Disclaimer: I do not own The Killing. If I did, it would not have stopped just when it was getting good. :(

A/N: After finally finishing "You're My Ride" a few months ago, after working on it for about 18 months, I didn't expect to be inspired to write another fic for The Killing, as much as I love Linden and Holder. I just couldn't imagine that after 68 chapters, I'd have more to say. But I guess that just goes to show that you never know, because last night I watched the last 5 minutes of "Eden," because I needed a Linden and Holder fix, and Holder's line, "Close your eyes," suddenly made me think… what if she had? I woke up this morning obsessed with the idea, and by the time I got out of the shower I had almost half the chapter outlined in my head. So here it is, written all in one day and posted all in one shot. A second alternate ending, hopefully at least as satisfying as the other one I wrote in YMR. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

"Why don't you stay?" he asked her softly. The storm of emotions that was raging inside her was visible in her eyes, and when he uttered those words, he saw the fear flare up to drown out the rest of them. She'd just used up all of her courage on the words she'd said to him, ending with, "I think that was everything." "That" was two of them. He was impressed that she'd gotten all of those words out, even if she'd done it looking so terrified. It had taken her years to get to this point, he knew.

"Stay," he repeated, just above a whisper. He wondered if she could hear the hint of pleading in his voice. He hadn't thought he'd ever see her again, but there she was in front of him. How could he possibly lose her again? He was in a much better place now, and she seemed to be as well. Still, there was a lot behind her eyes that remained unhealed, and he couldn't help but want to protect her from herself. Just like he'd always wanted to. He'd come a long way, and let go of so much, and he wished the same for her.

She deflected quickly, looking away. Looking for an excuse, he thought. He knew her too well. "Um, I think this city's… the city of the dead for me," she said slowly. It took all of her energy, but she forced herself to look back up at him. Terrified did not begin to describe how she felt just then, and she had a feeling that every bit of it showed on her face.

"It's a matter of perception, ain't it?" he asked her. He could see that mere words alone were not going to get through to her, that he would need to try something else. How many times had words failed to get through to Linden over the years, after all? She could understand them and he knew that it wasn't that she doubted his sincerity, per se. No, it was just that her walls were built up so high, she could not allow herself to believe that another human being would come into her life and not eventually hurt her. He remembered wanting to be the one to prove her wrong, and working hard to protect her, even when it was from herself. It was usually from herself. Sadly, the odds had been stacked against him back then. Now, on the other hand… he wondered.

Looking around and fidgeting nervously, bouncing from one foot to another, he tried to think quickly, to think of something he could do to make her see things differently. Something that wouldn't be just words… words that she could tell herself that he didn't really mean, or however it was that her brain seemed to always work to sabotage her happiness.

Finally, he had an idea. Looking back at her, he suddenly felt nervous. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing, and certainly didn't know if it would work, but hell, it was worth a shot. After everything they'd been through together, the least he could do was try. If the alternative was to watch her walk away again, he'd try just about anything.

"Close your eyes."

"What?" She just looked at him, a confused grimace on her face.

"Just close your eyes," he repeated.

"No," she said, now smiling at him, sure that he was joking. "You're so weird," she added, laughing nervously.

"Just close your eyes," he repeated, slightly more emphatically. Her laughter had faded as she attempted to figure out why he wanted so badly for her to close her eyes, a small smile remaining on her lips as her eyes locked onto his. She wasn't looking away nervously, but she also wasn't closing her eyes.

"Just give it a try," he continued, then his tone suddenly becoming serious, "and maybe you'll see what's really there." He paused, staring into her eyes and noticing that she still hadn't yet looked away. "What's standing right in front of you." Her smile had now faded, however, and she frowned at him slightly.

Inside her head, alarm bells were going off. Warning! Danger! Get the hell out of there! her mind screamed. It was all she could do to keep her feet firmly planted and continue to look at him as intensely as she did, though her smile had vanished. She didn't want to be afraid.

I'm not afraid of Holder, she told herself determinedly. And yet she was afraid of what he was asking of her. It poked at all of her oldest fears and insecurities.

You have to know what I'm saying, Linden, he thought. He wondered whether he could send the message with his eyes if he stared at her hard enough. Not that he really knew what he wanted to say, all he knew was that he wanted her not to run away, and to give him a chance to get this right.

"It ain't ghosts, Linden." He paused for a few seconds, their eyes still locked on each other. "It ain't the dead."

Her eyes darted from side to side as the panic inside her mounted. Her breath was rapid and shallow, and she felt the sudden urge to be anywhere else, to run until her legs gave out and all the air had been pushed from her lungs with exertion. No, suddenly she couldn't stay there, standing in front of him and losing her mind, any longer. She had to get out of there.

Still, she didn't move. She wasn't quite sure why, but something held her firmly in place.

Finally, her eyes came back to rest on his and the voice in her head said softly, pleadingly, I can't.

He just held her gaze with his, then in a warm, low voice he said simply, "Yes, you can." His smile grew wider when he saw the surprise on her face. Damn, but I'm good, he thought, inwardly congratulating himself on predicting her thoughts. It wasn't really that hard, as far as he was concerned. Just assume she'll panic, and you'll probably be right. Poor Linden, what must it be like in her head?

She looked at him in surprise when the words came out of his mouth. But how did he…? She knew 100% for sure that she hadn't said the words out loud, that they'd only been in her head. And yet, he'd heard her anyway. How?

That was when she felt something suddenly shift inside her, and she felt her hesitation falter, allowing the knot inside her to slowly loosen. As she looked up at him, her inner voice suddenly demanded that she calm down, and possibly for the first time ever, she listened. It was as though someone inside her head had shrieked for her attention and all of the other voices in her head had suddenly fallen silent, shocked by the sudden outburst. It had never happened before. The noise in her head was usually so deafening that she couldn't take it. It was why she ran – to try to get away from it.

She took a long, deep breath, suddenly feeling a strange mixture of calm and complete terror. Then she did it. She closed her eyes, exhaling slowly to try to hide her nervousness.

He watched the change come over her in fascination. He hadn't actually thought that it would work, that Linden would push past all of her insecurities and let go. He wouldn't have been offended if she hadn't, wouldn't even have been surprised. Lots of others might have taken her refusal to close her eyes as distrust, especially after they'd spent so much time as partners, but it was all that time they'd spent together that allowed him to know her well enough that he felt quite the opposite. He was taken aback that she'd actually closed her eyes. He smiled widely then, exhaling softly. Then he watched her nervous smile in response to the sound that, knowing him as she did, she knew accompanied a smile that she couldn't see. He knew how hard this was for her. Now he just had to figure out what to do next. He hadn't exactly had time to think this through.

"So?" she asked quietly, her breathing gradually slowing down from the panicked rate it had been a moment before.

"So… what do you see?" he asked her simply. That was supposed to be the point, after all.

Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "Holder, my eyes are closed." They'd been standing close together before, less than a foot separating them. She heard him sigh in what could have been slight exasperation, then the rustling of movement as she felt him step back from her slightly. For some reason, she felt a momentary loss, no longer knowing exactly how far he was from her, though she knew that he was still there. Then suddenly, she felt his proximity again, this time much closer. She almost opened her eyes just out of habit, uncomfortable with not knowing what was going on in front of her and accustomed to being in control of her surroundings. She managed to stop herself, however, once again exhaling slowly to try to calm herself.

She could tell that he was much closer this time, possibly right in front of her face, because she could hear the soft sounds of his breathing. With their height difference, she knew that if he'd brought his face that close to hers, he must be standing in a pretty uncomfortable crouching position. For some reason, that thought made her smile slightly. You're surprised that he'd lean over to be at your level? After all he's done for you over the years, you don't even think he'd bend down to talk to you?

But it wasn't that she was surprised, exactly, because rationally, she knew how much he'd done for her over the years. No, it wasn't surprise, it was more that she was so accustomed to telling herself that she didn't need – that she didn't deserve – anything from anyone, it was long since firmly engrained in her. The idea that he was going to so much trouble to get through to her was simply a foreign concept to her. Why would he do that? She wasn't anyone special, after all. She knew that this only proved how truly fucked up she was, but it's not as though she hadn't already known that about herself.

Holder stood bent over, his hands braced against his knees, as he found the position that allowed him to stand with his face even with Linden's, about six inches away from her. He really didn't know what he was doing. If someone had asked, he wouldn't have had an answer for them. He was making it up as he went along.

He'd seen her smile at the moment when she must have realized that he'd moved closer to her, and took it as a good sign, trying to ignore the look of something akin to worry that moved across her face almost immediately after the smile appeared. He knew how much was happening in her head. The fact that he'd gotten a smile at all was like an epic victory, as was the fact that she was still standing there in front of him.

"So… what do you see?" he asked her again, in the same quiet tone as before.

Her lips curved slowly back into a smile, and he couldn't help but swear that it was the most genuine one he'd ever seen on her face. She bit her lip slightly, maybe from nerves or maybe thinking about her answer.

The voices in her head, the ones that usually arrived bringing new layers of fear and insecurity nearly every minute, were still oddly silent as she felt the smile creep back across her face, bigger than before and completely against her will. Of course, she didn't want to feel like she had to protect herself – especially not from Holder – but there were some demons she'd just always known would never leave her, no matter what. And yet, all of a sudden, she couldn't hear them. She knew that they were still there, still trying for her attention, and yet, somehow they were just background noise.

It was a relief… it was so peaceful. Somehow, staring into Holder's eyes had been terrifying, but standing here not looking at him was… serene. She didn't think she'd ever felt anything she'd describe using the word "serene," but that was the only word she could think of.

He didn't worry that she didn't answer right away, mostly because she was still smiling. The gears inside her were turning fast and furious.

"I don't know," she said honestly, her smile fading into confusion. She knew the question was actually more about what she felt, standing there in front of him, and she could honestly say that she didn't understand what was going on inside her. She'd never done the "emotionally healthy" thing, never allowed herself to feel things the way you were supposed to. She knew too well that it only led to pain and heartbreak. She'd learned that very early on, repeatedly so, before she'd learned to control it, to push the feelings back down and lock them away. It was self-preservation, done in order to tell herself that she didn't need those emotions, that she didn't need anyone but herself. The very few times she'd made an exception, it had always blown up in her face, so she'd finally vowed to herself, back when she'd finally realized that she didn't want to leave Seattle for California and that life that wasn't hers, that she wasn't going to do that again. Letting people in brought too much heartache. Trusting people – anyone, in any capacity… it only ever ended badly for her. Other people could do it. She was simply too broken.

Holder had tested that resolve as her best and only friend, and she'd resisted for a long time. But he'd persisted, and she'd trusted him as much as she'd been able at the time. But it had been complicated, of course, and then it had simply all gone to hell. And she'd fucked it all up, at least in her head, and had left, because it was simply better that way. Better for him that she leave and stop fucking up his life… because that was her specialty, it seemed: setting her own life on fire and dragging down anyone else nearby along with her.

Now he smiled sadly at her, wanting nothing more in the world that to fix whatever inside her that made her think that she was so unworthy of anything good. Because again, knowing her as he did, even after the passage of time, he knew that that was exactly what she thought. He knew so well how her mind worked, he wouldn't have been surprised if he knew her better than she knew herself. Or at least he had back then. She'd mellowed out, it appeared, and she might have come to terms with some of it, but he could see how much letting anyone in – even someone she trusted (because despite it all, he knew that she trusted him… again, to the point that she was able) terrified her. He knew that she thought of herself as broken, and it was heartbreaking.

Without thinking about it, he slowly brought his left hand up and, not wanting to startle her, laid it slowly and very gently on her right shoulder. He felt her tense up immediately at the unexpected contact, then ever so gradually, she began to relax. Forcing herself to breathe slowly and deeply, she attempted to calm the storm now raging in her head. She began to slowly shake her head, in some sort of protest, and despite the fact that she had no idea what she was going to say, her mouth opened as if she was about to speak. Her pulse had begun to race and he was watching her spiral quickly into panic mode. He wondered for a second if he'd made a mistake by touching her. But this was his Hail Mary, and he was all in.

Bringing his right hand up, he gently held his index finger against her lips. Her head stopped in mid-shake, and again she tensed before relaxing slowly. Her mouth closed, and she became conscious that his finger still sat against her lips. Her lips parted just enough to exhale raggedly, suddenly overcome by a flood of emotion and feeling tears threatening at the corners of her eyes.

"Sssshhh," he said simply. "You don't have to know. You don't have to be anyone besides who you are. Never did," he added softly. His left thumb moved back and forth slightly against the skin between her shoulder and her neck, having somehow found its way between her coat and her scarf. His right index finger still sat against her lips. She pursed her lips, glad not to be looking at him then, and pretending that he couldn't see the look on her face – like a toddler who assumes that when they can't see someone, that someone can't see them either. She was sure that she looked terrified, and she hated herself for it. At the same time, she didn't know how to begin to process what she was feeling. She hated herself for that, too, seeing it as just more proof of how broken she was.

Moving ever so slowly once again, he removed his finger from her lips. She immediately felt the absence of it, finding that she actually missed the contact. This only served to confuse her more. When he placed his right hand on her left shoulder, so he was now holding onto her with both hands, she found that she felt relief mixed in with a combination of panic and a number of other emotions that she didn't even attempt to identify.

He knew that he couldn't stop her if she chose to run again, but it felt better to have the contact with her… and just maybe, it would help her understand just how much he wanted her to stay. He spoke without thinking then, one simple word that came out in barely a whisper.

"Stay."

Somehow, he didn't even realize that he'd said it until after the word was out of his mouth, with even more emotion behind it than the first time.

The tiny, sad smile was back on her face, and she started to shake her head in protest yet again. He couldn't help but feel slightly frustrated at her stubbornness. Dammit, Linden, stop fighting it, he thought, hoping to send the thought across the small amount of space that separated his head from hers. Her head had fallen forward slightly, probably with the emotion of the situation, and he took advantage of this, leaning his head forward slowly until his forehead touched hers. His eyes were still on her face, though the angle was awkward, and he watched her with concern as best he could.

At that moment the only thing she could hear was the blood pounding in her ears, and she stood frozen in place. When she felt his forehead press against hers, she was surprised to feel relief wash over her. For some reason, she didn't feel the momentary panic that she'd felt when his hands had landed on her shoulders. Exhaling slowly, she smiled nervously despite the web of emotions that was swirling around inside her. It was impossible to separate those emotions from each other. She didn't think she could even identify everything she was feeling, much less sort through them. Dealing with feelings had never been her thing. Avoiding them had been – another failed coping mechanism.

Attempting to evaluate the situation, she realized that, to her surprise, she was okay. She had felt the urge to run rise in her when the first hand had touched her shoulder, but that urge was gone. No, she was better than okay. Despite everything else she was feeling, the strongest thing she felt was… peace.

He felt the change in her breathing, felt her relax against his forehead, and saw the sadness seem to evaporate, albeit very gradually, from her smile.

Without any further prompting, she finally found her voice. "I see… you," she said softly, in response to the question he'd already asked her twice.

His little boy grin spread across his face then. He simply could not believe that it had worked. He allowed himself to believe for the first time that just maybe, she would stay. "Bout time," he joked quietly, "cause I've been waiting a helluva long time."

She chuckled, smiling then. "Shut up, Holder," she told him in the same playful tone in which she used to say it when they were bantering back and forth good naturedly in the car, which felt like a million years ago.

He smiled at her warmly despite the fact that her eyes were still closed. He was pretty sure he could watch her smile all day long. He was also fairly sure that he'd seen her smile more in the short amount of time she'd been in front of him that day than nearly all the time they'd known each other up until that day, put together. The smile looked good on her, and he liked the thought that he'd been the one who put it on her face. Her rare smile had always been a prize that he'd tried to win.

Her eyes were still closed, but she could feel him smiling at her. She didn't really understand how, she just did. She shook her head once more at his joke, keeping her forehead leaned against his and merely pivoting her head against him slowly, enjoying the contact far more than she would have ever expected. The motion was just enough for her nose to brush against his for a split second, the contact evoking memories of what kids had called an "Eskimo Kiss" when she was much younger – simply two noses rubbed together. It was just a cute, harmless gesture, and yet…

The playful movement halted as the felt her face flush a dark red, and she hoped that for once he would let something go. She didn't like her odds, since he'd always so loved to give her a hard time about everything… This time, however, he saw how quickly her face had changed color, and decided not to push his luck. He bit his bottom lip, thinking that he had just witnessed perhaps the most adorable "embarrassed Linden" moment he'd ever seen.

Holder's back and knees were killing him from leaning over so far for so long, without even the benefit of his hands to hold him up anymore, but he couldn't bear to move his forehead off of hers just yet. He couldn't believe that she hadn't run, couldn't believe that she'd closed her eyes, couldn't believe that she hadn't thrown his hands off of her shoulders, and couldn't believe that he'd been allowed to get this close to her. He was afraid that if he gave up the contact, she'd change her mind and disappear like she had years back, leaving nothing but her badge behind to prove that she'd ever been there. Now that she was here in front of him, he couldn't bear the thought of losing her all over again.

They stood that way for a few minutes, not needing to say anything. The panic that she'd felt so intensely a little while ago was now only background noise in her head. It was there, but she had suddenly figured out how to tune it out.

He felt her sigh against him, a look of peace settling across her face. It looked a lot like the way he imagined he looked, too. "Linden?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah?" she replied, sounding so peaceful, he almost didn't recognize her voice.

He was almost afraid to say it, lest he make her panic again and break the spell she seemed to be under. But her eyes are still closed, the voice in his head reminded him. And she's still here. That says a lot. He hesitated, suddenly unsure. Though their foreheads were already touching, he felt as though she leaned into him further in response to his silence… or maybe it was all in his head. Now or never, he thought, reminding himself that if he didn't ask, he couldn't get the answer he wanted. Never mind the risk. Wasn't taking chances what life was all about?

"Stay." Once again it came out as almost a whisper, and slightly more like a plea than he'd wanted it to. But that was okay, he realized. He already knew how vulnerable she felt, and maybe that would help her to know that he wasn't entirely sure about any of this either. The only thing he was sure of was that she had to stay.

This time, instead of tensing all over, he noted only a slightly change in the way she stood, perhaps mild discomfort, but overall she seemed much calmer. Her smile dimmed slightly, but didn't leave her face. She inhaled slowly and deliberately, pausing for a few seconds, and he could almost hear the wheels in her head turning again. Then without warning, the peaceful smile spread across her face anew. "You keep asking me that," she said teasingly, even though it had only really been a question the first time he'd said it. Since then, it had been more of a request.

"Cause you haven't said yes yet," he told her matter-of-factly. He pretended to be annoyed, but his smile was evident even in his voice. "Just tell me, how many times I gotta ask, anyway?" He leaned his head back and looked at her, grinning despite the fact that her eyes were still closed and she couldn't see his expression. Shaking his head at her, he added, "You know you can open your eyes now."

She arched an eyebrow at him, but kept her eyes closed. "You sure? Did I see everything standing right in front of me that I was supposed to see?" Now she was toying with him, just like the old Linden he'd known, and he loved it. He'd forgotten, because of all of the anger towards her that he'd had to work through, back when she'd simply disappeared from his life, how much he'd missed this. The anger and everything that had come with it was now long gone. She'd looked so guilty when she'd apologized to him when she'd first arrived, and he'd felt so badly for her, that she'd carried so much guilt around with her for so many years. He'd let go of all of that a long time ago. He'd missed her, plain and simple, though he'd tried his best to make himself forget.

"Well, I guess that depends," he replied, copying her joking tone and watching her closely.

She'd kept her eyes closed this long, and she was surprised to find that she didn't mind it. She even liked it. Something about the lessened intensity of not having to watch him looking at her… she didn't mind him looking at her, and it wasn't that she didn't want to look at him… but the whole thing was just so overwhelming, and somehow closing her eyes had made it easier. How had he known? she wondered. How did he always know?

Their familiar banter was now just as comfortable as it had been when they'd worked together… except that his hands were still on her shoulders, and his face was still six inches from hers – not that she knew exactly where he was anymore, since he'd leaned away from her. That was really the only thing that was bothering her right now… that he wasn't leaning his forehead against hers. She found that not only did it not bother her to be this close to him, but to her great surprise, she actually missed the additional contact.

The fact that she was teasing him, and smiling, that she actually didn't look scared anymore… it was better than he'd hoped for, his aching back and knees be damned. Things between them felt just as comfortable as ever… better even. And yet, she still hadn't said whether she was going to stay. Somehow, in the short time since he'd found her waiting outside the building for him, he'd come to feel that losing her again would be too much for him to bear. He simply couldn't do it again.

"Depends on what?" she asked him with a smile.

He paused. She was really going to make him say it again? Damn this woman, he thought with a smile. He shook his head as he looked at her, standing there almost grinning at him. Deciding to catch her off guard, he leaned down even farther, close enough that his cheek brushed hers for a second or so before he pulled back. That cheek remained only a fraction of an inch from hers, so that he was close enough to speak directly into her ear. Before he did so, however, he paused there, knowing that she was acutely aware of his increased proximity even if he didn't say a word. Two can play this game, he thought.

To say that she was surprised when the scruff on his face brushed her cheek was an understatement. She'd been grinning, knowing exactly what he was talking about but still enjoying the game they were playing too much to stop and have to admit it. Then suddenly his face was brushing hers, and for a second it took her breath away. She had to resist the urge to lean her cheek against his. She had to retain some form of dignity in the situation… didn't she?

But why? the voice in her head asked impatiently.

He felt her pulse quicken under his hands, and he slowly moved his thumbs back and forth on the spaces between her shoulders and her neck for good measure. He wasn't sure, but thought he felt her shiver slightly, and he smiled broadly, his mouth still positioned just in front of her ear.

"It depends if you're gonna stay," he whispered, not moving away from her. She inhaled a shaky breath, suddenly overwhelmed once again, but in a good way this time. He was so close to her. She wasn't afraid. Well, not exactly, it just seemed too good to be true. She'd never ever known "too good to be true" to actually be true. It was usually what happened right before crash and burn.

As if sensing the change in her, despite the fact that he couldn't see her face, he added simply, "Stay." He paused for just a second, then added in the same whisper, "Come on, how many times you gonna make me say it?"

And just like that, she felt her smile creep across her face as the last of her hesitation melted away. She moved her cheek less than an inch to lean against his, feeling his scruff against her skin once again and thinking that there was nowhere else in all the world where she wanted to be. She breathed in slowly, filling her lungs completely, then let the breath out just as slowly, trying to compensate for the fact that she'd just noticed how fast her heart seemed to be beating.

"Okay," she whispered. He leaned back to look at her, this time stopping closer to three inches from her face – just far enough away to focus on her. And that was when she finally opened her eyes, smiling at him. She was no longer afraid, and he could see it in her eyes.

"Just had to make me work for it, huh?" he asked, just above a whisper, finally staring into her eyes, grinning from ear to ear. He'd gotten so used to talking to her with her eyes closed, it felt different to now be talking to her with them open. It was even better.

"You know it," she replied evenly, a mischievous smile on her face. He shook his head at her, and his hands left her shoulders for the first time since he'd set them there, back when she'd first closed her eyes. There was a split second when she felt disappointment, but it immediately dissipated when he wound his arms around her and pull her closer to him, finally allowing himself stand up to his full height again. She only hesitated for a fraction of a second before her arms came up and wrapped around his back, shyly at first, then tighter little by little.

Once again, she suddenly only came up to around his shoulders. Of course she'd known this as long as she'd known him, and yet, she suddenly had a new appreciation for the fact that he'd been standing with his face so close to hers for so long. He must have been incredibly uncomfortable, leaning over like that! she thought. She let her head fall against his right shoulder, her temple meeting the cotton of his jacket, and she inhaled the familiar scent of Holder. She was simply content to be exactly where she was.

It was an unfamiliar feeling for her – contentment – and it gave her a whole new appreciation for him. Over the past few years, she'd allowed herself to think about a lot of the things that he'd done for her, things that she hadn't properly appreciated at the time, as wrapped up as she'd been in various stages of self-hatred. It was staggering when she thought about it. She had never deserved someone half as loyal as he was… and yet, there they were. He didn't seem to have any intention of letting her go, either.

As if he was reading her mind once again, he squeezed her tighter at that moment, and she considered the fact that he must actually be psychic. There was simply no other explanation.

After standing there perfectly contentedly for several minutes, she leaned back only just enough to look up at him, smiling shyly. "What now?" she asked him.

Holder shrugged, grinning the same little boy grin at her that he always had. "Anything you want, Linden." She leaned against him again and sighed happily. His hands fell from around her reluctantly, and he reached down and took her right hand in his left. "Come on," he said, taking a step and tugging on her hand, "let's get out of here."

There was nothing to do but smile and fall into step with him, as she always had. It didn't even matter where they were going, because just like in an older, dirtier car what felt like lifetimes ago, once again she wasn't alone. The difference was that this time, she finally allowed herself to believe it.