Authors notes: Let's keep this short and sweet. General disclaimer
applies. Not mine in any way shape or form. Thanks goes to Lilas for
kicking my ass into finishing this. And I'm sorry I couldn't work
'buttcover' into it.
Morning After
"...Nrg..."
The zombie lurched into the kitchen.
Oh, he was remarkably lifelike as far as zombies went; enough to really be alive, even. But though he had all of his limbs and most of his skin, there was no mistaking the glaze in his eyes. Naruto was certifiably one of the Living Dead. Complete with sound effects. Blergh, yargh- Goddamnit what did a guy have to do to get a decent meal, anyway?
He crashed into a table.
The day was off to a real shining start there.
Swearing, and wondering just when his home had declared mutiny, Naruto made a lunge for the fridge. He apparently caught it off guard, because he opened it with relatively little incident, save for the pain of the knee he'd scuffed the day before reminding him that, yes, it was still there.
But the fridge was a deceptive one. It had a few tricks left, and indeed true horror was Naruto's discovering that there was nothing to eat. He closed the door, and opened it again, sure that maybe he'd dozed off while standing-he'd done that before-but no, nothing but crap when he closed it and nothing but crap when he opened it again.
It was around the point that Naruto had been through every cupboard he could find that he realized that something was Deeply Wrong. He kept his place stocked for emergencies ranging from the little 'Hmm, kinda feel like a snack' to the more common, full-out 'Give me food NOW!' call from his stomach. To have nothing to eat was Out Of The Question.
Of course, it was also around that point that Naruto realized that he was naked and, as though that wasn't enough, that his apartment didn't have halls. This in itself was strange, because normally he slept in at least pants, and he could've sworn he'd just padded down a very cold, very long stretch of floor that couldn't have been anything but a hallway.
A mysterious hallway. No food. Nakedness. Skinned knee hurting like a bitch-how had that happened, anyway?
Right, right. Naruto remembered, as he paced around a table that was not only the wrong shape but in the wrong part of the room. He'd fallen. No, wait, he'd been pushed-or was it pulled? In any case he'd met the ground with a little too much speed and familiarity and who else was the culprit other than one Uchiha Sasuke; and it had been a surprising lack of grace and overall 'coolness', on /his/ part. Naruto would have to remember what exactly he said, that got him that riled up. He grinned, a crooked, vulpine smile; those kind of things were ammo, and ammo was very, very good.
Now, he wasn't technically of the zombie breed anymore, and all things considered he could have been credited for keeping up a form of thought process despite all of the unexpected variables. Adaptation was a good quality in a ninja-distracting oneself was not. He did both remarkably well, even half-starved, because he didn't hear the strange footsteps coming down the strange hallway, or notice the strange presence maneuvering around the strange table until one very warm arm grabbed him around the chest.
'Oh', sense chorused belatedly. 'So that's why everything's so out of place. And by the way, you skinned it when you tackled him yesterday, dumbass.'
"Tch. You're freezing," Sasuke snorted disdainfully, and let him go. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Hey, got anything /edible/ around here or do you just starve yourself? 'Cause that would explain a lot, but I was kind of thinking breakfast--"
"I was thinking dinner."
"--and did you ever think of getting a carpet because I think I lost a few toes on the wa-Eh? Dinner? But isn't it--"
A pair of boxers hit him in the face.
"You overslept."
"Oh." Naruto said, peeling his undergarments out of his face and scowling. "Couldn't've woken me up?"
"Figured you needed the rest."
Getting dressed took some doing, but between trying to yank his waistband up and avoiding a rematch with Sasuke's poorly placed table, Naruto managed a decent glare, "Hey, hey..Giving yourself a little too much credit there, don't you think?"
"I don't know," Sasuke said easily, and pressed shut a cupboard, a set of dishes under one arm. He walked past Naruto, barely brushing him as he went. "Am I?" He pulled out a chair and tipped his head graciously, as though offering it to a lady.
Naruto took the other chair, of course. "Ok, Mr. Smug Bastard. What time did /you/ wake up, huh?"
"."
"I knew it. What am I always saying? Don't go underestimating my ability! I--"
"...Know any numbers?"
"--What?"
"Take-out," Sasuke explained in clear slow tones so that the average five year old and Naruto could (hopefully) understand, "You were complaining about there not being any food around, right?"
"Pff, you just don't want to admit that I might've worn you out. I know a few. You're paying."
"Fine."
"...Really?"
"Under one condition."
"...What's that...?"
And Sasuke leaned over the table, and leaned in close enough that Naruto shut his mouth and felt the brush of dark hair against his forehead. Sasuke's hair, like Sasuke himself, lacked in a certain degree of sanity, and it got in the way a hell of a lot. Especially when trying to...
He took handful, and pulled it back. "Well?" He growled, impatient and expectant.
"Anything..." Sasuke breathed, catching Naruto's hand in his, "But ramen."
Naruto swore. And glared. And because he didn't have a free hand to punch him for that one, he kissed him instead.
And neither of them was ever really sure exactly what time it had been then, although Sasuke would come to be convinced it was midnight, and Naruto would argue it was an hour before, but in any case, Naruto's appetite was appeased. It was a nice breakfast, strange territory and stranger company aside.
And the food wasn't too bad, either.
-The End-
Morning After
"...Nrg..."
The zombie lurched into the kitchen.
Oh, he was remarkably lifelike as far as zombies went; enough to really be alive, even. But though he had all of his limbs and most of his skin, there was no mistaking the glaze in his eyes. Naruto was certifiably one of the Living Dead. Complete with sound effects. Blergh, yargh- Goddamnit what did a guy have to do to get a decent meal, anyway?
He crashed into a table.
The day was off to a real shining start there.
Swearing, and wondering just when his home had declared mutiny, Naruto made a lunge for the fridge. He apparently caught it off guard, because he opened it with relatively little incident, save for the pain of the knee he'd scuffed the day before reminding him that, yes, it was still there.
But the fridge was a deceptive one. It had a few tricks left, and indeed true horror was Naruto's discovering that there was nothing to eat. He closed the door, and opened it again, sure that maybe he'd dozed off while standing-he'd done that before-but no, nothing but crap when he closed it and nothing but crap when he opened it again.
It was around the point that Naruto had been through every cupboard he could find that he realized that something was Deeply Wrong. He kept his place stocked for emergencies ranging from the little 'Hmm, kinda feel like a snack' to the more common, full-out 'Give me food NOW!' call from his stomach. To have nothing to eat was Out Of The Question.
Of course, it was also around that point that Naruto realized that he was naked and, as though that wasn't enough, that his apartment didn't have halls. This in itself was strange, because normally he slept in at least pants, and he could've sworn he'd just padded down a very cold, very long stretch of floor that couldn't have been anything but a hallway.
A mysterious hallway. No food. Nakedness. Skinned knee hurting like a bitch-how had that happened, anyway?
Right, right. Naruto remembered, as he paced around a table that was not only the wrong shape but in the wrong part of the room. He'd fallen. No, wait, he'd been pushed-or was it pulled? In any case he'd met the ground with a little too much speed and familiarity and who else was the culprit other than one Uchiha Sasuke; and it had been a surprising lack of grace and overall 'coolness', on /his/ part. Naruto would have to remember what exactly he said, that got him that riled up. He grinned, a crooked, vulpine smile; those kind of things were ammo, and ammo was very, very good.
Now, he wasn't technically of the zombie breed anymore, and all things considered he could have been credited for keeping up a form of thought process despite all of the unexpected variables. Adaptation was a good quality in a ninja-distracting oneself was not. He did both remarkably well, even half-starved, because he didn't hear the strange footsteps coming down the strange hallway, or notice the strange presence maneuvering around the strange table until one very warm arm grabbed him around the chest.
'Oh', sense chorused belatedly. 'So that's why everything's so out of place. And by the way, you skinned it when you tackled him yesterday, dumbass.'
"Tch. You're freezing," Sasuke snorted disdainfully, and let him go. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Hey, got anything /edible/ around here or do you just starve yourself? 'Cause that would explain a lot, but I was kind of thinking breakfast--"
"I was thinking dinner."
"--and did you ever think of getting a carpet because I think I lost a few toes on the wa-Eh? Dinner? But isn't it--"
A pair of boxers hit him in the face.
"You overslept."
"Oh." Naruto said, peeling his undergarments out of his face and scowling. "Couldn't've woken me up?"
"Figured you needed the rest."
Getting dressed took some doing, but between trying to yank his waistband up and avoiding a rematch with Sasuke's poorly placed table, Naruto managed a decent glare, "Hey, hey..Giving yourself a little too much credit there, don't you think?"
"I don't know," Sasuke said easily, and pressed shut a cupboard, a set of dishes under one arm. He walked past Naruto, barely brushing him as he went. "Am I?" He pulled out a chair and tipped his head graciously, as though offering it to a lady.
Naruto took the other chair, of course. "Ok, Mr. Smug Bastard. What time did /you/ wake up, huh?"
"."
"I knew it. What am I always saying? Don't go underestimating my ability! I--"
"...Know any numbers?"
"--What?"
"Take-out," Sasuke explained in clear slow tones so that the average five year old and Naruto could (hopefully) understand, "You were complaining about there not being any food around, right?"
"Pff, you just don't want to admit that I might've worn you out. I know a few. You're paying."
"Fine."
"...Really?"
"Under one condition."
"...What's that...?"
And Sasuke leaned over the table, and leaned in close enough that Naruto shut his mouth and felt the brush of dark hair against his forehead. Sasuke's hair, like Sasuke himself, lacked in a certain degree of sanity, and it got in the way a hell of a lot. Especially when trying to...
He took handful, and pulled it back. "Well?" He growled, impatient and expectant.
"Anything..." Sasuke breathed, catching Naruto's hand in his, "But ramen."
Naruto swore. And glared. And because he didn't have a free hand to punch him for that one, he kissed him instead.
And neither of them was ever really sure exactly what time it had been then, although Sasuke would come to be convinced it was midnight, and Naruto would argue it was an hour before, but in any case, Naruto's appetite was appeased. It was a nice breakfast, strange territory and stranger company aside.
And the food wasn't too bad, either.
-The End-