i lived, bitch

Surprisingly, he had left her alone after his outburst; stormed away in a mass of purple and red cloth, leaving her stranded on the balcony, shaking in the frigid dawn. The air was painfully silent then, and so still that it was almost as though he'd never even stood there at all. She fell to her knees in equal parts relief and fear. That was close. Too close. Gulping in lungfuls of air, Zelda tried to calm her erratic pulse and think of what to do next. He was in a mood now, so unless she wanted to run the risk of petrification twice in one day, she'd have to avoid him. The longer she did that, the better.

But she couldn't wander too far— just enough so that he'd know she wasn't escaping, but far enough that by the time he found her maybe his temper would have abated. But how far was too far? Would he return to this room soon? When night finally fell (if he hadn't sought her by then) would he expect her to tell him the rest of the story in this same spot? That was likely, but she couldn't sit there all day long like a doll. Sooner or later she was going to need a meal and a washroom. Convinced that he wouldn't be returning soon, she stood from the stone and wiped the dust from her knees. Closing the balcony doors behind her, she had to stifle a giggle at the sight before her. Although the room had seemed unorganized to begin with, the colorful sitting pillows now strewn randomly throughout the room gave a very clear picture of the enraged Sorcerer kicking them aside in a tantrum.

Even in its mild state of chaos, the room was so hypnotically inviting. Zelda suddenly wanted nothing more than to fling herself upon the largest cushion and fall into a deep slumber. But after such a trying evening, she decided the most logical thing to do was find a good, hearty meal. If she was going to be expending energy like this dealing with Vaati, she was going to need as much of it as she could get.

For a moment upon exiting the sitting room, she thought to look for some sort of landmark to help her find her way back and almost pinched herself for the traitorous reflex. Making things convenient for her captor was practically placing herself in the monster's jaw. No, she would make things anything but simple for the Wind Mage. And in doing so, she'd achieve two objectives at once. First was to find the kitchens and then, a room to claim as her own. Second was to put as much distance between herself and Vaati as reasonably possible (without enraging him again). And, who knew? Perhaps, in the process of doing so, she just might just find herself so confused that she'd be forced to spend an evening in any other of the castle's numerous rooms. After all, if, purely hypothetically, a poor, ignorant peasant girl were to get lost in such a frightfully large fortress... Well really, that wasn't her fault, was it? She hadn't even been there a day!

With that thought in mind, Zelda perused the castle at a languid pace. Frustratingly, many of the doors seemed to be locked, and the ones that weren't were either all very similar or lead to other hallways, and after going through so many of them Zelda really did get lost. As the sun rose higher, so did her appetite. Spurred on by her growling stomach, the princess picked up her pace with renewed gusto. If this place was anything like the other castles she'd been in, then it was likely that the kitchen was on the ground floor. And likewise, staircases would be located at either ends of the castle. She traveled what she hoped was west, letting out a sigh of relief when her eyes fell on a set of red-carpeted steps. After a mind-boggingly inordinate amount of staircases later, Zelda finally found herself at two large, swinging double doors. She hesitated, hearing muffled sounds coming from the other side.

"...imbecile...do something as simple as... utter failure! How am I supposed to...?!" ranted an unfortunately familiar voice. Zelda crept closer to press her ear against the door.

"No!" he said emphatically, "Never mind, don't bother! Just get out of my sight! And you! You're coming with me!"

Without a warning, the door flung open, and Zelda barely reacted fast enough to flatten herself against the wall behind it.

"I should have known a bunch of brainless monsters wouldn't be able to cook. Where is that girl?! Even a peasant could do better than you lot! You," he addressed a shaking poe, "I want her brought here as quickly as possible. And you'd best hope you find her before I do."

The door in front of her began to creak forward, slowly but surely swinging back into place in the doorframe. She froze and held her breath, now acutely aware of just how large and open the room was.

And miraculously, he glided forward without a glance back, purpose in his stride and a scowl on his face. When he retreated down the hallway and towards the stairs, she had to stop herself from shaking with laughter at his expense for the second time that day. Suddenly the infamous Sorcerer wasn't so intimidating anymore. With renewed confidence, she drew her shoulders back and walked proudly into the kitchen. It was empty now, save for a catastrophic mess on the counters. Spoiled vegetables, rancid meat, and strange colored, foul liquids were spilled and scattered throughout the room. Zelda avoided it all, instead heading for a small pantry at the back of the room. She picked up three plump dinner rolls and returned to the kitchen, carefully scanning the produce for what wasn't damaged or ruined. After a few minutes of rummaging and a fair amount of grimacing, she left the kitchen with a small basket, two apples, and a carrot. It wasn't what she was used to, but it was something, and it would probably last her into tomorrow if she was careful.

Now all she needed was a hideout. But with no clue as to the castle's floorplan, she may as well have been blind. And for all she knew, Vaati had this entire palace memorized. In the end, he would certainly find her, no matter where she hid. And surely, he had a preferred system for searching his own territory for intruders.

'That's it!' she halted as realization struck her like lighting. 'If he knows where he's going in this place... and he's looking for me right now... Then all I have to do is trail behind him, and hide in the last place he'd look before starting over again!'

So she crept silently, slowly, nervously, up the winding staircases and hallways trying to find him, keeping her ears peeled the entire time. Similar to the night before, she took randomized paths, so many that she wasn't even sure what floor she was on anymore. After what felt like hours, she heard a door slam shut in the distance. Seizing her chance, she darted towards the nearest door, which was thankfully unlocked, and slipped inside. She immediately turned to close it, leaving the smallest crack open to gaze through. Another door down the hall was thrown open, and then after a few minutes, slammed shut. This time, the sound was closer. Knowing she had successfully outsmarted him, she quietly closed the door in front of her and turned the lock.

And when she turned around, she screamed.

Lounging upon a large bed in the center of the room, with an utterly bored look on his face, was Vaati.

"I should be angry with you," he said airily, and she felt her throat bob underneath the hand that had flown to it. "But that would be pointless, for a number of reasons. One of which being that, quite truthfully, your constant avoidance of me is expected... Humans are so like vermin, scurrying away from what frightens them."

She had half a mind to tell him off and let him know that she wasn't, in fact, running away from him, but rather attempting to pull the wool over his prideful eyes. It took every ounce of self-control to bite her tongue. Gods, he was arrogant.

"Of course, I noticed you were sneaking about ages ago, but I must admit following you around for so long was merely to satiate my own curiosity. For a moment I thought you were more intelligent than you appeared and were attempting to track me, but taking into account how terrible you are with direction, well," he snickered, "I can't see how your mental prowess is anything threatening."

Any other day, an attack on her intelligence would've offended her, but in this context she was deviously glad to be underestimated. It was almost comical, really, until she recalled that he'd been following her almost the entire time and she'd been none the wiser. How had she not noticed him? Where had he been those times that she had turned around to double over her path and take a different route?

"What a grand show it was, watching you scuttle this way and that! Diving behind things and zipping about like a little mouse!" he laughed, "How you jumped when I slammed that door!"

She curled her fists so hard she felt her nails digging into her palm. "I- I did not jump!" she fumed, "Where were you watching me from to see something like that?! Even your magic couldn't show you such a thing, because I did nothing of the sort!"

He glared at her harshly, rising to stand on the mattress. "You think me a liar?!"

"Err, no, that's not it, I just meant, um—"

"So you doubt supreme power, then? You think my conjuring mere trickery? Fool!"

The windows burst open with a mighty gale, the curtains flailing wildly about as furniture rattled, drawers opened, and sheets of parchment whipped around the room. The skies outside began to darken. Vaati bellowed above the roaring wind, a devilish glint in his eye.

"This is but the least of my power! Not even a miniscule amount! I could level this fortress, awesome though it is, to dust in mere seconds! And you dare accuse me unable of cloaking myself in my own domain and rattling a few doors?!"

"What?! N-no, that's not what I meant at all!" she fumbled. "I'm just uh, a lowly mortal, and magic is beyond my understanding! Please forgive me, Lord Vaati!"

The sorcerer scowled. "You truly are a fool if you believe I would fall for your trickery again! Since the second you've walked in here, you've been nothing but disrespectful! Well, I think it's high time you pay for your cheek."

A gale curled around her body tightly, the invisible force pinning her arms to her sides. Before she could say another word, she was lifted into the air, level with a furious Vaati. Her feet floundered at the sudden loss of grounding. As the room continued to rattle in the mini-tornado, the sorcerer floated forward, his gaze cold and determined.

"W-wait! Vaati!" she cried.

Although he made no sign that he heard her shout, his expression seemed to change to a more calculating look when he took her chin beneath his hand. Just as she was about to open her mouth to fling out a last, desperate plea, he pulled the hand away from her jaw. And for one blissful moment, Zelda hoped against all odds that something had miraculously changed his mind.

Only for him to take that hand and slowly begin raising it high above his head, a soft glow surrounding his body. The light began to grow and pulse, then quickened to a frantic flickering. Vaati's eyes flew open and the howling wind froze as his arm swung down with a terrifying sweep, and—

And then suddenly a very loud gurgling sound pierced the air. Neither of them spoke, Zelda not daring to breathe, as Vaati's brow furrowed and his lips drew into a thin line. Was he blushing?

"Umm..." Zelda peeped, severely testing the sorcerer's limits, "Did your stomach just-?"

"Oh just be quiet, you!" he cried, very much blushing.

There was a beat of pure awkward energy as Zelda tried to focus on something, anything else in the room, and the oh-so-great and powerful wind sorcerer struggled to regain his composure. He straightened his hat meaninglessly and sighed.

"This is entirely your fault, anyway," he grumbled. "I've had to waste so much time chasing you that I've not had a moment to do anything else."

"I thought you said you'd known where I was the whole time."

"You need to watch that smart mouth, young lady! You are far too familiar with me for one of such low status!"

He was right, in a way. She was definitely getting too comfortable with pushing his buttons, though it was hardly her fault that he made it so damned funny. Still, Vaati was prone to outbursts, it seemed. Easily embarrassed. Coupled with his immense power, it was a dangerous combination, one that she really shouldn't be goading on. And if she wanted to live much longer he really did need to be in a good mood. So maybe it was time to turn on the charm...

"I apologize, Lord Vaati. It is only because you are so much greater than I, that my existence is so meaningless in comparison to yours, that I forget my place and speak freely. My dullness makes me arrogant at times."

"Hmph, well. I suppose you can't be faulted for being born such a lowly thing. You're quite right, my dear, in that regard," he said, and suddenly paused. An uncomfortably silent moment passed in which Vaati peered down the end of his nose at her for what had to have been the hundredth time already. Try as she might, she couldn't stop the frightful pumping of her heart.

"You know, your time here shall be short, but at the very least you should be put that miniscule existence of yours to use. Especially since you've caused me such inconvenience already. Yes... What a splendid idea!"

He clapped his hands together, his face now bordering on cheerful. The rough winds within the room began to still as Vaati lowered the two of them to the ground again, though Zelda noted that his magic was still holding her tightly in place. Sunny skies began to take the place of the dark clouds that had been brewing just moments ago. A new breeze came whistling through the open window, tidying up the room just as effortlessly as it had destroyed it. She had a feeling this should've relieved her, but Zelda found herself decidedly wary of the grin on Vaati's face.

"You may insist upon finishing that little tale of yours underneath the moon, but I believe I am owed payment for being gracious enough to extend your time here. Yes, that's certainly fair. And as you said so yourself, you're a simple little thing. I can see it well. And since I would so hate for you to spend your day fretful and listless, I think you'll agree it would be good if you had something to focus on. Perhaps you'd be less tempted to run off as well."

"Meaning...?"

"One such as I wasn't made for labor. So I'm giving you a job to do, Zelina, quite a simple one. You're to cook for me. Surely even a peasant girl knows how to cook something passable, no? Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of expecting anything much. I'll even let you use this castle's faculties to your content. Make a good dinner; after all, it shall be your last."

"Cook? For you? You must be mad!"

He gave her an infuriatingly pitying smile. "You mean to say you can't manage something that simple?"

"Don't be stupid, of course I can! I'm a fantastic cook!" she boasted.

"Splendid! I'll be expecting supper an hour past sun-down, then."

"Va—Lord Vaati, wait! Wait just a minute, now!" She spluttered after him, but he was already gliding out of the door.

Cook for him?! As if! He was out of his mind. And how exactly was he going to enforce that, anyway? Lord knows he hadn't had any luck at forcing her to do anything so far. The one with the real upper hand right now was her. Vaati just didn't realize it because he was an arrogant fool. So what if she was his captive? She may be a prisoner, but she still had her free will! And she'd managed to bargain for one more day; surely she could manage another trick or two. Doing it the first time was fairly easy, really. All she had to do was lean into his plan, bait him and play the damsel, make him think that he had her right where he wanted her. Then, turn the tables at the last second. Prideful men like him always got careless when they thought they'd secured victory. So, he wanted food? Fine. Better than fine, even. She'd give him a meal, all right. A meal he was sure to remember.

As she recalled, the kitchen was stocked full of promising ingredients.

So Vaati made a derogatory comment about rodents... Just had to slip it in there, hope one of you noticed the irony of it.

Grad school is hard, kids. Sorry it's taken so long to update! Can you believe I've been working on this in bits and pieces for a year?! That's so sad!