A/N: Sigh. I cannot believe that anyone did not try to use PH, with its wonderful source of characters, great writing and awesome characters, for OC SI shit. Allow me to be the first, presenting...a more human...Jack? The OC is shyer and more introverted than Jack, but snarky and sarcastic as hell and very, very rude. So what happens to PH plot if we have a not-so-crazy Jack?

And yes, hijacked fits it because "hijacking" one's body is also a saying used for body swaps. And Jack does so love to hijack the plot in the story, doesn't he?

So, we have Goodish!Jack (though maybe a little crazy). A bit AU from the series, but let me first say most of this is tongue in cheek. Most.

Actually, everything is altered. Everything happened because of Jack's machinations-alternately, since he's going to have no soul, the Core reasons, why not try someone else and see if they can save someone like him from doing the Tragedy?

This will be mostly satirical and crack, though it is Pandora flipping hearts, so yeah some drama will be involved, naturally. And maybe some death. Snickers.

Jack's POV is first person, anything else is third person.

Tale 1: Hijacked from one reality to the next

Present Day

There were many kinds of people that Oswald Baskerville was not fond of. He was not fond of talking, not fond of people, and not fond of anything in general. However, there was one person who could always grind his gears, regardless of whether or not he meant to.

Which was why, as Alice came flouncing over to him today, when these words came flying out of her mouth, Oswald went into a fatherly rage and uttered some bad words himself before trying to find the evil-doer.

"Daddy, Jack said I have multiple personality disorder! He then said we should stand in a hallway and tell Gil to come play with us!" Alice chirped innocently.

Of course, Oswald would never get that pun, no matter how many times someone would try to explain it to him. But if there was one person here who just never ceased to piss him off, it was...Jack.

There he was, the sneaky blond was attempting to climb down the tree while holding the plush rabbit doll Alice liked. There was a sudden crack and both man and doll flinched upon realizing that the branch was gone, having been smashed by an angry Oswald in his attempt to successfully find (and throttle) Jack.

Both of them hit the ground, the doll's eyes were now swirly like in an anime, and Jack was now unhappy. Most unhappy.

"JACK!"

Jack

Looks like that plan failed. By plan, I mean getting Oz to learn to fly. Alyss was fascinated by my description of airplanes and wanted to try making Oz fly out the window. Unfortunately, it seems stuffed animals cannot grow wings.

And it seems humans cannot, either. My arm is definitely twisted. Shit.

As I lay there, I heard my name being boomed out by low, menacing growls. Only one human on Earth can make that noise and that's Oswald. He's not a Rottweiler or a Doberman. He's Lacie's brother. And that's worse.

"Hi, Oswald! Did you come see me teach Oz to fly?" When I extended my hand forward, the rabbit let me pick him up again.

"What are you doing? That is Alice's doll." He stressed out the words.

"He doesn't mind. Your breath smells terrible, Ozzy? Ever think of trying some mouthwash? Or some Tic-Tacs?" I said cheerily. Unfortunately, I don't think Oswald has a good dentist-or a good temper for that matter.

"JACK! My breath is just fine and dandy, for your information! I was talking about the fact that Alice could have jumped out that window after Oz if she were here!" Oswald said sharply.

"But she's not, though. Alyss is, though, want to say hi to her? She does only have the cosmos and other horrors for company, can't say they make good company, though they do make the best tea." I snarked.

Upon seeing him stare at me, I shook my head.

"Jack, you're aware that, while you have been here a long time on the Baskerville Estate-"

"Actually, only around twenty minutes, at this rate-"

"And that while Lacie does allow you to do whatever you want-"

"You should see us in bed-"

"And that while you do a good job of babysitting these two, remember that you...are...their...role model! And you make a-"

"A fairly decent one, if I do say so myself!" I chirped, picking up some flowers. "You want to wear a flower crown, Ozzie?"

"Stop calling me that! I told you to stop calling me that! Call me Glen!" Oswald cries, trying to sound serious.

"Glen sounds so boring though, Nii-sama!"

At this, suddenly a large stone was hurled at Oswald and he fell flat onto the ground.

"That one was a bit too hard, Lacie. Maybe try a boulder next time." I observed, poking him with a stick.

"Nii-sama's not dead, he's only resting. Wake up, Nii-sama. And besides, Jack was helping them have fun. They never have fun when you're around." She kicked her heels.

Alyss stuck her thumb up at her mother from inside the window.

"Alice likes me..." Oswald muttered.

Alyss stuck her tongue out at Oswald and made a naughty gesture.

"You little...who taught her that gesture?" Oswald stared from me to Lacie, as though probing our minds.

"If I taught her that, it's sticking. She has her mama's sass." She said, flipping her hair, "Come on, Jack, let's help Alyss fly that rabbit. And no buts, Oz. Listen to your elders."

The rabbit's ears drooped as Lacie carried him up the stairs. "Jack, stop stomping. I think it's hilarious that you always manage to piss Niisan off like this."

I flicked a flower in her direction, which she caught.

"How romantic. This is like the thirtieth time you two have tried to attempt this, correct?"

The number of scuff marks and dirt on Oz showed that the rabbit was indeed a survivor.

"Yup! Before this, we were busy playing piano and Cheshire wouldn't stop biting me because I was singing off-key-"

"You've always had a terrible voice, Jack. Your singing voice is so high it could be a girl's." She nudged me in the ribs.

I flinched. "I'm plenty manly!"

Lacie's raucous laughter was my answer.

"It really doesn't matter, you're just you. I wouldn't like you otherwise." She said, humming to herself as we opened the door-and Alyss came flying straight at her mother-and then straight at me, nearly knocking me down the stairs again.

"...Lacie? A little help, my shoe fell off."

"Did the missing shoe come back?" Alyss asked as her cat circled her, hissing at me.

"Yes, yes, it did." I assured her while reaching my arm out to the cat.

"Hi, Cheshire!"

He swatted at me, but then purred and nuzzled up against Lacie before ultimately jumping into Alyss's arms.

"That cat is so prejudiced." I huffed.

"It only likes Baskervilles." Lacie declared.

"Remember how much he scratched Levi?" I said, remembering how the old dude had called the thing a filthy beast and to have it neutered before Oswald had put duct tape on over his mouth to provide a family-friendly environment.

Oz blinked as he left my arms and came back to Alyss, who happily played with him before setting him aside in favor of Cheshire and her other dolls.

"It seems like he's the foundling." I said, chuckling to myself.

"You were the ugly duck yourself so long ago, Jack." Lacie said, her lips on mine.

"Not in front of-"

But Alyss wasn't paying attention, so we did kiss.

"Mommy and Daddy are going to play upstairs." Lacie said to Alyss, who drooped.

"Will you come back when she's here?"

"You have Oz and Cheshire with you!" Lacie called back.

"She's lonely, isn't she?" I said, "You really should get her a Skype account to the Abyss."

"What's a Skype?" Lacie asked. "One of those thingamajiggys from your world?"

"Yeah, one of those things. I was once one of those things."

"Don't call yourself a thing, Jack, that would be demeaning to Oz."

I wilted, "Oh, so you're saying I'm a thing."

"You're a strange, strange human being, but I don't mind, Jack. You've managed to make Niisan more upset and tense ever since the day you joined! The Core's not lonely now, but sometimes, I have nightmares..." She muttered, rolling over.

"Nightmares? Like if Oswald were to smile?"

She laughed. "Nii-san smiles. He's just happily challenged. By that, I mean, he can't smile. But these nightmares were different...in them, everything was wrong. There was a fire, so much blood and destruction...a calamity...little Gilbert and Vincent were hurt, the Abyss was hurting...and my daughters..."

The smile fell off my face and my eyes narrowed.

"Alice was dead, Oz was screaming; he was a chain and Alyss was...so heartbroken. But the worst part of the dream was...that you were in it."

"I was..?" I mumbled. "What did I do in it?"

"You were..." Her crimson irises showed a faint emotion I couldn't place, was it...sadness? Anger? No, it was more like thoughtfulness. "...You were insane. A madman. Nii-sama sent me down to the Abyss, but while I was trapped in that dark space, I saw...all of this happening...and it was done by you. You led Oz to destroy the world, you were laughing while you cut my brother into pieces, you were responsible for Alice dying and..."

My arms were around her. "It was just a dream, nothing more." 'It is now.'

"No, the Core of the Abyss was showing me another dimension, the same as this one. Different events played out. In the end, that world moved towards a bittersweet ending. This one is much brighter, she said, thanks to his sacrifice. Whoever he is."

My eyes widened. "Oz..."

"What does Oz have to do with anything?" Lacie teased, kissing my neck.

"It's nothing. I guess you'd believe anything I told you?"

"Jack's not a liar. Your eyes are too honest. If you lied, you'd be a jackass."

"You're giving me too much credit now, Lacie. And...that's a terrible pun."

Just for that, though, she playfully rapped me on the head.

As I lay near her, watching her form rise and fall, I looked out the window at the sun, which was slowly starting to set, indicating that evening had now come. In a way, this world felt like a long, peaceful dream. Which felt oh so real, but oh so right, for the world this is.

I am Jack, but at the same time I am not. I tucked my blond bangs back with my fingers before smiling absently. The memories from my previous life are slowly fading, but I remember some of them. I have long since forgotten my real name, but I remember everything else well.

In my past life, I had been a female. Ironic, isn't it?

No one but Lacie knows that much.

Everyone just assumes Jack is a weird person and that's that.

Well, I am weird. But at least I'm not insane and weird.

And the series, Pandora Hearts, is well known for the villain, Jack, whom everyone hates. But what if the Core has a change of heart and places someone else in that position? How would that change life for all the characters-and-for me?

This is, after all, just a quaint little fairytale, or a hilariously sad dream. However you want to look at it. All work and no Lacie makes Jack a bored boy. Not insane.

My eyes narrowed. I had promised myself that long ago, when I'd become Jack, that I would never do those things. Never hurt them. But it's impossible to quell that feeling of terror that this could all change and I'd be left all alone.

And we all know Jack Vessalius is no one when he's alone.

After all, who will make sure he flosses, brushes his teeth and runs his errands?

And his dirty socks will stink up the house.

Overall, I had to admit, as I rolled back over and fell asleep, my hand wrapped around hers, this was not a bad life. I did miss cell phones, though. Though I'm sure if I had a cell phone, Lacie would probably smack me and tell me to not text in bed.

How did this tale of Wonderland begin, you may ask? Well, written below in Jack's Super Secret Diary that No One Should Ever Know the Location of...which Lacie has found multiple times. She found it in the crack in the wall, she found it in the nook under the stairs, she found it in her closet, she found it under the sink and she found it under the toilet.

But she won't find it this time. I managed to hide it in a spot she'll never look in. I managed to hide it in my ponytail! Smooth.

It's covered with hair, though. That's to be expected.

As I took the note out and continued writing, I saw one red eye crack open. Lacie was peeking. I bet she knew most (if not) all my hiding places these days.

I sighed and continued writing with a smile on my face, content. I could almost forget about the realization that, behind these closed doors, abyssal creatures lurked, that could destroy this entire world. That if things had gone differently, I would have let the canon plot go to hell. Literally.

It's kinda scary...those dreams...to think if I had made one tiny little error, everything...the woman sleeping beside me, the little girls, one in the Abyss and the other down below, nestled by a warm and comfortable core-two little children playing, a watchful rabbit doll, and the stern gaze of Oswald-to think that this might be a demented fairy tale thought up by an insane man.

But I'm fairly sure this is real, this world is real. I am sure that Lacie is real.

My hand nestles against hers and in it I feel much happiness...but a bit of anguish that lessens.

'As long as you are with her, you are safe...' A shadow whispered in my ear, 'But otherwise, you are still bound by the sins your counterpart committed. Differing soul or not, you are still him. Your fate has still been set...'

The voice sounded a lot like the Core's voice.

'It's not like this world hasn't been difficult...'

'Yes, yes, you see reason!' The demon hisses.

'For example, when Lacie runs out of menstrual supplies and she makes me go buy them, it's slightly awkward considering what sex my soul used to be, so it's slightly uncool for a guy to be seen buying them, you know what I mean. Oh and yeah, there was the time when she fell asleep on top of me and her br-'

'Not those difficulties! Be more serious now.' The phantom hisses. 'Tell me, don't you hate her for chaining you to this world when your old soul could have just moved on?'

I sigh. 'You're boring me. No wonder I don't listen to my subconscious, it's full of some whiny asshole who yells at kids that come in their garden to get a ball. Regardless of who I used to be, I'm here now and here to stay. I'm not taking off, or should I say...Jac-"

'You wouldn't dare say that-'

'Jacking off, right?' I winked at the phantom, who shakes its head.

'Tch, you suck. I was gonna nab you, but you're far too cheery for me.'

Who was that? Oh, no one, probably Bill Cipher, the Dream Demon, coming to collect my soul...see, the cool thing is, kids, when you're from a world where none of that stuff exists yet, in a way it's like you've invented it yourself! So much copyright infringement at hand here.

In my dreams, I revisit my old life-though I used to dream much more of it when I was younger. As I've gotten older, the dreams have progressed more into those visions of the one in the canon series. You know, Alice confronting Jack, a fight, and then her glaring at me with hatred in her eyes as she stabs herself with scissors.

Alice does dislike me. But I'm confident that I'm not the same as that Jack. This Jack is just Jack. No one else. He could give you a heart attack from the sexy! I remember saying those same words to Lottie and she'd promptly thrown me out the door.

Slowly, as the night comes closer, I know that Alice is probably awake down there now, playing with Oz. She is more nocturnal. Then Alyss will be back again. Right now, she is sleeping in a world of her own creation.

They are not my daughters by blood, but I still consider them my family. I would never hurt them.

'Never?'

'Never.'

Just like I consider Gilbert and Vincent and Oswald my family.

Slowly, reassuringly, I allow myself to fall asleep, my arms cuddled around the pillows-Lacie will probably steal them back from me in the middle of the night-and plunge down into a world of dreams and memories.

The memory that plays most in my mind is one of the last memories I have of when I was a girl.

I had been waiting for something to take me somewhere, holding onto my sister's hand tightly. I was only eighteen years of age or so, but still I preferred to hang back. I was an introvert who preferred quiet places and taking rides on public transportation was very difficult for me to do.

Still, it was a mere train. No harm to be had. I recall my feet going on the train and then...a strange smell of smoke filling my nose as I heard the sound of something going off...I lose the arm of my sister, we are separated from each other.

I scream her name, even as I fall on the ground, covered from head to toe in debris; there was an explosion. I have to move, I have to get help. I heard a small cry. I looked down in time to see a small child near me, a little girl lying, pinned beneath rubble.

Slowly, even though I am weak, I do my best to free her and manage to scoop her out.

"Thank you, miss..." She mutters, before her eyes shine gold and she passes out in my arms.

Blinking in confusion, I held her close to me and tried to stand up, trying to move further on-I needed to find my parents and my sister-but a piece of shrapnel came flying at us from the ruins of the train-all I remember is seeing it coming straight at my face and-blackness.

Death is instantaneous, I would imagine. To think I died on a terrorist attack on the day I would be going to college for the first time. Pathetic.

'You did something admirable, young one.' A voice said, 'You have much courage and spirit. You still have a reason to exist. A will.'

I couldn't see anything, I only saw something bright gold hanging in front of me.

"Abyss?" I muttered, it looked like the Core of the Abyss, but that was fiction.

"I shall assist you. In turn, you shall go into a world that needs you and make it better. Only..." It looked like it smiled for a second, "There is a person who needs a second chance. Make his life better."

"I have to fall in love with a guy?" I said before shaking my head. "I understand...what I need to do."

In all essence, I had no idea. I had no idea what the Core actually meant, being the sadistic mofo that it is.

But if I wanted to live again, I would.

And when I woke, of course I would have zero memory of what had happened except for the accident. You know, PTSD, convenient plot devices, yada yada yada. No angst is necessary for this time. I tend to keep it on the inside.

"Mother, father, please, no! I don't want to die...save me!"

I shot up in bed, covered in sweat. I tossed the blankets back and sat up, examining my hands. I was not dead, I was alive. And yet...something felt off.

I placed my hand over my chest. It was at that time that I realized that I could not feel my breasts. How odd. My chest was flat.

Before I could comprehend that further, the door burst open a woman appeared.

"Get off my bed, you stupid boy! You're not my child! You're not mine!"

I fought with the crazy lady but before I knew it, I was kicked off the bed and onto the ground.

"Piss off." I growled as a response, shaking myself off.

When was my voice this deep?

Frowning in confusion, I ran a hand through my blond bangs and sighed-wait, blond. My hair had always been brown. Now, it was blond.

When I looked at myself in the window, my eyes widened-as the face of a teenage boy with blond hair and green eyes stared back. That was...Jack...Jack Vessalius.

I was Jack?

How?

Memories drifted through my head of this crazy woman beating me up, hurting me...these weren't my memories.

I sighed, swallowed, and then muttered, "Fuck."

So I'd been put in Pandora Hearts, then? As the guy that kills everyone? Lovely.

Exquisitely lovely.

Bullshit.

A few hours later, the woman started acting like I was her lovely son and tried to hug me and I gave in for a few moments, that is until the beatings started.

Thank goodness boys have more muscle. I was able to fight her off.

I was not going to stick around here.

So I ran.

And then...I crashed into someone, it was...someone with long, black hair.

Holy shit...it was Lacie. The woman who drives Jack to ruin. Lacie Baskerville was standing before me.

"Hello there, boy," She said, eying me hungrily, up and down. Her red eyes were inhuman, but fascinating.

I shook slightly, but smiled shyly.

"Are you running away from home? I can help you, you know."

I shook my head no.

"You're a bad liar, boy. Hey, why don't I take you with me? You can live with me."

Before I knew it, Lacie was tugging on my arm and pulling me with her.

"H-Hey, no, stop!" I cried.

"My name is Lacie Baskerville. And you are...?"

"I'm...Jack." I muttered, deciding to go with that name.

"Not much of a talker, are you?" She whispered.

Suddenly, hooded figures surrounded us.

"It's not Halloween yet..." I muttered.

Lacie just paused. "You're not very subtle, Nii-sama. I know you're there."

Holy shit, Oswald Baskerville was before me, looking at me with wary eyes. "This is a Vessalius child, isn't it? Those eyes are unmistakable."

"Jack...you never told me you were a Vessalius..." Lacie muttered, "Though I already knew."

'Wow, that's real nice.' I thought, cringing mentally.

"I'm Jack! Please don't kill me, Miss Lacie is nice and I'd like to come with her and-"

"Why not? He can come, Lacie needs a boyfriend or two." There he was, Levi Baskerville.

"Levi, knock it off." Lacie snapped.

"Lacie, are you...on your period?" Oswald muttered.

"And what would give you that impression?" She snapped.

"Yep, definitely on her period. Look, Jack...I...I..."

"Basically what he's trying to say is don't hurt his sister or else he'll whine endlessly. Oswald is really a big softie inside." Lacie teased.

"You ran away only because I deliberately lost a chess game!"

"Oh, so that's how it is, huh?" She yelled.

"Um, excuse me...but I..."

"You can stay if you like, but you are a mere street urchin, Jack. I like that name. Jack-kun...don't you go seducing Lacie..."

'I don't want to hear that from you, Mr. Rapist.' I thought darkly, shooting him a death glare as Lacie led me up her tower. All I had to do was be as calm as possible. And logical, logical never hurt anybody.

"There sure are a lot of stairs!" I said happily.

"Why would you be happy about that, Jack?" She asked as she led me into a room full of stuffed animals. "Well, this is it, Jack, what do you think?"

"It's...nice." I said, but then I paused as I took in the black rabbit doll sitting next to Lacie's bed. "A rabbit doll? That's nice."

"He's special."

As if on cue, the rabbit's eyes flickered before it stared straight at me.

Holy crap, it was alive. Who am I kidding, this is Oz after all.

I stared at Oz. He stared back.

I blinked before staring him down.

At this, he paled slightly and turned his gaze away from me, still shaking.

"Rabbit, quit stalking. He is a new person, but the one down there senses no hate from him, so I deemed him safe to be here."

"Does he have a name?" I trailed off...flushing slightly. Being a guy was hard to get used to. Especially when your freaking hormones were all over the place.

"Maybe I can name him Jackrabbit!"

"N-No, definitely not!" I cried, before I suddenly fell backwards onto the bed. Apparently, I was tired from before.

"The rabbit doesn't have a name, but he's a friend of mine and of the Core of the Abyss. You can see it, too, can't you? That's why you saw him moving. He doesn't have a voice...thoughts, yes, but no voice." Lacie stated. "Jack, you're such an unusual boy. You're not afraid of a child of misfortune."

She came near me before she suddenly smacked me on the cheek. "You don't really act much like other boys your age. I like that."

I flushed and I...oh shit. I had a nosebleed.

"Jack, you don't talk much, hm? You must be shy."

"Thank you...Lacie-san..." I mumbled.

"Lacie will be fine." She said, tugging at my hair.

"Ow, please stop!" I cried. "I'm a natural blond, I swear!"

"Of course you're natural. It's not like you can change your hair color with anything." She chirped.

Before I knew it, I was getting tired, so I leaned against her as I fell asleep, confused and worn out from my first day of being a boy, thrown into a manga. Can I leave already?

No?

Sweet. Though, the Core and I were going to have a talk about what it means to trick someone. I was hoping to at least get a cookie or something.