Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, not mine, etc.

Someone was poking me about this, so I'm back from the grave to write a bit more (haha).

Side note: I was considering using to do some writing (probably not fanfics there, given all the copyright stuff and such), both my own stuff and requests. Is there any interest in this? Otherwise, I might just stick to writing some stuff here from time to time.

The bundle of nerves at the back of her head pulsed as she brushed her hair. The pulses seemed to grow faster and harder with each brush stroke, throbbing through her head in painful rhythm.

Raven sighed. Robin really did not want to wait for her any longer. Guess I have to get this over with.

She rummaged through her closet and threw on something quickly, then took a deep breath as she stood in front of her door.

"Robin?"

"Can I come in?"

Raven huffed. "I guess you might as well."

The door slid open, and the Titans' masked leader slipped in. He eyed her for a moment, then immediately began pacing, only occasionally glancing at her as she stood back.

Uh oh.

"Were you lying to me about the punks trying to revive Trigon?" He didn't stop pacing. "Was that a ploy to try to talk up Jinx? Or were you trying to cover for yourself?"

Raven remained silent.

"I really want to believe I can trust you, Raven. I know you believe you're trying to do good, but your judgement isn't always... logically motivated. Like, think about it. I'm begging you to put yourself in my shoes. One of my te am members is consorting with a known crook and is even... even sleeping with her! What is the city going to say about that? What will the public say? They'll think that we aren't actually superheroes. They'll think that we aren't trying to actually protect the city - that we're really just making deals with the villains to make money and for fame. This could be disastrous. And believe me, these things do have a way of getting out. No matter how hard you try to hide it, someone will find out."

Raven remained silent still.

"I know you're not stupid, Raven. You've considered this. And yet, you still don't seem to care. I don't get it. Do you not care about us at all? Do you not care about what we do?"

"I do care," Raven muttered quietly. "Of course I care."

"So why? Why would you even consider such a thing? If you were lonely, there's plenty of other people out there. You could have reached out to us, your friends. You could have done basically anything else besides going and sleeping with... with a dumb delinquent like her!"

Raven's eyes narrowed. "You shouldn't talk about her like that."

"Don't lecture me, Raven. You're not in a position to do that."

"Would it kill you to at least refer to Jinx as another person? She's not just a crook, and even if she were, criminals are also people."

"She's a villain. Sure, she's not Slade. Sure, she's not the worst out there. But you can't trust her, you shouldn't be consorting with her, and she definitely needs to face her crimes before I treat her as anything else. You should do the same."

"Tell me, Robin. Between us two, who's the one who literally has the power to read other peoples' thoughts?"

"Doesn't matter. I don't know if I can trust your judgement on this. We have been enemies of the HIVE for a long time, and you expect me to believe that she's just suddenly had a change of heart and become good? I don't buy it. You're too soft on her. You're biased, and that affects your decisions."

"Sometimes you need to be gentle with people."

"Sometimes you can't be. Criminals especially don't get a free pass."

"I don't see why you hate her so much!"

"I don't see why you like her."

"I don't-"

"I heard your conversation with her."

Raven bit her lip. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Her eyes traveled down and she looked away, abashed.

"Look. I don't really need to know the details of your relationship with her. I heard enough of your conversation." Robin coughed lightly. "I know that you're at least attracted to her in some way. That's why I don't think I can trust your judgement. You have to understand my logic here."

"Robin. At some point, logic and reason might not be the answer. I know it might seem like I'm biased for her, but that's only because I can literally see into her mind. I can feel what she feels and I know what she thinks. I most certainly know that she's not a bad person. Just a little misguided, but she has a good heart."

"I keep telling you I can't trust that."

"You're being stubborn."

"And you could just be infatuated."

Raven's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

Robin stopped pacing. "I mean this in the most pragmatic of ways. Raven, you have had very little experience with relationships and socializing. I think you're just being overly eager since it's your first time-"

"You think I'm overly eager?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I think you let your emotions rule your head sometimes, and as the team leader, I can't make decisions based on rash emotions-"

Raven hissed. "You just don't want to accept that Jinx can be good because... because-"

"Because what, Raven?"

"Because you're a stiff asshole sometimes, and you just don't want to see the good in people."

Robin grimaced. "Yeah? And I'd say the same to you. Remember how you treated Terra when she first came here?"

"That's- but-" Raven spluttered. "I..."

"Or what about the rest of us when we first made this team? Or even yourself, you've even misjudged yourself in the past. Thinking you were the daughter of all evil and destined to be like your father. Well you were wrong about that too. Face it, Raven, you've been wrong before, and you can definitely be wrong now."

"But..." Raven chewed on her lip. "I'm not... I swear I'm not..."

Robin sighed. "And you accused me of being stubborn."

"You didn't deny it."

"I don't deny it. But you're very much the same. Believe me, I know firsthand what it's like to be blind and stubborn. And what it's like to let your emotions cloud your judgment. I haven't forgotten what I did as Red X. Or my encounters with Slade."

"But I'm not wrong about Jinx," Raven insisted. "She deserves a chance."

"She needs to earn it."

"We need to give her the opportunity to."

"We? You mean me. You've definitely had ample opportunities to let her get to know you... intimately."

Raven turned bright red. "Okay, and you and Starfire don't-"

"I don't let it get in the way of my work."

"I can't believe you're criticizing me-"

"For sleeping with a member of the HIVE? Yes, I am. Raven, the more this goes on, the more you seem to be arguing just for the sake of it. You are wrong."

The demoness wrapped her arms around herself. His logic makes sense. He talks about it, makes his point of view sound so reasonable... but he's wrong! He's definitely wrong! I just... I don't know...

Jinx isn't evil. She cares. She's loyal, and a good friend, and tries to look out for me...

Maybe he's right that if you don't know her as a person, it wouldn't make sense to even give her a chance to turn her life around. But I know her. I know she can be more than she is right now. She's definitely not happy just being a petty thief or running around doing things with the rest of her gang.

But I guess I can only say that because like Robin said, I know her intimately... and he doesn't.

Still, can't he trust me on this one?

Raven looked up. Without needing to see behind the mask, she could sense his unflinching, steely gaze on her. He wasn't going to budge.

"I try to trust you as much as I can. But this time, you're wrong. I can't trust you on this."

The sorceress sat on her bed, fidgeting with her fingers.

"I don't want to fight with you, but you have to understand the position I'm in. I can't back down on this."

Raven chewed on her lip.

Robin pinched the bridge of his nose. "You don't want to listen. Maybe it's me, or maybe it's you, but I can't work with you like this, Raven. You need to sort out your feelings and see that you're being overly emotional. Think about it logically, and I think you'll see that I'm right."

"I don't see why I can't just be friends with you both..." Raven muttered.

"Raven," the masked hero snapped. "At this point in time, it's either her or us."

"That's a hell of an ultimatum-"

"Her. Or us. Take some time off and think about it."

"Time off."

"Yes. Take some time to yourself, we're more than capable of handling most of the supervillains on our own. If we really need you, we'll call you."

"But me being with Jinx has nothing to do-"

"Raven. Take. Some time. Off. Reflect on what I've said. Cool down, and if you really, really need to go see her, make it discreet. This had better not be a regular occurrence, at least not until she's paid her due to society. If you really want to cave in to your infatuation, fine, but it's not going to be while you're on this team."

"It's not an infatu-"

"Fine. Friendship. Acquaintanceship. Whatever. Don't let anyone else find out. Get it into your head that this relationship is not okay."

Raven gritted her teeth. I already knew that much. You didn't even need to say that. "Fine." She muttered. "Then, if you're done talking, care to leave me alone?"

Robin nodded curtly. The door slid open and he left. Raven glared holes through the grey metal.

The way this is going, he's never going to change his opinion of her.

Raven laid back, putting a hand on her forehead. But if he can't accept her, then what am I going to do? I didn't want to have to choose between the team and Jinx. I just...

But he's already kind of kicked me off. Temporarily. Okay, it's more like a break from the team. But still...

I could argue with him more.

That would accomplish nothing.

I know. I just... I don't know what to do. I want to fight with my friends. But it would be kind of pointless if he doesn't want me there anyway. And I also want to see Jinx. Ugh.

What would Star say? What would she do?

Raven sighed. I don't know what to do anymore.

Meditation

They float through the obsidian sky, the flock of ravens with their crimson eyes. Atop the barren trees and desolate rocks, their soft cries echo endlessly out into the boundless void.

Alone.

She stares into the blackness, eerily calm. A motionless figure, she stands still, so very still, as if she is not a living being of flesh and blood, but instead a statue of stone, blending in with the background.

The rocks churn, fragmented boulders hovering in midair shifting to form a spiraling path down toward an end which she cannot see. The ravens cry, urging her to go, but her body refuses to move. In the sky, two pairs of jagged fissures tear through the otherwise unbroken expanse of black. Vermilion gleams at her, a warning growing into forthcoming danger. She has been down that path before - submitting to fate, succumbing to despair, letting that demon take hold of her. She has been there... half because of her own lack of willpower, half because of her unwillingness to change, but perhaps wholly out of fear?

The rocks tremble. She has been there before. It would be a travesty to go back.

Life, humanity... is about progression - that is what the ravens cry at her. To stay as she is, torn in many directions at once, will only fragment her mind further.

It is a part of her, no doubt. Her soul has always been fractured - human and demon fighting over the same being at the same time, rage and violence battling with empathy and care. Her craving for friendship, understanding, against her desire to be left alone... her impossible struggle to do moral good against her innate fate, that which called for her to do unspeakable evil.

Torn apart and fragmented... the pieces are there, but they cannot, will not fit together.

Nevertheless, her body still moves. She floats down the path as the rocks crumble away behind her. Starkly alone, silence shrouds the serpentine spiral downward into the unknown. Even the ravens are gone. She has to reach a conclusion on her own.

She closes her eyes and breathes. Azarath... metrion... zinthos.

The pieces appear around her.

Green, Starfire and Beast Boy. The two that will support her, but the two that are the most naive. Compassion, the capability to support her emotional needs, but utterly lacking in pragmatism. Is it a bad thing?

Humans are emotional creatures, but...

Well, if her emotions were the only thing that ruled her mind, she probably would've died a long time ago.

Blue, the cold comfort of her cybernetic friend. The voice of sympathy and the voice of reason in one. The one that could go either way - the one who would say 'we can find a way to make it work'. That she was a person, after all, and her emotions were important even if the outcome was troublesome. The one who would also say 'this ain't gonna turn out well'. That there was a limit to her own irrationality and that she was being too selfish. Was she?

Black. The voice of reason. 'Logic,' he would say, 'is the only thing that you can count on to make the right decision'. People are irrational, so she'd have to learn to curb an emotional response and think about what the right thing to do would be. It sounded reasonable. Of course it did. It always sounded reasonable, yet she could never bring herself to embrace it wholly. Could she let her whole life be ruled by reason alone?

Pink. The piece comes down before her and without thinking, she reaches for it. Energy... and life. Warmth... and comfort. She reaches for it, but then stops.

All around her, eyes emerge from the darkness. The unsavory watchers, those who judge them both with only superficial glances, seeing only a murdering robber and a twisted demon. Even now, even after the many years she has protected them, they still watch her with wary eyes, knowing and fearing her capacity for tremendous evil... her proclivity for boundless destruction. They fear her - alone she terrifies already, but her powers mixed with Jinx's? Chaos and demon sorcery... it would be a recipe for destruction alone. She cannot blame them for seeing only that.

They watch her, a demon deliberately seeking out a known criminal. Black - reason tells her that it was so obviously a terrible idea. Pink - emotion tells her to not care. Has she ever cared what they thought?

... well, yes, she supposes...

It matters. Being shunned hurts, after all. That loneliness has made her who she is, the battered, doubtful shell of fragmented emotions that she is. But, more than that, her friends' reputations are at stake here too. Could she be selfish enough to hurt them over something like this? It's not only her life that will be affected, after all...

Violet. The pieces fall away. Pink and black shatter into jagged shards, slipping through her fingers. The rocks crumble as blood rains from the vacant void. The paths close; she is left alone.

As always, her indecision is her greatest fault. They wait, and wait, but she never acts. The fleeting balls of energy grow tired and fade away, leaving her there, alone and forgotten. Nobody will wait that long for her to make her impossible decision. The bottled shroud of emotions that she is will remain that way, a solitary ball of mauve floating there in the vast emptiness of the confines of her own mind. And the rest of them, they slowly drift away... and away...

No.

No, no, no.

The rain stops. Shards of rock fly back together, swirling all around her. Color returns to the ashen void, pink, black, green and blue, spiraling just out of reach of her outstretched fingers. She looks up, her upturned face smooth and expressionless in the stirring whirl of rainbow hues around her.

She closes her eyes again. Azarath... metrion... zinthos.

Her senses spread. Emotion flutters in, as if forced upon her heart, rather than emerging from within herself. She floats there, motionless, as they strike her over and over, artificial tinctures cast through empty flesh.

Then, pink pierces the veil of chaotic color. She gasps, mid chant, voice stuck in her throat. The lonely void dwindles away, waning into the ever flourishing flow of surging feeling.

Somehow, still, there is a daub of doubt amidst the sea of sensation, but in the moment, she shakes her head and accepts it. It feels wrong in part, perhaps due to logic and reason, perhaps because of her innate biases or prior misgivings, or perhaps for another reason entirely - either way, she holds that doubt in her heart, but squashes it and embraces the pink desire...

... after all, she is a person too, and at some point, no amount of logical reasoning can replace her happiness. Right?

Azarath... metrion... zinthos...

She whispers and lets out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Color fades, back to the void, then even that wanes into absolute nothingness, an utter emptiness without even her own consciousness contained within. Oblivion void of sight, void of sound, void of emotion, void of feeling... the only thing that persists is her hollow chant, the endless march of three words against the ticking clock of time.

Azarath... metrion... zinthos...

The gentle pitter-patter of rain cried a cold caress against the brittle pane of her wakening awareness. Shimmering violet glimmered doubtfully beneath her trembling lashes, but somehow, some way, there was perhaps a sensation of faux resolve. Tension and release, strain... and repose, she breathed a breath of burden and exhaled a ripple of resignation. Hesitantly, perfunctorily, her wavering limbs stirred to motion. She moved - an aimless path without reason - flitting between mosaic rays of pale moonlight and murky darkness - an oblique whirl that inevitably returned her to the same position in which she had started - No. Not this time. This time... I'll break free.

She approached the ivory pane and pressed her fingers against the glass. She looked up; the unblinking facade of her reflection stared back, silently beckoning. Her feet remained in place, planted in the sea of her own doubt. Selfish. I'm being selfish. Choosing my feelings over my responsibilities... it couldn't possibly turn out well. Could it?

I've never tried.

It would be foolhardy.

You never know until you try.

Better to linger in wistful solitude than to pursue my own destruction.

I'm trapped here.

It's for the best...

Her hands curled into fists. She closed her eyes.

Break the cycle. Shatter the boundary. The mind fractures... but as always, one more time, pick up the fragments and heal. You can do it.

Her breath caught in her throat. She stepped forward past the enclosure, out into the open night, and embraced the image of her apparition. Selfish. This time, I need to be selfish.

He's wrong. I need her. Whatever the consequences, I don't care right now. I can't care. I can't sacrifice my feelings just because people will look at me funny or say bad things about me. It hurts, but giving her up... it would be unbearable. I have to do this.

She spread her wings and flew into the silver moonlight.