL SOON because boy howdy. BOY HOWDY. (I'm looking forward to the next chapter more than like, the past four combined. LoL I will be LIVING, y'all.)

Anyway, I hope you guys are taking care of yourselves. Things are crazy in the world right now and my first instinct was to apologize for this chapter being so late. However, I think guilt-tripping myself into writing just makes me spiral even faster, so I've been trying to go easy on myself, and I want you guys to do the same for yourselves. If there's any projects or pieces that you've lost motivation to work on, just remember that you have time. It's never too late to start or finish, but don't let yourself stagnate either. Find a healthy motivation instead of feeling guilty.

And AGAINNNN, thank you so much for leaving feedback! Even this far into the game, I'm still being surprised by the insight and thoughts that you all share in the reviews. I'm still being shocked and brought to LITERAL TEARS by some of the messages I get (good tears, mind you. LoL) and I'm always telling my husband about them, bragging about how awesome you guys are. I mean, he usually replies with, "LoL you should probably update soon then, huh?" and then that's when I leave the room. XD

But my dear readers – thank you, thank you, thank you!

I love you all. Stay safe.

Until next time~!