Worried

"Man I'm bored," Osomatsu groans.

"Maybe you should look for a job," Choromatsu groans. Osomatsu looks at him then turns back to the book he is reading with more interest now. "I know you heard me!"

Osomatsu snickers as he glances around the room at his brothers. As the eldest brother of six brothers Osomatsu, weather he owned up to it or not, could actually worry about his brothers. He worried about them, usually in his own subtle ways and actually tailored his response to best suit each brother. Sure he jokes, he pokes fun, he insults, and at times physically assaults a brother. But that never stops him from caring. For example, Karamatsu. Karamatsu was easily the most sensitive one and that normally didn't mix well with five insensitive assholes. He was given the hardest time for most of it. He acts like a complete moron. And boy…is he painful…from the clothes he wears to the indiscernible things he says. It was tough being around him at times, and often times he'd get cut off before he could say something revolting. Or just flat out ignored. Naturally sensitive guy like him would get down about that, because he legitimately is a nice guy, most compassionate one out of them all! Osomatsu sees that despite the painful layer that covers it. He has told Karamatsu countless times despite how painful he is, to keep being himself and he'll find a Karamatsu girl who senses are dulled to hell! But even so he should never stop being who he is and they could never hate him. He is the second eldest after all and weather anyone admits if he does a damn good job taking care of the brothers when Osomatsu couldn't.

Or Choromatsu, his former partner in crime. The guy had become such a stick in the mud since they'd grown up. Calling himself the responsible one despite being just as much a screw up as the rest of them. But Osomatsu doesn't hold it against him from wanting to change and grow up. But in trying to shoulder that pressure all the time he's become a bit of an anxious wreck. Osomatsu volunteered himself as a vocal point for him to flip out at, or yell at, or let flow his aggressive tongue. He's happy to see Choromatsu release that stress because he always looks like he feels better after saying what he needed to say. Weather it gets heard or not, he just needs a release. (Hehehe)

Jyushimatsu…well…Osomatsu wondered if he was even human at times. Jyushimatsu hardly had an off switch and was always on the go. Osomatsu was pretty convinced nothing could get him down. But that time with that girl Homura had broken him up worse than he had ever seen. His down casted look was so foreign it made his stomach turn. And he's sure he's not the only one who felt that way. Karamatsu was the most compassionate one, but Jyushimatsu was the heart of them all. His honest and upbeat energy could be contagious. It was hard to be angry at anything he did too, no matter how outlandish or inappropriate it was. But he is a little worried about his mind…seems like Jyushimatsu has been-never mind ignoring that thought.

And the youngest, Todomatsu. The evil dried up monster who would publicly disown his brothers in a heartbeat or even pretend to not know them. Osomatsu had the pleasure of getting that cold shoulder. Despite that he had a soft spot for him, honestly everyone did. As the youngest he was both the runt and the one who was last a lot. But there was the unspoken rule between them all that everyone was responsible for him. Also as the youngest he had to get used to head ruffling the most, he hardly even notices it anymore. The one who no matter what in any given situation, Todomatsu would never be in danger. Todomatsu is resourceful though, but Osomatsu felt a special bond with Todomatsu. The eldest and the youngest, new dynamic duo. Of course Todomatsu would never admit it. There are times Todomatsu would emulate Osomatsu as if the eldest brother didn't notice. Todomatsu wore his jumpsuit the same way Osomatsu does for one example. Another was that Todomatsu, when he made tea he would stir his cup with a spoon when he added anything to it. Osomatsu never bothered with that and would swirl the cup around. Todomatsu saw him do that, and ever since Osomatsu sees Todomatsu do the same thing. It's little things like that makes Osomatsu smirk.

But then…there's the last Matsu that worries him. His eyes shift to Ichimatsu who is currently held up in his corner. Staring at nothing, not doing anything, and over all looking rather checked out. His presence was really easy to miss if you didn't glance over at times. Osomatsu often found his eyes gazing over to the corner just to make sure he's alive. Osomatsu would be lying if he said he didn't worry about Ichimatsu the most. The fourth brother is a mystery he often tries to unravel. Ichimatsu kept to himself and, unless he was playing with his cats, Osomatsu hardly ever saw him smile. He often spoke in a monotone voice with a face of indifference to just about everything around him. When he did react to things it was usually violent, loud, and brash. He definitely wasn't like this when they were kids. But this persona began to take hold over time until this is the man before them and they treat it like the status quo. Osomatsu hates that, but what can he do? How can he talk to someone that was so disinterested in social activities? Through ESP kitty he understands that Ichimatsu doesn't see the need for friends when he as his brothers. A sentiment Osomatsu can understand and is thankful for. But Ichimatsu was still distant, even to them. If he was honest, he didn't like leaving Ichimatsu alone with his thoughts too long especially as of the past few months. It's starting to show on his face…that things weren't alright upstairs.

He can even see it now. Ichimatsu's face twisting as if dealing with some unknown pain. The grip on his arms tighten all while every other muscle in his body hasn't moved an inch. Osomatsu wishes he could peer in his head to understand. Ichimatsu won't talk something that is constantly frustrating Osomatsu. Literally all his brothers can say something whether it be true or not, hurtful or helpful, it all comes flying out of their trash cans they call mouths. But Ichimatsu would be stark quiet, offer one word mumbles to questions. This was only the tip of the iceberg too. He hardly eats. Going long points in time without food that Osomatsu has to basically make fun of him so to spite him Ichimatsu eats. But even the spite doesn't last long, with it goes his appetite. Eventually Ichimatsu doesn't even care and that goes to a lot of things. Osomatsu walked in on Ichimatsu actually listening to Karamatsu talk about his day…Karamatsu! The blue clothed brother even seemed genuinely thrilled about it. Later on though, Karamatsu pulled Osomatsu aside to hiss with fearful nerves and wide eyes.

"Something is wrong with Ichimatsu." He had said.

And so Osomatsu's worry for the fourth brother actually doubled to levels that made him slightly uncomfortable. He began to dislike not having eyes on Ichimatsu for too long. He asked Jyushimatsu if Ichimatsu's been acting weird to him since they spend their days together mostly. He admitted that Ichimatsu has been off for a while. For batting practice he'd been on the bat far longer than even Jyushimatsu thinks he should've been. It is at this point that Osomatsu forms a plan to talk with Ichimatsu, but the conditions had to be perfect and he need this to be coordinated. Osomatsu was sure that if Jyushimatsu had noticed something was off, everyone else must have. Which he was right about. Todomatsu had secretly been looking up information on his phone almost non-stop trying to understand what was going on. Osomatsu knew because when he swiped his phone to do that very same thing he saw tabs and bookmarks of all the psychology websites. He had the right idea, Ichimatsu wouldn't make it easy to help him. Choromatsu can attest to that when he had confronted Ichimatsu frankly to ask if something was wrong.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure, you haven't eaten anything all day?" Choromatsu responds trying to sound casual when he was really quite nervous. He was basically poking a live grenade right now.

"Not like I need the energy to just sit here."

"Even so, you didn't eat breakfast, you didn't eat lunch, and now we just got through with dinner and you still haven't eaten anything!"

"I'm fine."

Those two words. He's have to have repeated those two words god knows how many times, no matter who asks. This was always the same two words they'd get for their efforts. Osomatsu was determined to get more than just those words. His face turns serious before he glances at the heater in the room. As if he and the heater had a secret conversation with each other it started beeping. This drew everyone's attention.

"Oh damn it…" Osomatsu groaned out. "We're out of kerosene…we need more from the gas station too don't we?"

"Huh, but I had it filled?" Choromatsu questions somewhat hesitantly. No one usually openly admits this at first or brings this up as a topic of discussion. Usually there are just looks, glares, stares, and nonverbal violence.

"Well Osomatsu-niisan go check since you're so worried about it," Todomatsu spoke up not looking away from his phone.

"Okay I'll go," Heads snapped to look at the eldest brother. Even Ichimatsu's eyes flickered over. "But I'm not braving this by myself. Someone has to go with me!" Heads snap away to avoid making eye contact after that statement. Osomatsu doesn't bother with any of them though as he looks over to Ichimatsu whose eyes have fallen again. "Ichimatsu come on."

"Huh?" the fourth brother responds confused. Osomatsu walks across the room.

"Come on and go with me."

Ichimatsu's eyes narrow. Even with his tired, hunger deprived mind even he could tell something was off with this offer. "No."

"Come on Ichimatsu!" Osomatsu begs falling to his knees as he grabs Ichimatsu' arm to shake him. "This is the fastest this has ever been decided! I volunteered to go, but if you don't go with me then I can't go. Do you want our brothers to hate you?" That last sentence seemed to garner a reaction that Osomatsu was totally unprepared for. Ichimatsu's eyes go wide as his body turns to stone. Osomatsu pauses in his pleading for a moment to stare at his younger brother. "Ichimatsu?"

"I…I said no…deal with it."

That was the strongest reaction Ichimatsu has had to anything. Osomatsu is unsure if he should play this card, but he has little choice, "Oh come on heartless Ichi, do you hate your eldest brother that much?" Ichimatsu is still unresponsive. Maybe he was wrong about that being his trigger. "We can stop by your cat friends if you want too!" Then in a quieter voice Osomatsu allowed his sincerity and worry to slip in. "Please Ichimatsu…"

"Do…do you really want me?" Ichimatsu asks clear disbelief in his voice. Osomatsu tries to ignore the clear doubtful look he's being given.

"Well you're the first person I asked so yeah. I wouldn't ask if I didn't." Ichimatsu chewed the words over before he gives a small nod of approval. Osomatsu stands back to his feet giving a woot of joy. He held up his middle finger while blowing a raspberry to the rest of their brothers. Osomatsu turns back to Ichimatsu as he somewhat stumbles to his feet. His joints cracking a bit as he moves from being in that position for so long. He follows Osomatsu to the door. Ichimatsu slips on his sandals or he would've had Osomatsu not taken them. "Dude it's cold outside, put on sneakers just in case we are really out of kerosene."

Ichimatsu sighs grabbing his practically brand new shoes he hardly ever wears. He slips them on then looks at Osomatsu as if quietly asking 'anything else you wanna bitch about?'. Osomatsu handed him his purple jacket to put over his hoodie as he puts his red one on. Then they step outside to go around back. Just as Osomatsu predicted they were indeed out. He had already grabbed some money just in case so he took the tank then the two ventured into the chilly night. Ichimatsu didn't say anything, Osomatsu hadn't expected him to either, but he still looked so far away.

"Ya know," Osomatsu began getting his brother's attention. "I had grabbed a bit more Yen from Choromatsu's wallet then I needed. Wanna grab some sushi before we get the kerosene?"

On one hand it was completely like Osomatsu to deviate and lose focus like this. On the other hand, Ichimatsu was able to recognize a few too many coincidences for this to be some random outing. "What the hell are you doing Osomatsu?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are you trying to do?"

"Well since my precious Ichimatsu came out with me after all I decided to treat you, on Choromatsu! You should be sure to thank your nii-san when we get back."

"Tell me what you really want you liar!?" Ichimatsu snaps now showing his angry side.

Liar? Osomatsu tilts his head at that. "Choromatsu would never willingly give me money."

"…I know you're not lying about the money…"

"Then what do you think I'm lying about?" Osomatsu was legitimately confused. Sure he and his others planned this whole scenario. But Choromatsu definitely doesn't know that he borrowedfrom him. What could he possibly be calling him a liar on?

"You wouldn't treat any of us…"

"Well yeah with my own money. It's on Choromatsu though." Osomatsu smirks. But it doesn't seem like this point is getting across to Ichimatsu as he still scowls.

"You can stop pretending, there isn't anyone else here…" Ichimatsu growls.

"Pretending what?"

Ichimatsu mashes his teeth as he clenches his fist. He looked like he was boiling with emotion now, "Are you fucking kidding me! STOP PRETENDING!"

"Ichimatsu I don't-,"

"That's bullshit you said it! You know, I know it, we all know it!"

"What do we know Ichimatsu?" Osomatsu asks calmly not trying to even bother to understand that last sentence. Ichimatsu's thoughts can get rather scattered so his mouth doesn't exactly keep up well with his racing mind.

"You all hate me…"

Osomatsu stared at his younger brother shocked. His face fell his smile faded away and he stared at his brother's eyes. Osomatsu was looking for some hinge of doubt, some hope that this was a joke, or waiting for Ichimatsu to correct his statement. But he could tell, Ichimatsu meant what he said, he meant what he feels, and truly believes that thought to be real.

"What?" Osomatsu finds himself saying. "You can't think that's true."

"Stop pretending Osomatsu! I know okay so you can stop. I don't even know why you called me for this crap…" He spat as he turns to leave. Osomatsu was not going to let him leave after something like that. He moves to grab Ichimatsu's arm. He notices his brother wince slightly at his grip…not in shock…but in pain. Ichimatsu yanks his arm free. "Leave me alone."

"Let me see your arm," Osomatsu demands.

"Fuck off!"

"That wasn't a request!" Osomatsu says his own panic starting to take hold as he drops the container to step forward. Ichimatsu flinches his eyes pooling with emotions that Osomatsu was unsure how to decipher. He has to remember this is Ichimatsu, to respond roughly with him makes it harder for you to get close. He reigns back his frustration to let out a breath then calm himself before speaking again. "Let me see Ichimatsu."

Ichimatsu looked to be stuck in a fit of limbo. Wanting to honor the request or run off. Osomatsu doesn't help him make a decision as he reaches out again to the arm he grabbed. Ichimatsu wouldn't pull his arm away from his body, but he didn't immediately run off either. Osomatsu pushes the sleeve down to see redness, but he pushes it down further to see older scars. Osomatsu's face twists in what felt was a purely uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. It was rather awful and looking at the scars weren't helping. Osomatsu pushes Ichimatsu's sleeve back up. He hold onto that arm gently as he turns to pull Ichimatsu with him. Ichimatsu doesn't resist even though he clearly wants to say something. They make their way to a bar where Osomatsu' drags him to a seat to sit and he sits across from him. Still in total silence for a bit longer before Osomatsu finally looks at Ichimatsu's face. He looks downright mortified in his own way of course. It's not obvious, very subtle, but he is clearly terrified on the inside. Once again Osomatsu wishes he could peek into his head to see what he's thinking.

"When did it start?" Osomatsu opens with that question. Ichimatsu doesn't respond as he looks down. "When did you start cutting?" Osomatsu states being more specific so Ichimatsu didn't overthink the question or weasel out. While also putting pressure on him to answer. Ichimatsu was hesitant to comply. "We'll be here all night if we have to."

Finally, his lips part as he mutters, "A few months ago…"

A part of Osomatsu told him to check for cuts, but he honestly didn't think Ichimatsu was this bad off. "Why?"

"I don't know…"

"That's bullshit you do know."

"I don't," He asserts as he drops his head. "I'm sorry…"

"You're-Ichimatsu I'm not the one you cut!" Osomatsu exclaims. He lets out a slightly frustrated sigh. He was not prepared to handle something like this at all. This seemed more like something a licensed professional should be dealing with. Osomatsu in all his worrying is only barley able to refram from resorting to shaking his brother while yelling at him to 'feel better damnit!'. But that strategy is a strategy bound for failure. He needed to say something and talking to Ichimatsu was like pulling teeth or dealing with windup toy. He'll only go as far as you want him to for the most part. "Why do you think we hate you?"

Ichimatsu snorts, "How couldn't you?"

"Well I don't know how I could, you're my little brother," Osomatsu smirks at him weakly.

"So?" Osomatsu balks at that response. It was like a kiss off to what that meant. "W-what do you mean so?"

"We're family, family is supposed to love you unconditionally, isn't that right? It's like a given when you're born, family is supposed to love you, like it's an obligation."

"But then you know we care then!?"

"Because it's an obligation, we all know what we're supposed to do. What we're supposed to say. I can't say I don't care about you guys either to be honest. But, I just don't see what that has to do with anything."

Osomatsu wasn't liking this. Ichimatsu was at least talking, something he was glad he was doing, but he was saying all the wrong things. What is going on inside that head of his?, "I know we may say things but-."

"How I feel has nothing to do with you." He responds sharply.

"That's not true at all. When one of us isn't doing well no one is okay. This isn't some sense of obligation or whatever, I care because I just do."

"That's stupid."

"Well I am stupid so there you go!" Osomatsu decides not to backtrack on that statement even as Ichimatsu's face showed a mild sense of amusement before falling flat again. "Ichimatsu I don't want you to go away…"

"What would really be the difference nii-san, honestly?" Ichimatsu looks down at the table into his glass of water. No one would miss a droplet of water that fell out, why would his life be any different.

"The difference is you wouldn't be around!" Osomatsu snaps. "The difference is you wouldn't be there, sextuplets are made of six brothers, NOT FIVE!"

"That all sounds really superficial."

"Damn it Ichimatsu, why are you doing this? Huh, did I say something that hurt you, did Todomatsu say something? I'll kick his ass or whatever just stop talking like this."

Ichimatsu balks seeming sad, "…I'm sorry."

Osomatsu wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, but from the look in his eyes it looked like Ichimatsu thought he had the problem. Osomatsu suddenly stands to his feet he tossed a few yen on the table considering they didn't even order anything. He walks over to grab Ichimatsu again, a tad rougher, but still trying not to mess with his cuts. He pulls him out the bar and outside. Ichimatsu was really confused what all this pulling and tugging would accomplish. He allowed Osomatsu to lead though seeing as his brother was on a mission. But all they did is wind up right back home again. Ichimatsu looks at Osomatsu with a blank stare which Osomatsu has translated as a questioning one. He walks over to a window then slides it slightly open and gestures Ichimatsu over. Ichimatsu lazily walks over to hear their brother's voices. Currently Choromatsu was talking.

"-gone for a while. Do you think everything is alright? I honestly didn't want Osomatsu to be the one going since he's so insensitive. But he was really persistent that he wanted to be the one." Choromatsu groans.

"Well if not him who, Karamatsu?" Todomatsu questions a brief chuckle at Karamatsu's expense followed. Karamatsu didn't take it personally though but he does take a serious expression Ichimatsu doesn't believe he's ever seen in a long time.

"But the fact is something is wrong with Ichimatsu, he hasn't hit me in weeks. I know Ichimatsu better than that, he doesn't know how to express himself, so he does it that way. He's not expressing himself anymore, he's not feeling anything anymore, and that worries me."

"It worries you that he doesn't abuse you?" Todomatsu snickers.

"Ichimatsu-niisan will be fine! I'm sure he's fine just fine!" Jyushimatsu assures Karamatsu. He seems so sure too, Osomatsu frowns hearing that knowing how not fine Ichimatsu really is. Ichimatsu slips the window closed then turns to Osomatsu.

"So?"

"Ichimatsu, we're your brothers, it's more than just a word. Come on I know you haven't forgotten how much that means between all of us. It's not just a title given out!"

"What does it matter Osomatsu?"

Was Ichimatsu really this distant? Was he always like this and it just now started to actually show. "Why didn't you tell us things got this bad?"

"You wouldn't have cared." Ichimatsu responds. And at that comment he's seemed to have reached his conversation quota. Osomatsu was half surprised that this lasted as long as it did. But Osomatsu felt things were unresolved as he rushed after his brother grabbing his arm again. Now it was at this point Ichimatsu showed a hint of his annoyance with a backwards glance with his face of indifference turning into a slight frown.

"That's not fair…Ichimatsu I'm trying here…I really am. Tell me what I should say, tell me what you want to hear and I'll say it!" Osomatsu stares at his brother who looks back at him not saying anything. "Ichimatsu…you really have no idea what you mean to me?" Osomatsu asks as his hands reach to grab Ichimatsu's making Ichimatsu flinch at the sudden skin contact. "You're the brother who never pushes me away. You helped me learn how I needed to pay closer attention sometimes. You out of all the others, even Totty, make me feel like a pretty okay big brother. I know I'm not that great of an eldest brother I know I don't say what should be said most of the time, but out of everyone I don't scold you much. I know there's a lot of stuff that you can't help! I'm sure this is one of those things too." Osomatsu's grip on Ichimatsu's hand tightens. "But I love you little brother, there is nothing in that head of yours that can mix up what I'm saying right now. So please, keep fighting, and if you feel like hurting yourself again. Please…please don't. Come to me instead. I'll give you a hard noogie or something I don't just don't do this to yourself again. Please…"

Even on Ichimatsu's worst days, he could still hear the sincerity in his voice. He could feel the weight his words carried. Ichimatsu's face of indifference gave way a bit. He returns the grip on Osomatsu's hand. "I'll…I'll try nii-san…but it's hard. It's hard to care…"

"Just stop saying your fine. So how are you Ichimatsu?"

In response Ichimatsu's hand starts to tremble. His eyes glossing over slightly, but he was clearly trying to restrain himself, "Can I get a hug?"

Osomatsu didn't hesitate as he wraps his arms around his younger brother. He held him tightly rubbing the back of his head as he felt tears slip from his eyes. He was a little startled that he started crying after all, but Ichimatsu' hurt somehow transferred over to him. At least he could take a small portion of it away from him. He didn't dare disengage the hug until Ichimatsu wanted to part. When that moment came he looked at his brother's face to see a small tear slip down his eye, but that was the only tear shed. He was clearly still holding back, but at least some part of him was roused. Osomatsu lead Ichimatsu back to the front door. Osomatsu doubted this one conversation was enough to make Ichimatsu feel better, but it was a start right? Hopefully the others might be enough to help too.