Steven tossed and turned restlessly. The gems had disappeared into the temple hours ago and he hadn't been able to fall asleep since. He flipped over onto his back and stared at the ceiling, mindlessly fingering his gem.

"I wish you were here," he said to the empty room. "I wish I could talk to you- or anyone really." He sighed and glanced out the window. "The gems don't understand. My dad and Connie don't understand. I don't even understand! I don't, I don't know what I am." Steven sat up a bit and looked at his gem. "Do you even understand?"

It didn't answer.

Steven flopped back down onto his pillow.

"The gems try and hide it, but I can tell that they blame me for you being gone… at least a little. And, I guess I kind of blame myself too? Garnet's the only one who really seems to care about me as me. And Pearl and Amethyst… I think their history with you gets in the way." He laughed a bit.

"I mess up so much Mom. I forget things on missions, I can barely summon your shield, and there's so much I don't know." He rolled over and curled up. "I'm not cut out to be a Crystal Gem," he murmured. He laid there like that for a bit, quietly struggling with his feelings and trying to figure out how to express them. The night was quiet when he finally whispered,

"Do you remember that video you left me? You said that every moment I loved being myself that that would be you loving me, and loving being me." He paused.

"But what if I don't love myself?"

Suddenly his gem lit up, brighter than ever before, and the door to the temple opened. Steven gasped quietly and sat up, eyes shining. He quickly hopped out of bed, ran over to it, and stepped inside.

Someone was waiting for him.

The woman turned around, pink curls cascading over her shoulders and down the back of her pure white dress.

"Steven," she said.

"Mom?" he whispered. She nodded and extended her arms to him. "Mom!" Steven sprinted over and tackled her in a hug in which she embraced him just as tightly.

"You didn't turn into clouds," he remarked. "Does that mean you're real? Have you been hiding here the entire time?!" Rose laughed as she held him.

"No, no! Steven, I am literally a part of you. Right now I'm a sort of… projection. It's hard to explain," she said. Steven nodded in vague understanding.

"What happened to your star?" he asked, poking her belly. It was missing along with her gem. Rose chuckled.

"You wear it now, silly," she said, poking his belly in return. He giggled quietly and the two of them stood there quietly and peacefully for a moment enjoying the company they never had. Rose sighed.

"Oh Steven. I feel what you feel, but I couldn't understand it. Once you explained it though… Oh Steven, you shouldn't have to feel like that."

"I know…"

"But you still do," Rose responded gently. Steven nodded. Rose pulled him into another hug.

"I know the gems can be hard to understand sometimes, but they do love you Steven; they do love you as you."

"How do you know?" Steven asked.

"I spent over a thousand years with them. Trust me, I know them. I can see it in the way Pearl looks at you during your training. I can see it in the way Amethyst jokes with you and wants to protect you. I can see it in the way Garnet trusts your judgements. They're proud of you Steven. They're coming to see you as their leader, not me anymore."

"I'd never thought of that," Steven said. "I never saw myself as a leader."

"Many people look up to you Steven, the people of Beach City especially. You've done such a good job taking care of them, gems and humans alike. You've done so much I never could," she said wistfully, touching her forehead to his. "I'm so proud of you."

Steven felt himself tearing up and buried himself into her hair to hide his face. She embraced him warmly, but pulled back after a moment.

"Now there's one more thing," she said and looked at him sternly. "Don't you ever blame yourself for my choices. I chose to have you with Greg and I have never regretted that decision. I just hope that one day the gems can understand that too."

"Should I tell them about this?" Steven wondered.

"That's for you to decide," Rose said. "But if you do, will you pass on a message for me?"

"Yeah. What is it?"

"Tell them I love them and miss them, but that I don't regret my decision and that it was mine alone to make. And tell your father I love him, will you?" Steven nodded then threw himself around her neck one more time.

"Thank you. I love you Mom."

"I love you too Steven. I love you even when you don't love yourself. Don't forget that." He nodded and hugged tighter and his gem began to glow. The door to the temple opened. He turned to look at it and when he turned back, he was on the ground and Rose was gone. He felt the gentle sensation of a kiss being placed on his forehead and then it was gone. Wiping away a tear, Steven made his way out of the room and back into the kitchen.

He had just started to make breakfast when Garnet came through the temple door.

"Morning Steven."

"Garnet!" Steven gasped and ran and tackled her in a hug. "You'll never believe what happened last night." She picked him up and set him on a stool.

"Why don't you tell me over breakfast."

A/N: Well, there ya go! Kind of an open ending and I'm willing to continue it if enough people liked it. Thanks for reading!