And he was gone again. Out the warren without so much as a goodbye. Leaving me alone in dark terrible thoughts. All I'd asked was if he considered us together. I hadn't realized it would start a fight. I didn't realize he had seen so little in what we were doing. I didn't realize. Because he was becoming a need to me, and I was still just a want. He told me he loved me, I know he meant it. But to him this love would pass, and it was casual and meaningless. Saying I love you had no meaning anymore to him. How could it with someone his age? Immortal. How could immortality create the most beautiful loves, while also creating the most painful. To him I was still a child, and had no business using the words forever and eternal. I thought that's what we were, but how could he after all this time tell me that he loved me, and take me, and use me, but not give me anything in return. Hope?

How did he represent hope, but have none of his own for us. How could he protect and mean new beginnings but refuse our own. I didn't understand if this was some game or just him. I thought I knew him, thought we had something. But he just. Doesn't...

He doesn't want us to be anything, he wants me to be around at his disposal, but dispose of me as he pleased. I looked around, at the home. It was all his, I didn't own anything. I'd been nothing short of a gypsy until I'd met him. I didn't have a home, I still don't. This isn't mine. This isn't a home for me. I could leave and be as free as I was before him. I know how it would go. He'd be free too. Free from something he know he can't handle, he wouldn't have to lie anymore, to me or himself. What did I have in this life as memories besides years or loneliness and a few months with him. Months that don't mean a thing to him. But they mean the world to me. I gave up everything to be here with him.

But I had been suppressed and trapped following rules he set to stop me from being myself. I knew he loved parts of me, but he didn't love all of me. That's why he couldn't commit, because he knew it too. The more I looked back, the more I realized all the avoided questions all the times I was blown off with a lame excuse. He couldn't handle me, I was too overpowering for him. So he couldn't. That wasn't his fault, but it was his fault for lying to me about it for so long. All the times holding my hand, laying in the grass, and I'd start to talk, he'd let go of my hand. Because he'd realize at that moment, he didn't have the energy to pretend anymore, but he'd stay silent. That was his fault.

This whole thing was his fault. I don't know anymore, I had to go, I couldn't breathe, it's too cramped in here, the walls of the burrow closing in around me. If he came back he'd see me crying, I'd have to force him to say it, but I know he'd deny. I just... I just had to go. And the wind took me away.

It had been months since I saw him, I was free again, traveling Around the world. No home, only possession my staff, just snow, and ice and the bitter cold. I didn't feel lonely though, I felt like shackles were taken off my ankles, but maybe I wasn't as happy as I thought. I missed the feel of snow on my feet, and sleeping in trees. If the feelings of loneliness did surface I'd take off again, Immediately and as far away as I could. I tried not to think about him, because I knew all I was doing was running away from it, but he was hiding too.

So when we finally did cross paths again... In a town in bordered on a lake in Alaska, i knew my running was over. "Oi, Snowflake." He had tackled me basically, making sure I wouldn't try to run. I wasn't that childish, I would stay, but I had to stand my ground, I spent too long thinking about how much he did to me.

"You just left me like that?" He was angry obviously, the first time we'd seen each other in 6 months, after I'd disappeared.

"I couldn't stay Aster. You didn't want me to stay."

"decide that all on your own?" I couldn't look at him, all the pain was catching up to me, the venom in his eyes just reminded me that I may have really hurt him, but it was still for the best. "I knew! I knew that our relationship didn't mean anything special to you." I was in a shout now and I didn't care, the ground was frosting around me and I begged my body to stay in control.

The look of shock and pain on his face was expected, he didn't want to believe, he wanted to deny. "H-h-how can you say that? I loved you"

"No! You didn't not love me, you do not destroy the ones you love. You do not use and take and pick and choose from them. It is all or nothing and you couldn't decide so i picked for you." My lungs were in pain, face most likely red with anger, and my heart ached for everything to be okay. But it wasn't, I wasn't because I wasn't strong enough anymore.

"I did what to you? Is this because I wasn't ready for a bigger commitment? You left because I wasn't ready?"

No, don't twist this, I wouldn't let him turn me into the bad guy. "You. Would never. Be ready." I pushed him off me, and took a deep breath. I looked over the view of the lake to calm myself and turned back. "I spent months living this fantasy that things were great with us, that I was making you happy. That you loved every bit of me. But I know now, that you only loved so much of me, and it hurt Aster you broke me."

He was back to his feet as well with some fire, determined to make me feel worse but I Was already there, seeing him again burned, and fighting like this made my insides burn. "I wasn't the who up and left, I didn't do anything." He pointed a finger at me accusingly and back at himself if defense.

"If someone says you hurt them, you don't get to decide you did differently." I tried not to cry but I felt the tears on my cheeks before I could stop them. "You look me straight in the eye and tell me that you honestly wanted to be with me forever."

He came up close to my face, determination in his eyes, and I wanted to fall to him, wanted to believe the lie he already believed. Once his eyes hit mine he fell silent for a moment the look softened, and the determination melted to sadness. "No. I couldn't do it, and i wasn't strong enough to let you go." He turned away, I was shaking and still crying, and for the first time in a long time, I felt cold. I actually felt cold in my bones. Empty and small at his admission. He was finally strong enough to say it, I wasn't strong enough to take it.

"I know Aster, thats why I had to leave. I knew-." I found it difficult to finish the sentence, i chewed my lip for a minute looking for the strength to finish. To get my point across. "I knew you didn't love all of me. You couldn't, you still just think i'm just a child. You had no hope in us, and killed any chance we had." Tears poured forward as did the unthought speech spilling from my lips. The look on his face was of pure shock, as if he was finally seeing me for the first time, from my side of things.

He took a step toward me, an apologetic look in his eye. I didn't want to hear it though, i found no reason for him to apologize anymore, i couldn't be mad or expect him to be sorry for not loving me. I shrugged away as he reached for me, opening his mouth to speak. When i turned away, i could see the look of hurt on his face. Yet, the feeling of unspoken words still hung in the air, and i knew what still needed to say.

Bunny braced himself as i turned back again. "I loved you, I loved you so much, every last bit of you to the end, like you could never do for me. And somehow I still wouldn't give up our time together despite your uncertainty. But i hurt too bad."

My heart lifted slightly, and i could see the gears in his head turning as he tuned into my words. "If you can't love all of me, we will never survive. For so long i just needed you to decide, on if you could, or if you had to say goodbye." Although this was breaking my heart to say, to confess, i smiled that it was finally coming out, i smiled through the tears, and dried them before i continued.

The space between us closed as i flew over to him, taking his paw in my hand sweetly. It was soft, but quickly growing cold from the chill in the alaskan air. It reminded me of the first time he ever took my hand, it felt like so long ago. The bitterness of the situation hit me again, that what I was feeling was so strong, but we lasted such a short time.

"But you couldn't make a decision, so I did."

"Jack…" He whispered my name, but i silenced him, pressing my lips to his, and pouring every emotion I had into the contact. I spilled out the months of I love you i did and did not believe. Pressing in memory after memory of late night conversations, good and bad. Branding his lips with the emotional anger of every fight, and pure joy of every make up.

Lastly, into the kiss I gave up any and every bit of love i still had, every ounce of pain he ever caused, and all the hope he ever made me feel. I gave it back and let it seep through his lips as he eagerly kissed me back, his paw resting on the back of my neck gently massaging as he gave love of his own. Though i expect he wasn't giving it back, but trying to share it. It was too late though, no amount of sharing, loving, hoping, or trying could change the fact that he couldn't take me as a whole.

I knew in time his love for me would fade, and all the memories of us together would become distant and meaningless. I knew it would be easy for him to forget the longer we went on apart. Its not like we would never see each other, we were both guardians, we'd see each other when there was trouble or when North called us. But for this brief fleeting moment I let my lips dance over his one final time, I let my hands feel his warmth, and my heart beat for him, and my stomach fill with butterflies, one last time for him. That was it, and i pulled away, away from the kiss, and away from his grasp.

"Goodbye Aster." And i turned and flew away. There was pain on his face as he watched me go, and for a moment I thought he would call after me. If he had, I would not be able to come to the call, my heart stung too much, the pain was too immense. For him I was just a passing love that didn't last long enough to mean more than a few months grieving. But I was different, I was in love, still in love, and always would be in love. It took all the strength I had not to turn around, instead I flew forward, unaware of where I would go next, hoping to have some time before I saw him again.

Tears and snow fell and followed me wherever I flew, my heart wishing there was a way to leave the planet, because this world just wasn't big enough when you're immortal. There was nothing though, I could merely travel and hope that what encounters we were forced into were brief. It didn't snow on Easter anymore, not a single flake caused by me. As i forgot many kisses, caresses, memories, and thoughts, one thing I never forgot, was how much I loved him, and how much he couldn't love me.