So here is my two-shot based off of 2x20 and kind of 2x21. This first part is from Iris' POV and I added a little scene in, otherwise I think it's pretty close to what actually happens in the episode. Also, I am horrible with all of the scientific stuff so I apologize in advance with my description of the particle accelerator explosion. Oh and part 2 should be up later today hopefully. Enjoy!

She walks away from him. It hurts that he's not stopping her, but she understands because she knows him. Knows she just kind of sprang her feelings on him out of nowhere, knows he's trying not to get too excited. She saw the smile on his face, the way he fidgeted, how he brought his hands to face like he couldn't believe what she was saying. The hope etched on his face.

He let her walk away. He didn't say anything.

She tries not to think about that, especially since she wore her heart on her sleeve, something she rarely does. Because she also knows that he's loved her for a long time, since before he knew what the word love meant. And she hasn't necessarily helped his hope that she would ever feel the same way. She knows that is entirely her fault that he's guarded now with his feelings for her, trying not to get his hopes up. But she saw it, her never stopped loving her. He loves her. And she understands that right now he has a lot on his mind. Zoom. The particle accelerator. And now her feelings. But she's hopeful too. That maybe now they have a chance. Have a future. Once they figure things out.

As she walks down the hallway, tears run down her face, not because he didn't stop her but because she's so scared to lose him. Scared that he'll go through with this incredibly stupid plan. But he's a hero, always has been, and he wants and needs to save the city from Zoom. She won't stop him, won't tell him not to do it, but she just couldn't keep her feelings in anymore, had to let him know that she wants a future with him.

After Zoom's cop massacre at Jitters, Iris knew Barry was going to go through with it. But he still pulls her to the side to let her know.

"Iris, I have to-"

"I know," she cuts him off with a sad smile. "I know you do."

She watches the way he wrings his hands, nervous and scared. Just like she is. Scared like hell that something is going to happen to him, that something will go wrong (like it usually does). As much as she hates it this is the best plan they have to even attempt to stop Zoom before he terrorizes the city even more, there is no other choice.

"I-," he starts to speak only to stop, raising a hand to the back of his head.

"Come here," she mumbled and then moves towards him, throwing her arms around him and bringing him in close for a hug. His body practically sinks in to hers as he hides his face in her neck, hands gripping her shirt on her lower back. One of her hands rubs his back and she closes her eyes and focuses on being in the safety of his arms and his breath against her neck.

And she realizes she's always had someone to come home to as well. Barry is her home.

A shaky breath escapes her and his hand on her tightens. "I'm scared, Iris," he speaks into her neck and he she can feel the movement of his lips against her skin and she's sure that in any other situation his lips on her neck like that would send a shiver through her body, that she would most definitely react to it, but right that's the last thing on her mind.

"Me too," she whispers in to his shoulder.

From the side she looks on as Barry steps into the machine, watches as he winces as the clamps latch on to his hands. He reassures her dad that he'll be fine, but she hears the slight shake in his voice.

Taking a deep breath she walks closer and his head turns towards her the pain and fear disappears for just as moment as his eyes take her in. And she just wants to remember the way he looks at her for as long as she can.

"Barry, whatever happens, it will never change the way I feel about you," she tells him fighting back tears.

She needs him to know that it's him she loves, him that she will always love; however this ends. He says nothing, but his mouth turns up in a smile and he nods. For a moment she keeps her eyes locked on his trying to silently reassure him that she's not going anywhere. Reluctantly, she breaks eye contact (if she didn't she wasn't sure she would ever move away from him) and steps way so Henry can have his turn to talk with his son.

There's a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as the glass doors close around Barry. But when she watches the chemicals being injected into his body she feels sick, tastes the bile in her throat. She can't help but react, to yell at Wells, wonder what the hell he is doing, why he's hurting Barry. In the back of her mind it makes some sense, but right now she can't be logical when Barry's hurting because it's causing her pain too.

"I'm okay, Iris," he somehow manages to get his words out in a grunt to try and calm her.

It hits her full force that he's reassuring her. She wants to shake her head, to be amused. If anything it makes her love him even more than she thought possible. That even though he's in unbearable pain and terrified he's comforting her, worried about her because she's worried about him. God, she fucking loves this man, this wonderful man who always puts other people before himself, to a sometimes frustrating degree when he shouldn't, when he should be worried about himself. All she wants to do is get those doors open and comfort him, but she can't and that kills her. She wants to yell to him that she loves him that everything's okay even though it's far from it but her heart is in her throat; she wants to do something, anything to ease his pain.

Then the particle accelerator is activated and he screams and so does she. "Barry!" Tears are streaming down her face and she doesn't even care.

She's screaming for him, a sob ripping from her throat as a bright orange light that looks like fire surrounds him. The light is blinding and causes her to blink and when she opens her eyes the next second he's gone.

She can't breathe. It feels like her heart has been torn from her chest.

"No!" she cries. She ignores the yelling around her, doesn't notice Cisco coming in. Her eyes are zeroed in on the spot where he should be. Only part of his suit is left.

Then there's a flash of blue lightning and Zoom's there, picking up Barry's suit and she wants to run up to him and take the suit from his clawed hand, he shouldn't be touching it, but she's frozen in place. Her ears don't quite register Zoom's threatening words; only her own sobs and his name in her head.

Barry. Barry. Barry.

Her father brings her into his arms, which is good because her knees are wobbly and unsteady like she could fall to the ground any second. She lets her arms go around her dad and tries to take comfort in him, but she just can't. It feels like her whole world has been destroyed, taken right out from under her.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Henry staring at the same spot she is. Everyone in this room just lost Barry, but somehow she can't process that, all she feels is her own pain.

And soon Harry leaves, and then Henry.

She breaks away from her dad and runs and falls to her knees in front of the remaining piece of Barry's suit with the emblem still in tact. She clutches the singed fabric to her chest, murmuring his name over and over; she's hunched over crying her eyes out. No one disturbs her. And she feels likes she's missing a part of her. Her other half. She cries and screams until her voice is raw and her throat sore and her eyes red.

Eventually Cisco leads her out of the room, but she refuses to let go of the suit, it's her only connection to him right now. The sound of voices around her is only a low hum; she can't even make out who is speaking. She hears something about Wally and Jesse, but doesn't pay attention. All she can see is that orange light consuming him. She doesn't think she'll ever be able to forget that.

That night she somehow convinces her dad that she'll be fine. Maybe he doesn't feel like fighting her well aware of her stubborn streak. So she goes to Barry's room, puts on his clothes that still smell like him and crawls in to his bed. Sleep doesn't come easily. Afraid to close her eyes but at the same time so exhausted that all she wants to do is sleep it off, hoping that this is all some fucked up dream.

Only there's a picture on his nightstand of the two of them, taken before the original particle accelerator explosion, both grinning like idiots at each other, not even looking at the camera. Like they were the only two people in the world. She's never paid much attention to the photo, but now that she is she notices the way Barry is looking at her, like he's so in love with her that nothing but her matters. So she cries herself to sleep staring at the photo.

The nightmare she has is the first of many she will have every night. Nightmares that always start with her and Barry happily together and in love and end with him being taken away from her by the orange light. Even with the nightmares sleep is difficult to come by. She throws herself into helping keep the city safe from Zoom and other meta-humans and she takes it upon herself to help Jesse and Wally with their new powers. It doesn't leave a lot of time for her to take care of herself, which she doesn't mind; she just needs to keep busy so she won't think about him. That's what nights are for. Otherwise she hides her emotions. She doesn't talk as much and rarely smiles anymore, but she stays a part of the team because she's doing it for Barry. She also spends a lot of time in the breach room, just sitting there thinking. And hates herself for not telling him sooner, for walking away when she could have stayed, for all the what-ifs. And now he's gone and she'll never know what they could have been.

It's a week later when Harry and Cisco announce that he might still be alive that he's just trapped somewhere. Cisco tries to vibe him, but she can't be in the room. Can't let the hope creep it's way in to her head and heart only for nothing to come of it and shatter her beyond repair. She just can't let herself believe the possibility that he's alive. Which crushes her because he always believed in the impossible, he made her believe in the impossible and now she's lost without him. Lost without her home.