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Random short stories from the Wasteland. They are definitely not to be taken seriously. Really.

Chapter 4: Tradecraft: The ultimate guide to being a spy.

Campfire Tales from the Commonwealth

4. Tradecraft

Publick Occurrences

Special Edition

Tradecraft: The Ultimate Guide to Being a Spy

By Anonymous

[Editor's note: The following is part one of a special series written by a secret agent, who shall remain anonymous.]

It's a tricky business, being a spy.

There are books that tell you everything about tradecraft - the ins and outs, the do's and don'ts. But you won't find a book that will tell you what to look out for when you're off-the-clock. That's because, in our line of business, there is no off-the-clock.

But, that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun every now and then. After all, we're humans, right? And what's more fun than a roll in the hay? [Editor's note: Actual formication on top of a stack of dried weeds is not recommended.]

To all you youngsters out there, yes, I do mean sex. And, like many enjoyable activities out there, there is a dangerous side to sex. For the rest of the population, the potential dangers included and not limited to: unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, strained muscles, lices, bedbugs, etc etc.

For spies, though, it's all of the above, plus death.

Yes, death. Think about it: Can you think of a more vulnerable situation than being naked and weaponless? Unless you are into some sort of spicy foreplays, the chances of you bringing a knife or a whip (or even a gun) to the bed are slim.

So, does it mean you can't have sex if you're a spy? Of course not.

Here, I will give you a list of things to look out for when you do the deed:

1. Never go all naked. In case things turn south (and I don't mean your private part) and you need to bolt, running around the city naked would attract more attention than you'd ever ask for.

2. Never head back to a room you have not previously searched. Meet a stranger at the bar (Not the best idea, but hey, things happen)? Go back to your hotel room. Don't have a room beforehand? Go get one. Don't have money for a room? Do it in the dark alley, any semi-public place where you can run. The point is, anywhere is safer than a stranger's room. You'd never know what they hide under the pillows or the mattress.

3. Which brings us to the next point. Never get pinned down by your partner. Stay on top, no matter what. Pin them down, preferably on their stomach. That way, they cannot attack you.

4. Never, ever, agree to be handcuffed or tied up, and/or blindfolded. No amount of heightened sensations is worth the risk of losing your own life.

5. Do not fall asleep. If your partner flops down and head straight to dreamland, it's time for you to bolt. If your partner stays up for a bit, it's also time for you to bolt. Falling asleep next to someone is an invitation to have your properties stolen and/or your throat slit.

6. And finally, the most obvious point. Always be aware of your surroundings. Before, during, and after the act. Even if you're dead certain you are alone with your partner, the world doesn't stop when you're having a little sexy time. Your enemies sure don't. And what's a better time to get rid of a target when said target is fully occupied? Who is to say your partner of choice is not the bait of a honeypot or an integral part of a long con?

So there you have it. Always stay vigilant, even when (especially when) you think you're safe. Because your next mistake could be your last.

When Deacon found himself lying on his back, fully naked, with his partner-in-crime straddling him, pinning him down, he knew he was fucked - in more ways than one.

All the cautions, common sense, and survival instincts were thrown out of the window. Primal instincts took over. That, and something deeper, something rare.

Trust.

He trusted her. And if she should betray this trust, he'd rather have her stab him to death.

It was at this moment that Deacon realized, against his better judgement, against his professionalism, he had fallen head over heels in love. And it scared the crap out of him.

The fear soon melted away quickly when all he could feel was absolute bliss.

Perhaps this time, it would work out just fine.

If not, well...

A/N: Another piece written when I was sick. I will get back to Project Wanderer and write more serious and plot-related things from now. Hope to see you over there!

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