That finale was so painful that I've decided to extend my pain by writing this. Is it time for season 6 yet?

Enjoy!

Jess tries not to cry over Nick. She really does. But when he leaves with Reagan, hand in hand and a stupid grin on his face, leaving her all alone in the loft, that's when she breaks.

She's glad Winston went to prank Cece and Schmidt's honeymoon so there would be no questioning or concerned eyes at the immediate sob that leaves her body once the door closes. It's not loud enough for Nick to hear, and she's glad because she couldn't face him now. Everything she felt about him had just come hurtling back, it was overwhelming to say the least.

Jess didn't know how long she'd be left alone in the loft, but she was going to utilise every minute of it to have time for herself, figure it all out. That was her plan until Schmidt, Winston and Cece came back. Until she had to go back to acting like Nick was just her friend.

Jess ends up watching Dirty Dancing. It wasn't that she wanted to be upset over Nick, but she was and it was the only thing that would help while she was alone. He was off in New Orleans and happy. She was in the loft crying alone, thinking that she had to let him go and be in an 'adult relationship'.

Her outburst at the wedding had given him the confidence to be comfortable and not insecure in a relationship. And he would not stop texting her about it.

Thank you so much Jess. You're the best. Missing you :)

I really think things are going well with Reagan. I couldn't thank you enough.

Hope you're doing okay.

There are moments she's close to calling him and telling him everything, but the texts remind her that she needs to let him be with other people, their relationship was long over. He's happy with Reagan. That thought sends her phone flying across the couch. She doesn't text him back.

It's during her sixth watch of the day is when Cece calls. Jess mutes the movie and clears her throat trying to cover the fact that she's been crying. "Hey Cece, how's the honeymoon?" She says, sniffing softly to hold herself together.

"It's amazing over here, Jess! Even with Winston pranking us… We are in paradise!" She sounds blissful but the tone of her voice changes at her next words, "How are you?"

"How do you think I am?" Jess chuckles sadly.

"You watching Dirty Dancing?"

"Nooooo…. Yeah…" Jess groans, "I hate that Reagan just… Cece, why did it take me so long to realise I was still in love with Nick?"

It's the first time she says it out loud, and it's only then she realises how long she had been supressing her feelings for Nick. It's a relief to be able to talk about it, but at the same time it hurts. Because he's off with Reagan.

"I'm honestly surprised you figured it out so soon… But I guess Sam did it for you."

"Just curious, when did you figure out how I feel?"

"Probably when you framed the piece of helmet for Nick… Also the part where you had sex dream about him when your boyfriend at-the-time brought it up!" Cece lets out a half-hearted laugh, trying to lighten the conversation. "It was in your eyes when you gave him the gift, all the love was still there but the both of you were so oblivious."

"How did you become such a wizard about love? Take my position of love doctor, you deserve it!"

"I got married of course." Cece's glad she can get Jess to laugh when she knows her best friend is struggling.

"Why couldn't I figure it out myself? I don't understand, I'm around him all the time!"

She hears Cece takes a deep breath, obviously struggling to find the right words. "I guess… I guess when you're in love with your best friend, it kinda takes someone else coming in to help you realise it."

On her second day alone in the loft, Jess decides that watching Dirty Dancing wasn't going to help the heartbreak she felt over Nick. It was her breakup movie. Not her I'm-still-in-love-with-Nick movie. She didn't have a method for dealing with that.

It was too quiet in the loft, too lonely. She had to get out.

A stroll in the park with a good book was a good idea, but she ends up sitting next to Tran, trying not to cry. "He just left with Reagan so willingly, the Nick I knew five years ago would not have done that. For 3 months!" Jess complains, and Tran just looks at her.

"It's on me though, I encouraged them both to go for it. I always want people to be happy, especially Nick, he deserves it… But now… now I just miss him and I feel so sad because all I want to do is be with him." Jess' voice shakes, and Tran puts his hand on her knee. "I love Nick so much, and I should want him to be happy, right? And he is! He's happy with Reagan… Not me."

He's silent for a few minutes, just staring at her as she lets the tears fall. "When Sam and Cece were talking about Diane and Schmidt, I couldn't understand where they were coming from. But now, with Nick gone it's becoming more and more clear what they were talking about, because Nick is that person for me."

Tran nods in understanding and it makes her smile, she can see why Nick finds it comforting to talk to him. "Is it crazy for me to think that Nick might ever fall in love with me again?" Tran grins at her, and she can't quite understand his expression, so she shakes her head. "Thanks anyway Tran, it was nice to talk to someone about all of this."

She comfortably goes back to the loft, finding it peacefully quiet this time.

The next few days for Jess are relaxed, but useful. She knits scarves for everyone; because why not? Her feelings were more intact now, accepting how her love life would be. Stuck in love with her best friend and roommate. It's only easy to not think about Reagan because Jess continues to only glance at Nick's texts and not reply. It's rude and she feels bad, but it's the only way she can cope.

It was bound to bite her back in the ass because after being alone for a week, she gets a phone call from Nick, who sounds frustrated but concerned. Her Nick.

"Jess, hey, are you ignoring me?" Nick says.

"Sorry Nick, I…" She pauses, not entirely sure what to say. "I'm not ignoring you, I've just been trying to keep myself busy, you know."

"Are you okay? Is it because of Sam? You looked really sad when I left…"

Not because of Sam, she almost said. "Yeah, I guess…" Lies. "Being alone after a break up isn't fun."

"I bet… You need support…" He pauses, "Do you need me to come home? I've been feeling kind of awful that you've been by yourself."

Jess contemplates saying yes, because she misses him so much but there's the selfless part of her that wants him to be happy, and that was with Reagan. She had to remind herself of that constantly. "Stay, Nick. I'm doing just fine by myself."

She hates lying to him, but she can basically hear him smiling over the phone. He'd do anything to make her happy, even after breaking up, and that included coming home even after starting a relationship with a girl he seemed to really like. "Is there anything I can do?"

There's a lot of things she thinks of saying, but they would give her away for sure. Hearing his voice was making her emotional. "No, I'm good."

"Okay… What have you been doing then?"

"I knitted you a new scarf! Also Cece and Schmidt, I'm in the middle of Winston's now."

"Jess, I don't think we need any more scarves!" His laugh makes her stomach flip, it's so content.

"Why do you take the joy out of everything?" She's laughing as well, and it feels nice just to talk to him. "Well it's blue and green, for your information, and I might make a really long one now just to spite you."

"Wow Jess, harsh, a super long scarf? The sass is real." They continue to laugh and banter over the phone until they can't any longer. "Thanks Jess, I love blue and green. I'll wear the scarf when I go home for Christmas, promise."

"You better." Jess is lying on the couch now, staring up at the ceiling and smiling. "I might make one for Bonnie too."

"She would love that, Jess." Nick says, "Look, Reagan is almost done with work and we're going out for dinner so I gotta get ready."

"Oh… Okay." She had honestly almost forgotten about Reagan, the mention of her name brings back the ache in her chest.

"I miss you, Jess."

"I-I miss you too, Nick."

"Don't be a stranger!" He says softly, "See ya."

Jess barely whispers out a goodbye before hanging up, biting down on her lip to hold back the tears. Stupid Nick having a stupid girlfriend. This was the last time she'd let herself cry over Nick. She couldn't let herself be upset about Nick and Reagan anymore, or she'd never be okay.

Winston comes home the next day, six days before Schmidt and Cece are due to come home, and it lifts Jess' spirits. They go out for coffee with Aly and he's telling them about all the shenanigans he got up to, Jess only hardly cares that she's the third wheel of this outing because she so glad she doesn't have to be alone anymore.

"Have you heard from Nick?" Winston finally turns his attention to Jess, his hand still firmly holding Aly's.

"Uh yeah," Jess nods, plastering a smile on her face. "He seems really happy with Reagan."

"Really? I don't think it's gonna last."

"Why do you think that?" Jess tries not to look to hopeful as she waits for an answer.

"Reagan's cool and all, but I don't think they are compatible at all. Plus, she brings out the worst in him, all his insecurities–"

"Yeah I know! At the wedding he was putting himself down for being an in-between person!" Jess huffs, crossing her arms.

"It's just how he always will be I guess. He still not used to what it's like to have people believe in him."

"He deserves so much better." Jess stares down at her coffee, "I made sure to let him know how incredible he is."

"Well that's good, you're the only one he seems to hear most of the time."

This makes her happy, as long as he hears anyone and knows how loved he is, she'd be happy.

Jess is bouncing off the walls in anticipation the day Schmidt and Cece come home, the car trip to the airport is even enjoyable because her friends are coming home. She even made a sign with 'Mr & Mrs Schmidt' on it with hearts drawn around it. You could say Jess was excited for the married couple to come home.

Cece and Schmidt look as if they're floating down the escalator, arms wrapped around each other, their faces lighting up further when spotting Jess waiting for them.

Cece gets to Jess enveloping her in a long hug, two weeks without them had surely sucked. "I missed you so much Jess!"

"Oh god, it feels like it's been so long since I've seen you!" Jess whines.

Jess moves to Schmidt next, who has never hugged her so tightly. "How are you, Jessica?" His question gives him away immediately, Cece told.

"I'm great, weirdo." Jess tries to laugh it off.

"No how are you?" Schmidt repeats, and Jess glares over at Cece.

"We're married; I couldn't keep a secret from him." Cece defends herself with wide eyes.

"Schmidt, I'm honestly fine." Jess' smile is small, and not as bright as usual, "It's something I just have to deal with."

"Well, I think Nick made a huge mistake choosing Reagan." Schmidt frowns, his hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah well, I don't want to talk about Nick right now… So can we go?" Jess shrugs Schmidt's hand off her shoulder.

Her mood slowly deflates as the car ride moves along, Nick freshly on her mind again. She put on a smile for Schmidt and Cece to make sure they weren't concerned.

They tell stories well into the night when they get home, and it's a lovely distraction so she doesn't have to think about him, how cheerful he sounds in his texts and looks in the photos he's sent her. If only he knew how much it hurt to see them.