If Only (A Thor One-Shot)

A/N: I just got this idea in my head and I had to write it down. It's one way the end of TDW could tie into Ragnarok and Thor was bound to find out eventually. This is kind of a side story of Tricksters, Avengers, and Angels (Which is on hiatus. I'm so sorry to any loyal readers! ), but much later in the plot. Like a million chapters later. Anyway, read, review, and enjoy this one-shot. There may be a sequel this summer. Disclaimer: I own nothing but my story and ideas. I'm just a WWEFanGirl who loves writing Thor and Loki fics!

If only. If only he'd realized sooner. If only he'd seen just how far he'd driven him. When had he gone from the shy, gentle, kindhearted, loving trickster of a brother to a cold, calculated, uncaring, murdering foe? If only he'd tried harder to relate to his brother. See the realm through his eyes, understand his pain. Pain that drove him over the edge (of the Bifrost to be exact). Pain that drove him to attack the beloved realm of Midgard with help from one of Yggdrasil's most feared and hated enemies. Pain that drove him to sacrifice his life in a desperate attempt to tell him, "I forgive you for all I've endured. For all you've done in the past. And even though we've had our differences as of late, I'm willing to give up my life to save yours. Because I love you.

Those three words made his heart wrench painfully in his chest. If he could've said one more thing to Loki before his passing on Svartalfheim, those three words would be it. He could still see him if he closed his eyes. His bright, curious emerald eyes. His jet black, windswept hair. The genuine, rarely ever seen smile that Thor would die to see just one more time. These thoughts and more pushed him to call to Heimdal, after a long, love filled (what was supposed to be a goodbye) to Jane, who stubbornly refused to be left behind again. Thor happily complied, letting himself and his soulmate be swept up by the bifrost.

Heimdal bowed his head at their arrival. "My prince," he greeted in his deep, serious voice. His golden armor gleamed in the late afternoon sun. He did the same to Jane. "Lady Foster."

"Raise your head, my friend. You need not be so formal." The gatekeeper did so, amber eyes locking with the future king of Asgard. "I seek an audience with my father. Is he busy?"

"Your father resides in the throne room, just as he has since your departure. He often seems lost in thought. My king hardly eats nor sleeps these days. Perhaps seeing you may lift his spirits," he replied. The Thunder God nodded solemnly, muttering a quick, "Thank you." before swinging Mjölnir and hurrying to the palace, with Jane's arms wrapped tightly around him. In front of the towering, solid double doors, the Einjar standing guard bowed to them. Thor nodded to both before taking a deep breath and entering the structure he used to call home.

XxX

Earlier that day…

Thor awoke to a pair of soft lips on his. He beamed after returning the gesture. The blonde sat up to see his one true love, Jane Faster, beaming back at him. Her chestnut locks of hair fell perfectly at her shoulders on either side of her face. Her sparkling, chocolate brown eyes were more bright and beautiful, in Thor's opinion, than any gemstone or burning star in all the nine realms. Her warm smile made his heart flutter every time e saw it. "If I were not in love, I would wonder if you were an angel sent from Valhalla. *kisses her gently* Good morning, my love." Jane giggled, tucking a few strands of blonde hair behind his ear.

"Ya know, for being the God of Thunder and a "fierce warrior of battle", you're such a softy. If you're hungry, I made breakfast!" she told him, hopping off the bed and heading back to the kitchen. The astrophysicist resumed flipping pancakes and frying Bacon as the prince slowly got out of bed, pulling on a shirt and jeans. There were already a few plates of various foods on the table (because Jane knew about his Asgardian appetite): bacon, pancakes, eggs, toast, donuts, and (who could forget) poptarts. Beside the, sat silverware, napkins, jelly, jam, butter, syrup, and drinks. His mouth watered at the sight. Jane. Finished cooking the rest of the food, grabbing Thor and herself a plate and taking the seat across from him.

The morning began like any other. First, they stuffed their faces with all the food (more Thor than Jane, because Asgardian appetite) Jane had prepared. They discussed Jane's job and how the bifrost discovery and Thor being known as an Avenger these days (She'd even been selected to receive a Nobel Prize. "Jane, that's wonderful! It is a prestigious award, yes?" he told her when she'd first received the news a year and a half prior) had changed her life and career. Thor told Jane about Asgard: how different the people talked, dressed, ate, the culture there, what it was like being a prince. She listened with rapt attention, sometimes taking notes over what he was saying. The two enjoyed every second of each other's company, always had. The more Thor thought about it, the more he thought about how he and Jane had met. About what transpired in those three days of banishment, and the time Jane discovered the Aether. His mind drifted to his younger brother. No matter how many times he changed the subject, erased his thoughts, got his mind off of things, he could never escape the fact that Loki was dead. Because of him. If he hadn't broken him out of the dungeon, forced him to take them to the Dark World, gotten in over his head in battle, Loki might… he'd still be…

"Thor. Thor! Hey!" Jane's voice jolted him out of his thoughts. He'd been quiet for a while, staring absentmindedly into space and picking at his food. She brushed her hand across cheeks, wiping away tears. Thor Odinson does not cry. "What's wrong? You never cry, you're Thor for God's sake! Tell me what's bothering you."

The thunderer replied, "It's nothing, my love." He took her hand and held it gently, eating a s'mores flavored pop tart with the other. She frowned and snatched it out of his hand, taking a huge bite. She swallowed.

"Don't lie to me. You're a terrible liar. *sighs* … You're thinking about Loki again, aren't you?" The prince nodded. "How many times do I- we have to tell you? It wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself. He made his choice. It was either save himself or save you. Loki chose you. He'd probably be so disappointed that you're crying over him… I know it still hurts, but you need to accept the fact that he's gone. Just know that, however long it takes, I'll be right there with you." His lips quirked upwards sadly as he stood up and drew the brunette into a slow, deep kiss.

"I know I shouldn't dwell too much on the thought. It's just that… When Loki died, a part of me died with him and it will never feel the same. As children, we always imagined ruling Asgard together, side by side, as the great sons of Odin. Now, that dream will never become a reality. *groans* I'm sorry to bother you with this Jane." She shook her head, rubbing comforting circles into the middle of his back.

Thor felt the built and unhealthy swell of emotions threaten to swallow him whole. When he got to this point, Jane was sometimes not enough to keep him from giving into the darkness that surrounded him that would surely send him spiraling into a bottomless pit of depression. He grabbed her arm gently and dragged her onto the balcony of their temporary home in New York (they could've lived in Avengers Tower, but after the whole Ultron incident…). He called to Heimdal, holding on to Jane as they disappeared into a tunnel of whirling color.

XxX

He led the way to the throne room, offering to carry Jane up the countless number of steps in the palace. She refused and managed to keep up with Thor as they went up flight after flight. "Haven't you guys ever heard of elevators?" she inquired. Thor chuckled as they kept climbing. Finally, after a lifetime of walking, they finally reached a landing. Up ahead was a huge hall and archway that stretched into a high ceilinged room. In the center was a hologram-projecting table used for strategizing and important meetings. Behind that, against the wall, was an elegant, intricately decorated,elevated, golden throne. On that throne sat the current king of Asgard, Odin Allfather.

"Thor, Miss Foster," he addressed them, "What brings you back to Asgard? Surely your mortal hasn't stumbled upon another ancient relic?" Jane gave him a nervous almost smile while Thor chuckled sadly. Just taking in the sight of his father, he seemed more alive than the last time he'd visited. When the Dark Elves attacked, he looked weary enough to fall into the Odinsleep right then and there. Looking at him now, he looked younger, more full of life, had that spark in his eye. Odin looked like he might actually give them a genuine smile.

"No, of course not. You look well, father. In much better health than last we met. And in high spirits. Has something occurred in my absence?"

"And if something has, is it good or bad?" Jane added.

"I suppose it would depend on which way you wish to view it. If any in the kingdom knew, panic and distrust would spread faster than Thor can fly. (To the einjar) Leave us." The guards bow and leave as instructed. "Come closer. I want you to promise that what I tell you does not leave this room without just cause."

"Of course father. You have our word," Thor proclaimed to him, he and Jane now at the foot of the steps to the throne. Odin rose, using Gungnir to steady himself and making his way slowly towards them. As he did, his appearance started to shimmer and fade, beginning from his head and working its way down. Dust gray hair was replaced by raven black. He grew taller, golden armor steadily replaced by green and silver. His piercing emerald eyes studied his brother and his mortal lover. He reached the bottom step.

"Hello brother. Jane," he whispered. The older prince's eyes were wide with shock and full of joy. Jane looked somewhat angry, face practically screaming, "You let us believe you were dead, and you were sitting here all this time?!", but somewhat relieved as well. Thor dropped Mjölnir.

"L-Loki?... Brother, is it really you?" he asked uncertainly. Instead of giving an immediate answer, the trickster stepped forward and enveloped his brother in a tight embrace, something he never thought he'd be able to do again. The blonde automatically returned the gesture.

"Yes… *pulls away and heads towards the exit* Come brother. We have much to discuss." As he led them deeper into the palace, through secret passages he'd created himself, to room he considered his base of operations of sorts. It contained many of the contents of his bedroom, including: spell books, potions, ingredients for all sorts of things, daggers, throwing knives, clothes, etc. Thor marveled at the sight before him, but his posture and body language said he was tense and wary. He knew Thor didn't trust him anymore, didn't feel secure in his presence. Jane even less so. If only he could've explained his intentions more. If only he could've told Thor all he needed to know before things got out of hand. Things like the coronation and the attack on New York.

"Wait a minute. If you were on the throne, then where's Odin?" Jane questioned, suspicion written across her face. The two turned to him expecting an answer.

"Odin- Father is…" Thor heard the end of his response, but it was like his mind couldn't comprehend it. His father, the Realm Eternal's king was…

Loki hung his head a bit. If only he had time to prepare for this. If only he could ask for guidance from… No, he wouldn't think of Frigga. Every time he did he felt as if the world had already ended. That Ragnarok was already upon them. If only things were different. If only he could change everything and go back to being a prince of Asgard. If only...