EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

AANG

VS.

JAKE SULLY

BEGIN

[JAKE:]

HEY
I SEE YOU
YOU BALD LITTLE GENDERBENDING CAPTAIN PLANET WEEABOO
WHY DON'T YOU "AVOID AND EVADE" YOURSELF BACK TO THE KIDDIE TABLE
'CAUSE I'LL UNPLUG MYSELF AND WHOOP YOUR ASS WHILE I'M DISABLED

I THROW DOPE FLOWS LIKE FOUNTAINS
FROM THE SLOPES OF FLOATING MOUNTAINS

YOUR PACIFISM CAUSED A SCHISM AND YOUR NOMADS WERE SILENCED
YOU PREACH PEACE AND SOLVE SITUATIONS WITH VIOLENCE

I BECAME ONE
WITH AN ALIEN RACE
YOU GOT NO MONKS LEFT ALIVE
FOR YOU TO DISGRACE

I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR
WITH THOSE HUGE ASS EARS
MEET ME BACK HERE
IN A HUNDRED YEARS
THAT'S HOW LONG YOU'LL BE BURNED
AFTER THIS EPIC FAIL
AND THEN YOU CAN SUCK MY
PONYTAIL

[AANG:]

WATER, EARTH, FIRE, AIR
BLUE PUSSIES BEST BEWARE
IN ONE VERSE I CAN BURST OUT RHYMES
THAT WOULD TAKE MY PAST LIVES THEIR WHOLE LIFETIMES

YOUR JAMS ARE SUCH SCAMS
YOU KILLED YOUR PEEPS BACK ON EARTH
I BROUGHT BALANCE TO THE WORLD
YOU SAVED A VILLAGE OF SMURFS

I'M THE AVATAR, BITCH
EVERY KID WANTS TO BE ME
THE ONLY FANS YOU HAVE
JUST WANNA BAANG NEYTIRI

I BEND WORDS TO THE RHYTHM
AND FOUR ELEMENTS WITH 'EM
I'LL PIN THE NA'VI TO HOMETREE FROM A HUNDRED YEARS AWAY—
WITHOUT KILLIN' 'EM!

AND BY THE WAY
JAKE YOU STAKED YOUR CLAIM TO FAME WITH MY NAME
YOUR GAME IS STEALIN' FROM ME
MORE THE MERRIER YOU HAIRIER WHORE
YOUR WHOLE WORLD'S ONE TREE?
WHERE'D I HEAR THAT BEFORE?

[JAKE:]

YOU TALKIN' THEFT?

I GOT A QUESTION TO SHOOT
WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR NEXT LIFE
ABOUT THEM CG MECH SUITS?

YIP YIP
BITCH BITCH
I'LL WHIP WHIP YO ASS
GIVE YOU A FAT LIP LIP

YOUR APPA CAN'T STOPPA ME
CUZ I ROCK AN ORANGE DRAGON
I REALIZE IT'S AN UNSURPRISING REPRISE
BUT PEOPLE LOVED ME SO MUCH THEY GOT HOSPITALIZED
I ADVISE YOU FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE WINNER
AS MY BEATS TURN YOUR BEAST INTO A FLYING STEAK DINNER
FOR ME TO FEAST ON, I'M NOT BRAGGIN'
I'M JUST SNAGGIN' LYRICS SO SICK SOKKA'LL HAFTA SUCKA THAT FROZEN FROG'S FROZEN DICK!

WITH ONE FILM I MADE MORE DOUGH THAN YOUR WHOLE SHOW
YOU WANT A SHITTY MOVIE? FOLLOW THE ARROW

THIS BATTLE'S OVER
NA'VI-GATE YOUR TATTOOED ASS OFF MY PLANET, YOU'RE GONE
COURTESY O' MY BUDDY
EMCEE M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN

[AANG ENTERS THE AVATAR STATE]

[AANG:]

NO, IT'S NOT OVER
YOU NIGHTCRAWLER WANNABE
YOU DISHONOR ME WITH THE THOUGHTA ME SCRAPPIN' WITH YOUR CRAPPY RAPPIN' IT'S LIKE A LOBOTOMY

UNLIKE YOU, I DON'T NEED A CHEAT SHEET
MY SWEET BEATS ARE ELITE HEAT AND I DON'T EVEN EAT MEAT BUT YOU'LL MEET REPEATED DEFEAT AT MY FLEET FEET

RETREAT!

YOUR VICTORY'S UNOBTANIUM
GET IT THROUGH YOUR BLUE CRANIUM
IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO RETIRE
CUZ I'M SPITTIN' ACTUAL FIRE

HOW YOU LIKE BEIN' BENT OVER, UP THERE ON YOUR MOON
GETTIN' YOUR BLUE BABOON BUTT BEAT BY A KIDS' CARTOON?
I'D BITCHSLAP YOU AGAIN BUT I WON'T JAKESULLY MY HANDS
NOW, THIS IS WHERE THE BATTLE REALLY ENDS

I'M THE BRIDGE BETWEEN WORLDS
YOU'RE A BLUE PUSS IN BOOTS
EYWA HAS HEARD YOU
AND SHE PUT YOU ON MUTE!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC... RAP... BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYY!